


Easy

by lovesafragilelittleflame



Series: Butterflies [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 118,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29202186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesafragilelittleflame/pseuds/lovesafragilelittleflame
Summary: {Butterflies Series - Part Two} It was one thing to have an affair with infamous Tonight Show host Edward Cullen. It was a whole other experience to publicly date him. AU/AH/RATED M
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: Butterflies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144034
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

_You tell me that I’m complicated_

_And that might be an understatement_

_Anything else?_

_You tell me that I’m indecisive_

_Fickle, but I try to hide it_

_Anything else?_

_You tell me that I overthink_

_‘Til I ruin a good thing_

_Anything else?_

_You tell me that you’d rather fight_

_Than spend a single peaceful night with somebody else_

_…_

_Always thought I was hard to love_

_‘Til you made it seem so easy._

_~ Camila Cabello, **Easy**_

**BPOV**

My life always felt like it was in limbo. I never felt settled as a child, moving constantly from Florida to Washington and back again. Then I got to college and I was always, _always_ stressed about something. I never had time to relax, though I mostly liked it that way. Sitting in a dorm stewing about how my parents constantly ignored and belittled me wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life.

So, I worked. I got nearly perfect grades and I worked at the library with Rosalie until she graduated. I found a career path where I solved other people’s problems and none of my own and landed the prestigious internship with Newton & Cheney where I spent more time there than some of their paid employees.

Even after graduating and getting the job I had worked so hard for, I never felt settled. Complete. Happy. Content. None of those things ever happened. I knew they were supposed to. Rosalie felt them. The handful of Facebook friends I had made in college all constantly talked about it.

It was like I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop my whole life, and that shoe happened to be named Edward Cullen. He had somehow simultaneously torn apart the fragile life I had built for myself and made me feel settled at the same time.

Up until last night, I thought that settled feeling was all on me. That I had turned our affair into much more in my own mind, maybe because I was so desperate for it. Companionship, affection, I had never really had those things. I thought maybe my mind was so turned around that every smile and touch from Edward meant much more to me than it did to him.

The last twenty-four hours had been a mess of confusion and depression and resignation and hesitation all on the brink of hope and happiness and relief. I lost that job I had worked so hard for, but I wasn’t all that sad about it. Because William Newton was never going to respect me enough to help me further in my career. I wasn’t his son, and had the wrong chromosomes to be considered equal to him.

I was probably being referred to as a homewrecking whore in the media, but I was relieved I didn’t have to carry around that secret any longer. I hadn’t really had time to get uncomfortable at the fact the country was currently dissecting my sex life.

That shoe that dropped and changed everything told me he loved me. Over and over. And I still couldn’t believe him. Because for as settled and comforted as he made my life feel, I had kind of imploded his.

I doubted he would be getting divorced if I hadn’t pushed it on him. I heard him and Lucy fighting last night and knew I would never forgive myself if I caused any lasting damage to their relationship. With the release of that picture I knew his show and reputation would be rocky for a while.

_I love you._

_I’m all in, love._

_I’m going to do things right this time._

Edward had said so many wonderful things last night and because my parents raised me to believe I was an inconvenience to everyone, I couldn’t believe him. Even when I desperately wanted to.

He called me _love_ four times this morning before dropping me off at my – former – office to pick up my car. He held my hand and kissed my cheek and told me he would pick me up at six for our date. He even followed me home, miles out of his way, to make sure there were no more photographers outside of my house. And the minute he was gone the feelings of peace and content vanished and were replaced by self-doubt and anxiety.

Rosalie was sitting on the couch, coffee cup in hand, waiting to pounce as soon as I walked in the door.

“You’re home early,” I mumbled, heading to the kitchen to make my own cup of coffee. I wasn’t tired thanks to sleeping half of the day yesterday, but the conversation I was about to have with Rose seemed like it required coffee.

“Of course I am. Spill.”

I sat on the couch beside her, back against the arm rest. I wrapped my hands firmly around my cup, enjoying the heat from the coffee. “He took me to his place and just… explained everything from his side.”

“Oh, Bella, you have to give me more than that. We really need to work on your girl talk,” Rosalie sighed. “I’ve failed you as a best friend if that’s all you’re giving me.”

I took a sip of my coffee, remembering that I didn’t really have to hide anything anymore. I was more than a little perplexed about half of the situation, too, so everything quickly started spilling out of my mouth. All of Edward’s explanations, all of my hesitations about them. Every time I mentioned being confused about his feelings Rosalie shook her head sadly.

“It’s just… confusing. Because there are a lot of things that should make him not want me.”

“Like what?” Rose asked softly.

“Like the fact that I’m so much younger than him.”

“Oh, _that_ is in the pro column. Trust me.”

I frowned at her, but kept going. “His kids hate me, especially Lucy. And I don’t blame them… I know how they feel. I went behind his back and worked with his mother and sister to talk him into a divorce. I’m awkward and bad in most social situations. I have a hundred family issues. I – “

“Everyone has issues, Bella. You have your list why you think Edward shouldn’t want you, and I can guarantee he has one, too,” Rosalie told me. She sat up, putting her now-empty coffee cup down and started ticking things off on her fingers.

“He probably thinks he’s too old for you. May – December romances work out _way_ better for the old guy banging the young girl.”

My cheeks heated up, but I kept quiet as she continued.

“His kids are older, but dating a guy with kids is a big commitment. Especially if it’s as serious as he seems to be. He’s a big name in Hollywood and that’s going to cause drama left and right. He left you high and dry for two months, thinking he didn’t care. I understand some of his explanations, but that was still a dick move. He got you fired from your dream job – “

“I get it,” I interrupted, eyes widening when I remembered him talking about Renata last night. “I think he also somehow convinced Renata Serrano to give me a job.”

Surprise covered Rosalie’s face. “Well, I’ll give pretty boy that point.”

I raised a brow at her. “Pretty boy?”

Rose shrugged. “I might have a few issues with the man. He’s going to have to prove himself before I warm up to him.”

I smiled softly over at Rose, glad to have her on my side. “He kept saying he was going to prove himself. Do things right. He asked me out on a date,” I whispered, losing the fight to keep a smile off of my face.

I didn’t really know how the whole dating thing worked and I was sure to make a fool of myself at least once tonight. But, everything we had gone through to get to the point where Edward could even ask me out on a date had to be worth something, right? The butterflies had to be for something other than my own personal torment.

“Well, aren’t you smitten,” Rosalie smirked over at me.

“I know it’s stupid,” I admitted. “I have a lot of more important things to be worrying about than a date.”

Rosalie shook her head. “That’s not what I meant, Bella. It’s nice to see you happy.”

There were a lot of reasons I shouldn’t be happy. But I could worry about those tomorrow.

“Now, about this date…”

_…E…_

The knock at the door promptly at six made me fumble with the small clutch I was stuffing with my phone. It was probably pointless to even take it with me, considering I had chickened out and turned it off again. Still, I crammed it in the impractically small bag and walked out of my room.

“You clean up nice, Swan,” Rosalie told me, eying me from the couch.

“Only took two hours,” I grumbled, sliding my feet quickly in the intimidating black heels Rosalie picked out for me. My dress was on the simple side. Emerald green with a fitted bodice and sweetheart neckline. The soft fabric flowed down to my knees with a generous slit up my left leg. The heels gave me a good four inches in height and Rosalie had spent about forty-five minutes making sure every curl on my head was in place. 

I might have been harboring a crush on Edward since the moment I met him, but getting ready for a date with him made me realize I never once thought about it. Dating him. Because it seemed like such an unlikely scenario. Even my fantasies were guarded when it came to him. Which made opening my front door to Edward Cullen holding a bouquet of muted blush and deep burgundy flowers was a bit of an eye opening moment.

“Hi,” I muttered, standing dumbfounded in the doorway. My eyes skimmed over the flowers and to the man himself in his perfectly fitted charcoal grey suit and crisp white button down with the collar casually popped open.

I really should have spent more time fantasizing about dating him. Maybe it would have kept my mind from blanking on me when he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek, flowers stretched out toward me.

“Hi,” he said, his voice smooth and confident where mine had been high pitched and self-conscious. “These are for you.”

“They’re beautiful,” I mumbled, taking the bouquet and immediately pressing my nose in the soft petals. No one had ever given me flowers before. “Thank you.”

“I can put them in water for you,” Rosalie said, coming up from behind me. She took the flowers from me, but stopped to frown at Edward. “Remember what we talked about, Cullen.”

“I remember,” Edward said solemnly, nodding as she walked away. “Are you ready to go?”

I grabbed my small clutch from the table beside the door and nodded. “Yes.”

I was just a few seconds too late to close the door to muffle Rosalie’s shout of “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“Sorry about her,” I mumbled, squirming slightly when he wrapped an arm securely around my waist. He had led me into rooms with a hand on my back, motioned for me to go ahead of him with the same touch. But that was a very different touch than this one. His hand was low on my hip and wrapped so tightly around me that our legs had to fall into step with each other so we didn’t fumble over ourselves.

It was a very simple touch to send me into such a tailspin.

The car parked in our driveway probably cost ten times what the house did. It was new, or at least I had never seen him drive it. It had the look of a car where, when explained, I wouldn’t understand a single word about it.

“Hey,” Edward whispered, turning me towards him with the arm still around my waist. “You look beautiful.”

I felt my cheeks heat up. “Thank you.”

I got that rare, glorious half-smirk from him before he opened the passenger door and helped me in. My stomach twisted in knots as Edward slid in gracefully beside me, the picture of ease.

“You don’t have to look so petrified. I don’t bite,” Edward said, starting the car with a push of a button.

“Yes, you do,” I blurted out without thinking. It was true, though. I had spent more than a couple mornings covering up bite marks on my neck or chest.

Edward let out a loud chortle, grabbing my hand and pressing a kiss to my wrist like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Oh, I’ve missed you,” he breathed against my skin, nipping at my wrist.

He kept ahold of my hand as he drove. It was another thing we didn’t do often, holding hands. His hands were large and smooth and I had become very well acquainted with them in the past, but not like this. Somehow his fingers intertwined with mine felt nearly as intimate as anything else we had done.

My mind was quickly going down a path of no return, and I needed a distraction. “Where are we going?”

“Dinner, to start,” Edward answered, going on about the best fish he’s ever had while I realized just how stupid ignoring my problems had been today.

I never once thought about yesterday being Friday and Edward not filming his show. Never thought about how horrible it would look, us happily going out to dinner together in the middle of his divorce, the day after our affair got exposed.

“Did they take your show off the air?” I gasped, looking over at him.

He shrugged, still not showing any ounce of discomfort or stress. “Ran a rerun yesterday. I’ll be back Monday.”

“This is a bad idea,” I sighed. “Being out. Together. Now. You – “

“ _I_ want to take my girlfriend out to a nice dinner, so that’s what I’m going to do,” Edward said firmly, eyes glancing quickly over at me before going back to the road.

“People are going to – “

“I don’t care, Bella. I’ve never cared about that, and you know it. If it makes you feel better, there’s a private back entrance to the restaurant and we’ll be in a private dining room.”

It did make things a little better, but it was still something that could blow up in his face. “Did you tell Renata?”

“No,” Edward admitted, a quick flash of guilt on his face. “I’ve been spending too much time with this cute little publicist and I knew what she would say. And I don’t care.”

I looked over at him, not really sure whether I should smile or frown. “I just… don’t want to make things more difficult for you than I already have,” I admitted quietly.

“You haven’t made things difficult, Bella,” he whispered, turning to look at me after parking the car. “We can leave if it would make you feel better, though.”

“I don’t want to leave,” I said quickly, surprising myself.

“Good.” With a smile, Edward got out of the car before I could change my mind. He opened my door and, with a hand around my waist again, led me inside. We didn’t even pass any other diners, and only the restaurant manager saw us and led us to the private room in the back.

“Fancy,” I mumbled to myself, sitting across from Edward at the small table for two.

A waiter came in, and Edward started a conversation about wine. The most I knew about wine was the choice between red or white, so when he looked at me for my opinion I could only offer him a shrug.

Once he decided on a bottle the waiter looked over at me. “Could I see your ID, Miss?”

I frowned to myself, quickly pulling out my driver’s license and ignoring the chuckle from the other side of the table. Once the waiter was gone and appeased with my age, Edward spoke up.

“I don’t remember the last time I was ID’d,” he mused.

“That’s because people know you. Not because you look old,” I told him, sliding my card back in my clutch. 

Again, I got a chuckle from across the table. The waiter returned, silently pouring two glasses of wine before leaving again. I took a moment to look around at the dark wooden walls and dim candlelight.

“I’ve never been on a date before,” I admitted, looking over at him with a smile.

“Yes, you have. I’ve heard about two,” he countered.

“Those don’t really count,” I frowned. “I mostly only went so nobody realized I was harboring an unhealthy crush on my client.”

He smiled at me at first, then his expression became much more serious.

“What?” I asked, wondering how I had already managed to screw things up.

“I love you,” he breathed out. “You don’t have to say anything. I wasn’t going to say it because I know it makes you uncomfortable, but… I really, really do. Love you.”

I bit my lip, squirming in my seat. “Not uncomfortable. Just… a little confused,” I murmured.

“That’s okay,” he told me with a small smile. “I’ll prove it.”

Even if I had fantasized about dating Edward, I never would have gotten it right. Partly because a date was a pretty foreign concept to me and partly because Edward seemed exceptionally good at the whole thing. He came up with the plan to order two different things and split it, just so I could experience the restaurant to the fullest. He ordered wine that _paired_ well with both dishes, though I could have been drinking a twelve dollar bottle of wine and been just as happy.

Our conversation was light but meaningful. Edward being Edward had no problem floating over any lull in the conversation, though there weren’t many. We both seemed to steer away from subjects like my family or his or work. All of the uncertainty was put behind us for the night and it was spectacular.

Because underneath all of the baggage Edward was just Edward. A guy with one too many sarcastic jokes always on the tip of his tongue. Who was probably the most approachable, sociable person I had ever met. He liked people; making them laugh and learning about their individual talents or successes. It was why he was so good at his job. It made him the complete opposite of me, but he didn’t seem to mind.

For every bit of new information I got about him, he got one about me, too. He asked a lot about my friendship with Rosalie and I made a mental note to ask her about their conversation on the phone last night. Now, somehow our conversation had managed to become about hiking. Edward managed to make the jump there after asking about Emmett’s gym.

“You’ve lived in Los Angeles for four years and have never gone on a hike?”

“Is it like a Los Angeles right of passage or something?”

“Kind of,” Edward said with a smirk. “I know it’s not because you’re against the exercise.”

“No. I’m just not a big outdoors person. Especially exercising outside. It’s double the sweat. Plus, unlike everyone else in this city, I burn instead of tan.”

“Nothing wrong with a little sweat,” Edward offered, his voice more gruff than it was a moment ago. His demeanor changed, eyes dark and shoulders tense as he looked at what felt like every inch of my body above the table.

My cheeks flushed, even deeper when he smirked at the sight of the blush. The moment was broken by the waiter coming in, making sure there was nothing else we needed.

“Are you ready to go?” Edward asked, clearing his throat.

I hesitated, but nodded. Edward was beside me quickly after I stood, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Nights not over yet, baby,” he whispered into my hair, pressing a kiss to my temple.

After a short drive where I did my best to only subtly stare at the man, we ended up outside a closed creamery. I hesitated taking his hand when he opened my door for me. “It’s closed.”

All I got was a smirk and a squeeze to my hand as he led me to the door. I frowned at him as he knocked, but a moment later the door swung open.

The man inside was older, probably in his fifties. He had dark brown hair that was greying on the edges but an infectious smile on his face. He was wearing a company t-shirt and apron. _Giovani’s Creamery_.

“Gio,” Edward greeted, shaking his hand as we were ushered inside.

“Edward,” he nodded with a smile before turning to me. “You must be Isabella. Lovely to meet you, dear.”

I nodded and shook his hand, feeling another squeeze from the one still wrapped around Edward’s.

“Anything you two want, on the house,” Gio boasted with a smile, motioning toward the large freezer of ice creams on display. He busied himself behind the counter as Edward walked me over to choose.

“You bought out an ice cream shop?” I asked quietly.

“No. He wouldn’t accept any money. I’ve known Gio since I was a teenager, though. I told him about the situation and he agreed to close for the night,” Edward answered with a smile. “He’s got the best ice cream in town.”

An involuntary shiver went up my spine thanks to the lowered temperature of the store. I didn’t even have time to think about being cold before Edward’s jacket was resting on my shoulders.

I stared at him for a minute, enjoying the boyish smirk on his face. The date had been pretty simple, maybe even a cliché for people with more dating experience than me. But, I was pretty sure it would go down as one of the best nights of my life. It made me realize there were so many more things I wanted with Edward. I wanted to hold his hand wherever I went and I wanted to bicker over the quality of wine at dinner every night. I wanted to split meals and listen to him talk about car statistics that went right over my head. I wanted it all.

All of those things were much more realistic these days, and it was a little overwhelming to realize it because there were still a hundred and one things that could go wrong. So, instead of thinking too much about _that_ I focused on the dozens of ice cream flavors in front of me.

I frowned at the case, reading every label two times over. When I turned to ask Edward another question he was staring at me with a smirk. “What?”

“I’ve never seen someone so focused on an ice cream flavor before,” he said with a soft smile.

“If it’s the best ice cream in town, it’s a big decision.”

Edward turned toward Gio. “Give us a scoop of everything.”

My eyes widened, watching him immediately start to grab bowl after bowl and fill it with every flavor. “There are like thirty flavors!”

Edward shrugged. Gio corrected me and told me there were thirty-two. After a seemingly endless amount of scooping we ended up sitting in a booth, the store dimly lit, with thirty-two bowls of ice cream in front of us.

“This is insane,” I sighed, scanning over every bowl. They all looked delicious, but I knew a majority of it would end up going to waste.

“This way you get to try everything,” Edward said, picking up a bowl at random and handing it to me.

“Oh, my God,” I moaned after taking a bite. It was creamy and fruity and just the right amount of sweet. I looked over at Edward, expecting his version of an _I told you so_ , but instead I caught sight of him shifting in his seat.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Isabella,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

I bit my lip, thoughts from earlier floating back to my head. It would be so easy for me to mess this whole thing up; say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing because I didn’t have any frame of reference. And if there were ever anything in my life I didn’t screw up… I wanted it to be this.

“You called me your girlfriend,” I blurted out, setting the delicious bowl of ice cream back on the table.

“Hmm. I did,” Edward agreed, picking up another bowl and putting it in my fidgeting hands.

“I’ve never been a girlfriend before. I know there are rules, right? Like you have to wait three days after a date to call or – “

“There are no rules, Bella. You could call me from the other side of the room if you wanted. Honestly? It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve dated anyone, too. And I’d like to think this is different than your average high school kind of dating.”

I frowned down at my ice cream, this one full of some kind of cereal from my childhood that I couldn’t put a name on for the life of me. I had never thought of it like that before, that Edward hadn’t technically dated anyone since he was eighteen. Not officially, anyway. I had never dug too deep into how serious any of the _six_ were.

It was a little comforting, though, realizing he might be just as nervous about the whole thing as I was.

Edward leaned closer, ice cream forgotten, and cupped my cheek with cold fingers. “Just you and me, love. That’s all that matters, here.”

He was too close and his words too perfect for me to focus on anything else. I wasn’t sure if I leaned forward or he leaned down, or maybe it was a combination of both that led to the soft brush of his lips against mine.

“That should have been our first kiss,” Edward whispered, pulling back only an inch or two.

I shrugged, smiling up at him. “I kind of liked our first kiss,” I admitted. Sure, what followed was an illicit affair and months of confusion and heartbreak, but the kiss itself was kind of great.

Edward smiled down at me, pressing another quick, soft kiss to my lips before sitting up and handing me another bowl of ice cream.

By the end of the night, I was officially an advocate for the whole dating thing. So much so that I was more than a little disappointed when Edward pulled into my driveway. As I had come to expect, he got out quickly and opened my door for me. His hand went around my waist as we walked and I leaned into him this time as opposed to fidgeting like earlier in the night.

We stopped at the door and I quickly shrugged off his jacket. “Thank you for your coat.”

“Anytime,” he responded with a smile, draping it over his arm.

“And dinner. And the hat,” I added. He got it from Gio’s right before we left, claiming I would need it on the hike I never agreed to go on. I was fairly certain I had never worn a baseball cap in my life, but he seemed very pleased with himself when he handed it to me so I kept my mouth shut.

Hands encircled my waist and my back pressed softly against the door.

“God, you’re cute,” he sighed, peaceful smile on his face before he pressed his lips to mine. It was a similar kiss to the one we shared at Gio’s at first. Lips brushing, breath intermingled, soft and slow. Then, he ran his tongue along my bottom lip and it turned into the kind of kiss that made my toes curl and stomach tense.

My fingers knotted in the hair at the base of his neck, clutch and hat scattered on the floor. Edward’s hands rested dangerously low on my waist. My mind was a haze of memories of exactly where kisses like that went.

“Do you want to come inside?” I breathed out without thinking when Edward’s lips moved down my neck.

I wasn’t expecting a painful groan in response. “Not tonight, love,” he sighed, pressing a soft kiss to my collarbone.

My cheeks heated up and before I could start to spiral in a sea of rejection he lifted my chin, eyes on me.

“I want to do this right, Bella. The next time I make you mine I want you to know I love you. I want that scared look on your face when I say those words to disappear. I haven’t earned a lot of things in my life, but I know I need to earn your trust and the right to call you mine.”

I took a deep breath, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip. It was a lot to take in, especially when my mind was programmed to not believe him. And when I knew I loved him but, after last time, I was too petrified to say the words.

“Can I get one more kiss, then?” I whispered.

I felt Edward smiling into the kiss and held on to him as long as I could until he pulled away.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said with a wink, picking up my fallen clutch and hat.

“Okay,” I sighed.

“Goodnight, Bella,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek as I unlocked the door.

“Goodnight, Edward,” I mumbled, closing the door before I ran back out.

My back fell against the door with a thud and I tossed my bag and hat on the table beside me. My lips burned where Edward’s were a minute earlier and my head was a haze of perfect moments from the night.

I vaguely registered Rosalie coming out of her room.

“Oh, details. _Now._ ”


	2. She

_She was a girl with good intentions_

_Yeah, she made some bad decisions_

_And she learned a couple lessons_

_Wish I could tell her_

_She was a girl with good intentions_

_Didn’t need the second-guessing_

_Didn’t need to ever question_

_~ Selena Gomez, **She**_

**BPOV**

It had been a long time since I felt guilty about what Edward and I had started in New York. Knowing all of the details, seeing how many different ways Irina had screwed him over, it all erased any sense of guilt I had for sleeping with her husband.

The public, however, was not aware of most of those details. So, to the rest of the world, I was now the woman that broke up a sixteen-year marriage. 

_Leaked Photo Reveals Edward Cullen’s Affair with Twenty-Three-Year-Old Publicist._

_Meet Edward Cullen’s Mid-Life Crisis._

_Tonight Show Airs Rerun in the Midst of Host Edward Cullen’s Affair._

_Here’s Everything We Know About Edward Cullen’s New Girl. Yes,_ Girl.

Those were the tamest headlines I had seen so far. Sure, there were a couple that tried to discuss the other side of things, but they were still far from the truth. Even though the story was still out there that Irina had been living with another man for years, everyone had seemingly forgotten all about it. 

Now there were conspiracy theories about affairs and cover ups and I had read seven different articles congratulating me on my supposed pregnancy.

I brought all of this on myself. The affair, and the headlines currently running through my head. Opening up my email inbox this morning to over three thousand emails was jarring, but my heart stopped at two from Renata.

The first one, sent late yesterday afternoon, was a reminder to meet her Monday morning. She left the address of a brunch restaurant and assured me she would take care of everything until then. I wasn’t sure what the _everything_ was, but her second email was the real wake-up call. The subject line was URGENT and the body simply said _do not go online until we talk on Monday._

So, obviously, I did the opposite of what she said and immediately went online. Three hours later I had to change my cell phone number, make all of my online accounts private, and google what else one could do with a public relations degree.

I called Rosalie and left her a message with my new number. I sent Charlie, who had called me four times in the last three days, a text to say I was fine and my new information. I only hesitated for a minute before I called Edward. It went to voicemail.

“Hey. Um, it’s me. Bella. I had to change my cell number and I didn’t want you calling the old one so… This is it. I’ll talk to you later. Bye,” I mumbled.

I trudged into the kitchen, grabbing the first thing I saw in the pantry which was a bag of potato chips. I didn’t have the will to actually make any kind of food. Didn’t even have much of an appetite, but I needed something to distract me. Usually I would work but that was obviously off the table now.

I plopped down on the couch and turned the television on for something mindless. Unfortunately, it was already on an entertainment news channel.

“Edward and Irina had been together since they were eighteen. From what we know of their divorce they’ve had their issues, but every couple does. Looking back, Irina has continued to support him even through their separation.”

“While she was living with another man,” I grumbled to myself as I watched the blond on the screen.

“There has to be a reason they stayed together for so long and it’s a shame this girl came in and broke apart that family.”

I turned the television off and just barely resisted the urge to throw the remote at the wall. These people were insane. And intrusive. And had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

It suddenly made perfect sense why Edward tried to stay out the spotlight as much as possible. Why he hated publicists and basically every other aspect of his career besides filming the show.

As if on cue, my phone rang and his name appeared on the screen.

“Hey,” I sighed, trying to keep my frustration at bay.

“You okay?” Edward asked immediately. And because I seemed to have no barriers when it came to him, all of my annoyance at everything came spilling out.

“No,” I snapped. “I get it, now. Why you hated me at first.”

“I never hated you.”

I rolled my eyes to myself. “You hated having to work with me. You always hated the whole publicity aspect of your career. I understand it now, and I hate it, too. The whole idea of entertainment news and tabloids and social media and all of that shit used to be tools to help promote clients and projects but all people use it for is to tear everyone else apart.”

My anger kept spiking as I went on. “It’s not even just random people online that do it, either. It’s news anchors and supposedly reputable places that just… make shit up because they can.”

“I know,” Edward whispered over the phone.

“It didn’t take long for all of my information to get leaked. People flooded my Instagram with skull emojis because my career is dead and they think it’s so fucking funny. And I had to change my number because I got like… five hundred pictures of naked men sent to me.”

I took a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut and tugging at my hair. “I don’t even care that I can’t get another job in publicity because it’s all fucking bullshit.”

“No, it’s not,” Edward interrupted.

“What?”

“It’s not all bullshit. I used to think it was but it just depends on how you play the game. You can choose to play dirty or you can play smart. Everything right now… they’re all playing dirty to cash in on the story. You always played smart and I saw that from day one, Bella.”

“It doesn’t matter, now,” I shrugged, tucking my legs underneath me on the couch.

“It does. You’re excellent at your job, Bella. You can’t let all of those fuckers make you think differently.”

I was quiet for a minute, listening to his breathing on the other side and matching my own to it. “You’re a little biased, Edward.”

“I don’t think so,” he answered vehemently. “You said it yourself. No one else at that firm wanted to work with me because they thought I was a lost cause. Less than two months in you got my contract renewed for two more years.”

“Kind of on accident,” I mumbled, grabbing the water bottle on the table in front of me. “But, if you ask anyone now, the only reason I was able to work well with you was because you wanted to sleep with me.”

“They can think it, but it doesn’t make it true. I knew I was going to work with you long before my first cold shower because of you.”

I coughed up my water, barely managing to not spill the whole bottle in the process. He had piqued my interest, though. “When was your first cold shower?”

“Immediately following a wonderful dream of you in the shower with me.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. I still had all of the same problems and absolutely no solutions, but venting all of it out made me a little less furious about everything. “Thank you. For listening.”

“Anytime. Will you promise not to make any career changes before talking to Renata tomorrow?”

“There’s not much I can do on a Sunday afternoon, so sure.”

“Good. Come to the theater when you’re done?”

“Oh, um,” I mumbled, frowning down at myself. “I don’t know if I should.”

In my time working at the theater I got to know a lot of the staff. I felt a little guilty, like we had somehow betrayed them all in some way. It was ridiculous, but still felt a little odd walking in there not as Edward’s publicist.

“You should,” Edward answered, sounding sure enough for the both of us.

“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_…E…_

I got to the restaurant early and ended up being led to a private room. Recognition flashed on the hostess’s face before she recovered and asked me to follow her. As we walked through the main dining room I could have sworn every set of eyes were on me, but I knew I was overreacting. Probably.

I tugged at a loose string on the arm of my sweater as I waited, still just as confused and frustrated at everything as I was yesterday. This whole meeting was a mystery to me. Edward had, on more than one occasion, implied that it was about a job. But I had a hard time believing even Renata had enough connections to get me a job in publicity after all of this.

Renata walked in with a smile. She was much more relaxed and approachable than I would have imagined someone like her to be. She was phenomenal at her job and people constantly talked about how intense she was. People like that tended to be in your face or aggressive, but I never got that from her.

“Isabella,” she greeted me with a smile, sitting across from me with a soft smile. She was approaching fifty, but didn’t look it. Her hair was pitch black, pulled in a pony tail and her smile was oddly comforting.

“Just Bella,” I shrugged.

“Did Edward tell you anything?”

“Not about you, no.”

“That man never does what he’s told. I don’t know how you put up with him,” she grumbled with a shake of her head. “Anyway, we have a lot to go over. We’ll start with you. Excellent job making everything private. I would keep things that way for the foreseeable future. You – “

“I’m sorry,” I interrupted with a confused shake of my head. “What… is this?”

“I took the liberty of taking the job of being your publicist the last three days.”

I shook my head, the words coming out of my mouth without really thinking them through. “I don’t need a publicist.”

“You do. And you know it, otherwise you wouldn’t have made your accounts private or changed your phone number or made sure every inch of your skin was covered when you left the house this morning.”

I frowned down at my outfit. Black jeans and tank top with an extra-long grey cardigan wrapped around me. A fairly modest outfit for Los Angeles’ standards. I _did_ purposefully choose an outfit that covered as much skin as possible. Mostly because my head was a constant stream of insults that I read online yesterday, most about my sex life.

“Well, I’m recently unemployed so I can’t exactly afford you.”

“I know,” Renata said, an odd smile on her face. “That’s the other reason for this meeting. Consider it a hiring bonus. I’m starting a PR firm and I’d like to offer you a job.”

My first instinct was to leap at the opportunity. Renata was exceptional and part of the reason I took the internship at Newton & Cheney in the first place. Working at a firm with her was a big deal, even if I had never met her. My shock quickly turned into disappointment as I shook my head. “I… can’t accept that.”

She didn’t look surprised. “Why?”

“Because I think Edward somehow convinced you to do this and I didn’t work non-stop for four years to get a job handed to me because of my boyfriend. I don’t even think I want to do this anymore,” I admitted, looking down at the untouched samplings of fruit and eggs on the table.

“Why don’t you want to do it?”

“Because being on the other side of things is… awful. And I don’t want to be part of it.”

“By dating Edward you’re always going to be on the other side of things.”

“I know, but – “

“By being a publicist at the same time, you can try and make it a better environment for both of you, and everyone else you’ll work with. It’s a messy business. You’ve obviously learned that the hard way. But, being a publicist means you make that business work for you and your client. It’s something you’re excellent at doing.”

I did love it. The puzzle, the challenge. There was a reason I worked so hard in school and actually enjoyed doing so. That didn’t change how horrible the last twenty-four hours had been.

“I think everyone is misconstruing talent with luck,” I admitted. I really had no idea what I was doing half of the time I was working with Edward.

“Half of the game is luck. You’re good at what you do, Bella. I wouldn’t offer you the job if I didn’t think you had serious potential.”

Even after all of my anger and frustration yesterday, I wanted it. Deep down, this was my dream job. I loved trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else. Edward was right; there were people that played the game dirty and those that played smart. I liked trying to outsmart the other guys.

I knew this would happen, though. I fell into bed with my only client and ran the risk of losing everything. It didn’t seem right that I could end up with everything.

“I don’t see how I can go back to that line of work after this,” I admitted quietly.

“It’ll be hard,” Renata said seriously. “You’ll have to work twice as hard as you used to for people to take you seriously. But, with the right tactics… I think we can make it work.”

I stared down at my nails, resisting the urge to pick off the pale pink polish from the other night. For all my talk yesterday, I didn’t really have any other path to take. And she was right; as long as I was with Edward I would be in the middle of things.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course. But, you’ll take it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you remind me of me. And I would take it,” she said confidently. “I’ll be relieved to be rid of Edward. The man is picky as hell.”

I frowned up at her. “Who are you giving Edward to?”

Renata look at me like I had three heads. “You. He refuses to work with anyone else.”

My eyes went wide. She interrupted me before I could object, though.

“A publicist is already biased toward their client. You’ll just have an extra layer of bias to work through.”

Renata kept a steady flow of conversation for the next half hour. She had plans and schedules and already seemed under the impression that I had accepted the job. When we got up to go our separate ways, she told me she’d see me in two weeks at her new office.

_…E…_

I had probably imagined most of the stares I thought I got when walking through the restaurant this morning. Walking through the theater, though, I knew none of those stares were in my head.

I got my usual smile and casual conversation with Bobby, who only acknowledged the whole thing with a playful wink as I walked passed him. I heard whispers as I walked past a couple of the newer writers taking a break in one of their offices, which I knew had to be about me considering they stopped immediately as I walked by. A couple cameramen walked by me in the hallway eying me up and down, which was the exact reason I opted for as much clothing as possible today.

We had perfect timing, Edward sauntering down the hall after his writers meeting just as I was walking toward his office. He pulled me against him with a smile, pressing a quick kiss to my lips as if it was the most natural movement in the world. Even when it left me a little dumbfounded.

Public displays of affection, no matter how big or small, still seemed very unnatural to me after hiding our relationship for so long.

“Hey,” Edward smiled down at me, opening his office door and ushering me inside.

“Hi.”

“How was your meeting?” he asked, pulling me over to the couch he had in the corner of his office.

Edward sat against the arm rest and I tucked my feet underneath me, facing him. There was one thing I needed to know for sure before I made any decisions.

“Did you ask Renata to give me a job?” I blurted out.

“No,” he answered, honesty ringing in his voice. “I might have dropped some subtle hints, talked you up a bit. But, that was before you were ever fired. Renata has been toying with the idea of her own firm for a while and I knew Newton was trying to screw you over.”

I bit my bottom lip and slumped into the couch. It should have been an easy decision. I had no job. Renata was offering me one, better than what I had before. I shouldn’t be this indecisive.

But, after yesterday, I could see every headline as soon as people realized I was Edward’s publicist again.

“Everyone is going to think I got the job because of you,” I muttered, eyes falling down to my hands.

Warm fingers lifted my chin. “You’ll prove them wrong.”

A small smile crept across my face. “You’re very good at the whole advice thing.”

“I’ll add it to my resume,” he joked with a wink. “So, you’re going to do it?”

I pressed my lips together, but my decision was already made. “Yes. I think.”

Soft lips were on mine in an instant. “I have a congratulatory gift for you,” he mumbled into the kiss as he pulled away.

“How did you know I’d take it?” I asked, wondering how everyone seemed to know that before I did.

Edward got up and walked behind his desk. I watched him open the small refrigerator he had back there and pull out an iced coffee. “Because you love your job.”

As I reached out to take the cup, he pulled it just out of my reach. “I need you to make a promise first.”

“Okay,” I nodded hesitantly.

“Don’t look at our relationship with your publicist glasses too often, okay?”

I frowned up at him. “You think I would exploit our relationship to… improve your ratings or something?”

“No. Fuck, no that’s not…” Edward shook his head. “I don’t want you to say no to dinner because you don’t think it’s a good time to be seen out together. I don’t want our professional relationship to come before our personal one.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. I had done a pretty good job of doing that Saturday night. The entire time I knew it was a mistake to be seen out with him so soon after the leak, but I didn’t really care. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Edward sighed, handing me the drink and leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek. “Congratulations, love.”

We sat on his couch for a while longer. I hesitantly asked about how Lucy and Masen were doing and Edward told me Lucy couldn’t leave the house fast enough this morning. Apparently, he had a new custody arrangement and he and Irina alternated weeks.

“So, you don’t have them again until next Monday?”

“Right,” Edward nodded.

“Do you want to come over to my place for dinner?” I asked quickly before I lost my nerve.

Edward smirked over at me. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes. Although, it won’t be as fancy as yours because I don’t think if I can handle actually going out in the world for the rest of the day. I’m great at ordering Chinese food, though.”

“That sounds perfect.”

I stayed for the show at Edward’s insistence. I knew his routine backwards and forwards, had been here for the filming of the show more times than I could count. But it felt different today.

Today, he held my had every time we walked down the hall together, whether it was to his dressing room or his rehearsal. When we passed one of his guests he introduced me as his girlfriend with a smile on his face.

When I sat in a small section off to the side, reserved for family and friends, a hushed whisper took over the small crowd. Thankfully, it was right before the show started and didn’t last long.

Edward walked out, genuine smile on his face, but an intensity behind his eyes that wasn’t usually there. He nodded his thanks for the cheers from the crowd, and that was the last breath I took after he started talking.

“Here’s the thing,” Edward started, that seriousness in his eyes hardening his features. “Normally, right now I’d talk about the latest mind-numbingly stupid thing the President has done today or, you know, hop on a trending topic because in two hours this clip is going to be on YouTube and we need a catchy title for it. Tonight, though, I’m going to do something I never do and talk about myself, because everyone else seems to love doing it so much.”

I flinched at the snap in his voice.

“I got… really stuck in place in my life for a while. Things were okay and I thought that was good enough. Then, I met this woman and she just… changed everything. My perspective on this show, my life, my already failed marriage. Obviously, we could have gone about things in a better way. But, we didn’t. And now, everyone knows and in typical cancel culture fashion you have all decided she’s the homewrecker. I’m not sure if it’s a sexist thing, but my home had been wrecked long before she ever came along.

“I’m not going to make it a habit of discussing my personal life because that’s not what I ever wanted this show to be, but I refuse to watch all of these publications and online trolls tear her apart because I was too complacent to get a divorce before she came along.

“So, the one statement you’ll get from me about my relationship with Isabella is that she is a phenomenal woman that I am lucky enough to have in my life.”

Once he was finished, I was able to finally take a deep breath. I had no idea if Renata had given him the go ahead to say anything like that, but I had a feeling she knew nothing about it.

If I took off my _publicist glasses_ his monologue was possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me.

For the rest of the show I was distracted by this embarrassingly giddy feeling in my gut. A mixture of my friendly butterflies and the knowledge the man behind the desk was mine to lose. He was handsome and funny and kind and _mine_.

I never got to think of him as mine before and by the time I got to his dressing room after the show I couldn’t think of anything else. It certainly didn’t help matters that after I knocked he opened the door shirtless.

I threw my arms around him, reaching up on my toes to kiss him. Really kiss him, because he was _mine_. In the back of my mind I heard the door slam shut. I smiled against his lips when I felt his hands slip into both back pockets of my jeans.

Edward stumbled backwards until he fell onto the couch behind him. My hands relished in his warm skin under my fingertips, drifting down the front of his chest when I pulled back for air.

“Are you sure about this whole… waiting thing?” I panted.

“Unfortunately,” Edward groaned, squeezing my thighs on either side of his.

“You know I… still do, though, right?” I asked. I got a frown in response, which wasn’t surprising considering I couldn’t even say what I wanted to say. “Just because I can’t say it yet doesn’t mean I don’t still feel it.”

I was too petrified to say it. Or believe him when he said it. Because my reaction tonight did nothing but prove how desperately I wanted him to be mine. Always. And I was still terrified I would figure out some way to mess it all up again.

Edward smiled up at me, brushing some fallen hair out of my face. There was a definite look of relief on his face.

“I had a dream like this once,” I admitted, running my hands up his bare arms.

“You did?”

“Mmmhmm,” I sighed, nodding my head. “This exact spot, too.”

“We’ll have to discuss it over dinner. I’ve been looking forward to excellently ordered Chinese all afternoon.”


	3. Used to This

_It’s gonna take a minute_

_But, I could get used to this_

_The feeling of your fingertips_

_The feeling of another kiss_

_~ Camila Cabello, **Used to This**_

**BPOV**

“I have one more question for today,” Doctor Stanley told me. She sat in her chair, blondeish-brown hair pulled back in a bun, and looked over at me hesitantly.

I was no stranger to therapy, so I knew when your therapist was hesitant to ask you a question it wasn’t going to be a comfortable topic. It was more concerning when the entire appointment had been a slew of uncomfortable topics, mainly my inability to accept that someone cared about me.

It didn’t matter that I voluntarily started therapy. I still had a tendency to try and avoid any heavy topic. After this past weekend, it was kind of impossible.

I liked Doctor Stanley, though. Jessica, as I had been instructed to call her every day but had yet to feel comfortable doing. She was kind and patient and never looked at me like a homewrecking whore even though she knew I had an affair with a married man. All good qualities in an acquaintance these days.

The whole reason I started therapy was because of Edward, though, so there wasn’t really any hiding from the topic. I thought a therapist might have had some secret cure to help me get over him. She didn’t. Obviously. But, I kept going to her because I knew I needed it.

I avoided my problems whenever possible and it wasn’t exactly a healthy coping method. I had only been seeing her for a couple weeks and had managed to avoid most of my heavy problems so far. The only family member we had ever discussed was Charlie after an ill-timed call right before an appointment.

She knew everything, though. I saw the size of my file and knew she had my college therapist’s notes. 

“Okay,” I sighed, shifting in my spot on the couch. I had my feet curled up underneath me. I had rolled and unrolled the sleeves of my plaid button down up and down my arms ten times as we were talking and started the routine over again.

“You’ve described Edward as a fantastic father multiple times since we’ve been talking. Is that part of why your attracted to him? Does he fill that fatherly void you never had?”

It took me a minute to realize she was trying, in the most polite way possible, to ask how severe my ‘daddy issues’ were.

“Ew,” I groaned under my breath. “No. No… No. It’s – no.”

“He’s thirty-five. Your father if forty-one. He stuck it out with his wife for his children where your father did the opposite. Are you sure you’re not trying to – “

“Definitely not,” I exclaimed, my stomach rolling at the thought. “I don’t…” I groaned, frowning in disgust.

“I’d l… like him just as much if he were twenty-two with no kids. It’d make my life a lot easier if that was the case, actually.”

I appreciated that he was a good father, it showed that he was a good man all around. I admired him for doing the right thing by his kids but I had never once made any kind of comparison or connection of him to my father. Charlie and Edward were polar opposites of each other. 

I might have a pretty big parental void in my life, but I had never really looked to fill it. Probably because of that whole inability to accept that someone could care about me part of my brain.

“He’s not an… authoritative figure or anything like that. And I don’t want him to be. He’s… a friend.”

The incredulous look on her face probably wasn’t all that professional, but it was a tad humorous.

“I don’t mean he’s _just a friend_ or anything like that. I’ve just never had many friends. I have Rosalie and Emmett but that’s kind of it. I meant that he’s my boyfriend but also… my friend. If that makes sense.”

It didn’t. Not even to me.

“Okay,” Doctor Stanley nodded. “Just an observation.”

The whole conversation kept me grossed out as I left the office. I frowned at the two men with cameras across the street and got into my car. As I drove to a deli down the street from Edward’s theater, I realized my uncomfortableness with the thought wasn’t that it was anywhere near being true, it was that I wasn’t sure how many other people had thought the same thing.

They could think of me as a gold digger or homewrecker but the thought of people thinking I was using Edward to fill some missing parental role in my life was disgusting and disturbing and gross on every level. I was still distracted by the whole thing by the time I got to the theater.

Muffled arguing broke me out of my thoughts.

“I know you were just trying to help but, Christ, we need some boundaries in this family,” Edward’s voice was gruff and frustrated. I hadn’t had to deal with a grumpy Edward in a while.

“In our defense, how were we supposed to know you were having an affair with the girl?” I recognized the high-pitched twinkle immediately, but cringed at the word _girl_ after my last train of thought _._

“You weren’t, Alice. That’s the point. You weren’t supposed to be talking her into doing your dirty work to begin with.”

Guilt flooded my veins. There was still a lot we hadn’t talked about. Especially my involvement with his mother and sister, which I still felt guilty over.

“But, it all worked out! And you still haven’t talked to Mom or I in weeks!”

“I could have worked it out on my own without putting all of that pressure on her.”

“I know,” Alice sighed. “That’s why we’ve apologized repeatedly, Edward. Bring her to dinner, please? We just want to – “

“Hey, Bella,” Angela Weber greeted me cheerfully as she walked passed me. She, surprisingly, never blinked an eye when I first saw her after last weekend. A refreshing escape from everyone else’s glares and stares.

“Hi,” I mumbled, walking the last two feet to stand in Edward’s open office doorway.

Alice sat across from Edward at his desk. She looked ecstatic to see me, while Edward’s expression was still tinged with the frustration I could hear in his voice earlier.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping,” I blurted out. “I was going to come in, then I heard you talking and I didn’t want to interrupt. But, then I didn’t know where to go or what to do and I just ended up… eavesdropping I guess. Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Alice said cheerfully, hopping up from her seat. “So, what do you say to dinner? Friday night at my parents’ place. Very casual and relaxed.”

“Oh, I, um…” I stuttered, frowning down at the ground when I realized my go-to excuse of having to work was gone for two weeks and missing it terribly.

“Alice,” Edward warned. “We’re not going.”

I was torn. The last place I wanted to be was surrounded by all of the people I had lied to and betrayed in the last few months, but I also didn’t want to be the cause of any rift between Edward and his family.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go,” I clarified, frowning over at Edward. “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to be there.”

“Of course, it is,” Alice shrugged. “If you’re important to Edward, you’re important to us. We just want to put the whole mess behind us and get to know you.”

“I…” I mumbled, searching my mind for even the flimsiest of excuses and coming up blank. It didn’t help matters that Alice had a striking resemblance to Edward. Her features were all feminine but they had the same convincing eyes that were pretty impossible to say no to.

“Please?”

“Alice – “

“Okay,” I gave in.

“Excellent! Friday at seven, I’ll see you there!” she squealed, giving me a fast, firm hug before skipping out.

Edward stayed behind his desk, staring over at me with an incredulous look in his eyes. I stood in his doorway, sandwiches still in my hands, regretting ever leaving the house this morning.

“I brought you lunch,” I told him, kicking the door shut behind me and setting the sandwiches on his desk. “It was originally going to be a cute surprise in an effort to get good at the whole girlfriend thing. But, now… you can consider it an apology for eavesdropping and agreeing to dinner on Friday.”

“We don’t have to go, Bella,” he sighed, still looking more frustrated than I would like.

I sat hesitantly across from him, reverting back to my habit of rolling and unrolling my sleeves. “Why are you still mad at them?”

“Because… my entire life they’ve been trying to fix me. I know they’re just trying to help me and maybe I’m an ass for fighting it, but being the family fuck up is exhausting. I mean, Christ, Alice is eight years younger than me. She shouldn’t be the one trying to solve my problems.”

More guilt flooded my system. “I’m sorry. For going behind your back and helping them.”

Immediately, Edward shook his head. He came to lean against his desk, grabbing my hand to pull me to stand against him. “It’s not the same thing. I was never mad at you, love.”

“It is. I saw you every day and never told you what I was doing and I – “

“You weren’t trying to fix me, Bella. You were trying to help me.”

“I think they were trying to help you, too,” I whispered. Esme and Alice didn’t seem malicious in their intentions. At least, not to me.

“I know they were. Their help often comes with the benefit of making me look better for their sake, too. I’ve always been the stain on the Cullen name, and sometimes it feels like their help is more for their sake than mine.”

I sighed and lifted myself up on my toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’m still sorry for going behind your back. The sandwiches can be my apology for that, too.”

The frustration disappeared from his face and a small smile covered his lips. “Those are some chatty sandwiches, huh?”

_…E…_

For one reason or another, I ended up at a hardware store staring at paint samples. Nearly every wall in our house was a shade of white, and it had driven me insane the entire time we lived there. Neither Rose or I ever had the time or energy to actually paint, though, even though our landlord had given us free reign a long time ago.

Instead of looking at the drastic change my life had suddenly taken as a giant upheaval, I was going to try and look at it as a good thing. A fresh start. It was a much more useful suggestion from Doctor Stanley this morning than her assumptions of my parental issues at the end of our session.

So, I decided to use part of my next twelve days of boredom to paint. Our kitchen, living room, my bedroom, and bathroom. It was a much easier decision to come to than the colors themselves, especially after Rosalie’s less than helpful suggestion of _I’m good with anything!_

After a good hour wandering the store, I had a car full of every painting supply one could need, and probably enough paint for a couple more houses.

“Jesus, did you buy out the store?” Rosalie asked, coming out of her room once I got home.

“No,” I grumbled, dropping a gallon of paint on the kitchen counter. “Well, they are out of tape now. But they didn’t have a lot to begin with.”

“Can you try not to kill yourself while you’re doing this?” Rosalie asked, when I walked back in with a small ladder. She was propped up on the kitchen counter, staring at the paint swatches I had just taped to the walls.

I shrugged. “I can try.”

“I like the green,” she said with a smile, unwrapping one of the paint brushes beside her.

“Mmm. Four Leaf Clover,” I mumbled, my brain now full of basically every odd paint name I had read in the last two hours. I started organizing everything based on the painting lesson I got from the man behind the counter. “Whoever was in charge of naming the colors really gave up by the time they got to the blues. My bedroom paint color is called _Frisky Blue_. I mean, four leaf clover makes sense. It’s green. But, Frisky Blue?”

When I looked up, Rosalie was smirking down at me. “What?”

“Did you choose _Frisky_ Blue because you and your new boyfriend are going to go to your room and – “

“Oh, my God, shut up,” I groaned, tossing a paint roller in her direction. “What are you, twelve?”

“Oh, no. I want very above twelve conversations about this. But, that can wait. I do need to actually meet him, though.”

“You’ve met him.”

“Not as your boyfriend. Emmett wants to meet him, too.”

“Emmett?”

“He cares about you, too, you know,” Rose whispered.

Rose started working at his gym about a year ago, and got me in for free not long after. Emmett was there practically open to close every day, and it was hard not to enjoy his company. He was all muscle and should have been intimidating as hell, but the dimples gave him away sometimes. Most people like that, especially at a gym, were hot headed or egotistical or just plain assholes. Emmett was just a goofball with muscles.

We didn’t spend all that much time together outside of the gym until he and Rose started dating. He would check on me a couple times every day I was there though, sometimes to ask if I needed a water or just to see how I was doing.

“He very nearly hunted down pretty boy Friday night,” Rosalie said with a level on nonchalance that didn’t match her confession.

“He what?”

“Oh, he was pissed. Thought Edward had taken advantage of you and thrown you under the bus. He even called Embry ahead of time for bail money.”

“That’s… sweet. I think. Over the top, but sweet.” I wasn’t used to having people on my side, definitely not someone willing to get arrested for me.

“So, maybe next week we all go out for drinks?”

“He has, um, his kids next week,” I mumbled. “I don’t know what his schedule is like with them.”

The kids were definitely the next hurdle I was going to have to pass. This week was a nice little bubble, and next week would be more like reality.

I shook my head, not wanting to go down that rabbit hole yet, and grabbed one of my many rolls of bright blue tape.

_…E…_

Painting was much more complicated than I realized. The concept was simple but I somehow used muscles I didn’t know existed to reach every crevice and corner in the kitchen. My neck was stiff from making the idiotic decision to paint the ceiling, and I had _Four Leaf Clover_ pale green paint splatters all over myself.

The final result was worth it though, because even with only the kitchen painted the house felt better. More homey. Which was what I was going for.

I wanted to get rid of that constant feeling of uneasiness I had since moving to Los Angeles. I wanted to feel settled and this tiny change seemed like a good step in the right direction.

Rosalie left right as I was finishing up. She had helped me with a lot of the taping earlier, which was why I wasn’t painting into the night, before getting ready to go out with Emmett. She left with one last smile at the kitchen as I went to shower off every speck of paint on my body. 

There was a knock at the front door right before I got in, though. I wrapped a towel around me and trudged to the front door, thinking it was probably Rosalie. She forgot her keys about three times a week.

“Do you make it a habit to answer the door in only a towel?” Edward asked, voice gruff and eyes darkening.

I stood frozen in the doorway for a minute, staring at him as he stood with bags of food in his hands. He was in a relaxed pale blue button down and dark jeans. His hair was a windblown mess, probably from down windows driving over.

“I thought you were Rosalie. She forgets her keys sometimes,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat up.

“Ah,” he sighed, eyes still intently locked on mine. “May I come in?”

“Oh, right. Yes.” I stepped back, keeping a very careful hold on my towel as he walked past me.

I followed him into the kitchen, where he set the bags of food down.

“You painted.”

“I did,” I nodded with a smile.

Edward turned toward me, smiling down before reaching up to scratch my nose. I frowned for a moment before I realized he was picking off a speck of paint.

“That’s embarrassing,” I mumbled, wiping my hand over my nose to get anything left. It was a lost cause, of course, because I was covered in green freckles.

“You’re adorable in green,” Edward chuckled. “I brought us dinner.”

“Thank you,” I smiled up at him. “Can I take a quick shower first?”

Edward nodded, the backs of his fingers trailing down my cheek, along my neck to travel across my bare collarbone and shoulder. He pulled his hand away quickly, stuffing it in his pockets before clearing his throat. “Of course. I’ll get everything out.”

I bit my lip, staring up at the frustration on his face with a smile. I wasn’t necessarily happy at our mutual frustration and if he said he was done with his waiting game I’d be all in, but he was a smart man. And every time he pulled away or grumbled to himself under his breath while carefully distancing himself from me, I did start to realize he cared. That he was in it for _me_ more than anything else.

I reached up on my toes and pressed a kiss to his jaw before scurrying off to a quick shower. After, hopefully, picking off every green freckle I pulled on some comfortable black cotton shorts and one of my growing collection of _Tonight Show_ t-shirts.

Walking back into the living room, Edward was situated on the couch, two plates on the coffee table in front of him.

“You have three episodes on my show on your DVR,” he said, eying me as I walked over and sat beside him.

“I do.”

His voice was uncharacteristically hesitant when he asked, “Do you really watch it?”

“Of course,” I frowned, folding my legs underneath me and turning towards him. “I got a little behind, what with the whole… life blowing up in my face thing. But, I watch them all.”

He sent a tentative smile my way before handing me a plate of food. “What made you decide to paint?”

“Rose and I have always hated all the white. We just never had time to paint before. Now I have twelve days of nothing ahead of me so I figured it was the perfect time,” I shrugged, taking a bite of some kind of delicious fish concoction.

“Do you never relax?”

I shook my head. “No.”

The answer was clear in the back of my mind to his next, unasked question. _Why not?_

As soon as I had an ounce of freedom, I never stayed home very long in my teenage years. I joined every after school club, volunteered at every place I could… kept myself too busy for Renee or Charlie or, specifically, Tyler to find me.

_That_ wasn’t the conversation I wanted to have right now, though, so I quickly changed the subject. “This is the third meal in two days we’ve had together. I know that has to be breaking some kind of rule.”

“I told you, there are no rules.”

I stared at him, popping an asparagus in my mouth and waiting.

“Okay, maybe I just don’t care about them,” he admitted with a smirk. “On the weeks when I have Masen and Lucy I probably won’t be able to do this, so I…”

“That’s okay,” I shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“Masen is surprisingly fine with it. Even had the nerve to ask me if you had, and I quote, ‘any hot younger friends’ for him.”

I snorted and shook my head.

“But, Lucy is still… adjusting.”

His tone was dripping with apologies.

“It’s okay,” I mumbled.

“It’s not. Lucy is a great kid, Bella. She’s the smartest person in the family and none of us know where she got it from. She’s in every advanced class possible. She started volunteering at an animal shelter this summer. She’s not… like this, usually.”

“You don’t have to defend her, Edward. I know she’s great. She was very, um, supportive. That night at the theater. Sitting with me,” I stuttered over my words before switching the subject. “I know exactly what it feels like, having a parent choose someone else over you. You’re not, obviously. And I’m not asking you to. But, she doesn’t know that.”

I put my finished dinner on the table, and Edward did the same. I didn’t really want to talk about the heavy topics anymore, so I hooked my arm with his and leaned against his shoulder. The television was on quietly, an old sitcom rerun that I had seen ten times before.

“What else are you painting?” Edward asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.

“I’ll probably do this room tomorrow,” I sighed, planning out my week in my head. “Maybe my bathroom Thursday and bedroom Friday.”

“You should stay with me Friday night, then,” Edward said, looking down at me. “So you’re not sleeping in paint fumes.”

I agreed quickly, even though I knew it was a flimsy excuse.

“You can come home with me after dinner.”

I tilted my head on his shoulder to look up at him. He still seemed a little sad, but after a kiss or two the sadness evaporated. It was long gone by the time he pulled me onto his lap, hands digging into my thighs.

This was, coincidently, exactly how we ended up after dinner last night as well. Not that I was complaining.

“I like this whole dating thing,” I mumbled against his lips, smiling into the kiss as his fingers danced along the edge of my shorts.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Especially the ones that end up like this,” I whispered, deciding that making out on the couch with Edward as often as possible was going to be my top priority for the time being.

He was handsy. It was one of the things I knew best about him. Unfortunately, said hands kept a firm grip on my hips every time they tried to roll against his.

“You are severely overestimating my self-control, Isabella,” he groaned, head falling back against the couch. 

“I thought it might make it easier, already _knowing_. What you feel like, taste like,” he groaned, teeth nipping at my neck as he paused. “But it’s so much worse. Because all I can think about is how your thighs feel thrown over my shoulders or how that tiny cluster of freckles between your breasts taste that much sweeter than the rest of your skin.”

An uncontrollable whine escaped the back of my throat just before his lips ended up back on mine.

It took my brain too long to process the sound of the key turning in the lock, which meant a minute later I was frozen in Edward’s lap with Emmett and Rosalie smirking at me from behind the couch.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rosalie said with a not-so-sorry smile.

“No, you’re not,” I countered, trying to fight the heat in my cheeks as I stood up.

Edward cleared his throat and stood slowly, facing them with his hand in mine. “Rosalie, Emmett, it’s good to see you both again.”

I remembered Rosalie’s out of character star struck babbling when she met Edward the first time, and could see her fighting the urge this time, too. Emmett, however, didn’t have the same problem.

“I don’t care that you have a fancy job or important family,” he grunted, frowning over at Edward. “If Bella gets screwed over again there’s going to be hell to pay.”

“Emmett,” I hissed. They both ignored me, though. Having some kind of stare off between the two of them.

“Understood,” Edward nodded. He reached down for his phone and keys on the coffee table, squeezing my hand before letting go. “I should go.”

I grabbed his hand again quickly, walking with him to the door and frowning at Emmett as we left. “Sorry about them,” I mumbled once the door was closed behind us.

“It’s okay. They care about you,” he said softly, smiling down at me in the dim porchlight. Not a happy smile either. One of the sad ones that I saw much too often. “And, he’s right. No one got screwed over more in the whole thing than you.”

“I didn’t…”

“You did. And I’m sorry.”

I sighed, a little frustrated that our night had ended up this melancholy.

“Any requests for dinner tomorrow?” he asked, still forcing his smile.

“No, I’m not picky,” I shrugged.

“Okay. Be careful painting. If you need anything moved – “

“I think I can handle it.” I wasn’t big on weight lifting, but I had accumulated decent muscles during my time at the gym.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he sighed.

Reaching up on my toes, I pressed a quick, hard kiss to his lips. “It’s okay, Edward.”

Yeah, the last two months had been kind of horrible. And the last week had been simultaneously horrible and perfect at the same time. My name had been dragged through the dirt, would be for a long time. But, I was also somehow happier than I had ever really been.

I wasn’t all that complicated, so going through all of that and ending up with a job, Edward, and a couple friends in tact was enough for me.

Edward’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. I buried my head in his chest and took a few deep breaths of his scent. A mixture of citrus and woods and him. 

I stood on the porch and waved as he drove off, but I could tell he was still upset.

Rosalie and Emmett were in the kitchen, throwing away to-go containers when I walked back inside. It was hard to be mad at them. They were on a very short list of people who cared about me. Still, it seemed like a line had been crossed.

“Thank you for… caring,” I told them, standing across the small island from them. “But, you don’t need to make him feel more guilty than he already does.”

“I needed him to know he couldn’t pull shit like that again,” Emmett grumbled, at least having the conscious to look a little guilty.

“He didn’t pull anything.”

“He – “

“I know the situation,” I interrupted. “But, Edward doesn’t have a manipulative bone in his body. It’s not his fault.”

“I’ll be nice next time,” Emmett sighed. “Promise.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean, what’s worse? Me being a little blunt or Rosie getting all blushy and giggly?”

“Hey! I did not blush!” Rosalie squealed, playfully punching his arm.

I left Rosalie and Emmett to bicker in the kitchen. I got under my comforter and grabbed my phone. Edward was probably still driving, but I sent him the message anyway.

_You’re worth it._


	4. Clementine

_My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender yellow, blue_

_And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you_

_I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can’t take ‘em too_

_Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can’t take it through_

_I don’t need anyone_

_I don’t need anyone_

_I just need everyone and then some_

_~ Halsey, **clementine**_

**BPOV**

“This was a bad idea,” I grumbled, tugging at the hem of my dress in my lap. I sat beside Edward as he drove us over to his parents for dinner. A dinner that was more than likely to end up an embarrassing disaster.

“You _are_ the one that agreed to it,” Edward countered softly, eyes darting to me quickly before going back to the road.

“Under duress. You and Alice have the same face and it is very hard to say no to it.”

“Good to know,” he smirked.

In theory, I knew the dinner was a good idea. Edward’s family was important to him and I didn’t want to drive a wedge between them. In reality, I knew it was probably going to do more harm than good. I was an absolute mess in the average social situation, but with the added pressure of wanting his family to forget I had an affair with Edward after his mother hired me to work for him, I was going to be a train wreck.

“It’s not going to be that bad. I promise.”

“It will,” I sighed. “I mean, if my therapist can jump to the conclusion that I’m with you because of some severe _daddy issues_ then I’m sure your entire family has had the same thought,” I blurted out.

The car pulled to a stop in his parent’s luxurious driveway before he turned to look at me. His wide-eyed frown made me realize what exactly I had spat out.

“I, um, don’t. Just to clarify. I mean, I have a lot of parental issues. And you are closer to my parents age than mine. But, that has nothing to do with why I l-like you.”

My head fell back against the headrest. “See? This is what I mean. I always say the wrong thing and then – “

“Bella – “

“Now you probably think I have… there are a lot of reasons I like you. And your age isn’t one of them,” I shook my head, thoughts going too fast for me to focus on them. “Not that I think you’re old, I – “

“Bella. It’s okay. This dinner is going to be two hours, tops. My mother and sister will ask every inane question they can think of to get to know you better and my father will try to be funny when we all know he’s not. You’ve met everyone before, and they already adore you. It’ll be fine.”

I sighed, my panic subsiding, and peaked a glance over at him. “I’m not great in social situations.”

“I think you’re perfectly fine in social situations.”

I rolled my eyes to myself. “We haven’t really been in any together.”

“You seemed okay at my birthday,” he offered.

“I was a little preoccupied with keeping our affair a secret then.”

“Point taken,” Edward nodded with a smirk. “Though I would like to get back to the, uh, daddy issues.”

Before I could say anything else, there was a tap on my window that made me jump. Turning around, Alice was there, beaming inside the car.

Edward sighed and got out, quickly walking around to open my door. He wrapped an arm around my waist, a movement that now brought me immense comfort instead of confused curiosity.

“Don’t you two look cute,” Alice squeaked with a smile, nudging Edward’s opposite shoulder as we walked to the door.

My cheeks heated up, Edward ruffled Alice’s hair, and the door opened to reveal Carlisle and Esme.

“Come in, come in,” Esme said with a smile, standing aside. She swooped in before I realized it was happening, her arms around me in a firm hug as Edward attempted to walk us in the door.

“Thank you for coming,” she whispered to me, pulling back with a smile.

“Thank you for having me,” I mumbled, pressing my lips together nervously when I had nothing else to say.

“It’s good to see you again, Bella,” Carlisle said calmly as Esme pulled Edward into a hug of his own.

I gave him a small smile in return, my mind full of every time I had seen him just as Edward’s publicist. It was hard to move past the idea that they had to hate me. They hired me to do a job for their son and a month later I ended up in bed with him. I repeatedly lied to their faces, especially at that lunch with Esme and Alice.

But, no one seemed upset in the slightest. Esme was a phenomenal actress, though.

“Come, have a seat in the living room. Dinner should be ready soon.”

Edward and I brought up the rear of the group as we headed toward the living room. I squeezed his hand, still embarrassingly giddy every time I got to hold it in front of people. Even through all of my nerves.

Extravagant was an understatement for the house. The living room, which had been emptied out the only other time I had been here, was full of warm, dark chocolate couches and beautifully crafted, probably one-of-a-kind tables and armoires.

Edward pulled me down on a small loveseat. Alice and Jasper squished together on a large lounge chair, and Esme and Carlisle sat on a couch across from us.

“You have a lovely home,” I offered. I might have done some googling and it might have told me to immediately compliment the mother when meeting a boyfriend’s parents.

“Thank you,” she beamed. “I have to confess, I’m never all that happy with it. I’ve redone this floor about five times.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Edward squeezed my hand and I squeezed back, probably uncomfortably tight for him, but it was comforting to me.

A timer went off somewhere in the house, and Esme got up with a smile. “Edward, come help me get everything set up, will you?”

It was a very obvious attempt to get him alone, probably for another round of apologies that Alice had mentioned they had been doing. Edward gave my hand one more squeeze before following his mother, and I was left with Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper.

“You grew up in Washington state, is that correct, Bella?” Carlisle asked casually.

“My parents divorced when I was five, so I went between Washington and Florida a lot,” I answered, knowing what round of questioning was coming next.

“Any siblings?”

“So, Bella,” Alice interrupted quickly. “I sent you a wedding invitation a couple days ago. I wasn’t sure if Edward was going to keep trying to hide you away from us, but I’d love it if you could come.”

“Oh, when is it?”

“November first. Two weeks from Sunday. Sixteen days – “

“She gets it, sweetheart,” Jasper interrupted with a placating smile.

“Edward has a plus one, obviously, but I spent a month deciding on invitations and I wanted every last one seen and admired appropriately,” she added with a smile.

“I’d love to go,” I answered, surprised at how genuinely I did want to go.

All of these people had been nothing but kind to me. I sat there across from them after being in the news the past week as the woman who supposedly ruined their son’s marriage and no one had so much as looked at me funny. They knew the truth about his marriage, but still. An affair was an affair.

Alice, for all of her overzealous behavior, didn’t have it in her to be anything but kind to someone. Carlisle had no idea what the weight the question he asked carried, and was only trying to get to know me better. And Jasper silently sat back and smiled as Alice talked about their wedding.

If I could get past my inherent ability to make any situation uncomfortable, the night could go smoothly. Maybe even well. And Edward would be able to forgive his mother and sister and maybe I wouldn’t have to be petrified every time I saw them.

Sitting here, Carlisle seeming completely enraptured in every word I said and Alice jumping in when she knew how uncomfortable a conversation about my family would make me, it was all a completely foreign life to me. But one I suddenly craved.

I wanted people to care. I wanted to go to Alice’s wedding and appreciate all of the work she put into her invitations. I wanted my relationship with Edward, and his family, to be one of the few things in my life I didn’t screw up. Because in the twenty minutes I had been in this house they had shown more interest and care for me than both of my parents had in a long time. Even after I came into their lives and made such a mess.

Movement behind Alice caught my eye, and I could just barely make out Edward standing down the hall, talking with his mother.

He was what I wanted, more than anything else. Realizing that had been the biggest shift from the life I had barely pieced together for myself the last four years. I wouldn’t have ever risked my job at Newton & Cheney for anyone else. Never would have trusted someone else with so many of my secrets.

I had worked so hard for so long to simply… survive. Now, I wanted a _life_. With him. Because in twenty-three years on the planet nothing and no one had made me happier. All of these realizations were equal parts freeing and terrifying.

“Dinner is ready,” Edward said, suddenly appearing beside me with his hand held out.

When I grabbed it, my butterflies got particularly rowdy, fluttering around like it was the first time he had ever touched me.

“Everything okay?” he asked quietly, looking down at me with concern.

I smiled up, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Yes.”

I sat down at the twelve-person dining table feeling much more relaxed than before, in large part to Edward squeezing my hand underneath the table.

“Are you old enough for some wine, Bella?” Carlisle asked as he came around to our side of the table, bottle of wine in hand.

My eyes went wide as I stared up at him. _How old did he think I was?_ “I’m twenty-three,” I gasped.

Edward’s hand rested on my shoulder. “I told you he would try to be funny. He knows you’re old enough to drink.”

“Oh,” I sighed, forcing a chuckle. “Right.”

“You’ll have to excuse my husband, Bella. He does think he’s hilarious,” Esme said from the other side of the table, a soft smile on her face.

“Edward had to get his good looks and humor from somewhere,” Carlisle defended, sitting beside Esme with a chuckle.

Things were quiet for a few minutes, plates of potatoes and salad and salmon passed around. Then, the conversation quickly went back to me again.

“What made you decide to go into publicity?” Esme asked, genuine curiosity on her face.

“I like fixing other people’s problems and ignoring my own,” I admitted with a shrug. I wasn’t sure what it was about Cullen’s, but all of them seemed to destroy any semblance of a filter I had. My own embarrassment aside, they all seemed to get a kick out of my answer.

“Although I did an excellent job at creating more problems for you,” I sighed, eyes darting over to Edward beside me.

“You did an excellent job at salvaging my career,” he clarified.

“You’re very biased.”

“We’ve had this argument before.”

“And I’m pretty sure I won,” I finished, looking up at him with a smile.

Edward had seemed nearly as nervous as I was about dinner tonight, though he did a much better job at hiding it. I was glad to see, after his conversation with Esme, he appeared more like himself.

“Well, I know Renata is ecstatic to have snagged you,” Esme added, an odd, wistful look on her face when I tore my attention away from Edward.

“When do you start with Renata?” Jasper asked.

“Not for another week. She’s trying to wait until the news cycle is no longer focused on deciphering how far along in my pregnancy I am. Which, I mean, I’m not. Obviously. So, that’s one good thing we’ve got going for us.”

After finally managing to stop talking, I reached for my wine glass to cover up the heat flooding my cheeks. Edward looked down at me and chuckled.

“Well,” Carlisle sighed from the other end of the table. “It’s good to know Edward’s finally figured out the basics of sex education.”

My sip of wine got stuck in my throat as I sputtered out a cough, suddenly wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

“How long have you been holding onto that one?” Edward asked, shaking his head with a smirk at his father.

“A long time, son. Long time.”

“It’s not your best material,” he sighed.

In my fit of coughing, I wondered if this was the kind of thing Edward alluded to. His family making him feel like the black sheep. He didn’t seem the least bit upset, though, not with how he chuckled at his father and gently rubbed my back as I finished coughing.

The rest of dinner was good. On the verge of being fun if I were optimistic. Mostly because the conversation didn’t stay on me for too much longer.

Alice talked about her wedding a lot, informing Edward that I was to accompany him. Esme and Carlisle threw questions my way every now and then. They were all easy, though. Some about school and some about my small, mostly non-existent social life with Rosalie. It didn’t feel as much like the interrogation that I thought the night would be.

Once plates were clean, the men got up and I was informed that they did the dishes after a family dinner. Esme led Alice and I back to the living room while they worked.

I sat back down in the plush loveseat from earlier, flattening my dress over my lap. Dark blue, sheer sleeves, some frills on the bottom that swayed as I moved. Focusing on the dress was an excellent distraction from the way Esme was staring at me.

“I owe you an apology, too,” she admitted softly, and I could only imagine the conversation she had with Edward earlier.

“You don’t – “

“I do. I had no right to ask you to interfere in his personal life. I could tell he trusted you and I used you against him. I hadn’t seen that boy that happy since he was a teenager and I thought pushing him toward a divorce would keep that smile on his face. I didn’t mean to hurt either of you, and I apologize.”

“Apology accepted,” I said quietly. I could have gone into detail about how many mistakes I made that created the whole mess in the first place, but it didn’t seem like the time. “I owe you an apology, too.”

Esme’s brows furrowed with a frown.

“You hired me to work for him. You were paying me to do a job and I ended up…”

“I wasn’t paying you, sweetheart,” Esme said softly. “I would have, if Edward had been more stubborn about the situation. But, after he met you he told me he would take care of it.”

Oh. “Oh.”

It didn’t change anything, not really. It had made me feel a little better about the whole thing, knowing he wasn’t the one paying my salary. But, it also made me feel a little better about sitting across from Esme now.

“I’m sorry if – “

“Oh, no. It’s fine,” I interrupted, fiddling with the hem of my dress. “I just assumed.”

“No one’s judging you, Bella,” Alice said softly. “For how your relationship started.”

My incredulousness must have been written on my face.

“That woman had been suffocating him for years,” Esme said somberly. “And you brought him back to life. It doesn’t matter how it started, not to me. What matters is the smile you’ve both been sporting all night.”

My cheeks heated up and I let my eyes fall to my lap. It never felt like I was the one that brought Edward back to life. To me, it seemed to be the other way around.

“He is completely smitten, isn’t he?” Alice added with a wide smile. “I think I saw him blush earlier. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that happen.”

My cheeks heated up, more so when Edward sauntered back in the room. He handed me a small cup of coffee, pressing a kiss to the top of my head in the process.

“It’s mostly cream and sugar,” he whispered, sitting beside me with his dark cup of coffee in his hands.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

In the corner of my eyes, I saw Alice and Esme exchange a glance.

The night ended with hugs all around, Esme making Edward and I promise to come around for dinner more often. I wasn’t sure if therapy was finally starting to get ahold of my brain but the idea of family dinners was suddenly thrilling to me. The idea of family in general no longer sent a bolt of dread through my veins.

It was quite the revelation for me, considering my own family ruined any idea of the concept for me a long time ago. I couldn’t enjoy the moment, though, not after Edward got in the car beside me.

“So, about the daddy issues.”

_…E…_

I thought the whole _daddy issues_ topic would make Edward uncomfortable. His initial reaction in the car seemed just as shocked and disturbed as I had been at the idea. I thought maybe he would be upset or reconsider things if he got that idea in his head.

Apparently, the whole thing was quite the amusing topic for him, though. He chuckled the whole drive home after I explained where it came from.

“It wasn’t funny, Edward,” I grumbled, following him into the house as he chuckled away. “It was mortifying!”

We ended up in his large, open living room with the pool illuminated outside behind us. I slumped down on the couch, frowning in his direction.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, sobering up and coming to sit on the table opposite of me. “You’ve never heard something so outrageous about yourself that you thought it was hilarious?”  
“No, I prefer to overanalyze every word said and obsess over what I could have done wrong for them to think that,” I countered, as if it were the obvious reaction. Because, to me, it was.

“That’s… one way to do it,” Edward nodded, a neutral expression on his face.

“I don’t have the best coping mechanisms,” I shrugged.

Edward nodded, soft smile on his face as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “That’s okay.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I know. I’m sorry I laughed.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “It’s okay. I guess I can kind of see how it could _maybe_ be construed as funny. Maybe.”

“I love you,” he smiled, cupping my cheek and making my heart constrict. “Daddy issues and all.”

“Edward,” I whined, shoving his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” He pulled me up against him, grabbing a controller and making music float throughout the room. Something soft and classical that I now knew was his personal preference.

Edward pulled us toward the open center of the room, hands on my waist. I took the cue and rested mine over his shoulders as he started to sway.

“I do love you. I’m no therapist, but I’ve never thought you had any attraction to me solely because of my age or any issues you might have.”

“I just…” I sighed, pressing my head against his chest. “Didn’t like the idea that people would think I was with because of something like that. I have a lot of good reasons for liking you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, berating myself for still not being able to say the word that so easily slipped out of my mouth months ago.

“I know. I don’t particularly enjoy the idea of anyone who’s read the news coming to the conclusion that I’m only with you for your age, either. I have a lot of good reasons, too.”

“You’re not getting sick of me and all of my social blunders yet?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever once seen you committing a _social blunder_.”

“I kind of walked right into that sex ed joke with your father.”

Edward chuckled. “You did. But, that’s okay. Thank you for putting up with all of them tonight.”

“There was nothing to put up with. Everyone was nothing but nice to me.”

That same longing from earlier flooded my senses again. There were so many things I suddenly wanted from my life. All things I probably desperately wanted for years, but had no hope to ever actually get them.

I wanted to be successful at my new job. I wanted Edward’s family to like me, and for his kids to not hate me at the very least. I wanted him, mostly. In every way possible.

“I want a lot of things.” The words came out of my mouth, barely above a whisper, without my permission.

“What kind of things?”

“You, mostly,” I admitted, looking up at him. His smile was crooked and relaxed and made my mind flutter.

“You’ve got me,” he said, a second before his lips landed on mine in a kiss that kind of changed my entire life perspective. An exaggeration, yes, because I had been slowly coming to the realization all night, but it was still a phenomenal kiss. 

My entire life up until this point had been about surviving on my own. I never had a lot of people to turn to or talk to or trust. Now, I had Edward constantly telling me he loved me and Alice making me promise to meet her for lunch soon and Esme looking at me like I was the answer to all of her problems.

It was all wonderful and potentially life-changing and filled me with crippling dread because I wasn’t sure if I was going to get to keep it or not. Which I knew was the exact reason why I couldn’t tell him those three words again. Not yet.

I didn’t let him pull away until my lungs burned and my brain was fuzzy. My fingers tugged at his hair and his hands had drifted dangerously low on my waist.

“Maybe… I should sleep in the guest room,” I panted.

“I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”

“I don’t know if I can make the same promise.”

“That, my love,” Edward sighed, pulling me closer and pressing his lips to my neck. “Is a risk I’m willing to take.”

_…E…_

I walked through my front door Sunday afternoon with a smile on my face. Spending the night with Edward Friday night morphed into staying Saturday night, too. Spending so much uninterrupted time with him was a luxury I had never had before. Especially when our usual go-to activity was off limits.

The weekend made me much more comfortable with the whole relationship thing. Because I realized no matter what stupid things I blurted out or what worries I had, nothing seemed to scare him away. And, while I knew the man pretty well from our time together before and my research into him, it was nothing compared to what I was learning about him now.

I had known him as a late night host and a client. Knew him as the man I was having an affair with. But, now, I got to know _him._ It could have completely imploded our relationship, getting to know one another on a more personal level. I was sure plenty of people had a good sexual connection and zero personal attraction. It turned out that wasn’t the case for us.

There were a million and one things I had yet to learn about the man, but I got a lot of little things this weekend. He left his morning coffee cup by his bed for a good twelve hours before taking it to the kitchen. While he was an excellent cook, he left the kitchen looking like a war zone when he was done. It rained for half an hour Saturday morning and he got gloomy and grumpy about it, but I already knew he hated the rain.

He liked classical music.

He refused to get out of bed before eight unless he had to.

He had nearly a whole library full of classic and modern literature that all went right over my head.

He was a simple man, happy to spend the afternoon relaxing in his movie room, my legs thrown over his lap, talking through the random movie he picked from his collection. He didn’t need constant crowds or overbearing attention like so many people in his industry.

Even though the weekend had been wonderful, my life had been turned upside down in the last week and I was still desperately trying to keep myself together. As soon as I was alone my mind always went through the negatives constantly floating around us.

Could our relationship survive the public scrutiny?

Could it survive us working together?

What would happen if Lucy never got over her hatred of me?

Our relationship had been proven to be better when we were in a bubble. We thrived alone in New York. Our late nights alone at Edward’s place were heavenly. This weekend was blissful.

I sighed, dropping my weekend bag in the corner of my bedroom. I carefully placed the book Edward loaned me, _Wuthering Heights_ , beside my bed before plopping down. My phone rang and I smiled, immediately assuming it was Edward considering about four people had my new number these days.

“Hi,” I greeted happily.

“Finally,” Charlie grumbled on the other line, immediately crushing my semi-good mood. “What the hell are you doing, Bella?”

“What do you mean?” I asked quietly, knowing it was a stupid question.

“You know what I mean,” he snapped. “I’ve had to see my daughter’s face on the television every time I turn it on. Autumn keeps showing me these articles… what have you done, Bells?”

His insinuation that I was the one at fault triggered my anger and frustration. “ _I_ didn’t do anything. My privacy was invaded. Illegally, I might add. And you think it’s my fault?”

“So, it’s true? You had an affair with the man? Broke up his marriage?”

“His marriage was over long before I came along,” I snapped. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“I’m your father, kid. I – “

“I’m fine,” I hissed, suppressing myself enough to keep from saying what I wanted to. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

I ended the call quickly, tossing my phone on the bed. _Not that you ever have_ , I finished silently in my head.

Tears started blurring my vision and I squeezed my eyes shut. There were so many things I wanted from my life now and if Charlie and Renee hadn’t completely ignored and rejected and belittled me my entire life maybe I would be able to enjoy those things instead of assume they would end all too soon.

That was the problem about our bubble. It never lasted very long.


	5. Look At Her Now

_Of course she was sad_

_But now she’s glad she dodged a bullet_

_Took a few years to soak up the tears_

_But look at her now, watch her go_

_~ Selena Gomez, **Look At Her Now**_

**BPOV**

Two months ago, that call from Charlie would have absolutely destroyed me for a good week or two. I would have walked around in a state of constant fury because he didn’t listen to a word I tried to tell him and because he sided with everyone except me.

I still felt all of those things, but it didn’t overwhelm me as much as it used to. But, for as much as I wanted to forget he and my mother were ever part of my life, I still longed for their approval. Charlie’s more so than Renee’s. My childhood was hell in a lot of ways, but there were a few good memories thrown in there too.

The first thing Charlie would do whenever I moved back in with him was spend a whole day with me. We usually went fishing, which I was actually pretty good at. It was a quiet activity because talking tended to scare the fish away, but I had more than a few good memories of sitting with my dad on a tiny little boat in the middle of nowhere, finally breathing for the first time in months because I knew Tyler wasn’t around.

The trips got shorter and shorter the more new kids he had whenever I visited, though.

Even though he popped the happy little bubble Edward and I were in, I refused to let it get in my way. Yeah, we functioned better when we were alone and other people weren’t sticking their noses in our business, but thinking our relationship could stay that way for an extended period of time was stupid.

I knew what I wanted now. Kind of. And I knew I had to fight to get it and keep it. I couldn’t let every little thing send me spiraling.

So, instead of focusing on Charlie and the media, I focused on myself. My job, mostly.

Starting the Monday after Charlie’s call I worked as much as I could without actually working. Renata was still covering Edward, and myself, so I couldn’t do much for him. But, I had other plans.

Tuesday afternoon I wandered into a bar across town. It was a bit of a dive, but not in a bad way. The kind of dive you’d like to visit and not the kind where you knew your chances of getting out alive were pretty slim.

Ashley sat at a table in the back. Her blue hair was gone, replaced by her natural shoulder-length brunette locks. She smiled over at me as I walked in, waving me over.

“Unique choice for a Tuesday afternoon,” I joked, sitting down across from her. The place was nearly empty, so it was a good spot for our meeting, but still a bit of an out of the box suggestion.

“Well, I was hoping this meeting would end over drinks and scandalous stories about your new boyfriend.”

I smiled over at her and shook my head. I wasn’t really sure how we ended up as friends. Maybe my moments of weakness in New York when she was the only one I could talk to spurred things on, but we kept in touch after, too.

She was unfailingly, genuinely kind. She somehow always knew if you were having a bad day and would get to the bottom of things instantly. Our conversations ranged from her boyfriend who, in my opinion, was a bit of an ass, to her publicity. She was easy to talk to and easy to care for.

Her music and public lifestyle showed her as a vibrant, intense artist, and she was, but at the same time she was sweet and soft-spoken. Behind the blue wig she seemed to be a lost and confused twenty-something that I could relate to. But she was also, hopefully, my future client.

I had called her yesterday in hopes of convincing her I was still a candidate to handle her publicity even though the media had decided I was having a baby in six months and knee-deep in preparations for it. Her eagerness to meet as soon as possible surprised me, as did her suggestion of a dive bar downtown.

“I hate to disappoint, but I don’t really have any raunchy stories,” I shrugged, leaning back against the uncomfortable wooden booth.

“Yes, you do,” she countered, smirking across the table at me. “He was the guy. In New York. Right?”

“Yes.”

“You two are kind of adorable together,” she gushed, explaining further at the look of my frown. “I mean, I had no idea he was the guy. But I would see you two in the halls or at rehearsal always smiling or plotting together. You make a cute couple.”

“Oh. Thank you. I think.”

She chuckled, our conversation paused as a waitress dropped two sodas down in front of us.

“How’d you even get in here?” I asked, realizing her twentieth birthday was just a couple of weeks ago.

She shrugged. “I’ve been coming here since I was seventeen.”

“Seventeen?”

“I didn’t have the best childhood. This bar was much more comforting than my own bedroom sometimes,” she sighed quietly. “That’s not what we’re here to talk about, though.”

“No,” I agreed. “I have a new job. At a firm that isn’t run by an asshole. If you’re still interested.”

“ _Finally,_ ” she sighed, exasperated. “Tiffany is driving me insane, and that asshole you used to work for is no better. And I…”

“What?” I asked, frowning at her hesitation. I didn’t know her well, but she never seemed like the type to beat around the bush.

“I don’t want to be a puppet. I want to say what I feel and if people like it, great. If not, oh well. Tiffany is all about offending the least amount of people with every word out of my mouth, and the ideas that Newton guy kept giving…”

A visible shiver went up her spine and I could only imagine what Newton was trying to talk her into. He was all about getting the biggest payoff of his clients. And, when you were a newly twenty-year-old female, that usually meant overexposed sex appeal to him.

After the last few weeks of realizing how cutthroat the industry was, I had an overwhelming urge to help her.

“Most publicists would probably strangle me for saying this but, honestly? Fuck everyone else. All of those people you would be squashing your own beliefs down for will still turn on you in the blink of an eye given the chance. As long as you’re not spewing any racist, derogatory, vile things… we can handle it.”

“Exactly,” Ashley smiled.

“With that approach, you are going to cut your audience nearly in half. You’ll never become someone who can sell out a stadium in two minutes, or debut at number one with every release. Its… a big sacrifice to make if that’s how you want to go.”

Ashley was quiet, stirring the straw in her glass across from me.

“You just turned twenty, your career started within the last year. Your first album isn’t even out. You can change your mind later, try and become more appealing to a larger audience if that’s what you want. But, those people that you’d be sacrificing yourself or your beliefs for… I don’t think they’re worth it to you.”

“They’re not,” she determined, eyes intent on me. “No one has ever agreed with me about it before, though.”

“I probably wouldn’t have three weeks ago,” I shrugged. “But, then I got to listen to all of these people that knew nothing about me decide I was a homewrecking whore and it changed my perspective on a few things.”

The news cycle was slowly moving past Edward and I, but it was still out there. All of the articles and videos and conspiracies that I had this master plan to seduce him and tear him away from his wife and children. And it was as infuriating as ever.

“So, you think I can have a career without turning myself into some cookie cutter, generic pop girl? Without becoming a labels puppet who does nothing but please people?”

“If you surround yourself with the right people, yes.”

We were both quiet for a minute. I took a sip of my soda and sat back against the back of the booth. My job wasn’t what I used to think it was, not that I had even officially started again. But, I already viewed it differently. If I had this meeting with her a month ago I would have pushed her to be a little more people pleasing, especially in the start of her career.

But, in the end, it shouldn’t matter. The industry was full of people who smiled and waved and were the perfect little starlet. There was a very specific mold that people tried to put every performer, especially females, into. If Ashley didn’t want to fit in that mold, then we would work around it. Create an image that she wanted instead of what a label or marketing executive wanted.

“I’ve met with a lot of people the last few months,” she admitted quietly. “Marketing people and managers and publicists. I had a few meetings the last couple weeks and whenever I brought your name up everyone told me to stay away from you.”

I ignored the punch to my gut her words left me with. “I’m not surprised,” I sighed. “Most people are under the impression that I fucked my way into a job. But, I graduated at the top of my class from UCLA with a degree in mass communications with a specialization in public relations and a minor in marketing.

“I don’t have the best references,” I admitted. “Considering I was fired from my first job and my only client is also my boyfriend. I should probably still be a junior publicist somewhere, writing press releases for someone else. But, I somehow ended up with my dream job thrown at me and I’d like to use that job to help you not get screwed over by someone else while you do _your_ dream job.”

I let out a deep breath once I was done. My life still felt a little out of control to me, and I was hoping getting back to work would help level things out. I was also hoping bringing in a new client on my first day would help Renata not regret hiring me. Most importantly, I genuinely liked Ashley and knew the odds were in her favor of getting screwed over sometime soon considering her quick rise to the spotlight.

“So,” she said quietly, smirking at me from across the table. “Where do I sign?”

_…E…_

“You promise you’ll be nice?” I asked for the third time, eying Emmett across the table. It was Wednesday night and he, Rosalie and I were at the same little Mexican restaurant Rosalie took me to two months ago to spill all of my secrets. Only this time, said secret was also meeting us here.

“Yes, I promise. Are you going to make Rose promise not to get all blushy?”

I rolled my eyes at his joke, watching Rosalie playfully smack his shoulder. Before I could say anything else, a head of copper hair caught my attention at the door. I had to chew on my bottom lip to keep from making a noise as I watched him walk across the restaurant toward us.

It had been three days since I saw him. Those three days were also filled with three nights worth of very inappropriate dreams about him. And as much as I appreciated the sentiment behind his decision to take our relationship slow, it didn’t help that I had a plethora of memories with him that I would like to relive. Constantly.

I knew he could see right through me when I got that illusive, crooked smirk as he approached the table. I watched as he greeted Emmett and Rosalie before sitting beside me, trying to mentally control the blush that I felt creeping up my chest.

“You look lovely,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It only spurred my imagination on. His hand on my thigh didn’t help, either. But, in typical Edward fashion, he had no problem keeping the conversation going with Emmett and Rosalie.

Emmett followed the rules and was his usual, easy-going self and Rosalie was much more relaxed around Edward this time. The conversation around the table was easy; Edward asked about Rose and I together in college and seemed genuinely interested as Emmett talked about the gym.

Unfortunately, eventually Rosalie decided to start spilling some secrets I didn’t approve of.

“That is _not_ a story we need to tell,” I interrupted as Rosalie dove into telling Edward about my twenty-first birthday. 

“Oh, I think it is,” Edward said seriously, no hint of teasing in his voice.

“She has the weakest alcohol tolerance I’ve ever seen,” Rosalie told him, ignoring my warning. “But neither of us knew it on her twenty-first birthday. And I like to go big on birthdays.”

“I’ve heard,” Edward added with a smile in my direction.

I frowned up at him, then over at Rosalie. The exchange of embarrassing stories was not something I anticipated from this little get together.

“So, the theme for her twenty-first birthday was, obviously, alcohol. I had this whole route planned, found the best drinks at all of these amazing bars around town, and the girl was blackout drunk two bars in. I had to stay up with her all night to make sure she didn’t choke on her own vomit.”

“It wasn’t that bad!” I interrupted, my cheeks hot.

“Do you remember any of it?” Rosalie countered, brow raised in my direction.

“No,” I grumbled. “But I still think you’re exaggerating.”

“I’ve never seen anyone vomit so much.”

“Rosalie!”

I felt Edward chuckle beside me, then soft lips press against the top of my head. “You’re still not that great at handling your alcohol.”

“Better than I used to be,” I shrugged, shooting daggers across the table at Rose, and a few at Emmett still chuckling beside her.

Despite the few embarrassing stories Rosalie shared, and even a couple from Emmett, the entire night felt very easy. Right. There was no animosity between Edward and Emmett from the last time they were together and Rosalie seemed much more relaxed around him, too.

It made me realize even more things I wanted with him. A night out with friends used to include me tagging along with Rosalie and Emmett, feeling a little pathetic that I had no one else to turn to. Now, they included Edward’s hand sneaking along my thigh or his arm thrown haphazardly around my shoulder.

Of course, it was also kind of torture, because his handsyness could lead to nothing, but it was worth it. Slowly, everything he had done so far was starting to stick in my mind and make me realize he was just as desperate for this to work as I was. Slowly.

I kept a firm grip on Edward’s hand as we walked through the parking lot, not wanting to let go. Maybe it made me clingy or needy, but only getting a group dinner with him after not seeing him for three days didn’t feel like enough.

“Thanks for coming,” I told him, smiling up at him as we stopped at his car. Rose and Emmett were waiting a few cars down for me.

“Thanks for inviting me,” he smiled, brushing some loose strands of hair out of my face. “I’ve missed you.”

I let out a sigh, wrapping my arms around him without a second thought. My returning sentiments were muffled against his chest. “Missed you, too.”

I felt his phone start to vibrate in his pocket and knew our time was up.

“I’ll call you at our usual time, okay?” he asked, pulling his keys out. Maybe it was a little high school, but we had a tradition where Edward called every night after his kids went to bed.

I nodded and pressed a depressingly quick kiss to his lips before heading toward Rosalie and Emmett. Once I got to them, I turned and expected to see Edward driving away. Instead, he was standing by the trunk of his car, watching me.

It wasn’t until we were halfway home that I realized he was making sure I safely got to the car.

_…E…_

“Oh. My. God,” Rosalie exclaimed dramatically once we walked in the house. “You two make the cutest fucking couple I’ve ever seen.”

I stared at her, a little shocked at her outburst. I knew she was going to have a lot to say after _officially_ meeting Edward. And I also knew in any other circumstances she would have gone home with Emmett after he dropped me off at home.

“What?” I asked, unsure how to respond.

“Oh, you’re adorable. You got all blushy when he walked in and he kept his arm around you all night. And he was so enthralled in every story about you. And you look… so happy sitting next to him, Bella. Like, the happiest I’ve ever seen you.

“I was really worried that he was older and maybe you couldn’t see the signs he might be taking advantage of you, but… he’s as in love with you as you are with him.”

Rosalie plopped down on the couch, pulling a pillow into her lap and stared up at me.

I followed her lead, sitting across from her on the couch. “I haven’t been able to tell him that. Not after the first time.”

“What? That you love him? It’s completely obvious, Bella.”

“I know,” I nodded. “And he knows I do, but I just can’t say it.”

“Why not?” she asked with a concerned frown.

“Because… what if he gets bored of me? Or I say it and it ruins everything again?”

“And you think if you don’t say it, it won’t hurt so much if it ends.”

I nodded.

“I don’t think you ruined everything last time, Bella. You fixed everything.” At my disbelieving frown, she continued. “I mean, yeah, you spent two months heartbroken and devastated, but it kind of had to happen in order for you guys to get here. I know you didn’t mean to say it that night, but maybe it was what needed to happen.”

The idea that me blurting out my biggest secrets to Edward as I ended our relationship _saved_ our relationship was too outrageous of an idea for me to think about.

But, my fear was changing to be more about myself messing things up than Edward changing his mind. From the minute we had started officially dating, he had done nothing but tell me was all in. Over and over again while simultaneously trying to push away every one of my insecurities. And he was doing an excellent job at it.

_You’re not awkward. You’re you. And I love you._

_I wasn’t going to say it because I know it makes you uncomfortable, but… I really, really do. Love you._

_Just you and me, love. That’s all that matters here._

_I haven’t earned a lot of things in my life, but I know I need to earn your trust and the right to call you mine._

_I don’t want our professional relationship to come before our personal one._

_I’m not going to make it a habit of discussing my personal life because that’s not what I ever wanted this show to be, but I refuse to watch all of these publications and online trolls tear her apart because I was too complacent to get a divorce before she came along._

_You’ve got me._

Rosalie’s arms were suddenly around me, squeezing all the air out of my lungs. She pulled away just as I heard a soft sniffle come from her. “What’s wrong?”

“I just… I know how lonely you’ve always been. And I’m really happy you found him.”

A smile covered my face. “Sometimes he makes these silly little jokes whenever he knows I’m distracted or nervous and I think it’s just to make me smile. And he actually listens to me and cares about what I have to say. He doesn’t think I’m awkward and doesn’t care that I blurt out stupid things sometimes.”

Rosalie’s wide smile matched my own. We had talked in length about our affair, but I never talked about _him_ all that much. Maybe because I was trying to keep him to myself or because I was scared she wouldn’t approve for some reason. Either way, it felt good to finally let that tiny wall fall and talk more openly about it.

“And you know I’m here, if you have any questions. About anything.”

“I know,” I agreed with a small smile. “Thanks.”

A few hours later I tucked my comforter around me and reached for the copy of _Wuthering Heights_ that Edward loaned me. I also reached for my phone just in time for it to ring.

“Hi,” I answered immediately.

“There’s something I forgot to tell you earlier,” he said quickly.

“Oh?”

“It’s very important.”

“Okay.”

“Your ass looked phenomenal in those jeans.”

My chuckle was uncontrollable. Those were the little jokes I had been talking about. They were just for me and much better than any material his writers ever came up with for him, in my opinion.

“Thank you.”

“Thank _you,_ ” he repeated, fake seriousness dripping in his voice before fading away. “How was your day?”

“Good. I did some more research into Ashley.”

“You’re supposed to be enjoying your time off,” he scolded.

“I’m not great with free time. I’ve already read _Wuthering Heights_ twice.”

“Did you like it?”

Yes,” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see. “It’s a little on the depressing side, but it’s good.”

“Not as old and stuffy as you thought it’d be?”

“It’s a little old and stuffy, but that’s my type,” I joked, feeling brave.

“Isabella Swan,” Edward exclaimed. “Are you laughing off the fact that people think your type is _old and stuffy?_ ”

“I am,” I answered proudly, that little voice in the back of my head speaking up again, just like on the night of his birthday.

_Because I love you._

_…E…_

It was my last day before going back to work. Rosalie and I had spent an hour choosing an outfit for the next morning and I had my proposal for signing Ashley all ready to go. Then, Edward called and invited me to dinner. With his children. No amount of nervous stuttering or flimsy excuses deterred him and he ended the call with a chuckle and _see you at six._

I knew what he was doing, too. Inviting me at the last minute so I didn’t have time to worry about it. He underestimated my worrying skills, though, because I was a mess the entire drive over.

As confident as I had become in my relationship with Edward, even just over the last week, I had made zero progress with his children. Not that I had been in a situation to make any, but still. He told me Masen was fine with everything, but I hadn’t seen either of them in months. I had only heard their fight about me the night Edward and I got back together.

Which made this a make or break moment.

Once I was parked in his driveway I spent three minutes rearranging my shirt and regretting ever choosing the stupid off-the-shoulder black top. It was impractical and I had to spend half of my time fixing the sleeves.

I grumbled to myself as I walked up to the door and rang the bell. The stress was worth it when I watched Edward walk toward the glass door, black apron around his neck.

“Hi,” he greeted, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“Hi,” I chuckled, smiling up at him.

“What?”

I couldn’t help but giggle as I eyed his apron some more. “You look very… domestic.”

“I’m making dinner,” he said with a smile, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside.

“Wait.” I pulled him to a stop in the entryway. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Lucy will be on her best behavior, I promise.”

“I just… don’t want to make her hate me more than she already does.”

Edward sighed, cupping my cheek. “Nothing will change if we don’t push her a little. It’s just dinner.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

Edward pulled me to the kitchen which appeared to be organized chaos. There were pans sizzling on the oven and classical music floating throughout the room.

“Wine?” he asked, rummaging around the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and a glass.

“Sure,” I smiled. “You’re awfully cute in the apron.”

Edward chuckled, setting the glass of wine down in front of me. “You’re cute in general,” he countered, pressing a kiss to my nose before turning back to the stove.

I hopped on a stool at the counter and took a sip of my wine. “What are you making?”

“We have chicken with spinach in a creamy parmesan sauce with a side salad.”

“Wow,” I muttered to myself, watching as he stood over the stove and worked. “Do you need help?”

He turned around with a raised brow. “Can you cook?”

“Enough to keep myself alive.”

Edward chuckled, coming to lean across the island from me. “Would you rather watch the sauce or put together the salad?”

“Salad,” I answered quickly, hopping up from the stool to join him on the other side of the island. “It’s much harder to mess up a salad.”

Cooking was never my thing. I did it when I had to, but I never enjoyed it all that much. Cooking with Edward was another story. He knew what he was doing, humming softly to himself as he worked. His hands would brush by my waist or arms whenever he moved around me, always making me forget what I was doing. It was domestic and normal and the highlight of my week.

Then I heard the sound of feet descending the stairs.

“Relax,” Edward whispered in my ear, squeezing my waist before turning back to his food.

Masen and Lucy walked in. Lucy immediately grabbed the stack of plates left on the counter and stalked off toward the dining room, never looking in my direction. Masen grabbed the silverware, but didn’t leave so quick.

“Hi, Bella,” he said quietly, eying me as I stood beside Edward.

“Hi.”

“Sorry the whole world kind of hates you,” he added sincerely.

I coughed out a laugh. “Um, thank you.”

He nodded, sauntering off after his sister.

As enjoyable as cooking had been, sitting down at the dinner table across from Lucy and Masen brought me back to reality. I pressed my lips together as Edward dished out the food, wracking my brain for anything to say.

Fortunately, Masen beat me to it before I could say anything stupid.

“Did you tell Bella about our idea?”

“Not yet,” Edward chuckled. “I was hoping she would spend her two weeks off relaxing instead of working.”

“What’s your idea?” I asked, intrigued.

“It’s a new game we came up with for Dad’s show,” Masen explained.

“Apparently my game segments are… what did you call them? Painful to watch?” Edward teased.

“I… don’t remember saying that,” I muttered, biting my bottom lip. I _did_ remember saying it, but it was also kind of true at the time. They were much better these days, though. Edward shot me a wink and I relaxed.

“What’s the game?”

Masen launched into a detailed description of a game that, honestly, horrified me. Eating random, disgusting, probably not edible foods or answering personal questions that could get Edward or his guest in a hell of a lot of trouble was kind of my nightmare. It would make for great television, but a mess behind the scenes.

They both seemed adorably excited about it, though.

“That’s… horrifyingly disgusting,” I admitted once they were done with their explanation. “But, it’ll make good television.”

“Exactly! The grosser the stuff the better, too.”

It wasn’t the best discussion to be having while eating, but I still had a few questions after Masen started going on about a cow tongue.

“You’re going to eat these things?” I asked Edward, probably not doing a good job at hiding my disgust.

“If I don’t want to answer the question,” he answered with a smirk.

“Can I write the questions?” God only knows what his writers would come up with to trick him into eating a thousand-year-old egg.

“You can approve them.”

I nodded, smiling over at him. This was fine. Casual talk about his show I could handle. Lucy hadn’t said a word to me but it was becoming clear that Mason didn’t have a problem at me. Or he had inherited his grandmother’s acting ability.

“Have you decided about next weekend?” Lucy asked out of the blue, eying Edward.

“I already told you no, Lucy. Alice’s wedding is next Sunday.”

“I know. I’m asking to go out on _Saturday_.”

“Your grandparents already have the day planned out. You were ecstatic about decorating when they first asked you.”

“You always find an excuse every time I ask, Dad.”

I kept my eyes away from Lucy as her voice rose, catching sight of Masen making a mocking face as he focused on his food.

“You’re only sixteen, Lucy,” Edward breathed out, obviously exasperated.

“When did you start dating?” Lucy asked.

After a couple seconds of silence I looked up at saw her staring at me. “Oh, me?”

“Yeah.”

_Two weeks ago when I started dating your father_ probably wasn’t the answer she was looking for. “I don’t know if I’m a great example of when to start dating.”

Lucy huffed, pushing her food around on her plate. Dinner went on without much more fanfare. Lucy stayed quiet, only offering one word answers whenever Edward tried to bring her into the conversation.

Just as everyone was finishing up their dinner, Edward’s phone rang. “Leon,” he sighed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t have time to think about why the head of the network would be calling Edward before I realized he had left me alone at the table with his children.

Looking up at both of them, I remembered the morning they accosted me at the gym. Lucy didn’t hate me and they were both so adamant about doing whatever they could to help Edward. Now, Lucy frowned down at the table and Masen shoved his remaining food around his plate.

“I know exactly what you’re going through,” I blurted out before I could think it through. “My parents got divorced when I was five.”

“Did you have to constantly hear about your Dad’s affair online and at school?”

“No,” I answered calmly. “But, I know the feeling of thinking your parent is choosing someone else over you.”

Lucy’s eyes dropped to the table, and I froze. I wasn’t really sure what I was trying to say, or if it was going to do more harm than good.

“Both of my parents remarried within a couple of years. My dad has five other kids now. We don’t talk a lot. He didn’t call me when I graduated college or got my first job. He _did_ call me to berate me for seeing your dad, though, because apparently one of his daughters keeps showing him the articles implying I tore apart your family. And he will believe absolutely anybody else over me.”

I swallowed nervously before going on.

“My mother got married less than a year after the divorce was final. To a man with a son who sent me to the hospital about fifteen times between the ages of six to eighteen. So, I… understand hating the new person.”

My eyes fell down to my hands, resisting the urge to pick off the pale pink polish I had applied only a few hours ago. “I’m really sorry your lives are a little out of control right now, but I hope you understand that I would never try to make you feel how I felt. Edward would never choose anyone or anything over you two and I would never ask him to.”

I reluctantly looked up to see Masen nod. Lucy was, miraculously, not frowning at me. I would take the neutral expression over the daggers I had been getting any day.

“Why are you dating him? He’s so much older than you. It’s gross.”

“Because…” I hesitated, not really sure how much detail to get into. “He’s kind of the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Masen spoke up. “Even though you got fired and torn apart in the news?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged.

Before anyone could go on, footsteps rounded the corner and Edward was back. “Everything okay?” he asked quickly, sitting down beside me and squeezing my thigh under the table.

Everyone nodded.

“Everything okay with Leon?” I asked quietly.

“More than okay. The man loves nothing more than a story that increases views.”

“Oh,” I gasped, surprised. “That’s… good, then?”

“For now. I’m sure something else will happen soon that will piss him off again.”

I stood with Edward as he started clearing plates from the table, but Masen called my name before I could follow him into the kitchen.

“Hey, Bella? You’ve got a degree in marketing, right?”

“I have a minor in marketing. My degree is in mass communications.”

“I’m in this marketing class and I have this big group project due next week. Do you think you could look at it to make sure it doesn’t suck?”

I stared at him for a minute, the miniature version of Edward asking me to help him with his homework, and realized Masen really was fine with everything.

“Sure,” I smiled. “I can look at it now if you have it.”

“Awesome,” he replied, heading out of the dining room.

“Can I go now?” Lucy asked quietly as Edward leaned over to pick up her plate.

“Of course,” he answered quietly, kissing the top of her head before she scurried off.

I opened my mouth to apologize for… something but didn’t have time to say anything before Masen was back with a binder in his hands.

Edward came and took the plates out of my hands with a smile. “I’ll clean up. Let me know if you need anything.”

Masen explained the assignment to me and patiently sat beside me as I read everything over. It was surprisingly in-depth and intricate work for it to be in a high school course. When I mentioned as much, he just shrugged and said it was how all of his private school classes had been.

I only made a few suggestions, each time hesitant that it might upset him, but all he did was nod and make a note of what I said. Twenty minutes later he wandered off again, project in his hands.

Once he was gone I bounced into the kitchen and threw my arms around Edward’s neck, ignoring the soapy hands.

“Masen doesn’t hate me,” I smiled up at him. “He asked me to help him with his homework and listened to my suggestions. He might actually like me!”

It was a little thing, him asking me to help him. But, I knew how important it was for his kids to tolerate me at the very least. And with how bad things were with Lucy, it was a major relief that I didn’t have to worry too much about Masen.

“I told you he liked you,” Edward said quietly, hands resting on my waist.

“I know, but I thought you were just trying to spare my feelings.”

Edward’s eyes softened, a warm hand coming up to cup my cheek. “Thank you for caring about them. I might have accidently eavesdropped at the end of your conversation, and you have no idea how much I appreciate what you said to them.”

I pressed my lips together. “They’re your kids. Of course, I care.”

A soft smile spread across his face. Edward pressed a quick, firm kiss to my lips before peppering them along my cheeks and nose and eyelids before I giggled and pulled away.

“I have a present for you,” he said through his own laugh.

“A present?”

“Yes,” he smiled, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the living room.

I frowned at the large giftbag sitting on the coffee table. “What’s this for?”

“For your new job.”

“You didn’t have to get me – “

Edward interrupted me with a kiss, leading me toward the couch. “Just open it.”

I plopped down and pulled a large box out of the bag. Opening it slowly, it didn’t take me long to study the tote bag in front of me and know it cost more than my car was worth.

I shook my head, too afraid to touch it. “This is too much, Edward.”

“Do you like it? Alice picked it out, but I commissioned it.”

“It’s beautiful,” I breathed out. It was a muted lavender tote and the design was simple enough, but it was lovely. “But it’s probably worth three times my rent.”

“It doesn’t matter how much it cost if you like it.”

I frowned down at the beautiful, ungodly expensive bag. “It does matter. Because I’ll walk into that office tomorrow with a five-thousand-dollar bag and everyone will know the girl who got fired from her last job didn’t pay for it herself.”

“It wasn’t five thousand dollars,” he said softly, although there was now a hint of guilt on his face, which told me my guess wasn’t that far off.

“People know about us, Bella. Not using the bag isn’t going to change that.”

I bit my lip and stared at the bag. He was right; everyone I worked with would know every little detail the press had published in the last two weeks. And I knew I shouldn’t care about what they thought, especially not after I knew publicists all over town were badmouthing me. I didn’t want to live my life constantly afraid that accepting a gift from my boyfriend would make the news.

I carefully lifted the bag out of the box, the leather unbelievably soft under my fingertips. Looking over at Edward with a small smile I said, “Thank you.”

I got a beaming smile in return. “You’re welcome.”

After putting the bag back in its box I turned toward Edward and rested my arms over his shoulders, kissing my way along his jaw to his lips. After a minute firm hands grabbed my waist and pulled me into his lap.

My fingers dug into his hair as his lips trailed along my bare collarbone over to my shoulder, and back again.

“I should probably go,” I gasped, dropping my head against his shoulder.

Edward mumbled out an _okay_ but tightened his grip around my waist. I could feel his smile against my neck when a small, involuntarily moan escaped as his teeth sank into my skin.

A thud coming from upstairs broke us both out of our bubble and I jumped out of his lap. Earning myself a hearty chuckle from Edward.

After carefully packing up my new bag, Edward carried the box to my car.

“You’re going to be fucking amazing tomorrow,” he told me, pressing me against the side of the car. His hands dug into the back pockets of my jeans, which I now knew was where they would always end up if given the opportunity.

Tomorrow would be the final pop of our bubble. Nothing would be the same once I started working for him again. There would be more prying eyes and intruders in our relationship.

I couldn’t help but smile up at him, even through the nerves. For as hard as I knew tomorrow was going to be, I still knew I had him. Which was a hell of a lot more than I had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The segment for Edward’s show they were talking about is, of course, inspired by James Cordon’s Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.


	6. Ruin My Life

_I want you to ruin my life_

_You to ruin my life, yeah, to ruin my life, yeah_

_I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah_

_Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah_

_I want you to bring it all on_

_If you make it all wrong, then I’ll make it all right, yeah_

_~ Zara Larsson, **Ruin My Life**_

**BPOV**

I was surprisingly calm as I walked into the office. For the first time in weeks I followed my somewhat normal routine of getting up and going to the gym. I worked off all of my nerves before getting an iced coffee and getting ready for my morning. So, by the time I hit the button for the seventh floor of the office building, I felt ready despite knowing I was up for a fight.

Every person in that office was going to be waiting for me to fail. They were going to assume I got the job because of how close Renata was to the Cullen’s and I was going to have to work twice as hard to prove myself.

Even with all of the obstacles, I was really fucking glad to finally be able to work again. Not only for the fact that I would be getting a paycheck, but I truly enjoyed my job. I was excited to be able to work with Edward and looking forward to the new challenge of working with Ashley. They were to polar opposites in terms of clients, both needing different approaches to their careers.

I rubbed my hands down my thighs, making sure my pale pink pencil skirt was still in place before tugging at the white stripped t-shirt as well. For as calm as I thought I was, my right foot still bounced in place, heel clicking on the elevator floor.

When the doors opened I was met with a reception desk with the words _Elite Public Relations_ in large letters on the wall behind them. My eyes peaked around the corner, seeing everything all white and pristine and nothing at all like the Newton & Cheney offices.

There were no dingy cubicles, instead there were a couple rows of sleek white desks, all filled with people typing away at their work already.

“Can I help you?” a girl, probably about my age, asked from behind the reception desk. Her dark blonde hair fell in perfect curls around her face as she smiled up at me.

“Oh, um, I’m Bella Swan. I – “

“Of course. Here’s your office ID, it’ll get you into the parking garage, conference rooms, places like that,” she said, her voice chipper as could be. She stood from her desk and started walking into the office.

I quickly followed, taking the outstretched ID card.

“These desks are the interns and junior publicists. You’ll be assigned a few so the work is spread out evenly. Sitting area, to meet with your interns or discuss issues with anyone, really,” she said, pointing first to the rows of desks I saw earlier, then to the equally sleek couches and chairs scattered opposite of the desks.

“All of the offices surrounding the area are the senior publicists. Renata is at the far corner, then Alistar Reynolds, Eric Yorkie, Lauren Mallory, and this,” she added, finally pausing in front of one of the many offices. They were mostly glass walls with black paneling. Each person she listed could be seen in their office, working away. “Is your office,” she finished, unlocking the door before handing me the key.

Everything was white and clean, matching the main office. The window behind the desk gave me a beautiful view of the city behind me. There was a brand new still-in-the-box laptop on the desk and accompanying monitor already set up. I fell down in the plush white leather chair as my eyes continued to scan the office.

“Renata wants you to find her once you’re settled. There’s an office meeting in about an hour,” the girl finished with a smile before leaving.

I dropped my not-five-thousand-dollars bag carefully on the floor beside my desk. I sat there for a few minutes, knowing this wasn’t the kind of office you got six months after graduating college and getting fired from your previous job. There was this feeling, deep in my gut, telling me that Edward did more than drop a few hints to Renata about giving me a job. He told me, point blank that was all he did, though, so maybe it was just my self-doubt taking over.

Shaking my head clear, I left the office, _my_ office, to find Renata. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I walked through the open area. It was a great work environment, but it also meant everyone saw everything. And, just like I assumed, I was the office’s juicy gossip for the day. Week. Month.

Renata waved me in as she saw me approaching her door. Her office was similar to mine, only in the sense of the windowed walls and white décor. Everything else was double the size and full of pictures and books and supplies where mine was a blank slate.

“What do you think?” she asked, warm smile on her face.

“It’s… amazing. How did you do all of this in two weeks?”

She shrugged. “The office space was already nearly completely finished and furnished when I rented it. As for everything else… money talks.”

I nodded, refraining from asking _where_ she got that kind of money.

The small talk was, thankfully, over as Renata got to business. “So, here’s all the information you should need on Edward.”

She slid a folder across her desk toward me, far larger than it should have been for an average two weeks of work on him. “I added everything I’ve done for you in there, too. Just so you know.”

I nodded, pressing my lips together and staring down at the folder in my lap.

“The one pressing issue is Friday. I have Edward booked on the Late Show with Amos Hayes.”

My snort was completely involuntary. Edward being interviewed on someone _else’s_ show was completely off base for him.

“I know. It will hopefully be the nail in the coffin on the story, though. As long as he says the right thing. Pre-approved questions are in the file.”

“Have you told him?”

“No,” she smirked. “That’s up to you.”

I nodded.

“We have a few odds and ends to take care of,” Renata continued, pulling out a couple other stacks of papers.

I quickly signed everything she handed me; NDAs and contracts and everything in between.

“You never asked me the most important question before taking the job,” Renata said, organizing the stacks of papers I just signed.

“What’s that?”

“How much your salary is,” she smiled, jotting something down on a purple post-it before sliding it across her desk to me.

My eyes widened at all of the zeros. It was double… nearly triple what I was making with Newton.

“Oh, um,” I stuttered, not really sure what to say. The entire time I had been working for Edward I felt like I was faking my way through a job I was severely underqualified for. But, I was still being paid for my experience level. Which was zero.

Now, I had a title that was decades ahead of my experience level and a salary to go behind it. Again, that feeling that I hadn’t fully earned any of this took over.

“Most people at Newton & Cheney are criminally underpaid unless they have one of those two last names. That being said, I expect a lot from you and that means focusing on more than only Edward.”

I nodded, feeling a little bit like a kind in the principal’s office. “I have another potential client ready to sign if you approve of her.”

The stern arch of her brow and set of her lips faded away to a smile. “Excellent. We’ll talk about it at the firm meeting in… twenty minutes. Conference room B down the hall, past the kitchen.”

I took my cue to leave and ended up hiding in my office, going over the small file on Ashley I had put together. It was just the basics, but I knew the second I put a contract in front of her she would sign.

Folder in hand, I made my way to conference room B. It was on the small side, a six-person table in the middle with a handful of other chairs scattered around the room. Renata was already at the table, joined by two other people I had seen in their offices on my tour. A couple people were seated around the room in the excess chairs, computers in their laps. When I moved to sit on the outskirts of the room, Renata called my name.

“Bella,” she called, eying one of the empty chairs at the table.

_Stupid_. I muttered to myself, sitting beside a man, probably in his mid-forties and dressed in what I could only assume was a suit with a price on par with my new bag. He had dirty blonde, almost brown hair and a face that wasn’t the least bit welcoming. The frown seemed to be a permanent staple.

Across from him was another man, probably in his thirties with a much more pleasant disposition. His black hair was trimmed perfectly, face clean shaven, and he gave me an encouraging smile as I sat down before my eyes landed on the woman who was taking her seat beside him.

She was put together from head to toe; sleek, straight hair with deep red lipstick and eyeliner so straight I was the tiniest bit jealous of it. She was also staring at me like I was the devil incarnate.

The meeting started with a quick introduction so I could put names to the faces around me. Alistar was the grump sitting beside me and Eric was across from him. The blonde that already hated me was Lauren. They all probably hated me, really, considering I was twenty-three and shared the same job description as them fresh out of college.

I scribbled down notes as fast as I could. It was mostly an open discussion about everyone’s clients, a place to ask for suggestions or run ideas by everyone. It was all kind of fascinating and made my reservations about the job disappear for half an hour.

“You had a new potential client for us, Bella?” Renata asked eventually.

“Oh, yes. Um, Ashley Graves, but she’s only really known as Ashley. Musical artist who signed with Aurora Records eight months ago after releasing her first song that peaked at number three on the Billboard Hot 100,” I blathered on, pulling out my file on her and sliding it across the table toward Renata.

“Her current representation?”

“A friend of a friend who doesn’t really seem to know what she’s doing. She’s been looking for a new team for a while.”

“We’ve got a few managers and such we can recommend to her,” Renata said quietly, eyes skimming over the file. “You think she has potential?”

“I do. We’ve already talked about how she wants to approach her career and I think we could work well together.”

“Okay. I’ll have legal start drawing up the documents. Have her come in by the end of the week to finalizing everything.”

“I’m more than happy to oversee Bella’s work on Ashley, Renata,” Lauren offered, a not-so-sincere smile in my direction. “Considering her history with new clients.”

_Do not snap. Do not snap._ “I think I can handle her just fine on my own,” I gritted out through clenched teeth.

“We’re not going to start a habit of client poaching here, Lauren. Bella’s obviously already got a relationship with Ashley,” Renata started, raising her voice as she continued over Laurens oh-so-obvious scoff. “And she’s proven that she can rise to the challenge of a difficult client.”

“Yes,” Lauren sneered. “She has.”

The meeting broke apart quickly after that, everyone going off in their own directions. And I hightailed it out of the room as quickly as possible.

My eyes were on my notes as I walked back toward my office until I felt someone come into step beside me.

“I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Eric Yorkie,” the dark haired man from earlier greeted with a kind smile, hand outstretched.

“Bella Swan,” I mumbled, awkwardly shaking his hand as we walked.

“Is your first day going okay so far?”

“Spectacular,” I snapped, sarcasm dripping from my voice, just waiting to hear what he had to say about my life.

“I’m not here to judge,” he said softly. “I know Lauren can be… a lot. She’s good at her job, though.”

I nodded, stopping outside of my office door.

“I just wanted to say welcome to the team. We’ve started a tradition of going out every Friday night, getting a few drinks in us before someone’s client ends up topless online.”

“That’s nice,” I mumbled.

“You should come,” he chuckled. “I’ll send you the details. Significant others are welcome,” he finished with a wink. “Let me know if you need help settling in.”

“Okay, thanks,” I sighed, opening my door as he walked off.

I plopped down in my chair and let my eyes wander the office. It was very obvious everyone else here knew just as well as I did that I was completely underqualified to be in this pretty office with the fancy furniture and expensive computer.

All throughout the meeting I felt the eyes of the interns and junior publicists on me, burning a hole through my back as I sat at the table in front of them. Probably with less experience than half of them. Lauren obviously wasn’t going to hold back whenever she thought she could take a punch at me, and Alistar seemed to grunt at everything everyone, myself included, said.

It was nothing I didn’t know to expect, but it still sucked. Because I worked my ass off for years to get a good job. I had every intention of keeping my head down and working my way up the ranks at Newton & Cheney… Until I actually started working there and threw it all away almost immediately.

I knew the second I took the job I was going to have to prove myself. Renata told me point blank it was going to be hard. But, it was fucking frustrating. The prying eyes and inquisitive glares knew nothing about Edward and I.

I wasn’t sure about a lot of things in my life these days, but the one thing I knew was I couldn’t give these people any more ammunition against me than they already had. I spent the afternoon bunkered down in my office. I set up my computer and smiled at the comforting influx of hundreds of emails with the subject line of _Cullen_. I set up a meeting with Ashley and finalized all of her paperwork.

It was a little soul crushing, knowing the people surrounding me here everyday would be constantly judging me for the foreseeable future, but that was something to spiral about another time. I couldn’t do anything about them calling me a homewrecker or whore, but I could make sure they couldn’t say I wasn’t good at my job.

_…E…_

I was more than a little defeated as I slid out of my office. It was late, nearly eight at night. My entire day had been spent hidden away in my office; partially because I had too much to catch up on to leave and partially because I didn’t have the energy to deal with all of the people outside of my office.

Even so, thanks to the glass walls, I could still see them. Guess what they were whispering about as they chanced glances in my direction. All day I felt like I was an animal on display.

It sucked. And it was only going to get worse before it, maybe, got better eventually. Which made it suck even more.

I managed to make it to the elevator without running into anybody. Of course, I was never one for good luck because before the doors could close a perfectly manicured hand wrapped around it, causing them to slide back open.

Lauren stood beside me, quietly staring at me. I kept my mouth shut, because I knew there was nothing I could say to make her change her mind about me. It was very obviously already made up at the firm meeting.

“You’ll never make it,” she announced firmly. “You lucked out with Cullen because you were fucking him. Which, I mean, good for you. The man is gorgeous. But, you won’t last more than six months here.” 

The elevator let out a _ding_ before I could say anything and Lauren sauntered off, the click of her heels echoing throughout the parking garage.

“Fitting end for the day,” I mumbled to myself, regaining my composure enough to get to my own car.

My original plan had been to meet with Edward today, especially after I found out I got to convince him to go on the Late Show this Friday, but I didn’t have the energy tonight. I barely had the energy to make it through my front door before flopping on the couch.

My anger had been bubbling all day. I was furious at all of the snide remarks and wandering eyes, but now that I was alone I was just… sad. Because, on one hand I was happier than I had ever been. I didn’t have a lot of people in my life that I cared about or could count on, so adding one more was a big deal to me.

On the other hand, being with him meant I was going to have a lot of days like today. Which was really fucking unfair.

I was now a firm believer that my butterflies had been telling me, from the moment I met Edward, that he was supposed to be mine. That he was the one good thing I had earned for all of the shit I had gone through. But, I wasn’t naïve. I fully understood that our affair was wrong on every level. But, it was also right.

Because he was supposed to be mine.

It wasn’t fair that it meant no one would ever accept our relationship as genuine and it wasn’t fair that I was labelled the homewrecker in the story. It was already exhausting to have to deal with all of the judging eyes and insults and I knew my life would be full of them for a long time because of how our story started.

I hated it. Mostly because I deserved it. It truly was the stupidest thing I could have ever done. Getting my feelings hurt for people coming to logical conclusions on the situation just made me a hypocrite.

My entire brain was full of contradictions and it was exhausting.

There was a knock on the door just as I pulled on an old UCLA sweatshirt and some comfortable cotton shorts. I trudged over to the door, finishing tying my hair up in a bun on top of my head as I pulled it open.

Edward stood there, looking sullen and sad. He was in a plain black t-shirt and dark jeans, his hair an unruly mess on top of his head.

“How bad was it?” he asked softly after I stared at him for a moment too long in the doorway.

Lies were on the tip of my tongue.

_It was fine._

_I can handle it._

_You don’t need to worry about me._

Instead, the only answer I could give him was a noncommittal shrug.

“Do you want me to leave?”

His question confused me, but only for a minute. Because while I spent the day getting beaten down and judged, he would never have to deal with any of that. He might have lost a viewer or two over the ordeal, but he was a man which meant he could basically do whatever he wanted and get away with it.

My life was going to be an uphill battle for a hell of a long time because of our affair and relationship. His wasn’t going to be that different, all things considered.

He probably thought I hated him for that.

Even with all of that floating in my mind, I knew I could never end up resenting him. I stumbled into his hotel room knowing exactly what I was getting myself into. And if putting up with Lauren and everyone else in that office was the price I had to pay to see that crooked smile and those sparkling green eyes every day, then I would happily pay up.

“No,” I muttered, standing aside so he could come in.

Relief was evident on his face as he walked in. “Have you eaten?”

I shook my head, finally noticing the bags he had in his hands. Without another word he walked into the kitchen and I followed. I slumped over the counter, watching him pull out containers and plates and silverware.

“No one looks at you any differently… do they?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I didn’t resent him, but that didn’t mean I didn’t resent the fact that men could get away with basically anything.

Edward froze for a second, before setting a plate full of pasta in front of me. He leaned across the counter from me, a forced neutral expression on his face. “No. They don’t.”

I nodded, taking a small bite of food without tasting much of it. “Everyone looked at me like I was…” I shook my head, not sure which expression to go with.

I got looks of disgust and indignation. Jealousy and doubt. They were everywhere I looked for the nearly twelve hours I was there today.

“I’m sorry,” Edward breathed out. “I promised you I wouldn’t let anyone find out.”

“It was just a matter of when people found out, not if. I always knew that.”

Edward’s brows furrowed. “You knew people would find out and you still went through with it?”

 _You stupid, stupid girl,_ I finished for him, even though I knew that wasn’t what he meant. My eyes fell as I pushed noodles around my plate.

“I don’t have a lot of people,” I admitted. “That I like. Or that like me. Then I found you. And you just… make everything better. Yeah, it might have been the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, but it made me happy. You make me happy.”

That was what I needed to focus on. Whenever I was stuck in the elevator with Lauren or in my office with eyes on me in every direction… it didn’t matter. Not in the long run.

When I finally looked up, Edward’s eyes were on me. Intense and maybe a little worried.

“I’m sorry,” I groaned, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my palm. “I’m exhausted and I’ve had a headache since noon and… no filter when it comes to you apparently.”

Edward walked over to me. Slowly turning me around on the stool I was sitting on, he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.

“I love you. And your lack of a filter.”

I smiled up at him, not catching the shock on his face until it was gone and I was pretty sure I imagined it.

“You should get some sleep.”

“It’s not even nine.”

Soft fingers traced what I’m sure were dark circles underneath my eyes. “You’re exhausted.”

“Yeah…but it’s not even nine.” As tired as I was, it seemed a little pathetic to be in bed so early.

“You know, I’m pretty sure I’ve had this exact same conversation with a small child before.”

I snorted, my forehead falling against his chest. It didn’t matter how many times I had met them, it was still a little weird when I thought about Edward being a _dad_. He once held tiny babies and woke up in the middle of the night to take care of them and read them bedtime stories and it was… odd. Surreal might have been a better word.

“I’ll get in bed if you stay with me tonight,” I bartered, smiling up at him.

His response was quick. “Deal. Go get in bed and I’ll clean this up.”

“I can – “

“Bed,” he said, turning me in the direction of my bedroom when I stood up.

“So bossy,” I grumbled, leaving him to clean the kitchen. I might have fought it, but I was exhausted. Mentally and physically drained enough that brushing my teeth seemed to use up the last of my energy.

It must have taken me a ridiculously long time, too, because by the time I walked out of my bathroom Edward was already there, changed in a simple pair of black sweatpants too.

“You wear glasses?” Edward asked before I could comment on his attire. His voice surprisingly gruff as he stared at me.

I shrugged. “Yeah. I had to change my contacts. I’ve needed glasses since about third grade.” I stumbled over myself as he kept staring, eyes dark. I reached up and adjusted my glasses, thinking maybe they were crooked or something. “What?”

“Nothing. I like them.” He wasn’t all that subtle, getting into my bed and attempting to adjust himself without my noticing.

A rush of energy shot through me as I got in beside him, kneeling on the bed as he laid down. “Do you have some kind of… thing for glasses? Or is it like a librarian thing?”

That was a common fantasy, right? The sexy librarian image usually had glasses that looked like mine. A little on the large side for my face with a dark tortoise pattern. A smile covered my face as I saw Edward’s cheeks turn just the slightest bit pink.

“You do,” I gasped.

“I have a thing for _you_ ,” he clarified. “I might have also had a recurring dream that involved you in glasses… and a library.”

My smile widened, a surge of pride rushing through my veins. It was still kind of crazy to me, that he wanted me in the first place. Now I knew he had secret librarian fantasies about me and it was an excellent self-esteem boost.

I pressed a quick kiss to the fading blush on his cheeks before sliding underneath the comforter next to him. I grabbed the remote for the television across from my bed and handed it to him.

“You can watch something if you want,” I yawned, knowing he was a night owl. Going to sleep at nine-thirty probably wasn’t going to work for him.

“It won’t keep you up?”

“Nope.”

I dropped my glasses on the bedside table and cuddled myself up next to Edward. I had been stressed and frustrated and a little disgruntled all day, but it finally seemed to fade away.

“Thanks for coming over.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll work on the librarian thing,” I mumbled, my eyelids getting heavy.

Edward chucked, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Sleep, Bella.”


	7. The Archer

_Easy they come, easy they go_

_I jump from the train, I ride off alone_

_I never grew up, it’s getting so old_

_Help me hold on to you_

_~ Taylor Swift, **The Archer**_

**BPOV**

I was twelve when I realized I didn’t really have anybody. I was bounced around too much to make any lasting friendships in school. Of course, my inability to know how to act in social situations helped the no friend thing along as I grew up.

As my parents got remarried and started their new families, I never formed any close relationships with my new siblings, either. I kind of hated all of them, actually. Because Charlie was the epitome of loving father to all of his other children, but never minded shipping me off to Renee when he was too busy with them to take care of me. And, Renee… I was quick to realize I could never count on her.

I remember sitting in her minivan, my arm covered in a new plaster cast thanks to a severe wrist fracture. The entire time the doctor was treating me, she kept mumbling in my ear that I had to be more careful. That she was missing a friends’ bachelorette party to take me to the hospital.

It didn’t matter that I repeatedly told her on the drive over that Tyler shoved me as we were walking home from the bus, making me attempt to catch myself at just the wrong angle on my wrist. It especially didn’t matter that it was the same kind of thing I had tried to tell her since I was eight.

According to her, and the doctor that was conveniently a friend of Phil’s, I was a clumsy kid. No one bothered to see that I was surprisingly _un_ clumsy when I was at Charlie’s. Or that my stories never changed when Tyler was a shit liar.

It was on that drive home that I realized I couldn’t count on anyone but myself, though. No one was going to come save me. No one cared. I remembered sitting in my bed late at night for weeks after that and imagining all of these scenarios where that wasn’t my life.

By the time the cast was gone I was resigned to the fact that my fantasies were useless. I had to save myself. So, I was about thirteen when I started actively working toward getting myself into any college that was as far away as possible.

I joined every extracurricular I qualified for or was remotely interested in. I volunteered at pet shelters, because animals were much more fun to be around than people. And I aced every single one of my classes from that point on.

Remembering that miserable drive home with my mother the morning after my shitty first day working with Renata put everything into perspective for me. I didn’t need Lauren’s approval or for every intern to like me. I had been getting things done for myself since I was twelve. I sure as hell didn’t need them for a job I had studied four years for.

If I really wanted to psychoanalyze myself, I could fall down the rabbit hole of connecting all of this to my fear of needing Edward as much as I knew I did. But, that was probably a conversation to have with Doctor Stanley on Wednesday.

I had a lot on my plate these days, and my co-workers approval didn’t need to be one of them. 

Instead of dwelling too much on the shitty day I knew was in front of me, I enjoyed my return to a normal routine. After Edward left early in the morning, I went to the gym and got rid of my lingering frustrations from yesterday. I got an iced coffee on the way home and enjoyed it while I got ready for the day. I pulled on a black sleeveless dress that ended in a straight, fitted skirt at my knees and headed out to Edward’s theater in a much better mood than I ended yesterday in.

As different as things were now, these halls were familiar and comforting. I got a couple odd glances from some crew members, but ignored them until I was standing outside of Edward’s office.

His voice was quiet, telling me to come in after I knocked. His face surprised when he saw me standing in his doorway.

“What are you doing here?” he asked with a smile, standing and meeting me halfway in the middle of the room. He frowned at me when I sidestepped his kiss, leaning in for a simple peck on his cheek instead.

“I have some work to talk to you about.”

He frowned. “And that means I don’t get a proper greeting?”

“I was trying to keep at least the idea of professionalism between us alive.”

“I’m sure there are many other less offensive ways to put this, but professionalism between us died the second I knew exactly what I was missing out on beneath those tight little skirts of yours.”

Edward took advantage of my shocked, gaping mouth to press a quick kiss to my lips. “I’ll be good now, I promise,” he winked, leading me over to the chair opposite of his desk before taking his own seat. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

I took a deep breath, smiling over at him. After taking a minute to regain my composure, I leaned down to pull a notebook out of my bag.

I handed Edward the well-worn notebook. “This is for you.”

He was understandably confused, flipping quickly through the filled pages. “What is it?”

“All of the research I did on you before we met. I felt a little… stalkery having it now. You can trash it, I don’t need it.”

I frowned over at him as he started skimming through the pages with a smile on his face. “You don’t need to… read it,” I mumbled, knowing it was useless. There was nothing horrible in there. I didn’t have any hidden confessions of love or obsessions because I kind of hated him as I was doing my research on him.

“You actually kept count of the number of times I rolled my eyes?” he gasped, amusement written all over his face.

“Well,” I shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Thank you for this,” he smiled, tucking it away in a drawer of his desk.

“I didn’t give it to you for your amusement. I gave it to you for you to destroy.”

“Oh, I can’t destroy that. It’s years’ worth of teasing,” he smiled.

It probably should have worried me, this man I had been dating two weeks implying we would be together years from now, happily teasing each other. There was no terror or need to flee, though. Just a content smile on my face as a similar realization seemed to play across his face, too.

“I have one other much less amusing thing to talk to you about,” I mumbled, reaching for the stack of preapproved questions and suggested responses that Renata had given me. “You’re booked on the Late Show this Friday.”

Immediately I missed the teasing smile on his face when it morphed into a frown. “As a guest?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

I knew he wasn’t going to like it, but my brows show up at his immediate refusal and the bite in his tone. “I know it’s not really what you like to do. But, Renata booked it and hopefully it’ll be an end to most of the gossip.”

Edward was already shaking his head before I finished. “Did you hear the shit he said on his show after the leak?”

I saw the segment, and I was stupid to think maybe Edward hadn’t. It was full of innuendos and assumptions and crude jokes that were barely clean enough to get by cable television standards. 

“I know it’s not really your thing, but – “

“No buts, Bella. He crossed the line with that segment.”

“I know,” I sighed. “But, that’s probably part of the reason why Renata chose him.”

The blatant incredulous look on his face would have been cute in any other situation.

“We need something that will be enough for people to let it go. You mending bridges with a guy who called you out a couple weeks ago, on top of putting to rest a few of the most popular rumors is a good way to try and get people to shut up.”

Edward was quiet, reading over the list of questions with a frown on his face. Eventually he looked up at me, his expression more resigned than angry. “You think this is a good idea?”

I had to think about my answer before responding. “I think people are just going to keep fueling their own fire with fake stories until the record is set straight. I never would have booked you on something like the Late Show, but Renata probably knew that which is why she did it herself.”

Edward pressed his lips together, dropping the papers in his hands and staring at me until a sneaky smirk covered his face. “Okay. I’ll do it. On one condition.”

I frowned over at him. “What is it?”

“You tell me what you were dreaming about last night.”

My brows shot up. “What?”

“You talk in your sleep.” My eyes widened, horrified. “I’ve only noticed it the last few weeks. Probably because you haven’t been as… worn out when you’re sleeping as you used to be.” Heat flooded my cheeks. “Last night you seemed to have a particularly _interesting_ dream. Do you remember it?”

I felt my cheeks get warmer. I remembered the dream. Vividly. So, I could only imagine what kind of things fell out of my unconscious mouth during it.

“If I tell you… you’ll happily go on the show? And follow the guidelines?”

“Yes.”

I bit my lip, ignoring the burning of my cheeks. “It wasn’t so much a new dream as a, um, memory.”

A sinister, toe-curling smirk covered his face. “A memory of…?”

“The night Rosalie tried to set me up with one of Emmett’s friends. You were very… passionate.”

I remembered the night extremely well. Every rough squeeze of his hands and bruising kiss. The way he told me I was his, over and over, enough times to make me think he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

The multiple orgasms were also quite memorable.

“I was possessive and jealous,” Edward added honestly.

I shrugged. “I liked how much you wanted me.”

“Oh, I still want you. Constantly. Repeatedly. In every position imaginable.”

“Really?” I blurted out, regretting it immediately. It was easy to convince myself something had changed since then, especially with the whole _waiting for sex_ thing. Even with his explicit admissions of why he thought we should wait, a girl could only be pushed away so many times before it messed with her head.

A deep frown set on his face. “You think I don’t?”

All I could offer was a shrug. I kept my eyes down as I heard Edward walk around his desk. He picked up my hand from my lap, pulling me up and against him.

“I want you,” he whispered in my ear, warm hands sliding dangerously low down my waist. “If you think your dreams are dirty… you have no idea what I do to you in mine.”

An embarrassing mix of a squeak and moan left my throat a second before his lips were on mine. There was nothing sweet or tender about the kiss. It made my mind wander to places probably equivalent to where his dreams took him. 

A moment of realization brought me back to reality. “This isn’t very professional,” I gasped, heart racing and hands still gripping his shoulder’s despite my words.

“No,” Edward agreed, still letting his hands trace distracting patterns on my back.

“I should get to work.”

That broke him out of his seemingly lust-filled haze. “You can work here if you want. Your office is still there.”

I smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before stepping away to grab my bag. “Thank you. But I don’t think ditching on my second day would look great.”

I knew I had to play the next few weeks carefully. That they would determine the direction my career went, if it survived at all. Backing down and letting everyone stare and gossip and tear into me in elevators wouldn’t do.

It was disorientating the first day because I didn’t know what to expect. I understood myself a little better today than I did yesterday, though. I didn’t need their approval or help. All I needed to do was show them I wasn’t going anywhere.

_…E…_

My office didn’t seem as daunting today as it had yesterday. Still, I had to work to keep my mind from reciting the list of reasons why I didn’t deserve it. That was a moot point now.

This was my office. My job. And I was going to do it to the best of my ability, no matter what everyone outside of my office thought. 

Thankfully, I had plenty of practice of working to ignore my problems, so it was easy to get distracted once I dove in. By early afternoon I had to bite the bullet and call in the two junior publicists and intern who were assigned to me.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I saw three of them huddle together for a minute before walking toward my office. They were all probably within a year or two of my age. Hell, I could have had classes with any of them because I knew all three had UCLA credits. 

_My office. My job_.

I was nothing if not thorough, so I already knew what I needed to about them.

Maggie and Leah were my junior publicists. They both had impressive resumes, both seemed to have work ethics that matched mine. Maggie was smarter about her own online presence, though, where Leah got chatty online. A small thing to some people, but a ticking timebomb here. Rachel was my intern. She was still a year from graduation but seemed impressive in her own right so far.

I took a deep breath as they walked in. Thanks to my research I could pick each of them out. Maggie was the blonde with the round face and pretty ocean eyes. Leah was the opposite in terms of appearance, her hair onyx black and features angular and harsh. Rachel had matching dark hair, a soft smile covering her face.

“Hi,” I greeted quietly as they walked in. Thankfully there were a few extra chairs in here, probably stashed away while I was gone, but the perfect amount for all three of them.

There were mumbled greetings from all three of them, and I decided to jump right into it. Any attempt I made at small talk or pleasantries would only make things worse.

“I’ve got a few things for each of you, if you don’t mind. Leah, if you would call the Late Show and confirm that all questions for Edward Cullen’s appearance Friday have been finalized, that’d be great.” I paused after hearing a blatant snort come from Leah.

“Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to get caught in any lies, would you?” she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

“You can leave,” I declared, motioning for the door without a second thought.

“Excuse me?”

“I won’t be needing you. I’ll let Renata know so she can assign you to someone else. You can go.”

Leah stared at me for a moment, fire behind her pale grey eyes before she huffed off. I turned to the two remaining girls.

“Do either of you have anything to say about my personal life?”

Their answer was in perfect unison. “No.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “Then, Maggie, I need you to confirm the Late Show questions, please. Leah, I need an in-depth analysis of Ashley Graves. Deep dive to find anything and everything that could be a cause for concern. Any questions?”

“No, Ms. Swan,” Maggie answered.

“You can both call me Bella. Let me know if you have any questions.”

They both nodded, quickly taking their cue to leave. I didn’t even have a chance to breathe after they were gone before someone else snuck in.

“Well, they look terrified,” Alice giggled, gliding into the office.

“They’re not even the ones I had to kick out,” I blurted out immediately.

Alice chuckled, setting a couple interesting looking small, potted plants on my desk in front of me. “These are for you. I can’t keep any flower alive for longer than two days, but I’ve discovered succulents are a lot harder to kill. I thought you might need something to brighten up your office, and I was right.”

Ignoring her playful dig at my empty office, the tiny plants brought a smile to my face. “Thank you.”

“All they need is sun and some water every once in a while.”

I nodded, grabbing the tiny pots and taking them over to the windowsill behind me.

“I came to see if you wanted to grab an afternoon coffee?” she asked, uncertainty tainting her voice.

My hesitation only held me back for a moment. “I could go for a coffee.”

“Great!” she smiled, jumping up from her seat. “We can talk about what to do with this office. It’s just sad, Bella.”

“I’ve only been here a day,” I defended, grabbing my bag before following her out.

“Still. Thank God for my succulents.”

I chuckled, a familiar sense of ease coming with walking down the street with Alice. She was easy to talk to, like Edward. Of course, it was also hard to get a word in with her, but I was an excellent listener so it worked out well. We ended up sitting at a small outdoor table, iced coffees in front of us.

As soon as we sat down I had to stop Alice’s attempt to apologize again. As messy as things had gotten, and as depressed and lonely as I was for a few months, the whole thing led us to now. And now… things were better than I ever thought they could be.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I asked her if she had any last minute wedding preparations to take care of. I figured the wedding had to be mostly done by now, considering it was days away. Boy, was I wrong.

“One of my bridesmaid’s dresses showed up stained. Jasper waited until the last minute to try on his tux which is two inches too short. My florist thought my wedding was _next_ November. And my personal trainer went and had a baby right when I needed her most,” she exclaimed, stress immediately written all over her face.

“Rosalie, my roommate, is a personal trainer. I’m sure she’d squeeze you in whenever you needed,” I offered. “It’s the smallest of your problems, but – “

“That’d be wonderful!”

I wrote Rosalie’s number on the back of one of my own business cards and handed it to Alice. On our walk back, Alice pulled me to a stop one street before my office building.

“I’m one block this way,” she said with a smile. “We should have lunch when I get back from my honeymoon. Maybe a weekly thing?”

“Oh, sure,” I smiled.

“I’m really glad my mom and I didn’t ruin things between you and Edward,” she said softly. “You’re kind of perfect for him.”

Alice didn’t give me a chance to argue, wrapping her arms around me in a quick hug before skipping away to her own office.

As stupid as it was, I was a little proud of myself. My work day was going somewhat smoothly so far, with the exception of Leah. I accepted Alice’s invitation to coffee and it didn’t once feel awkward or uncomfortable. Not even the hushed whispers as I walked back to my office dampened my mood.

_…E…_

“Therapy sucks,” I grunted out between harsh breaths. My feet kept a steady jogging pace on the treadmill as Rosalie leisurely strolled on one beside me, waiting for her last client of the day.

“What happened?”

“All I want is to get past whatever mental block is keeping me from being able to tell Edward how I feel without having to acknowledge any past trauma or other issues I may have.”

Yes, as I said the words, I knew it was completely asinine to think that was how therapy worked. The whole point was to address those traumas and issues. Something Doctor Stanley was adamant about tonight. Which left me more than a little frustrated.

“I don’t _want_ to talk about parents raised me to be the kind of person who can’t hold a conversation because they invalidated everything I said to them since I was eight. Or how the constant moving back and forth left me with the mindset I’m a burden on everyone around me. I _want_ to be a normal fucking human being who can tell one of the only people who has ever cared about me how I feel.”

It was a constant barrage of questions I didn’t want to answer tonight. Every time I tried to get back on the subject of Edward, she would counter with a question about my family. Usually wrapped around something they did that left one of my many mental scars surrounding why those three words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

It was how therapy worked, but it was fucking annoying.

Rosalie pressed the stop button on my machine and my feet steadily slowed to a stop. I leaned my arms against the handles in front of me, panting until my heartrate slowed back down.

“You know, you’re the most resilient woman I’ve ever met.”

I stood straight up, brows furrowed in her direction.

“You are. You may not see the changes in yourself, but I do. Hell, when we first met you could barely look me in the eyes. You got yourself out of that shitty life and built yourself a new one from the ground up. If you can do that, you can kind of do anything.”

I shook my head, grabbing my water bottle to keep my hands busy.

“I’m sure your therapist is right and there are a lot of things you need to acknowledge eventually, but I have no doubt you’ll be able to fight your way through whatever mental block is in your way.”

My lips pressed into a hard line and my heartrate showed no signs of slowing down. There was a lot I could argue against everything she said, but I needed the comfort tonight.

“You should have gone into psychology or something.”

“I’m actually going back to school, did I tell you?”

“What?”

“Yeah, Emmett and Embry want to expand the gym into a physical therapy practice, too. Emmett’s always wanted to go to school for it, and with the second gym already pulling a profit, he’s finally going to do it. I think it’d be interesting, too. So, we’re going to start this spring.”

“Wow,” I gasped. “That’s big.”

“Yeah. It’ll be good though, I think.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to yell at physical therapy patients as much as training clients.”

Rosalie playfully rolled her eyes at me. “Thanks for the tip.”

I felt marginally better after my talk with Rosalie. I didn’t necessarily agree with her that I was the most resilient woman she had ever met, but she was right when she acknowledged that I had changed. I was a mess when I first moved to Los Angeles, but after four years I had found my footing. Kind of.

The dating thing was new to me. Having another person in my life was new to me. I just needed to adjust to having that in my life before I could spit the words out again.

Doctor Stanley was probably, annoyingly, right in that acknowledging all of my issues, so carefully tucked away in the back of my mind where no one could find them, would help me. Normally, I enjoyed talking with her. But, normally, she accepted the fact that I didn’t want to talk about my family. I supposed we were past the slow introduction to therapy.

After an unsuccessful attempt to sleep, I ended up in my bed at two in the morning, working. Mostly on some preliminary things for Ashley, but it was a few minutes after I had CC’d Edward on an email about the Late Show that my phone vibrated on my bed beside me.

“Hello?” I whispered.

“What are you doing up at two in the morning?”

“Um, well, working,” I answered obviously. “What are you doing up at two in the morning?”

“Taking care of a… problem.”

“What was the problem?” I asked with a frown, even though he couldn’t see it.

Edward cleared his throat. “The raging hard on I woke up with after a dream of you bent over my bed.”

“Oh,” I gasped, nearly letting my phone slip from my hand. “Oh.”

“Mmm,” he sighed.

“Well, your night sounds more fun than mine.”

Edward let out a hearty laugh and I was a little bitter I didn’t get to see it in person. I was also a lot bitter that I didn’t get to see his problem-solving abilities in person, too.

“If I let you go will you get some sleep?” he asked once he calmed down.

I looked over at the clock. It was nearing two-thirty now and I was kind of exhausted. “I guess so.”

“Goodnight, Bella.”

“Goodnight, Edward.”

_…E…_

By the time Friday came around, I was running on fumes. Fumes that were fueled by the knowledge that within hours I would be locked away in Edward’s house, alone with him until we went to Alice’s wedding on Sunday. We just had to survive his appearance on the Late Show first.

While my time back at work had started off more difficult than I imagined, I was quickly able to push aside all of the distractions and focus on the work. Ashley was officially my client and I got to enjoy an hour of Lauren glaring in my office while she and I had a mini celebration. She was less than two months away from releasing her debut album which meant I was about six months behind on work by the time she signed the papers. It was stressful and exciting but I was also more than ready for a little break.

I was sitting behind Edward in his dressing room at The Late Show when I had my first chance to really think about him doing it. I had gone through the motions of finishing all of the early work Renata had done in setting it up, but I hadn’t thought about it from my own perspective too much.

The one thing Edward had been adamant about since I started working for him was he didn’t want to do things like this. It was one thing to do a few magazine interviews, especially when those were mostly on him reinventing his show. They served a purpose for his career.

This was damage control. It was personal. It wasn’t something Edward ever would have done if I hadn’t asked him to.

The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I was that Renata set up the segment to begin with. There was no one size fit all approach to publicity, and I was taught that each client was a puzzle you had to figure out yourself. Going on other late-night shows was _not_ part of Edward’s puzzle.

I watched him carefully for a minute, sitting in front of a large lighted mirror with the list of preapproved questions in one hand, his other hand nervously picking at wooden arm of the chair.

He wasn’t a fidgeter.

I got up, walking toward him slowly, and grabbed his free hand. “Are you okay?”

Edward smiled over at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah.”

I pressed my lips together. I understood what Renata was trying to do by booking the interview. It sent a message that Edward was forgiving all of the rumors spread by people like Amos Hayes, and his responses would prove that we were together and that was all they needed to know.

But, Edward had told me on numerous occasions he didn’t want to live his life like that. Defending every choice he made to the public or airing his dirty laundry for everyone to see.

Edward told me from the moment I asked him that he didn’t want to do it, but I was too preoccupied with the hundred other things I suddenly had on my plate to realize how stupid it was. I had thought fighting Renata on it would mean I was showing him some kind of preferential treatment. But, just because I knew him and how he wanted to handle his publicity didn’t mean it was crossing some line.

_He_ was my client. I knew what he wanted, and this wasn’t it.

“Let’s go.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Bella, it’s fine,” he said quietly.

I liked, loved, most Edward’s. Tonight Show Edward who was charming and chatty. Grumpy Edward who hated rain. Flirty Edward who teased me with Gatorade and late-night phone calls about his dirty dreams. I was not a fan of solemn, nervous Edward, though.

“No, it’s not. You’re only doing it because I asked you to. If Renata had, you would have refused.”

His frown was all the answer I needed.

“Pack up your stuff. I’ll cancel everything.”

I didn’t give him a chance to argue anymore. Backing out of the interview, even an hour before it was supposed to be filmed, was easy. It happened all the time. It was even easier when I was handed a new list of questions before I could get to the booking agent, because I had an even better reason for Edward to walk.

It might have been an impulsive decision, but even as Edward and I walked out of the theater it felt right. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to make a week into a new job, but it was the best decision for my client. And that was more important.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were so uncomfortable with it?” I asked Edward as we sat in his car. We were in the parking lot of a little dive that apparently had the best burger in town. I popped a fry in my mouth, waiting for his answer.

“Because I thought it would help you.”

I frowned over at him. “If I can’t look at our relationship with my publicist glasses then you can’t look at our working relationship with your boyfriend glasses.”

It was going to take a lot of getting used to, working together and being together. Having a secret affair was much easier on our working relationship than dating seemed to be.

“Deal,” he nodded with a smile.

“We might want to try to get better at the whole professionalism thing. Or… maybe it’s better if you choose someone else to – “

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You were going to tell me to choose a different publicist. And my answer is no. It’s either you or no one.”

My eyes widened, horrified at the damage that could be caused if he went back to not having a publicist at all. In all honesty, him choosing a different publicist was probably the best move he could make. It also made a knot of jealousy weigh down my stomach.

“You _are_ stubborn,” I mumbled to myself, remembering the multiple times Esme had told me as much.

Edward twisted in his chair, eyes on me. “I’ll be more honest and difficult to work with if the future if that’s what you’d like.”

I nodded with a smile. “It is.”

He smiled at me, the crooked one that made my heart flutter in my chest. I was glad solemn Edward was gone. He hummed softly with the classical music floating through the car as he drove us to his place, thumb rubbing against the back of my hand.


	8. False God

_We might just get away with it_

_Religion’s in your lips_

_Even if it’s a false god_

_We’d still worship_

_We might just get away with it_

_The altar is my hips_

_Even if it’s a false god_

_We’d still worship this love_

_~ Taylor Swift, **False God**_

**BPOV**

I was in that sweet space between consciousness and a peaceful sleep where the world wasn’t quite real yet. I would have still been blissfully asleep if it weren’t for whatever kept tickling my nose. Still, if I tried hard enough I was pretty sure I could fall back into my much needed sleep.

“Bella.”

I groaned, burying my head deeper into the plush pillow.

“Bella.”

Incoherent grumbling left my mouth, but tapered off as warm fingers brushed some hair out of my face. His thumb rubbing gently over my cheekbone convinced me to take a peek at him. The smile I got in return was kind of breathtaking.

“Happy birthday.”

I frowned at him, sure even in my sleepy haze that today was definitely not my birthday. Had I ever told him when my birthday was? Did he really think it was today?

“Um, my birthday is in September.”

Edward let out a soft chuckle. “I know. But, I didn’t get to celebrate it with you.”

Any chance at falling back asleep was long gone, so I sat up slowly, keeping the warm comforter wrapped around me. I eyed him for a minute, now standing beside the bed already fully dressed for the day in worn jeans and a plain grey t-shirt.

“I was going to let you sleep in, but the weather put a wrench in my plans. We need to leave in half an hour to beat the rain.”

“Beat the rain where?”

Edward shook his head with a smile. “Just go put on something you don’t mind getting a little sweaty in.”

“But – “ I was cut off with a kiss.

“Humor me, please?”

It wasn’t like I could say no to the bright eyes or boyish smirk on his face, so I did as I was told. I pulled on some black leggings that I would have worn to the gym Monday morning, and then one of my many _Tonight Show_ t-shirts. My brain was finally starting to wake up as I headed downstairs, tying my hair up as I went.

“Ready?” Edward asked with a smile, putting his wallet in his back pocket as I walked into the kitchen.

I was going to tell him he didn’t have to do any of this. That my birthday was over a month ago and there was no need to celebrate now. But, he seemed so excited. And had some big plan, apparently. My actual birthday had been kind of shitty, but I couldn’t tell him that.

“Yeah,” I smiled, taking his outstretched hand.

He answered none of my questions in the car. I wasn’t even allowed to know what we were having for lunch. But, it didn’t stop me from asking every tiny detail about the day I could, hoping he would slip up somewhere.

My questions distracted me until the car pulled to a stop. The gravel lot was mostly empty, a sign reading _Runyon Canyon_ right in front of us. I smiled over at him, remembering our conversation about hiking on our first date.

“Hold on,” Edward called after we left the car, pulling a backpack out from the trunk. He pulled me to the side of the trail, digging out a tube of sunscreen from the bag.

“You brought me sunscreen?” I asked, frowning down at it. It was sweet and thoughtful and more thought than most people had put into my wellbeing in years. A thought I had to push out of my head to keep from going down a path of unwanted thoughts.

“I didn’t want you to burn,” he shrugged, smiling at me as I lotioned up my arms and face.

“Not all of us can have perfect, California tans,” I teased, eying said tan as he threw the backpack over his shoulders. It was the perfect, subtle tan. He was actually pretty pale compared to most of the Californian population, but he had a nice, golden glow to his skin that I definitely didn’t have.

Edward grabbed my hand and started leading me up the trail. He kept his hand in mine for the entire two-and-a-half-mile hike. We talked about everything from the new book he had loaned me, _Pride and Prejudice_ , to his favorite Halloween memories with his children.

There were lulls in the conversation every once in a while, but they were never uncomfortable. He made me reapply my sunscreen when we stopped halfway through the hike and I was pretty sure he took my picture behind my back one of the times I stopped to look at the view of the city.

The whole morning effectively tore down any semblance of self-preservation I had left against him. Every wall I had built around me to keep people from getting too close shattered. Every defense mechanism I had failed against him and his genuine care for me that I wasn’t used to at all.

Considering those barricades had only been getting taller and stronger since I was twelve, it should have been terrifying to know they were crumbling. It was kind of the most liberating morning of my life, though.

Maybe it was stupid to think that a hike could solve so many of my problems. But I left that canyon more certain than ever that Edward Cullen was supposed to be mine. I left there happier than I had ever been, knowing I was his, too, because he wanted to hold my hand and make sure I didn’t get sunburnt and celebrate my birthday.

My traitorous eyes kept sneaking glances over at Edward as he drove us home. I watched every smile he shot my way over our quick lunch of sandwiches when we got back because we were both too hungry to care about making anything more exciting.

My realizations had turned me into a bit of a spaz around him. Especially when I walked out of his bathroom, wrapped in a towel after showering off the sweat from this morning, and ran right into his chest.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I just, um, thought my bag was in there. But it disappeared. So, I have no clothes.”

Edward smiled down at me, tucking a wet strand of hair behind my ear. “I put it in my closet. Half of it has been empty since I moved in. You can keep whatever you want in there.”

“Oh. Um, thank you,” I stuttered, keeping a death grip on the towel wrapped around me.

“Are you okay?” he asked with an amused smirk.

“Yes. Fine. Good. Naked.” I frowned at myself, groaning under my breath at my own stupidity.

“Mmm,” Edward sighed, trailing a single finger down the side of my neck, traveling along my collarbone and down my chest until he reached the towel. He pressed a lingering kiss to my cheek before whispering, “Closet is down the hall,” and heading off to take his own shower.

“So stupid,” I grumbled to myself. He had a large portion of the upper floor as his master suite. His closet was off to the side, down a small hallway I had never been down before.

He hadn’t been exaggerating when he said half of it was empty. I did my best to push aside what exactly it meant that he told me to take up half of his closet, and quickly hung up my few things I had and got dressed. I pulled on another pair of black, comfortable leggings, a soft cotton t-shirt, and an even softer oversized blush cardigan.

I ended up sitting across from Edward at the kitchen counter as he did some early preparations for dinner. He was marinating something I think. He said a lot of cooking terms that went right over my head when he explained it. I was also incredibly distracted.

Realizing that you had found the one person in the world to ever really, truly care about you could make your mind a little fuzzy.

It was just three little words that I needed to blurt out of my mouth. Three words that would solidify everything I already knew I felt. Words that also terrified me to my core.

“Are you okay?” Edward asked softly.

My eyes snapped away from the window where they had been watching a drizzle turn into a steady rain outside. Edward was leaning over the counter on his elbows across from me. He was in a pale blue button down and had the sleeves rolled up. His hair was still a little wet from his shower, making it a shade darker than normal.

“Oh, um, yes.”

“You haven’t turned the page in half an hour.”

My eyes dropped to the open book in front of me. I had been planning to read while Edward cooked. “I’m a slow reader.”

“No, you’re not.”

My heart started pounding, making my ears ring. I tugged nervously at the sleeves of my sweater, forcing myself to take two deep breaths before I looked back up at Edward.

“The last time I told someone I loved them… before you… was my father. I was fifteen and he was dropping me off at the airport to go to Florida for a while. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and one of his other daughters, Autumn, pulled his attention away before he said anything back. When I turned back to wave to him after I got through security and he was already gone.”

I chewed at my bottom lip, blinking my eyes too quickly in an attempt to hold off a few threatening tears. I remembered the moment well, and I knew it was part of the reason I couldn’t blurt out the words again. No one I had said them to ever stuck around.

“So, I just… need you to promise me you won’t leave me behind, too. Because I love you.”

I expected a familiar panic to rush through my veins at the words, the same one I felt every other time I tried to force them out. It was gone. Replaced by an unnerving but undeniably overwhelming sense of contentment.

_Content._ I wasn’t sure if I had ever felt that so completely. There was always something lurking around the corner to keep me from ever really feeling safe. That nervousness was gone.

“I… love you,” I repeated, testing to see if the panic was just delayed. Still not there. It made a small smile cover my lips.

Edward was suddenly beside me, lips on mine before I was off of my stool. His arms crushed me against him in a way that probably would have been painful if it weren’t for the rush of pure happiness throughout my body.

“I love you,” I said again, a cheek straining smile covering my face at how easily they fell out of my lips now. 

Edward rested his forehead against mine, hands cupping my cheeks as his thumbs brushed away a few tears I hadn’t realized had fallen. “I love you, too.”

“I know,” I nodded. “You brought me sunscreen.”

Edward’s brows creased, just for a moment at the mention of the sunscreen.

“You remembered an offhanded comment I made a month ago about how I would get burned if I went on a hike. So you brought me sunscreen. Because you love me.”

His eyes widened just a bit, a smile growing on his face. “I do.”

My heartrate picked up, a sudden vision of him saying those words to me in a very different setting flooding my mind. He made me want so many things I never even fantasized about before, and as disorientating as it was, I still wanted them. Desperately.

I was pretty sure he knew exactly what I was thinking, given the blush covering my cheeks and my favorite crooked smile on his face. He peppered kisses along my cheeks and nose, ending up right behind my ear.

“I’ll never leave you behind. I promise,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to my neck.

All of my fight evaporated, my forehead falling against his chest. I let the strong arms around my waist and soft kisses to my hair hold every ounce of hesitation away and it was the most peaceful moment of my life.

Falling in love had never been a dream of mine. I didn’t spend my childhood planning an elaborate wedding in my head or imagining a fairytale meeting. Which was probably good, because our relationship was about as far away from a fairytale as you could get. It had been built on a foundation of secrets and lies and adultery before it crumbled around us.

Then, we somehow managed to build it back up again. With romantic dates and thirty flavors of ice cream and nights spent talking about any odd topic that came to mind. The fear of losing him would probably always linger in the back of my mind, but it didn’t really matter when he looked at me with emerald eyes swimming with more love than I knew what to do with.

My arms draped across his shoulders when he leaned down for a kiss. A slow, languid kiss that also made my toes curl. My back pressed into the cold kitchen island behind us until an almost pained groan escaped Edward and he lifted me to sit on the counter.

I let myself get lost in the kiss and enjoy the way Edward’s hands slid past my sweater and underneath the back of my t-shirt, just barely brushing against the skin of my back.

I pulled away just when I knew Edward would; when his hands tightened against my back and teeth sunk into my bottom lip. If the last month together had taught me anything, it was the signs leading up to the second he would pull away before things went too far.

He didn’t do the same, instead trailing kisses down my jaw before not-so-gently sinking his teeth into the crook of my neck.

“Ah, you –“ I squeaked, digging my nails into his shoulder. I wasn’t sure if I was pulling him closer or pushing him away. “Unless you want me to combust you really have to, ah, stop.”

“I love you,” he breathed out against my neck. “I want you.” His words were whispered against my cheek. “Right now.” His voice gruff before his lips were on mine again.

I only had a second of rational thought, putting together that he had always said the waiting was for me. So I would understand that he loved me, that our relationship was more than sex this time. Now that I _did_ realize that, sex was apparently on the table again.

I gasped when my legs were pulled out from under me, quickly wrapping them around Edward’s waist as he pulled me up. My breath caught in my throat as I looked down at him. His eyes were on me, bright and intense and the prettiest shade of emerald green I had ever seen. The kind of green I would follow into a forest without a second thought.

My intention had been to lean down for a kiss, but the pretty eyes and swollen lips and smile that twisted my stomach in knots distracted me.

Edward plopped me down on my feet at the foot of his bed, shrugging off my sweater before leaning down to capture my lips again. He had fingers knotted in my hair and gently cupping my cheek. 

My fingers left his hair, trailing over his shoulders to the buttons of his shirt. It was a simple concept, undoing a button, but one my fingers were suddenly unable to handle as a shot of nerves went up my spine, butterflies flooding my stomach. They were good nerves, excited ones, but still nerves that made my fingers useless.

“Sorry,” I chuckled anxiously when Edward took over undoing his own shirt. “Just… nervous. Which is stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” he said fiercely, eyes on me. His shirt fell to the floor and his hands cupped my cheeks. “But, you don’t have to worry. I’ve got you.”

His words were just as comforting as they had been that first night in New York. So much so that I overeagerly threw my arms around him, nipping at his bottom lip as I relished in the feel of warm, soft skin under my fingertips.

Edward lifted my shirt over my head and gently eased me back onto the bed. I immediately pulled his lips back to mine as he hovered over me, only to frown when he pulled away.

“Patience, my love,” he whispered against my frown, a small smile on his lips.

Kisses were trailed down my jaw and across my collarbone. Soft lips pressed into the tops of my breasts and traveled down my torso. The muscles in my abdomen quivered underneath his fingers, spread out along my waist as his tongue danced around my navel. Every touch made my muscles twitch or body squirm underneath him.

“You’re awfully squirmy today,” Edward mused with a chuckle, pulling my leggings just slightly down my hips, following every inch with a kiss to my hip.

“You’re awfully… slow today,” I panted, fingers clutching the comforter as he finally tugged my leggings and panties down my legs.

He hovered over me again, still disappointingly dressed in jeans. A warm hand cupped my cheek, forcing my eyes to meet his.

“I never got to make love to you,” he said softly, almost solemnly. “Not like you deserve.”

My stomach twisted into a thousand knots at his words and the look of pure love on his face even my self-doubt couldn’t question. I relaxed into the bed, loosening my grip on the comforter and wrapping my arms around him, tugging at the soft, short hairs at his neck.

None of the times we had been together would probably be characterized as _making love_. I knew that before, but never really thought about it since then. Edward was my only sexual experience I had to go off of and I just assumed now would be the same as it was then.

I took a few deep breaths to slow myself down. I pulled Edward down to me, enjoying the slight weight of him he let settle over me. Our kiss was deep and slow, his tongue dancing with mine while his hands explored.

Time started to blur, only categorized in my mind by where our skin touched. There were the moments we were on our sides, my leg hitched over his hip as his fingers traced patterns on my thigh. Then the time I spent sprawled out on top of him, chest to chest with his hands fastened on my ass while I paid plenty of attention to his neck and jaw.

That was how we were currently situated. All clothing had disappeared a long time ago. The rain that made Edward wake me up early for our hike had shown up in full force, beating against the glass windows surrounding us. I smiled against his neck, pressing a soft kiss to the same spot my teeth just sank into.

Edward switched our positions with ease and I ended up on my back, all six feet of him hovering over me. I stretched out underneath him, purposefully letting my thigh rub against his length.

“Edward?” I mumbled against his jaw, stopping when we were nose to nose.

“Hmm?” he sighed, eyes fluttering open. Pretty green eyes that never looked at me like I was stupid or over reacting or lying.

“I’m really glad no one else wanted you as a client.”

He smiled down at me, a lazy crooked smile that made my heart stop for a few seconds. Edward kissed me once more, soft and sweet, before his lips started a trail down my neck and across my collarbone. “Me too.”

The hand that wasn’t keeping him hovered above me cupped my breast, his fingers rolling my nipple between them. His tongue slid softly over the other, making my head fall back against the pillow. Once he had sufficiently tortured me his lips fell to the center of my chest, kissing down my abdomen and leaving small bite marks in his wake.

“You taste even better than I remember,” he muttered against my thigh, tossing it over his shoulder gently. “And I’ve done a lot of… reminiscing the last few weeks.”

“You have?” I mumbled automatically, even though I was only half aware of anything other than the copper head of hair between my legs, pressing soft kisses everywhere except where I wanted.

“You really have no idea,” he said softly, shaking his head barely enough for me to feel the wisps of his hairs brush against my thighs. “How much I want you.”

It still confused me a little bit, that someone like him wanted someone like me. And I was going to tell him as much, but then he slid two fingers inside me and my mind went blank.

He might’ve said more, but then second his tongue slid across my clit I was long gone. Lost in the shots of pleasure up my spine as his fingers moved steadily in and out. Only able to focus on the wonderful things his tongue did to me. Little things got past my conscious, like the way his hands gripped my thighs so tight I would probably have bruises or how his eyes, bright foresty green, were always on mine whenever I could force mine open.

I genuinely tried to stay still, not squirm underneath every touch. But, I wasn’t very successful. Maybe _that_ was why his hands were so tight around my thighs.

Right when he knew I was about to come undone, his left hand grabbed mine where it was clutching the comforter. Fingers intertwined, his hand squeezing mine. The lack of a wedding band, even though he never wore it around me before, reminded me that he was mine more than anyone else’s now. It was the last conscious thought I had before soft kisses to my cheeks brought me back to reality.

“You’re stunning when you come,” he whispered in my ear, at the same time he pressed himself firmly against my thigh.

Instead of biting my own lip I took his bottom one between my teeth, smiling at the deep groan that he let out. Feeling brave, I let one of my hands wander down his chest, not stopping until it wrapped around his length. I smiled against his lips as he started immediately thrusting into my hand.

“Fuck,” he grunted against my neck, biting down quickly before pulling away to reach over toward his bedside table.

“I’m on the pill,” I blurted out. In any other situation the way he froze and snapped his head toward me would have been comical. “Um, have been since I was sixteen. And, I mean, I’m clean if you’re clean.”

Edward looked at me for a moment before coming back to lean over me. “You’re sure?”

I frowned up at him. “That I’m on the pill? Yes, I’m sure.”

He chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “That you don’t want to use a condom.”

“Oh. Yes.”

I never told him I was on the pill before, mostly because we were having an affair and I figured an extra layer of protection never hurt anybody. With all of my issues I was fairly confident pregnancy wasn’t a big worry, but I still wanted to be extra careful. It wasn’t that I wanted to get pregnant now, either. I just didn’t think we needed the extra protection now that our relationship wasn’t supposed to be a secret.

I was also a little curious. If it would feel different, just him.

Edward kissed me, making our quick conversation disappear from my mind, pressing his entire body against mine so I sunk even further into the mattress.

“I love you,” he whispered against my lips, grabbing one of my hands and intertwining our fingers beside us.

“I love you,” I replied immediately, not able to stop the smile that covered my face at the words.

It was a little thing. Probably something most people took for granted. But the words that lead to our downfall so easily coming out of my mouth and not filling me with dread made me feel like I could do this. Have a life of my own that wasn’t ruled by fear and doubt. A life that was instead filled with love and pretty green eyes.

I blinked away a few traitorous tears, burying my hands in his hair and pulling him down to kiss me. He entered me slowly, eyes on me the whole time. At least, until mine fluttered closed.

He moved over me like a wave, gently crashing into me before retreating and starting all over again. His lips never left my skin, whether they were on my neck or jaw or just barely brushing against mine as our panted breaths mixed.

There was no hurry. There were gentle hands and whispered confessions and more mind-numbing pleasure than ever before because there was no fear. No worries that we would get caught or guilt over our relationship or self-doubt that I loved him when he didn’t feel the same.

He was right. About us never having _made love_ before. Maybe it was a little cheesy to think so, but everything was different now. Everything felt better, every touch more important.

His name fell out of my lips on repeat as my toes curled and body tensed. He pressed a searing kiss to my lips, swallowing every cry and moan that tried to escape as I hit my peak. I did the same for him a minute later. Actually _feeling_ him come inside of me set off every possessive trigger in my brain. 

Edward rolled over, taking me with him so I ended up sprawled across his chest. He tucked a section of hair behind my ear, smiling up at me. “You okay?”

“Yes,” I smiled, taking in his rumpled hair and flushed cheeks.

“I love you,” he said softly.

It didn’t matter how many times I had heard the words today, or any day. They still sent a rush of serenity and bliss through my veins. “I know. I love you, too.”

His smile was breathtaking, and I was hit in the gut with how much it probably hurt him every time he said those words to me, and I couldn’t say them back. I made a promise to myself never to miss an opportunity to tell him again.

_…E…_

I never fell asleep, not completely. After cleaning myself up, a less-fun side effect of not using a condom, I collapsed into bed beside Edward. We both drifted in and out of consciousness. The rain was still pelting against the house, a comforting sound that always helped me sleep. Combined with the steady heartbeat I heard as my head rested on Edward’s chest, I could happily lie here for the rest of the day and into the night.

After one of my deeper lulls into a half-sleep, I woke up to an empty bed. I sat up, pulling the sheet with me, and frowned around the room. The adjoining ensuite was dark, but the bedroom door was open.

Before I could go investigate, Edward walked back in, beautifully decorated cake in his hands. It was white with delicate flowers covering the edges. It was obviously done by someone who knew what they were doing, but I had to smile at the cute little ‘23’ candles sticking in the top of it.

“All of the most important parts of dinner are now charred to a crisp,” Edward said with a lazy smile when he saw me sitting up in bed. “So, I thought we’d start with dessert.”

He lit the candles quickly, coming to kneel beside the bed and hold the cake out to me.

“You really didn’t have to – “

“Just make a wish, my love.”

I pressed my lips together, thinking for just a moment before blowing out the two fragile little flames. With the fire out, Edward set the cake carefully in the middle of the bed before grabbing two forks off of his bedside table and handing me one.

I watched in horror as he simply dug his fork into the whole cake. No slicing, no nothing.

“What?”

“You can’t just… eat cake like that.”

“Says who?”

“I don’t know, everyone,” I shrugged.

Edward shook his head with a smile, digging another forkful out of the cake and holding it out to me. I pressed my lips together in protest.

“Breaking the rules can be fun once in a while, you know.”

“Oh, I think I’ve broken plenty of rules since I met you.”

“Mmm,” Edward sighed, smiling through his bite of cake. “And they were all quite enjoyable to break, weren’t they?”

I bit my bottom lip, my fork hovering over the edge of a pretty pink icing flower. It felt completely wrong, just digging into the beautiful cake. Like I should have been scolded for even thinking about it.

I gave in, scooping up a bite even though it felt like I was breaking some kind of rule. It _was_ delicious, though.

“You’re a very bad influence on me, you know,” I teased, taking another bite of the delicious, fruity cake.

“Oh, I know,” he replied with a sinister smile. 

Once we had sufficiently made the cake inedible for anyone else, Edward set it aside and came back to bed with a small box in his hands, wrapped in sparkly purple paper.

“Happy birthday,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“You have to stop buying me expensive things,” I told him, taking the present out of his hands.

“You don’t know it’s expensive.”

“Is it?” I asked with a raised brow.

After a slight pause, he admitted, “Yes. But, it doesn’t matter.”

I carefully tore at the paper, revealing a small, black velvet box. My breath was stuck in my lungs as I opened it, revealing a pair of the prettiest diamond earrings I had ever seen. They were simple; a clear cut diamond surrounded by equally beautiful, smaller diamonds. There was no doubt in my mind they were real, all two dozen that made up the set.

“Edward…”

“It’s a birthday present.”

“I know. And I appreciate it. It’s just… you don’t have to constantly buy me expensive things.”

He turned his body toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. “I know I don’t have to. Does it change anything if I tell you I’ve had them for almost four months?”

I frowned over at him.

“I was going to give them to you on your actual birthday.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, eyes going from his face to the pretty earrings in my hands. It was quite the gift for him to get me while we were having an affair. “You were going to give me diamond earrings while I was your mistress?”

Edward tensed immediately. “I _don’t_ like you calling yourself that. My marriage was over for a long time before you came along.”

“I know,” I nodded. It was technically true, that I had been his mistress, but I let the subject die. I looked down at the earrings, somehow still sparkling even in the dim light and dark sky out the windows.

“This is a much better gift than I got you for your birthday,” I admitted. It wasn’t that I wanted to refuse every gift he gave me or that I didn’t appreciate that he got them for me. I knew he had everything he could want, so what could I possibly get him in return?

“Oh, the memory of you in that tiny little black number is far more valuable than those earrings.”

After closing the box, I set the earrings on the bedside table next to me. I situated myself in Edward’s lap, legs on either side of his hips, and wrapped my arms loosely around his shoulders.

“Thank you for the earrings,” I sighed happily, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “And the cake.” _Kiss._ “And attempting to cook dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, hands dropping to my waist. His eyes darkened, nearly rolled into the back of his head when I rolled my hips against his. “I had other plans, you know.”

I bit down on his shoulder, smiling at the groan I got in response. “Plans?”

“To celebrate your, uh, birthday,” he grumbled, obviously frustrated that I didn’t stop my distractions to let him focus.

“Well,” I sighed, sitting back and smiling over at him. “If it’s my birthday I get to choose what I want to do, right?”

“Right.”

“I love you,” I whispered against his lips. “I want you. Right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, the “I love you. I want you. Right now.” Line is taken from Eclipse.   
> I’ll see you all next time!


	9. Crowded Room

_It started polite, out on thin ice_

_‘Til you came over to break it_

_I threw you a line and you were mine_

_Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe_

_I guess that is our combination_

_Said you feel lost, well, so do I_

_~ Selena Gomez feat. 6LACK, **Crowded Room**_

**BPOV**

It took more effort than usual to wake up. I was wrapped in a cocoon of soft blankets and warm arms and was more comfortable than anyone had a right to be. I buried my face further into Edward’s shoulder, keeping my eyes shut and grasping onto my last few minutes of sleep. As blissful memories of the last twenty-four hours flooded my mind, my consciousness started slowly returning.

The bright sun shining over the city as Edward and I hiked up the side of a mountain, hand in hand.

A tiny bottle of sunscreen putting everything into perspective for me.

Sitting across the counter from Edward and realizing I was stupidly holding myself back from the best thing to ever happen to me.

Spending the rest of the day and night wrapped in nothing but him.

I pressed myself even further into his side as more explicit memories floated through my head. Everything from the feeling of his hair tickling the inside of my thighs to the way his eyes would turn two shades darker as he moved inside of me.

My lips ended up on his neck without a conscious thought.

“Good morning.”

I tilted my head up, eyes popping open at the sound of his voice. Nearly every time we slept in the same bed, I woke up before Edward. He was very much a night owl, which made sense considering his profession. He was also very much an anti-morning person. He was usually cute and frowny for a good twenty minutes when he woke up.

“You’re up early,” I smiled, bright green eyes staring down at me.

“It’s ten in the morning.”

My eyes widened, probably to comical sizes, as I tried to sit up and find a clock. Edward kept a firm grip around me, though, even going so far as to toss a leg over mine to keep me in place.

“It’s okay to sleep in once in a while, you know.”

“Not when you have to be at your sister’s wedding in two hours,” I countered, still settling myself back into bed beside him. “How long have you been up?”

“About an hour.”

I sighed, my head resting only a few inches away from his on his pillow. Even in the morning with his hair going in every direction he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. Granted, I didn’t pay much attention to men before, but I had eyes. And no one I had ever come across could hold a candle to his candy apple eyes or unruly copper hair or the jaw line that constantly distracted me from conscious thought.

Edward brushed some disobedient hair out of my face before cupping my cheek, which was now probably a light pink after the direction my thoughts took. “You okay?” he asked softly.

I gave him a small nod before tucking my head back into his shoulder. As happy as I was to be going to Alice’s wedding, I was also a little disappointed I couldn’t stay here all day.

Edward knotted his fingers in my hair, lightly massaging my scalp before saying, “I have a question for you.”

“Hmm,” I sighed.

“When you… left… you said something about butterflies and not knowing what they meant.”

I tensed, only a little bit. I vaguely remembered sputtering out something about my butterflies that night, but I hadn’t thought about it since. The whole evening was a jumbled, depressing mess in my mind. “That’s not a question.”

Edward pulled away from me, just slightly, so I couldn’t hide my face in his shoulder anymore and we were eye to eye. “What did they mean?”

“Lots of things,” I shrugged.

Edward waited patiently, staring at me with curiosity swimming behind his eyes. His thumb gently pulled my bottom lip from beneath my teeth as I attempted to gnaw it off.

It would hardly make any sense without explaining the butterflies in the first place, so I started at the beginning.

“You gave me butterflies in my stomach from the first time I met you. At first I thought maybe it was nerves or because you’re prettier in person.” I rolled my eyes at myself before continuing. “But, they never really went away. And I hated them for a long time because I couldn’t do anything about them. Then New York happened and I thought maybe they went away, but they didn’t.

“And on your birthday I realized they meant that I loved you and that I was happy. They made me do stupid things though, like going to your house drunk at midnight.” I swallowed thickly and frowned at myself, knowing I sounded a little insane. “I promise I’m not crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Edward said, his voice sounding a little tight. A soft hand cupped my cheek, his thumb running gently over my cheekbone. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I smiled, still glad that the panic I had come to expect with those words was nowhere to be found.

Edward’s lips were on mine as soon as the words were out of my mouth. The sweet, soft kiss quickly turned into one that had my breath caught in my throat. With a firm hand around my thigh he hitched my leg around his waist as he rolled on top of me, effectively chasing away any doubt in my mind.

My back arched when he started trailing kisses down my neck and across my collarbone, unfortunately bringing the clock beside the bed into my vision.

“We’re going to be late,” I gasped, attempting to pull away and think of something other than the way our bodies seemed to fit perfectly together as my legs wrapped around Edward’s waist.

“Hmm,” Edward sighed, teeth digging into the top of my breast with a sharp bite. “The shower, then.”

My brain was a little fuzzy. “What?”

I didn’t get an answer, instead I was airborne for a moment until Edward set me on my feet, inside the shower. I was only alone for a second, while Edward turned a multitude of knobs before a warm sprinkling of rain started to fall above us.

The shower was nearly the size of my entire bathroom at home, covered in the same beautiful marble that was found throughout the house. Edward stalked toward me, taking only a few steps before I was pressed against the cool marble.

“I’ve missed you,” Edward grunted, trailing nipping kisses down my neck. His hands wandered my waist before traveling up and roughly grasping my breasts. “All of the sounds you make,” he added with a smirk against my neck when a squeak escaped as he pinched my nipple simultaneously.

“We’re going to, ah, be late –“ I gasped, my words lost in my throat when one of his hands slid down my waist, cupping me between my legs.

“That’d be a much more convincing argument if I didn’t know you wanted it just as much as I do.”

My head fell against his shoulder when he slipped two of his fingers inside me. My fingers quickly knotted in his hair, pulling him down for a kiss. Our touches were frantic, but somehow soft at the same time. Edward lifted me up by my thighs, my legs wrapping around his waist, but pressed a soft kiss to the tip of my nose as he did so. I had nothing to hold on to, so my nails dug into his shoulders with every thrust, but I countered it with a kiss to his neck every time I heard him hiss because of it.

“God, you feel good,” he grunted into my shoulder, hands squeezing my ass with every hard thrust of his hips.

“Please,” I whimpered, too impatient to care how desperate I sounded. “Harder.”

I looked down at him and saw the cocky smirk on his face before my eyes rolled back into my head as his movements got harder, faster.

My scream was stuck in my throat as I came quickly, a small smile twitching at the corner of my lips as I felt Edward come inside of me a minute later.

Somehow we both ended up on the floor, Edward with his back against the wall and me sprawled in his lap. It was a wonderful start to the morning.

_…E…_

“So, why didn’t you tell me you were on the pill before?” Edward asked, the picture of nonchalance as he drove us to his parent’s house.

I sat in the passenger seat of what he had dubbed as his _special occasion_ car. While he was able to get completely ready for the wedding in the short amount of time our morning escapades left us with, I had to braid my half-damp hair in the car on our way. Not that I could say I minded much.

“Because we were having an affair and I figured a little extra protection never hurt anybody,” I answered honestly, tying the bottom of my braid once I was satisfied it wasn’t too obvious I had forty-five minutes to get ready for a black-tie wedding. 

“And now?”

I sighed, tugging at my fingers in my lap. My logic wouldn’t really make sense without the backstory.

“It’s not that I want… _that_ to happen now. It’s just… I have this thing. Called polycystic ovarian syndrome, which sounds scarier than it is. It’s basically a hormone imbalance. But it’s why I’ve been on the pill since I was sixteen, because my reproductive system doesn’t really work right on its own. I’ve been to a few different doctors about it and most say that getting pregnant isn’t a complete impossibility. Just that it’ll probably take a lot of… trying.”

I took a deep breath, eyes still locked on my lap. Edward was silent beside me and I didn’t have the nerve to look in his direction. So, my slightly panicked brain told me to keep talking.

“It’s not like anything has changed since before. I just thought it was smarter to be extra careful considering you were married. I mean, I know you’re technically _still_ married but – “

“It’s okay, Bella. I understand,” Edward said quietly.

I built up the nerve to look at him once he parked the car. He smiled over at me, the crooked one I liked to think he saved just for me, before unbuckling himself and opening his door.

“Trying is the fun part, anyway,” he muttered, quiet enough I wasn’t sure I was supposed to hear it.

I did, though.

_Trying is the fun part, anyway._

Did that mean he wanted more kids? _My_ kids?

My mouth went dry as I watched him walk around the car toward my door. It wasn’t the first hint he had dropped. They were all over the place if I looked close enough. He offered me half of his closet yesterday. He broke every dating rule I knew, which was an admittedly small number, but they were all broken. And now, apparently, he was fine with the amount of _trying_ we’d have to do to have a child.

It was a lot to process consideringI had only just come around to kind of believing he wanted me in the first place.

I jumped in my seat when the door opened, taking a second too long to grab Edward’s outstretched hand. He didn’t seem to notice my panic, gently closing the door behind me.

He kept a hand on my waist, taking a small step forward so I was trapped between him and the car. He eyed me up and down, a slow smile spreading across his face. My dress was fairly simple; dark blue with a layer of lace, deep v-neck with a slit up one side, but he seemed to approve of it.

“You… are stunning.” He tugged gently at my left ear, adorned with the beautiful earrings he gave me last night. “These look beautiful on you.”

I smiled up at him, my momentary panic subsiding. “They’re diamonds, I think they’d look beautiful on just about anybody.”

Edward chuckled softly with a shake of his head. He grabbed my hand and we walked step in step toward the house.

I squeezed his hand, because I could, smiling when I got a gentle squeeze back. I pushed my panic aside and admired the house as we walked up. There was a beautiful pathway outlined with petals leading up to the door, stands filled with arrangements of mahogany and gold flowers.

Things were still getting prepared as Edward opened the front door for me. Workers were perfecting more flowers and arranging another pathway through the house toward the backyard.

“Hi, Dad,” Lucy’s voice was quiet, coming toward us from the opposite side of the room. She was in a beautiful blush colored gown sparkling all the way down to her feet. Half of her hair pinned up while the rest of her blonde curls trailed down her shoulders. There was a lot of Irina in her appearance, from her pale blue eyes to her hair, but her face itself was Edward. Especially the crooked smile I was seeing on her for the first time.

“You look beautiful,” Edward greeted, his voice a little tight. He squeezed my hand once more before dropping it to move in for a hug from his daughter, who immediately backed up.

“I’m under strict orders from Aunt Alice not to let anyone hug me.”

Edward rolled his eyes, pulling her against him anyway. Lucy’s eyes darted from her father to me once they pulled away.

“Hi,” I said softly. “You do. Look beautiful, I mean.”

“Oh, thanks. Um, Aunt Alice told me to send you up to her once you got here. Dad, you’re supposed to go find Jasper. I’ve got to get back to the backyard. I’m in charge of the bows on the back of the chairs.”

“How long was the lecture on how to tie the bows?” Edward asked with a laugh.

“Forty-five minutes. For _bows_ ,” Lucy grumbled, turning around to go back to the backyard.

“Alice runs a tight ship,” Edward explained, leading me toward a sweeping marble staircase.

“There you are,” Esme’s voice came around the corner as we reached the top of the stairs. She was beautiful; her caramel hair falling in waves and her dress shimmering like it was made of actual gold. “You two look lovely.”

My eyes widened, only a little bit, when Esme pulled me in for a hug after giving one to Edward.

“The men are in the basement, Edward. I’ll take care of Bella until the ceremony.”

“I don’t want to intrude on Alice’s day. I can just sit… in a corner or something,” I babbled.

“Oh, no one would ever make you just sit in a corner, sweetheart. Alice has been waiting for you.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Edward added, pressing a kiss to my cheek before heading back downstairs.

“We’re just down here,” Esme said quietly, heading down one of the many halls surrounding us.

If I wasn’t careful I would definitely end up lost somewhere, so I quickly followed. The house was beautiful at every turn, paintings and sculptures that I couldn’t wrap my head around before my eyes caught something else. Eventually we were in an ensuite that was larger than my bedroom at home, covered in creamy marble with an actual sitting area. In the bathroom.

Alice was sitting in a director’s chair in front of a wall-length mirror, a woman beside her with a brush pointed at her face.

“You made it,” she exclaimed happily, eyes following me in the mirror.

“Of course,” I smiled. “You look beautiful.”

“It only took two hours, but thank you,” she chuckled, turning back toward the mirror.

She seemed surprisingly relaxed, especially for the Alice I had come to kind of know. She wasn’t talking a mile a minute or bouncing off the walls. She was calm and serene.

“Are you nervous?” I asked quietly, taking the flute of champagne from Esme as she pulled me to sit beside her on a plush, cream couch behind Alice.

“Oh, no. Not at all,” Alice said. “I’ve known I was going to marry Jasper from the minute I met him.”

“Really?” It was an intriguing concept to me, especially these days.

“Yes. Most people tell me that’s just hindsight being twenty-twenty, but I get this feeling sometimes. Like… I had been waiting for him my whole life.”

“Oh,” I mumbled.

“I would have married him the next day, but we decided to wait until after he finished medical school and his residency.”

“So, he was on board with the whole ‘married-the-next-day’ thing?”

A blinding smile covered her face as she met my eyes in the mirror. “It was his idea.”

I chuckled softly to myself, taking a small sip of champagne. The door opened again, and a beautiful blonde walked in, wearing a tell-tale blush pink gown.

“Everything is going smoothly downstairs,” she declared, smiling at Alice.

“Good,” Alice nodded. “Charlotte, this is Bella. Edward’s girlfriend.”

“Um, hi,” I mumbled, giving her an awkward wave. I hadn’t thought this wedding through very well, and I suddenly realized I was in a lion’s den of Edward’s family and friends. All people that were probably shocked he was suddenly getting a divorce.

“Hi,” Charlotte greeted, a friendly smile on her face. She was on the shorter side, probably pretty close to Alice in size. She had hazel eyes and a kind, calm expression on her face. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You… too.” I had never heard of her before, but what else was I supposed to say to that?

Thankfully, she simply chuckled and took a seat beside Esme.

“Alice and I have been friends since the second grade. I moved to New York after college so we haven’t been able to see each other much lately, but I still managed to snag the coveted Maid of Honor title.”

“What do you do in New York?”

“I’m a fashion photographer.”

“Oh, wow.” My polite small talk had run out and I took another sip of my champagne.

“So, you finally got us rid of the ice queen? I owe you a drink. Or twenty.”

“The ice queen?” I asked.

“That’s the nickname Alice and Charlotte lovingly came up with for Irina after her and Edward got married. One I’ve told them both not to use for years,” Esme explained, not a hint of anger or frustration in her voice even though her words seemed to suggest there should be. My eyes glanced over at her and I could have sworn I saw a small smile on her face.

“I wouldn’t say I got rid of her,” I mumbled, slightly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. I sincerely loathed Irina, but she was still Lucy and Masen’s mother. There was no getting rid of that.

“Well, this is my first trip back to LA that I haven’t had to see her, so I’m eternally grateful,” Charlotte said with a wink in my direction.

The rest of my time spent with them was shockingly relaxed considering this was Alice’s wedding day. There was no drama, no catastrophes, nothing to worry about since they had both been ready to get married to each other on day one. Even as the ceremony got closer, no one seemed the least bit nervous or anxious.

The ceremony was twenty minutes away when I excused myself, knowing I wasn’t part of the bridal party and shouldn’t have been up here in the first place. Esme offered to take me down, an offer I gratefully accepted because I didn’t want to get lost.

“There’s something I wanted to show you, too,” she said as we left the commotion of her ensuite behind.

She led me through the top floor of the house until we got to a bedroom. At first glance I thought maybe it was a room they had set up for Masen here, but it seemed a little dated for him.

“Carlisle and I like to make the kids their own bedrooms in every house we have,” Esme explained.

I smiled, still standing in the doorway. “May I?” I asked, gesturing inside.

“Of course.”

I went over to the bookcase first. The books themselves seemed like they must have been childhood favorites, but I was more interested in the collection of photos scattered on top of it. The photos went in chronological order, starting from a few blurry photos of a tiny infant that slowly grew into a toothless child. There was one, where he couldn’t have been older than ten, and he gave the camera a grin that covered his entire tiny face with his two front teeth missing.

He was a bit of a lanky teenager, and the grins went to frustrated frowns most of the time when the camera was on him.

“He and Masen are nearly identical,” I mused, walking farther down the bookshelf to where he looked more familiar to me. He bulked up as he got older, maybe thanks to his time playing baseball that was documented throughout the photos as well.

It was a little bittersweet to get to the more recent pictures; ones of him with Irina and his own growing children. Maybe it was my imagination but I could have sworn his smile was different when Irina was in the picture as opposed to ones of only him and his kids.

“Edward has always tried to take care of everyone. Make the best decisions for everyone, even at the expense of himself. It’s something most parents do, but he takes it a little too far sometimes. It’s something I’ve tried to get him to realize for a long time, even at the expense of becoming the meddling mother.”

_Not all parents,_ I thought quickly, before I shoved the memories from my mind. Her admission brought back a memory from New York. A very off-topic memory considering it was from Edward trying to validate our affair, but his words echoed what his mother was saying about him.

_I do the same thing. Focus on making everyone else happy instead of myself. Get too wrapped up in other things to even act like myself._

“He’s happier now than I’ve seen him in years. Thank you for not letting me ruin that for him.”

I bit my lip, focusing on the most recent picture. It was a paparazzi photo of him and I walking across the street one night a week or two ago, one of the nights we braved going out in public for dinner. I didn’t really want to spend my life sneaking into restaurants through the back door, so he grabbed my hand with a smile and that was that.

It was one of the few photos they actually got of the both of us, considering once we were across the street Edward constantly angled his body in front of me so most of the photos were of his back.

I looked over at Esme, blurting out my first thought before I could stop myself. “Why don’t you hate me?”

It was something that constantly confused me. Edward’s entire family should hate me. Lucy was the only one that seemed to get the memo.

“Why would I hate you?” she asked calmly.

I frowned to myself. It was all fairly obvious to me. “You hired me to work for your son and I had an affair with him. His entire life kind of… imploded because of me.”

I kept my eyes on the pictures in front of me as Esme walked over, gently taking my hand.

“Implosion is expected when you fall in love, Bella. Necessary, if it’s a lasting love.” She must have been able to see my skepticism, because she walked over to me, gently taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. “In my eyes, you’ve done nothing but make my son happy. In all honesty… I’ve had a few choice names for Irina over the years myself, so I owe you a drink, too.”

I coughed out a laugh “Thank you for showing me this.”

“Of course,” Esme smiled, patting my hand before dropping it. “We should get you downstairs.”

I nodded, taking one last look at the room. There were a lot of things I made a mental note to ask Edward about. Everything from the keyboard in the corner to the baseball trophies on the shelf above the bed.

“Do you know where Edward is?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t obvious that I was now a little desperate to see him.

Esme smiled over at me as we descended the staircase. “He’s probably still in the basement with the boys. He’s officiating.”

“He’s officiating the wedding?” I gasped.

“Yes,” Esme smiled. “Our family isn’t overly religious, much to the disdain of Carlisle’s parents. Neither Alice nor Jasper felt the need to do something too stuffy. When Edward found out they weren’t going to have a priest, he jumped in.”

I chuckled and shook my head. As surprised as I was about it, it somehow felt like a very Edward thing to do.

“Oh, hey. Dad sent me to find you,” Masen said, coming around the corner.

“I’ll leave you with Masen, then,” Esme smiled, heading back upstairs.

I followed Masen quietly, doing my best to ignore the hushed whispers I heard amongst the small group in the backyard. There couldn’t be more than fifty people here, but it still felt like they all turned in my direction when I walked in.

“We’re up front,” Masen told me, seemingly oblivious to everything.

“You’re not in the wedding?” I asked before I realized it might be a touchy subject if he had wanted to be but wasn’t asked.

“Nah,” he shrugged, taking a seat in one of the pretty white chairs in the front row. “Jasper asked me if I wanted to be a groomsman, but I’m not big on being in front of people.”

I was surprised, because he seemed like a pretty outgoing kid to me. I understood it completely, but I was still surprised to hear it coming from him.

“Me either,” I agreed with a nod.

“No offense but… isn’t that kind of your job?”

I laughed softly to myself. It was something that had been pointed out to me a lot, how contradictory my unease at being around people was with my career of dealing with the masses of the public.

“I’m okay if things are about other people,” I explained. “But if things are about me? I’m a disaster.”

Things quieted down after a few minutes, and quiet music started floating through the backyard. As the wedding started, I realized the only weddings I had ever been to were my parent’s when they each got remarried. Neither were very happy memories for me.

Maybe I was too young and biased to appreciate their weddings. My parents did seem happily in love with their new spouses, and had both managed to say married longer this time around. Still, I didn’t remember the overwhelming feeling of love at those weddings. I had no memories of them looking as utterly devoted to each other as Alice and Jasper looked now.

I never gave marriage much thought, but it was sort of crazy. Choosing one person and vowing in front of your friends and family to stay with them forever, through thick and thin.

It was kind of like a stab in the chest when I realized Edward once had a wedding, probably very similar to this one. Said the same things to Irina, promised to stay with her forever. I didn’t remember ever being quiet so jealous in my entire life.

I did my best to return my focus back to the wedding in front of me. I managed a small chuckle with the rest of the guests as Edward added a small section about what he would do to Jasper should he ever break his sister’s heart.

Before I had time to really collect myself, the short ceremony was over. There was a flurry of activity, most of the guests leaving for the reception downtown while the wedding party got arranged for photos.

I sat in one of the back rows of chairs, happily watching the chaos of the photographer and Alice trying to make sure they got every combination of people they needed. 

“All done?” I asked Edward as he sauntered over, relaxed smile on his face.

“Not quite. You’ve been summoned.”

I grabbed his outstretched hand without a second thought, not processing what he said until he was pulling me toward his waiting family. “Oh, I don’t think I –“

“It’s best to choose your battles with Alice. This isn’t one you’re going to win.”

“But, I – “

Edward pulled me into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Just smile, love.”

_…E…_

“What’s this?” I asked Edward as he placed a slim martini glass in front of me, filled with a smooth, dark liquid.

The reception had been going on for a good hour so far. Dinner was served to the large crowd, three times the size of those at the actual wedding. I found myself enjoying every minute, even though I tended to avoid crowds. I sat next to Edward, the table full of only his immediate family, and listened as the conversation centered around Alice and Jasper and their years together.

“An espresso martini. With half the amount of vodka it should have,” he said with a wink, sitting back down next to me with a beer beside him.

I heard Alice chuckle across the table from me. She was definitely on the tipsy side, but seemed almost excruciatingly happy. Her eyes widened when I cocked my head to the side at her giggle.

“Rosalie told me about your twenty-first birthday.”

I frowned, mostly playfully. I obviously didn’t think things through very well when I offered up Rosalie’s services. “When is your trainer going to get back to work?”

Alice smiled over at me. “She’s not. Decided to stay home with her baby for the foreseeable future. Luckily you found me an excellent new trainer.”

“What happened at your twenty-first birthday?” Lucy asked. She seemed happier today than I had ever seen her. I hadn’t gotten frowned at or called a bitch all day.

“Nothing important,” I told her, taking a sip of my half-as-potent espresso martini and kind of wishing I could drown in it.

“Oh, you can’t leave us hanging now, Bella,” Carlisle chuckled.

“It’s really not that exciting. I just… don’t have a great alcohol tolerance. I think Rosalie has exaggerated the story over the years.”

Edward chuckled next to me, leaning back and throwing his arm around my shoulder. “I’m sure it seems like an exaggeration when you don’t even remember it.”

I frowned up at him. “Whose side are you on?”

He smiled down at me, and I blamed the sparkly green eyes for distracting me enough to miss Renata coming over to congratulate Alice. At least, until her hand ended up on my shoulder.

“Do you have a minute to talk?” she asked. There was a soft smile on her face, but I knew what the talk would be about, and it wasn’t a smiling conversation.

“Sure,” I nodded, standing up and feeling like a child being escorted out of the classroom for being disruptive. I followed her out of the ballroom until we ended up in a secluded hallway.

Every time I had been around Renata she gave off a very comforting, welcoming vibe. At the same time, I knew she got to be where she was for a reason, and that reason was she didn’t take shit from anybody. Her welcoming atmosphere was long gone now.

“You pulled him out of The Late Show.”

I nodded. “I did.”

“I pulled a lot of strings to get him in at the last minute.”

“I’m sorry you had to do that.”

She looked at me, head cocked to the side. “Why’d you do it?”

“Because I cannot think of anything less on par for what he wants to do in terms of publicity than go on The Late Show and talk about his personal life. That interview wasn’t for him, it was for me. And if I’m putting my client’s best interests first, that wasn’t it.”

Even in the light of day, with time to think the decision over, I didn’t regret it. There was a big difference between a few choice magazine articles and a late night television appearance. Articles were planned and outlined and a majority of the discussion approved beforehand. The few Edward did right after we broke up were tasteful and useful in rebranding him from the grumpy, nearly-fired late night host to his usual witty, charming self.

The appearance on an opposing late night show was an obvious grab at trying to salvage the public’s opinion on me. Even though it might have helped slow down the gossip, Edward had never been one to talk about his personal life, least of all on a rival show.

“You… are too much like me.”

My brows shot up, surprised to hear anything other than _are fired_ after her pause. “Is that a bad thing?”

“For me it is. I constantly made my bosses lives a living hell because I never did what they told me.”

I pressed my lips together, wondering if a firing was still on the table.

“It means you’ve got good instincts, though. And that you’re not afraid to follow them.”

“So… I still have a job on Monday?” I asked, only partly joking.

“Yes,” she smiled. “Although I would like the surprises kept to a minimum if possible.”

“I’ll do my best.”

We parted ways as we walked back into the ballroom, and I noticed a majority of my table had dispersed. Edward was the only one left, although there was a new blonde sitting next to him. My jaw clenched when I recognized Serena King. One of the notorious six names on his list, and the woman I last saw making out with Edward against my office door months ago.

Both of their heads turned toward me as I approached.

“Hi,” she said sweetly, smiling up at me from my seat. “I’m Serena.”

“I know. We met once before,” I blurted out, continuing on when she obviously didn’t remember. “Very briefly. You two were making out against my office door.”

“Oh, right,” she chuckled, standing up and towering a good six inches over me. _Models_ , I scoffed to myself. “Sorry. I was just saying hello. He’s all yours.”

She left with a smile and I plopped down in my seat. I quickly downed the majority of my espresso martini that was left, wincing as it slid down my throat.

“That’s half the alcohol?” I wheezed, clearing my throat.

When I looked over at Edward, he had a soft smile on his face as he stared at me.

“I love you,” he smiled.

“Because I make a fool out of myself in front of everyone I meet?” I grumbled, frustratedly crossing and uncrossing my legs. 

“She kissed me, for the record.” My incredulous look led him to continue. “And I let it happen because I was harboring an inappropriate crush on my new publicist.”

“It’s okay,” I sighed, knowing I could hardly be jealous over something that happened before we were anything. “I love you, too.”

I was distracted, wondering if there would ever be a time when being able to tell him that didn’t fill me with undiluted joy, and Edward had pulled me halfway to the crowd of slowly swaying couples before I could do anything to stop him. My instinct was to say I didn’t dance, which I didn’t. But, I was too happy to put up a fight. 

Later in the evening, as Edward and I were walking back to our table, his name was called from a few tables away.

“Edward, my boy, come over here.” The voice was deep and crackled from what sounded like years of smoking.

“I’ll meet you at the table,” he said softly, gently shoving me in that direction.

“Bring your girl, Edward,” a more feminine but equally gravelly voice followed.

Edward sighed, wrapping his arm around my waist and weaving us through the tables. The couple that called him was probably nearing ninety. Neither looked all too happy as we approached, even though they called Edward over.

“So, you’re the one, then,” the woman said, a sneer in her voice as she looked at me.

Myself, Edward, and Carlisle all spoke at once.

“I, um – “

“Grandmother – “

“Bella! Wonderful! I need to get your opinion on something, if you’ve got the time?” Carlisle asked, swooping in beside me out of nowhere. He grabbed my arm, leading me away from Edward and his grandparents before anyone could oppose him.

“Sorry about that,” he sighed as we got to our table. He sat beside me, in Edward’s spot. “Those are my parents. My father is a Catholic priest. Both are very… opinionated. I thought it best to keep you away from their… lack of a filter these days.”

“You mean your strict catholic parents wouldn’t like the woman who had an affair with you son and then planned his divorce?” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

Carlisle smiled over at me. “You fit in very well here, Bella.”

He had no idea what it meant to me, to hear him say I fit in when my entire life had been spent on the outside. Never feeling like I belonged with anyone, never having a stable family or friend to turn to.

“Thank you,” I whispered, a moment before a familiar hand fell to my shoulder.

_…E…_

“I have a question,” I admitted once we were alone in his car again. As soon as I sat down I had kicked off my heels and tucked my feet underneath me in the soft leather seat. The reception was long over. Edward and I left not long after Lucy and Masen made their exit, driving back to their mother’s house. Even so, it was pitch black as Edward drove us home, and I was physically and mentally exhausted.

Unfortunately, not mentally exhausted enough to forget what I had been thinking of earlier. 

“What is it?”

“How’s, um, your divorce going?”

I had stayed out of his divorce from the minute I handed over the file of my plans. Because Masen and Lucy were involved, all of their divorce proceedings had been sealed, which was a blessing in disguise. The public didn’t have access to anything, and neither did I. I appreciated it, before, when I was heartbroken and barely holding myself together.

Now… I was kind of tired of knowing he was still, technically, hers.

“As well as can be expected. Custody is a done deal, fifty-fifty which is more than I ever thought I’d get. Which also makes me feel like a fucking idiot for not doing it sooner. Irina is still fighting me on everything else, down to the last penny. It’s all menial shit, though She’s just trying to be difficult. I told my lawyers I wanted it done in six months, though, and not a day later. Everything should be finalized by mid-January.”

Six months. He had told me once that was the minimum time set by the state.

“The picture… it didn’t cause any issues?”

“Not at all. I admitted to there being someone else when I filed.”

“Oh.”

“Were you scared to ask about it?” Edward asked with a frown, eyes darting over at me every so often before going back to the road.

“No, I just… didn’t want to pry.”

“You can pry.”

I nodded to myself, eyes falling to my lap as I tugged at the hem of my dress. It was stupid to be so upset about something I had known from the minute I met him. Logic did nothing to stop the jealousy pumping through my veins.

I suddenly hated that he had vowed to love someone else forever with every fiber of my being.

“What is it?” Edward asked softly once the car was parked in his driveway.

“Nothing,” I answered immediately. I could hardly let him know just how irrational my jealousy had become.

I grabbed my shoes from the floor and then Edward’s hand as he opened my door. I followed him through the house, hand in hand, until he pulled a couple water bottles from the fridge in the kitchen, handing me one.

I leaned against the pretty white marble island, while Edward leaned against the dark black one a few feet away. I felt his eyes on me while I kept mine on the water in my hands.

“I don’t like that you were married,” I blurted out, once the silence and stares got to be too much. I had a history of being excellent at keeping my emotions in check, usually, but two minutes of Edward staring at me was evidently better at getting me to open up than a month with a highly trained therapist.

Edward, rightfully, looked confused at my admission. Brows furrowed, confusion swimming in his eyes.

“I just,” I shook my head, tearing at the label of the bottle in my hands. “I don’t like that you had a wedding where you got all dressed up and agreed to love someone forever who isn’t me. And I know that’s insane, because I was about seven when you got married, and we really _don’t_ need to go there.

“I know it makes me irrational and possessive but I hate that you have a history with all of those other women and that Irina has gotten to call you her husband for sixteen years.”

Letting out a deep sigh, I dropped the unopened water bottle on the counter beside me. “I just want you to be mine more than hers.”

Silence engulfed us again, and I knew he was waiting for me to meet his gaze. It took me a few minutes to shift through the embarrassment to be able to, though.

“I thought about it once,” he said, his voice gruff once I finally made eye contact.

“About what?”

“How I would feel if the situation was reversed. If I had to watch you walk around New York with your _husband_ … know that someone else had that claim on you, _had_ you…” Edward shook his head, eyes dark. “I’d want to kill the fucker every time I saw him.”

I bit my lip, tensing when Edward covered the few feet between us and sandwiched me between him and the island. He pushed a few loose strands of hair out of my face, cupping my cheek.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have all of my shit figured out before you came along. That you – “

I shook my head quickly. “That not what I was – “

“I know. I’m still sorry.”

Soft fingers slid down my cheek, along my collar bone and down the center of my chest until they stopped where the deep v of my dress started.

“You have no idea how much I cherish the fact that you’re mine.” He leaned down, lips trailing along my neck to my ear. “That no one else knows the way you taste… the way you feel… the noises you make when you come.”

My breath caught in my throat and I gripped his biceps to keep myself upright.

Edward pressed a kiss to my now pink cheek before leaning his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry it can’t be the same for you, but I am yours, Bella. More than I’ve ever been anyone else’s.”

“Yeah?” I asked once I could find my voice. My hands slid up his arms, tangling in the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

His answering kiss started out soft, until I bit his bottom lip and made his demeanor change. His hands slid down my waist, not stopping until he grasped both of my thighs and lifted me up.

I didn’t care when my leg bumped into the side of the island or when he stopped in the middle of the stairs, my back slammed against the wall none-too-gently as he ground his growing length against me.

Once he kicked his bedroom door shut I turned the tables, hopping down to my feet and pressing him against the door. I stayed on the tips of my toes, making sure I could keep my lips pressed against his chin or jaw or lips as I tugged at his clothing. His tuxedo was complicated and frustrating to remove, especially when Edward was reluctant to let his hands move from my ass.

He was quick to change his mind about that once I dropped to my knees, hands tugging at his belt. My name came out as a groan pretending to be a protest as his remaining clothing fell to the floor and my hand wrapped around him.

I smiled to myself when his head fell back against the wall as I took him into my mouth. It never failed to excite me, the noises he made because of me.

His fingers knotted in my hair, destroying any semblance of a braid I had left when both of his hands ended up there. I moaned around him when his hips started moving, seemingly without approval from his brain, to get that much more of himself down my throat.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Edward grunted under his breath, in time with the steady rhythm our movements had fallen into, pulling me away on his last muttered _fuck_.

I sat back on my heels for a minute, staring up at him as he tried to compose himself. He really was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I was distracted, watching the shadows of the room dance over his abdomen when he pulled me to my feet.

I heard the back of my dress rip as he pulled the zipper down too roughly, too focused on his tongue dancing with mine to care. I managed to push him down on the bed, quite a feat when I was so much smaller than him.

He sat there, in all his naked glory, eying me up and down as I let the rest of my clothing fall to the ground. Edward pulled me against him, hands gripping my waist as his lips wrapped themselves around one of my nipples.

“You’re mine,” I gasped, barely getting the words out as he moved to my other breast. It was the only cognitive thought running through my brain. _Mine. Mine. Mine._

Edward smirked up at me, scooting back on the bed until he was leaned up against the headboard. “I’m yours, baby.”

I followed him, immediately straddling his waist. He cupped me with his hand, two fingers easily sliding inside me.

“Enjoy yourself?” he asked, his voice gravel.

“Yes,” I answered honestly and immediately, rolling my hips against his fingers until I got too impatient and shoved them away.

Grabbing his length in my hand, I slid down on him slowly, my head falling back once he was completely inside me. My hands knotted in his hair, using his shoulders as leverage as I moved over him. His fingers gripped my hips, keeping me steady and never letting go.

“Mine,” I repeated, mostly to myself. Because I never wanted him to let go. And the fear that he would was always creeping around in the back of my mind.

“Yes,” he groaned against my chest, where he left a trail of licks and nips along my skin, wherever he could reach.

My breath started coming in quick gasps, eyes squeezed shut. I had no warning until I was suddenly on my back. He swallowed all of my cries as I came, his intensity never stopping until another orgasm crashed through me a minute before he came inside me.

“I’m yours, Bella,” he whispered against my neck, lazy kisses pressed into my skin. “More than I’ve ever been anyone else’s.”


	10. Souvenir

_Swimming in your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes_

_Egyptian blue_

_Something I’ve never had without you_

_You’re giving me chills at a hundred degrees_

_It’s better than pills how you put me to sleep_

_Calling your name, the only language I can speak_

_Taking my breath, a souvenir that you can keep_

_~ Selena Gomez, **Souvenir**_

**BPOV**

“You had sex,” Rosalie blurted out as soon as I walked in the door Monday night.

I froze, overnight bag and tote slung over my shoulders, staring wide eyed at her. I hadn’t said a word besides _hello_ when I walked in and gave her a smile as I attempted to make my way to my bedroom. There she was though, sitting on the couch with her pale blue eyes on me, swimming with excitement.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before asking, “What?”

“Oh, don’t deny it. You’re all happy and smiley and glowy. So, you not only had sex, but it was fantastic sex and now I need the details.”

I dropped my bags in front of my bedroom before going over to slump into the couch beside her. An involuntary yawn escaped before I could stop it as I pulled a pillow into my lap.

“If it’s that obvious then how did you not know before?” I asked, turning on the couch to face Rosalie.

“The stress of the affair must have hidden the glow. You were happier, though. I just thought you were enjoying your job. Which, I mean, you were _definitely_ enjoying it.”

I sighed with a shake of my head, resting it against the back of the couch. The weekend had been pretty perfect. The exhaustion I had felt all day was completely worth the reason for my lack of sleep over the past two nights.

“Okay, details,” Rosalie demanded, turning toward me on the couch with the excitement most children had on Christmas morning covering her face.

I smiled at Rosalie’s request for details, more than happy to relive a few moments from my weekend. I was surprised at myself for actually wanting to talk about it. Every other time Rosalie has asked for details I’ve clamed up and not really been sure what to say.

Now, I kind of understood the whole girl talk thing. Dating was one big maze for me and I needed Rosalie’s opinion on about fifty different things after the weekend I just had. Everything started spilling out of my lips; Edward waking me up with a quiet _happy birthday_ , our hike before the afternoon storm, and my awkwardness after the sunscreen put everything into perspective for me.

“I told him I love him,” I admitted, trying my best to control the smile that wanted to cover my face.

“You did?” Rosalie gasped, wide eyes on me.

“Yes. Many times since Saturday afternoon,” I added proudly.

A melancholy veil covered Rosalie’s face, and I started to panic.

“Is that bad? Should I have – “

“No! No, no, no. It’s _amazing_. I’ve been thinking a lot about you and Edward lately, actually.”

“You have?”

“I don’t know if you can really see it for yourself, but you’re a completely different person than you were a year ago.”

I frowned. That didn’t sound like a good thing.

“In the best way possible,” Rose clarified quickly. “When you first told me about it, I thought it was a little… out of character. I don’t mean this as an insult or anything, but I never would have guessed the first guy you’d date would be a married thirty-five-year-old father of twins.”

I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. The whole thing was messy, nothing was traditional, and it was a hell of a way to start dating.

“It makes sense, though. That you’d find someone older, more stable. Not that I think you’re with him because of his age. This isn’t coming out right,” she sighed, frowning down at her hands.

“What I’m trying to say,” she continued. “Is that I’m glad you found Edward. He takes care of you even though you’ve proven you can take care of yourself. He’s old enough to know better than to try and play games with you. He’s good to you. And I’m glad you have that.”

Rose’s soft sniffle took me by surprise. She wasn’t really a crier unless it was something big. Or she was drunk. This was big, though, I supposed.

Rose had probably been the most constant source of support I had ever had in my life, since I could remember. She didn’t accept any of my refusals of her friendship in the first few months we knew each other. She was stubborn enough to get through the walls I had built up around me, but sincere enough to understand them and never push too hard.

I wasn’t really sure where I would be if I didn’t have her.

“I love you, too, you know,” I whispered. I had never said the words to her, either, even though she was one of the few people I had on my side.

“I know,” she smiled. “I love you, too. Now, what happened after a night of fantastic sex you’ll tell me nothing about?”

I relaxed back into the couch, grateful for her quick change of the subject. “Alice’s wedding was beautiful. Thank you, by the way, for telling her about my twenty-first birthday. Now Edward’s entire family knows about it.”

Rosalie shrugged, no shame at all in her face. “It’s my job as your best friend to share embarrassing stories with your boyfriend and his sister, and I take it very seriously.”

_…E…_

“It’s an important thing to discuss, Bella.”

“I don’t really think it is,” I countered, eyes on the window behind Doctor Stanley.

For the last few weeks she had been pushing on the subject, more adamant every time. It usually made me regret ever coming here in the first place.

“I know you’re smart enough to know that’s not true.”

I let out a heavy sigh, barely resisting the urge to pick off my pale pink nail polish. She obviously underestimated my avoidance abilities that I had been working on since I was about twelve.

“I talked about it with my therapist at UCLA.”

“It took you eight months to tell her about your step brother.”

“What do you want me to say?” I snapped. “Talking about it isn’t going to make it go away, it’s just going to bring back all of the memories I’ve tried to repress for the last four years.”

“Repressing the memories isn’t going to make it go away, either. Talking about it will help you learn to let go of some of the anger you’re holding onto.”

I frowned. “I think I have a right to be a little angry.”

“Oh, you do. You have the right to be absolutely furious with a lot of people. But… isn’t it exhausting?”

I was used to the anger, always bubbling under the surface. I had developed coping mechanisms over the years to dull it, but there was only so much time I could spend in a gym, sweating away my aggression.

It _was_ exhausting. Always working myself to sleep because if I wasn’t nearly dead on my feet my mind would wander too much before I passed out. Holding on to every memory from my childhood and thinking I was just as inconsequential as my parents led me to believe. All exhausting.

Still. I was a little frustrated with Doctor Stanley so I didn’t really want to admit she was right. Because I had come in today in a good mood, proud of myself for finally being able to tell Edward how I felt and apparently that wasn’t all that big of a step.

“You deserve a life where they’re not constantly holding you back, Bella. They’ve taken enough from you, don’t you think?”

I was quiet. I wasn’t stupid; I knew talking about my issues would probably help move me past them. But I had tried. For a long time, I tried to get people to listen to me and understand my problems and every single one ignored me and told me I was wrong. I was overreacting. I was the problem.

“We can talk about it next week, if you’re willing,” Doctor Stanley said softly, putting her notepad on the table beside her and standing up.

I grabbed my bag quickly, jumping to my feet. I was suddenly extremely eager to be anywhere but here.

Doctor Stanley grabbed my arm as I tried to rush past her. “It’s a big deal, you telling Edward how you feel. Don’t think I don’t think so just because I’m pushing for more.”

I nodded, leaving as soon as she dropped my arm. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a good ten minutes, attempting to sort my thoughts. I knew I didn’t have healthy coping mechanisms and I knew I had a hundred other underlying issues and scars from my childhood.

But, I was happy now. Happier than I had ever been and I didn’t want memories I had long since buried to ruin that. My mind raced as I drove, unwelcome memories already attempting to get to the forefront of my thoughts.

It was late, and he was probably done filming for the day, but I ended up at Edward’s theater anyway. I sat in the parking lot for a minute as I watched the crowd dissipate outside the door, getting out as soon as there were only a few stragglers left.

It hadn’t been my plan to come here at all today. I had a lot of work to do, and I was figuring out that I had to get double done what I usually would on weeks when Edward had his kids, because I got nothing done on weeks when he was free.

Still, I ended up walking down the familiar hallways, smiling at the few crew members that I passed. I felt marginally better, just being here.

“You’re the girl!” a man exclaimed as I walked passed him. “Sorry. _Woman_.”

I froze turning back to look at him. He was standing with another man, both probably around Edward’s age. Both had dark hair, though one had it down to his shoulders while the others was more cleanly cut over his ears.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, you’ll have to excuse him. He gets overly excited sometimes. I’m Seth Uley, and this is my brother, Sam. We’re friends of Edward.” The one with the long hair held his hand out to me, and I took it after only a moment of hesitation. He was bulky, Seth, with tattoos covering his exposed forearm.

“Right,” I nodded, furious at the uncomfortable knot in my stomach as I stood here with these two strangers. This was the exact reason I repressed every memory from the age of eight to eighteen. It was how I knew talking about it would ruin the fragile happiness I had started to build around me. Because it had been months since I was this uncomfortable around a man before.

There was no reason to be uncomfortable. I had heard the names from Edward before, and I knew if he was friends with them then I had nothing to worry about. It was still there, though. The fear years of living with Tyler left me with.

“You are Isabella, right?” Sam, the smaller one with short hair asked after an uncomfortable silence fell around us.

“Oh, yes. Um, just Bella, though.”

“It’s good to meet you, Bella,” Seth said calmly, quite the difference from his overzealous brother. “We just managed to convince Edward to let us take him out to dinner, kind of a tradition we have on Demetri’s birthday. You’re more than welcome to join us.”

I frowned at the mention of Demetri. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude – “ I started, until a warm arm wrapped around my waist. I only jumped slightly.

“Don’t harass her, please,” Edward said, squeezing my waist.

“We were just inviting her to our annual _we hate Demetri_ club meeting. I think she’d make a great member,” Sam chuckled, laughing at his own joke.

“I’ll see what I can do and meet you at the restaurant,” Edward told him.

“Good. It was nice to meet you, Bella,” Seth said, tugging his brother down the hall with him.

“What are you doing here?” Edward asked, pressing a kiss to the top of my head as we walked down the hall toward his office.

“Just saying hi,” I shrugged, looking up at him once we were alone. He leaned against his desk, arms on my waist as he pulled me close.

I rested my head against his shoulder, the tension that had been building up in every part of my body from my shoulders to my toes slowly dissipating. The tight arm around my waist and gentle fingers brushing through my hair helped, too. Grounded me and helped me push away the intrusive thoughts.

“I’ve missed you,” he muttered against my hair.

It was Wednesday evening, and the last time I saw him was Monday morning. As much as I thought I should be able to say I could go not even two full days without seeing him and be okay with it, I kind of wasn’t.

“I missed you, too.”

“Do you want to come to dinner?”

The tension returned to my shoulders. “I don’t think I’m in the best… mindset to be meeting your friends.”

Edward pulled away, just enough to be able to frown down at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing in particular. Therapy just isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.”

“How about I cancel and you and I – “

“No,” I interrupted. “You should go have dinner with your friends. I’m fine. I promise.”

I could see the uncertainty on his face. And as wonderful as a quiet night with him sounded, I also didn’t want to ruin his plans. “I really am fine. I want your friends to like me and that’s already going to be a challenge so I need time to make a better second impression.”

“It’s hardly going to be a challenge, Bella,” Edward countered with a playful eyeroll.

I smiled up at him, reaching up on my toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “You should go have a good time with your friends. Although, I would like more information on the _we hate Demetri_ club, and how I can apply.”

Edward shook his head with a laugh, but he seemed to finally agree to going to his dinner. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

We walked hand in hand outside. It was getting dark earlier, and a slight chill was in the air. Nothing compared to the chill that would be in the air in Forks, but chilly compared to the eighty degrees it was earlier.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come?” Edward asked again, hands on my hips as I leaned against the side of my Volvo.

“Yes. Next time, though.”

“Let me know when you make it home, okay?”

I bit my lip, hoping to keep my emotions off of my face. Edward had made it very obvious he cared about me, in just about every way possible. It was the little things that made my chest tighten, because they were things no one ever really did for me before. Like walk me to my car, or worry about me making it home safe.

Just another thing to add to the list for Doctor Stanley.

_…E…_

Work, as usual, was a good distraction by the time I got home. I pulled on the pair of _Tonight Show_ sweatpants Edward gave me a while ago, an old UCLA t-shirt, and spread my work around me on my bed.

Working with Ashley was kind of like night and day compared to Edward. Most of what I had done with Edward from the beginning was damage control. The only time I really got to focus on actual publicity with him was the few months we weren’t really seeing each other. Then, it was back to damage control.

Ashley actually _wanted_ people to talk about her, which was a nice, new challenge. It also meant a hell of a lot more work, though. Which was how I ended up distracted enough for the night to slip away from me until there was a knock at the door around nine.

I frowned as I stumbled toward the door. Rosalie was at Emmett’s, and those were the only two people that were ever here. I pushed the curtain aside on the small window beside the door, only to see Edward standing there.

“Here I was hoping you’d answer the door in a towel, again.”

I snorted, stepping aside for him to come inside. “What are you doing here?”

“Bringing you these,” he said with a proud smile, holding up a white box. “In hopes that you’ll tell me what was bothering you earlier.”

“So, the cookies are a bribe, then?” I asked, opening the lid as he held the box out, frustrated at how delicious they smelled.

“No. You can have them either way.”

I grabbed a couple napkins from the kitchen, putting a cookie on each before plopping down on the couch. Edward followed, sitting silently beside me and taking his cookie without a word.

I picked at the edges of the cookie for a few minutes before realizing the reason I ended up at Edward’s theater this afternoon in the first place was because he was one of only a couple people I was comfortable talking to.

“My therapist wants me to talk to her more about my, um, childhood.”

I saw Edward nod in his reflection in the television.

“I spent a long time trying to repress everything she’s trying to get me to talk about, and I don’t really like it.”

“Is she pushing you too hard?”

“No,” I answered quickly. There were a lot of horrible therapists out there, but Doctor Stanley didn’t seem like one of them. “It’s just her job in general that I don’t really like. I just got happy and I don’t want to ruin it with… that.”

“Why would it ruin it?”

“Talking about it makes me really uncomfortable, and that feeling seeps into everything and I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

“Were you uncomfortable when you told me?”

I shook my head. “I think she’s wanting a little more… detail than that.”

Quiet surrounded us again, only the soft hum of the air conditioning floating throughout the room. Eventually, Edward leaned forward and dropped his uneaten cookie on the coffee table, resting his elbows on his knees and running two frustrated hands through his hair.

“I wish there was something I could say to make it better… but, I’ve got nothing.”

The frustration in his voice and the way he angrily tugged at his hair made me smile. Because he cared.

“That’s okay,” I sighed, dropping my cookie beside his and scooting closer to him. I wrapped my arm with his, resting my head against his shoulder. “Thanks for the cookies.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I pried.”

I rested my chin on his shoulder, smiling up at him and repeating what he told me Sunday night. “You can pry.”

I felt his phone vibrating the couch through his pocket, and knew our time was up.

“I should go,” he sighed, regret dripping in his voice as he stood up.

I followed him to the door, giving him as convincing of a smile as I could manage when he tilted my chin up towards him.

“For what it’s worth,” he said, hesitating for a moment before going on. “I will do my damnedest to make sure no one ever lays a hand on you like that again.”

He was gone before I could work up the courage to tell him just how much it was worth.

_…E…_

My week was all over the place. Mentally, I was still a little distraught over my therapy appointment on Wednesday. Unfortunately, that only went to prove Doctor Stanley’s point that I needed to talk things through in order to truly get over everything. I knew repressing everything didn’t mean I was over it, but it was the only way I knew how to handle the situation. There was a heavy knot in my stomach every time I realized my time of procrastination was up and I would have to talk about it. I didn’t want to live my life constantly wondering when the next thing would remind me of my childhood and make me feel just as helpless as I did then. But, I really _really_ didn’t want to relive it.

Work wise, I had never been busier. I had meetings with Ashley nearly every day. I accompanied her to three photoshoots on Thursday and two print interviews Friday. The events themselves were only half of the work for me, too. I had to make sure everything from then on didn’t screw us over, either.

The work part was exciting, though. The buildup to her album release was finally starting and even though I probably would have needed an extra six months as her publicist to really gear things up, things were going according to plan so far.

Edward miraculously had a coffee delivered to my office every morning since Wednesday, and took me to lunch every afternoon. If I hadn’t already blurted out that I loved him, it would have been impossible to keep to myself after this week.

Friday, I left work half an hour early to get home and changed. Edward had finally given in to his kids’ pleas to be able to date, and both had a group outing tonight. My job was, apparently, to keep him from dragging them both home.

I re-curled my hair when I got home and changed in to a pair of well-worn black jeans and a black camisole with lace around the edges. After pulling on a pair of black heeled booties I grabbed the bag of cookies off of the counter and rushed back out to my car, fumbling with my phone as it started ringing when I sat down.

“Hello?”

“My album is shit and I need to redo the entire thing.”

I chuckled, mostly nervously, because that would be kind of disastrous at this point. “It’s not shit. It’s amazing.”

The entire drive to Edward’s was spent talking Ashley into not restarting a years’ worth of work, something I finally managed to do as I pulled into his driveway.

“You’re just nervous. It’s great, I promise.”

“If you say so,” she mumbled, but I could tell she sounded lighter than when she first called.

“You just need to relax. Because in three weeks you’re going on a grueling two week press tour for an album that _is_ amazing.”

“Fine, fine,” she sighed, hanging up a minute later.

I grabbed the bag of cookies from the passenger seat, hopping out of the car too quickly to be considered casual. I was in a good mood, for the time being. I had a few uninterrupted hours with Edward to look forward to and I didn’t want anything to ruin it, so I turned my phone off as I watched him walk toward the door to open it.

“Hi,” I sighed, smiling up at him as he stood aside for me to walk in. He really was the most handsome man I had ever seen, and I hadn’t quite gotten used to it, yet. Wasn’t sure if I ever would, really.

His hair always managed to toe the line between too unruly and just messy enough to make me want to constantly run my fingers through it. It was constantly a struggle to resist the urge to kiss my way along his jawline. His eyes always gave away how he was feeling, they weren’t as bright tonight as I would have hoped, but I knew he was worried about his kids and their dates.

“You look lovely,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“Thank you. You look every bit the stressed father.”

A small groan rumbled in the back of his throat as we walked toward the kitchen, hand in hand. Edward deposited me by a stool at one of the kitchen islands, grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring it in a waiting glass.

“I’ve dreaded this day since they were born. You waited until you were twenty-three to start dating, which I think is a very good way to go about the whole thing.”

I chuckled, taking a sip of my freshly poured wine. “Okay, Mr. Two-Kids-by-Eighteen.”

“Hmm touché,” he sighed, taking a large sip of his own glass of wine.

“Where did they go?”

“Movie. To do God only knows what in a dark theater for two hours.”

“Maybe they just went to, you know, watch the movie.”

“You, my love, have never been on a date with a hormonal teenager.”

“No,” I admitted. “I have cookies, though,” I told him with a smile, dropping the bag on the counter. “They’re mostly to bribe your children into liking me, but you seem like you need one.”

“You made cookies?” Edward asked with a smile, taking an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie out of the bag.

“ _Technically_ Emmett made them. But, if anyone else asks, I did.”

“Thank you,” Edward chuckled. “You don’t have to bribe them, though.”

“I want them to… not hate me at the very least. I thought cookies would help.”

Edward twisted me in my seat so I was facing him. Without thinking my legs spread enough for him to take a step closer. My arms went over his shoulders while one of his hands gently lifted my chin up.

“I love you.”

A smile immediately covered my face. “I love you, too.”

My fingers finally got what they wanted, digging into the soft hair at the nape of his neck to pull him down to me. The kiss started out slow and chaste, as had been most of the stolen kisses we shared throughout the week. I didn’t realize how unfulfilling they were until I had him alone and didn’t have to hold back.

Edward’s hands were slowly sliding up my back, underneath my top, his tongue tangled deliciously with mine when a timer went off from behind us.

“You are one hell of a distraction,” he groaned, pressing one last quick kiss to my lips before heading back over toward the stove.

I smiled to myself, following him through the kitchen. “Do you need help?”

“How are you with chopping?”

“Fine. Probably. Depending on what it is.” Cooking was never my thing. I could do it enough to survive on something other than ramen noodles, but the dinners Edward had cooked for me were far above and beyond anything I could ever hope to cook on my own.

Edward smiled with a shake of his head, pulling out a cutting board and dangerously sharp looking knife.

It was very domestic, standing in his kitchen and cooking side by side. The only talking occurred when I had a question, or when Edward instructed me on how to cut something without also chopping my fingers off. I probably would have been able to do that last part myself if he didn’t constantly float around me, grabbing my waist or arm as he leaned around me or walked passed me. Every touch was incredibly distracting.

“Now, we wait,” he said, closing the oven and turning to me with a smile. He untied the dark blue apron around his waist, dropping it on the counter.

I may have eyed him up and down and I may have done it while mentally removing his grey button down and black jeans.

“How long do we, um, wait?” I asked, mind getting fuzzy when he stalked toward me, hands on my hips as he started walking me backwards until I hit the edge of the second island.

“About half an hour,” his voice was calm as he spoke, but an eerie kind of calm that made my breath catch in my throat. He pressed himself against me, a hint of a smirk on his face when I couldn’t suppress my groan.

He overwhelmed all of my senses. I could smell his body wash, a now familiar musky scent that would forever be associated with Edward. My hands went back to his hair, anxiously tugging at the soft strands. My eyes were locked on him, the way his were no longer stressed or worried, but dark and focused only on me. He pressed a quick, hard kiss to my lips, taking what little breath I had away before leaning in with his lips brushing my ear.

“If you’re done eye-fucking me, we can get to the real thing. Five days without you after a weekend spent inside you has been fucking miserable.”

“I wasn’t – “ I started, before I was interrupted with a kiss that made my toes curl. It would have been a lie, anyway, telling him I wasn’t eye-fucking him.

His hands went straight to my jeans, not wasting any time before slipping inside. I whimpered against his lips when two slender fingers slid easily inside of me.

“If you weren’t eye-fucking me, I’d love to know what made you this wet.”

I grumbled under my breath at his teasing, hiding my now burning cheeks against his chest for a moment. As long as I could until he lifted my chin.

Edward pressed a hard, sloppy kiss to my lips before smirking down at me. “Turn around.”

My fuzzy brain must have taken too long to process his request because his hands twisted my hips until the front of my waist was pressed against the cold marble island.

Rough hands pulled my jeans down, going so far as to tear the boots from my feet to toss them across the kitchen. Edward pressed himself against me, the fabric of his jeans coarse against my skin. Especially as he ground his growing arousal against me.

His arm reached around me, not a moment of hesitation as it slid between my legs again. “I love it,” he groaned, his touches getting more insistent. “Knowing you want me as much as I want you.”

“I’ve been pretty fucking miserable all week, too,” I blurted out, earning myself a quick bite to my shoulder before all of his contact disappeared. I would have protested if I couldn’t hear the click of his belt behind me.

My body sagged forward, the icy marble counter quite the contrast to the heat I felt wherever he touched me. His first thrust inside me was slow, like he was savoring every inch where we were connected. Then he adjusted his grip on my hips, giving me a firm squeeze before he let go.

There was no hint of the gentle touches I had gotten all weekend. It was hard and fast and made the concept of conscious thought impossible.

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned from behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist to lift my upper body off of the counter. His hand slid up underneath my forgotten camisole, roughly grabbing my breast.

His movements never faltered, and all I could offer was a whimper.

My own orgasm caught me by surprise, tearing through me before I knew it was happening. Both of Edward’ s hands went back to my waist as I slumped against the counter, enjoying the sounds Edward let out as he found his own release.

I rested my forehead against the marble, catching my breath before Edward’s arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me up.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed against my neck, nipping at my shoulder.

I only had the energy to happily sigh in response. With another twist of my hips, we were face to face. I smiled up at the lazy, relaxed smirk he was wearing.

“Stay with me next week,” he said quickly, eyes far too nervous for what had just happened.

“Just tell me when.” I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“I was thinking Monday through Sunday.”

I froze, lips still on his cheek. That was all of them. All the days.

“I think maybe this is a conversation that requires pants,” I mumbled, realizing we were both still half naked. 

Edward chuckled, pressing his lips to my forehead. After taking a few minutes to clean myself up in the bathroom down the hall, I came out to two perfectly plated plates of salmon.

“I’ve got these, you get the glasses,” Edward told me, grabbing both plates and heading out to the backyard.

I followed without question, smiling as we ended up sitting in a couple lounge chairs right in front of the glass fence surrounding his backyard. He had the most beautiful view with mountains in the far distance and all of Los Angeles at his feet. The sun was already almost completely set, the lights in the backyard gradually starting to glow.

We silently situated ourselves, legs crossed with our food in front of us. It was a little thing, eating dinner in his backyard on lounge chairs, but it made me smile as I took my first bite. Nothing with him ever felt normal or boring.

“You’re wearing pants,” Edward commented, giving me a pointed look.

“Unfortunately.” I took another bite, mostly because the salmon was delicious and only partly to collect my thoughts. “It’s a big deal, right? Me staying here for a week?”

Edward was quiet for a minute, long enough to make my stomach twist with nerves, before he turned toward me, legs crossed beneath him, with a smile. “I’m going to let you in on a secret.”

My brows rose, surprised at the change of the subject. “A secret?”

“Yes. One I’ve kept for quite a while.”

I frowned over at him. He didn’t look at all nervous or upset, so it couldn’t be a bad secret. But I wasn’t sure if there was such a thing as a good secret.

Edward leaned forward dramatically. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.”

My mouth opened and closed as the words danced around in my head.

_I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you_.

“Well, that makes one week here look pretty inconsequential, doesn’t it?” I blurted out. It was the first conscious thought that came to my mind.

“Exactly,” Edward smiled.

“But – “

“No buts.”

“It’s just… how can you be so sure?”

“I’m more sure every day.”

“But – “

“ _No_ _buts_.”

I bit my lip. It wasn’t like it was a marriage proposal, but it kind of was. All of the things he had implied in the last few weeks were no longer just implied.

“You’re not very subtle.”

“Wasn’t trying to be,” he shrugged with a smile. “I know you need time. Hell, so do I because my divorce isn’t even final, yet. I know what I want, though, and I think you know what you want, too.”

I did know what I wanted. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to see him every day and not have to worry about seeming clingy or needy. And I wanted to be able to want all of those things without the crippling fear that I would one day do something to screw it all up.

“But – “

“No buts.”

“ _But,_ ” I persisted. “What if you change your mind? Or I do something to make you hate me? Or Lucy never comes around to us? Or you get sick of me and all of my issues? Or – “

“I’m not going to change my mind. There are very few things you could do to make me hate you, and they are all things I know you’d never do. And, Lucy is already coming around. She inherited my stubbornness, though, so it’s just taking a while.”

I bit my bottom lip, looking down at my forgotten plate of food. After the week of highs and lows, my mind was more confused than ever.

“I know your childhood left you with a lot of… insecurities. And I know you’re working really hard to try and move on from that part of your life. I wasn’t going to be this blunt this soon because of it, but after Wednesday…”

I tensed, knowing Wednesday wasn’t my finest moment.

“After Wednesday I thought it might help. If you knew you didn’t have to worry about me or us. Because I’m all in, love. Until you say otherwise, I’m not going anywhere.”

His words echoed what he told me the afternoon the picture leaked. The first day he told me he loved me. He told me the next day he was going to prove that he cared for me, and he had. In a hundred different ways.

I spent the entire time thinking I was being practical, holding myself back from him in order to keep myself safe in the long run. But, maybe it was the stupidest thing I had ever done.

I had a wonderful, kind, loving, man telling me over and over that he loved me and cared about me and my fucked up mind wouldn’t let me enjoy it. Because my parents ruined me while convincing me that I ruined everything.

Edward was one of a very small group of people I trusted in the world, and if he said he wasn’t going anywhere… maybe he really wasn’t going anywhere.

“Me either,” I whispered, angrily wiping a tear that tried to escape down my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere either.”

A blinding smile covered his face, a tension I hadn’t noticed in him before visibly evaporating. He grabbed his plate, stretching his legs out on the lounge chair and leaning back. “So, you’ll stay all next week?”

“Yes,” I nodded, picking up my plate and taking a small bite. I smiled over at him, feeling that same nervous, excited energy I felt the afternoon I told him I loved him. “That was quite the confession just to get me here for six nights of sex in a row.”

“Hmm. Seven if you don’t leave until Monday morning,” he joked, smiling over at me. He grabbed my left hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to my ring finger. One of his least subtle hints.

In true Edward fashion, he was able to brush right past the heavy conversation and on to lighter subjects. By the time we were done eating, the quick moments of stress and fear were long gone.

I sat on the counter next to Edward as he did the dishes I had offered to do five times. My only job was to dry anything that wasn’t dishwasher safe.

“How are things going with Ashley?”

“Good,” I nodded. “She’s a much more exciting client than you.”

Edward’s head turned in my direction, brows raised with mock hurt on his face.

“I like working with you, because you’re you. But, you also hate publicity. Ashley actually wants people talking about her, so it makes my job a little more exciting.”

“Ah,” Edward sighed with a chuckle, handing me a knife to dry. “And, when do you leave?”

“The Monday after Thanksgiving.”

Ashley’s album came out at the end of that week, so we were spending the week before and after doing non-stop press in New York.

Edward opened his mouth to say something else, but his phone vibrating on the counter interrupted him. His eyes darted down immediately.

“Fucking finally,” he groaned, drying his hands to pick it up.

“Everyone survive?” I asked with a smile. He was very cute when he was a worried father.

“Yes. And in about ten minutes I’m going to have a house full of teenagers.”

My eyes widened in genuine horror and I hopped off the counter. “That sounds like my cue to leave.”

“You don’t have to. They know you’re here.”

I hesitated, my desire to stay, especially after everything he told me tonight, fighting a good battle with my need to flee. “I just… hated teenagers even when I was one. Or they hated me. I don’t know which started first.”

Edward pulled me in with a gentle hand on the back of my head to press a kiss to my forehead. “They’ll be here for two minutes to take anything that can pass as snack food out of the pantry and then retreat downstairs.”

“I’ve never seen the basement,” I mused, mostly to myself. I had seen the staircase, it was right at the entryway and connected to the one that headed upstairs. I had never been down there, though.

Edward frowned. “I never gave you a tour of the house, did I?”

I shrugged. “I’ve seen most of this floor, I think. And I’ve spent plenty of time in your bedroom.”

He chuckled. “I’ll take you down there next time you’re here. There’s even a gym.”

My brain was immediately flooded with images of Edward, shirtless, working out in his home gym. At least, it was until the front door swung open and the pattering of feet got closer.

“Hey, Dad,” Masen and Lucy said at the same time, frowning at each other as they walked in.

Each was accompanied by two friends. Lucy’s friends were both blonde, both wearing outfits that would be questionable for a twenty-year-old to wear to a club, let alone a couple sixteen-year-olds. Masen’s friends were much more casual. The brunette in a worn-out UCLA t-shirt and the blonde in what I believed was a gaming t-shirt.

“How’d it go?” Edward asked, casually leaning over the counter as they raided the pantry and fridge.

“Good,” Lucy smiled.

I could tell Edward wanted to press for more, but bit his tongue.

“Hi,” Masen’s blonde friend said.

I hesitated a minute, looking around before I realized he was talking to me. “Um, hi.”

“Brett, Austin, Christina, Blair, this is Bella,” Edward told him.

“ _Nice_ , Mr. C,” one of the boys said, immediately followed by Masen shoving him back down the hall.

“We’ll be in the basement,” he grumbled, the whole group of them wandering toward the stairs.

It wasn’t until the sound of the stampede had died out downstairs that I let out the uncomfortable, irrational chortle that had built up in my throat. I covered my mouth, but the whole thing left me a giggling mess.

“Sorry,” I breathed out between the uncontrollable laughter.

Edward leaned against the counter, arms crossed as he stared at me in bemusement.

“I just,” I chuckled, finally calming down enough to speak. “Sometimes I forget that you have _children_. That you _raised_. For sixteen years. And then they come over here and their friends call you _Mr. C_.” Another chuckle worked its way out of my throat. “And it’s just… kind of funny.”

It was funny and incredible and amazing that even though we were completely different on paper, he was also now the most important thing in my life. One of the truly good things I had going for me. He didn’t even look at me funny for my laughing outburst. Just smiled at me from where he leaned against the counter.

I leaned up on my toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you.”


	11. Hurricane

_I’m the violence in the pouring rain_

_I’m a hurricane_

_~ Halsey, **Hurricane**_

****

**BPOV**

Firm meetings were usually the only place I saw any of the other senior publicists. I never went to any of the Friday night drinks that Eric told me about on my first day. Partly because I was pretty sure my lack of social skills would make them all hate me more than they already did, and partly because, for the first time, I had things outside of work I would rather be doing.

I would pass them in the hall or see them in the small lounge area when I ventured out to make a coffee or a snack, but the most I ever offered was a polite smile. While most were pleasant to my face, after my first week here I had heard every single person talking shit about me. Eric included, even after his drink invitation.

So, spending time with them outside of work was never a priority of mine. And firm meetings were kind of like torture. They were supposed to be a place to bounce ideas off of each other, see if anyone could help someone else out, but I kept my mouth shut after I got a look that could have killed me when I gave Lauren a suggestion for one of her clients.

“Anything else?” Renata asked, looking around the room.

I shut my laptop, ready to bolt when I had the chance.

“I have one more thing, actually,” Lauren said. “I’ve got this duo, started out online and are finally getting their break. They’re still too small to get any real attention, but I was thinking a performance on something like The Tonight Show would be a good start.”

All eyes immediately fell on me.

“I’m not his booking agent,” I shrugged, meeting Lauren’s eyes across the table. It was very obvious what she was trying to ask without asking.

She had nerve, I’d give her that. The most we ever spoke was that night in the elevator when she told me I would never last, and now she was asking me for a favor. A completely inappropriate one at that.

“No. But, you are dating the host so I think you probably have some strings you could pull.”

The urge to roll my eyes was nearly uncontrollable. “I don’t think so.”

Lauren was furious and didn’t bother keeping her eyeroll to herself. “You had no trouble pulling those strings for your own client to get booked.”

Ashley was booked on Edward’s show the day we got back from New York. Which, she of course thought had been done the easy way.

“She is,” I nodded, doing my best to keep my composure. “Which I made happen by going to the booking agent, as I would with any other client. If you had asked me as his publicist, without bringing up the fact that we’re dating, I would have called Donny myself and talked to him about your client.”

Donny, the shows booking agent, was one of my favorite people that worked on the show. He was nice if you knew him, but if you were trying to get something out of him, he could be a bit of a stickler.

“What you asked was unprofessional and inappropriate. I’m not using my personal relationship with Edward in a professional capacity for anyone, myself included.”

“No one should expect you to,” Renata added, frowning over at Lauren.

I nodded, grabbing my computer and leaving as everyone else started packing up their things. I was the first one out the door, my frustration only building as I walked back to my office. I slid in as quickly as possible, my head falling against the door as I closed it and cursed the glass office walls.

“Um, hi,” the soft, familiar voice made me jump.

My eyes popped open to see Lucy sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk, turned around to stare at me. She was the last person I would ever expect to see in my office.

“Hi,” I gasped, not sure what else to do. “What are you doing here? Not that… you can’t be here. It’s just… is something wrong?”

I walked around to my desk, setting my computer down. I couldn’t think of a single good reason why she would show up here on a random Tuesday morning.

“Kind of,” she said quietly.

I pressed my lips together, waiting for her to continue. I didn’t know Lucy well, but from what I did know about her she was obviously upset. Her eyes were downcast, voice soft, and I could see her fidgeting with her fingers in her lap.

“I need your help,” she admitted, her voice cracking.

I froze for a few seconds, not sure what exactly to do. If it was absolutely anyone else in the world crying across from me, I would have just uncomfortably tried to comfort them from here. This was Edward’s _child_ , though. And, even though Lucy and I had a very iffy relationship, I couldn’t just let her sit there and cry.

I got up and sat in the chair beside her, folding my hands in my lap and doing some fidgeting of my own. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s this guy.”

I frowned to myself. Not how I imagined the story would start. “The one you went on a date with last weekend?”

“Yeah,” Lucy nodded. “Except I’ve been seeing him for a while. We couldn’t always physically hang out so we texted a lot and a few weeks ago I sent him some, um, pictures. Of myself.”

My whole body tensed, immediately understanding where this was going.

“I guess I’m not as exciting to date anymore, now that I can actually date. We got into a big fight Friday night and he’s just… nothing like I thought he was. He says he’s going to…”

“Leak your pictures,” I finished for her, when her voice seemed to stop working.

“You can make something like that go away, right? That’s what you do?”

My breath that I hadn’t realized I had been holding left in a puff. “If this kid is threatening to release these pictures of you, and they’re the kind of pictures I think they are… it’s technically child – “

“I know what it is,” she snapped, but the frustration didn’t seem directed at me.

“It’s really something the police should take care of, Lucy.”

“No,” she insisted. “I don’t want to have to go to the police _._ _Please,_ Bella. I just… want it to go away,” she cried, though I didn’t see any actual tears.

I bit my lip, unsurprised when I tasted blood a few seconds later. It was a big fucking deal, handling something like this. While I still thought the police were here best bet, I also understood not wanting to go to them at the same time.

“Do your parents know?”

“No,” she gasped. “They can’t know.”

I shook my head immediately. “If I’m going to do this for you, Lucy, at least one of your parents has to know.”

“They don’t. I can pay you, I can – “

“I don’t want your money,” I sighed. “It’s just too big of a problem for me to take care of for you without some kind of parental approval. If you’re more comfortable with your mom knowing, that’s fine. One of them has to know, though.”

Even as I said the words, I sincerely hoped she didn’t choose for only Irina to know. I didn’t want to screw up my relationship with Lucy any more than I already had, but I knew this wasn’t something I’d be able to keep from Edward either.

“You’ll do it, though?” she asked quietly. “You think you can make it go away?”

I hesitated, but my mind was already made up. There was no way I could send the girl out of here without trying to help her. “Yes. But, one of your parents _has_ to know, Lucy.”

She sighed, quiet for a minute before looking up at me. “Dad, I guess.”

“Are you sure? If you’d rather your mother – “

“No,” she interrupted. “I haven’t been getting along very well with my mom lately.”

I nodded, not wanting to push, and grabbed a notepad from my desk, along with a pen. “I need you to write down everything you know about the boy. Name, address, socials, emails, whatever you know about him.”

Lucy nodded, quickly scribbling down a list of information. “Now what?”

“Now,” I sighed. “You go to school, and I’ll go make sure you dad is okay with me handling this.”

It should probably be on her to tell Edward, but school seemed more important.

“Okay,” she sighed, standing up and grabbing the bag at her feet. “Thank you, Bella,” she added quietly before walking out the door.

_…E…_

I sat in one of the empty audience chairs, watching Edward finish up his late morning rehearsal. I couldn’t recall a single thing he had said as I sat there for half an hour. My plan had been to interrupt him, but once I walked and saw him smiling behind his desk, I collapsed in a chair and watched.

The idea of taking care of Lucy’s problem without telling Edward bounced around in my head the entire time I sat there. He was going to be angry and hurt and worried for his daughter until this whole thing was behind her, and even then it would probably always be in the back of his mind. He’d always be waiting for the shoe to drop and someone to leak even the idea that the pictures existed.

I could never do it, keep such a big secret from him. Especially concerning his child. As much as I wanted to do whatever I could to keep him happy, there was no protecting him from it this time.

“What are you doing here?” Edward asked with a smile, plopping down in a chair beside me.

“I had something to talk to you about, if you had the time?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t give away how kind of petrified I was to talk to him.

“Of course,” he nodded, grabbing my hand as he stood up. Once we were secluded in his office, he went to his plush leather couch in the corner as opposed to his desk.

I gave myself a minute to organize my thoughts, hoping to get through the conversation without blurting out something stupid. I slid my heels off of my feet, kneeling on the couch beside him and grabbing his hand.

“I need you to promise not to overreact,” I said slowly.

“That really depends on what you’re about to say,” Edward replied, nearly as cautious as I was now.

The buildup was only going to make things worse, I realized. This was a peel off the band-aid kind of moment. “Lucy came to my office today to ask for my help.”

I could see the tension stiffen his shoulders, feel it in the hand I still had in mine. “Your help with what?”

“Apparently she had been dating a while before you gave your permission. She had been talking to a boy and… sending him some pictures… which he is now threatening to leak.”

I expected a big blow out. A lot of cursing and even an attempt to storm out to find the kid. I didn’t expect him to sit there and stare at me with complete confusion.

His voice was monotone when he finally spoke. “Pictures.”

“Yes.”

“Of my daughter. _Pictures_ of my daughter.”

I wasn’t sure if he was slowly putting the pieces together, or if he had put it together immediately and was now in some kind of shock. “Yes.”

“That…” Edward snatched his hand out of mine, tugging at his hair as he leaned over the couch. “Motherfucking piece of _shit_.”

He got up abruptly enough to make me jump a little and started pacing the length of his office. Most of what he said was mumbled under his breath, curses intermingled with other insults.

“What the fuck was his name?” he asked suddenly, wild green eyes on me. “Derek something.”

He headed to his desk, grabbing his phone off of it.

I hopped up, snatching it out of his hand before he had time to scroll through his contacts. “This is the kind of overreacting I was talking about.”

“The fucker has _pictures_ of my daughter, Bella. I – “

“No, I know. That’s not what I meant. I just meant you can’t do anything stupid. You can’t call him or his parents. That will only make things worse, especially when you’re this angry.”

I stood my ground in front of him, phone in hand as his nostrils flared in my direction. It was a _very_ bad time for a shot of desire for him to go through my veins.

“She went to you,” he stated, his voice back to being monotone and detached.

“Yes.”

“To ask you to make it go away.”

“Yes.”

His eyes were on me, terror starting to take over the anger as everything sunk in.

I dropped his phone back on his desk and carefully grabbed his hand. Once I knew he wasn’t going to snap again, I pulled him back over to the couch. Edward slumped over himself, head in his hands, and I sat beside him until he spoke again a few minutes later.

“Can you?” he asked, voice gruff. “Make it go away?”  
“Yes,” I answered again, hoping the shot of fear wasn’t audible in my voice. If everything went smoothly, theoretically I could get it to go away. Depending on the choices the kid and his family made. It was stupid of me to give Lucy and Edward a definitive answer, but they were both so sad and defeated and I _hated_ it.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Edward grunted under his breath, repeating the curse a few more times before he started pacing again.

“You can’t do anything though, Edward,” I warned him. “You have every right to want to scream at the kid and his parents but that’s only going to make things worse.”

I could see the indignation on his face, but I knew once he cooled down he would understand the reasoning.

“Is there anything I _can_ do? To help you?” he asked, still pacing.

“No,” I sighed. “I just need a couple days to get things… organized. I should probably stay at my place to get some work done – “

“No,” he interrupted quickly, eyes suddenly panicked in my direction. “Stay with me. Please.”

“O-okay. I’ll have to work a lot, though.”

“That’s fine. I won’t distract you.”

I nodded, grabbing my bag at my feet and standing up. Strong arms were wrapped around me before I knew what to do, squeezing me tight enough to make breathing difficult. I let my bag fall back to my feet and squeezed him back with all of my strength.

“Thank you,” he whispered in my ear, a few minutes into the bone crushing hug.

_…E…_

“Did you come to LA knowing you wanted to get into publicity?” Edward asked quietly. He was lying on the couch beside me, head in the crook of my legs as my laptop rested on the armrest to my left. It was late Tuesday night, or technically early Wednesday morning.

Neither of our days got any better after I left him this morning. I went back to work and attempted to balance trying to finalizing everything for Ashley with finding out everything I could about the asshole kid based on the information Lucy gave me. Edward spent the afternoon with Lucy after she got out of school. I didn’t ask for details about their afternoon, because he looked pretty worn down by the time we met at his place. 

I looked down at him with a small smile. He was sprawled out on the couch, long legs draped over the back. He didn’t have his phone or the television on or anything. He spent the last three hours in silence as he sat beside me while I worked, even after the countless times I told him he could go to bed.

I stopped typing, reaching down to run my fingers through is hair. It was already a bit of a mess from me doing the same thing every so often the last few hours. “No. Originally I thought I might do something with animals. Being a vet is too intense, though. Sick animals make me sad. And science wasn’t really my strongest subject. Then I thought I could just get a basic business degree, maybe try to open up an animal shelter or something. But, it didn’t seem too practical.”

“You like animals?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “I volunteered at a lot of animal shelters to bulk up my college applications. They’re much more pleasant to be around than people.”

Edward chuckled, bright eyes still staring up at me from my lap. “So, how did you end up with public relations?”

“I was in a random intro to public relations course that I was only taking for the general credit. There was this speaker that did a whole presentation on how PR isn’t just about getting your client exposure or making them money through paid promotions. It’s about being five steps ahead of anyone who would try to tear them down, given the chance. And I thought…”

I pressed my lips together, my sleep deprivation making me much more honest than I probably would have been. There was no going back now, though, not with Edward staring up at me and waiting for my answer.

“I thought about how no one ever protected me, and how someone in the public eye probably feels just as terrified of a stranger on the street as I do.” I shrugged. “It’s kind of a stupid analogy now that I think about it.”

“It’s not stupid,” Edward told me.

“You’re not supposed to be distracting me,” I scolded, giving one last tug at his hair before returning my hands to my laptop.

“Just curious how you got into it,” he said softly. “I never realized how important it was, before.”

“It is kind of a miracle that you survived your whole life without one. Especially the last few years.”

“Renata took care of anything big.”

“Still, on a daily basis, you should have had someone.” Logically, I wished he’d had someone watching his back the last few years. But, personally, it had worked out pretty well for me that he didn’t.

“Maybe I was just waiting for the right pretty little brunette to accost me in my dressing room.”

I looked down at him with a smile.

“Thank you,” he whispered, all playfulness gone from his voice. “For doing this.”

I nodded. “Was Lucy okay? When you talked to her?”

“She gets quiet when she’s upset. Shuts in on herself. She knows I know and that you’re working on it, but I think she’s too stressed to really talk about it yet.”

The underlying sense of urgency I had felt since my talk with Lucy this morning reared up again, as I turned back toward my laptop. “It should be taken care of by Friday at the latest.”

_…E…_

I took a deep breath, turning off my car. Derek Anderson and his parents lived in a lovely home. Not quite on the scale of Carlisle and Esme’s home, or even Edward’s, but it was worth millions. Something I knew for a fact, because I knew basically everything about the family now.

Publicity could get a little underhanded in the right circumstances. And these were the perfect circumstances to make things get tricky. I knew it was the kind of thing Edward hated about my profession, he seemed to think it was always backstabbing and blackmailing. Most days, it wasn’t. But, today wasn’t most days.

Derek Anderson was the only son of Ryan and Holly Anderson. From the information I had gathered, he was the spoiled kind of only child, the one who thought he ruled the world and could get away with anything. He was a senior, turning eighteen in two months. The cliché star football player but was surprisingly passing all of his classes with nearly perfect attendance. He seemed the perfect example of book smarts not always being enough.

His parents were both financial types, accountants at a big tech company. They met in college and married six months before Derek was born. They seemed to be a happily in love couple, though. No evidence of cheating from what I could tell, but I only had a few days to look into them. I could be wrong on that front, but they both seemed like logical, level-headed people. They just happened to raise a piece of shit.

My phone buzzed before I could turn it off.

**_Home around 6?_ **

I fought back my smile. I hadn’t had much time to overthink the whole living-with-Edward-for-a-week situation because I had spent 90% of the time working and worrying. I liked the idea of having a home with him, though. Even for a few days.

He didn’t know I was here, about to talk to Derek and his parents. I had dropped a few seeds that Friday was when I would be trying to finally solve the problem, even though I knew I’d do it Thursday. Friday was my contingency plan. A day to figure out what the fuck to do if today didn’t go well. I really didn’t want to have to use that contingency.

_Busy. Seven at the latest._

I turned my phone off, not wanting to get too distracted from the issue at hand. I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat, hopping out of my car at the exact same time Ryan Anderson pulled into his driveway.

“Mr. Anderson?” I asked, clenching my teeth with every click of my heels on the sidewalk.

“Yes?” he asked, rightfully confused as I walked over.

“My name is Isabella Swan. I’m a publicist, and I need to talk to you about your son in regards to one of my clients.”

I saw the resignation on his face. Knew I hadn’t been the first person to need to talk to him about Derek. He was a straight A student, star football player, but knew how to get in trouble. And his parents knew how to get him out of it.

“What’d he do this time?”  
“Are your wife and son home? I think it’s more of a… group conversation.”

He nodded curtly and I followed him in the front door.

It was a beautiful home, but I didn’t focus on it too much. I followed Ryan through the house until we ended up in a large living room. I took a seat in a chair, flattening my simple black pencil skirt over my legs. As I pulled out my folder of information, I heard Ryan coming back, whispering with his wife and son.

“What’s this about?” his wife, Holly, asked. All three of them sat on the large couch opposite of me.

I kept my face as neutral as possible as I spoke. “Your son is threatening to release explicit pictures of a minor against her will.”

“Pictures…” his mother gasped, eying her son. “Of who?”

“Does it matter?” I frowned.

“I…”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Do you know the things she says about you?” he asked, eying me.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“You must not if you’re here defending her. Because she… really fucking hates you.”

“Who?” Holly repeated.

“Lucy Cullen,” Derek snapped.

I pressed my lips together. I had hoped her name wouldn’t actually come up, but it wasn’t unexpected. I saw the realization cover his parent’s faces and knew I had to get things back on topic.

“You do realize that what you’re planning to do is illegal, don’t you? That even being in possession of those photos is a crime?”

Derek rolled his eyes. “It’s not – “

“It is,” I snapped. “Lucy is sixteen. You’re two months from being eighteen. A court would have no problem trying you as an adult for possession of – “

“I think that’s taking things a bit too far Miss Swan,” Ryan interrupted, though he had a horrible poker face. He was an average looking man, cropped dark brown hair and a bit of stubble covering his squared chin. A black suit hung loosely on his shoulders. Still, I could see the sudden tension in his clenched jaw and dark eyes.

“It is,” I agreed. “Which is why as long as everyone in this house signs one of these,” I said, pulling out three NDAs from my folder and slid them across the coffee table to them. “And Derek agrees to have all of his online photo storage, phones, tablets, and computers wiped clean, this will all go away.”

“I was never going to actually do it,” Derek snapped. “I’m not deleting all of my shit. They can’t do that.”

“They can,” his father snapped before his defeated eyes met mine. “And he will.”

I smiled to myself, grabbing three pens out of my bag and placing them on the three forms.

“Seriously? You’re taking her side? Can she even do this? She’s just fucking her Dad, she’s not a lawyer.”

“Damnit Derek, she is making this problem go away for you, too! Do you want to end up a registered sex offender before you’ve graduated high school?” his mother shouted, years of frustration seeming to come out. He’d had issues in the past, but most of it seemed to miraculously never affect him. Wealthy parents tended to make things go away.

Both parents quickly signed the NDAs, not bothering to read over them. There were no tricks or hidden clauses. As long as everyone kept their mouths shut, they’d be fine. If anything got out about the pictures, they’d be on the line with a fine even they couldn’t really afford.

“ _She_ took the pictures,” Derek said, his voice losing its cocky nonchalance after watching his parents sign the papers.

“You’re the one threatening to leak them,” I snapped.

Was the whole thing an over exaggeration? Yes. Was it the only way to know with as much certainty as possible that the pictures would, hopefully, never see the light of day? Yes.

There was no verbal agreement or anything else strong enough to keep the kid from changing his mind in a day or week or two years from now. Things happened, friends got ahold of phones and computers got hacked. Yeah, he could potentially be charged if he was found to be in possession of the photos, but in the long run it would affect Lucy much more if they ever got out. I was banking on coming in hard with the worst case scenario, though.

It was lucky for me that his parents seemed to be fed up with all of the other trouble he had gotten into in the last few years. They very easily could have fought back on this, and won.

I let out my first breath in what felt like days as I watched Derek sign on the dotted line. I grabbed the signed forms quickly, dropping my card on the coffee table. “If you have any questions, or a lawyer who’d like a copy of these,” I told them, pushing the card towards them.

“Austin Zelner, a security tech with my firm, is waiting outside. He’ll be in as soon as I leave to wipe all of your devices. Have a good rest of your evening.” I gave them my best, pleasant smile as I let myself out.

I nodded in the direction of Austin’s car and watched him hop out as I got in mine. My forehead fell against the steering wheel as I did my best to catch my breath.

_…E…_

Opening the front door, I didn’t even have the energy to smile at the key in my hand like I had the first few times I used it. The key. To Edward’s home. That he gave me. To keep. Not even that thrill of excitement it gave me was enough to muster much energy.

My limbs were sore from the constant tension I had held in them the last three days. My eyes blurry from all of the screens and paperwork and double checking. I had pulled more than my fair share of all-nighters to get work done through college and even just a few weeks ago, but I never ended up this exhausted.

I knew this had been different. More important, more personal. And now that my body was catching up to me, I was fairly certain I had been on the brink of some kind of panic or anxiety attack the last three days, but too busy to ever let it take over.

“Edward?” I shouted. I knew he was here, his car was in the driveway.

“We’re in here,” his voice was quiet and calm, but in a _too_ calm kind of way.

I followed the sound of his voice to the living room adjacent to the kitchen and saw him sitting on the couch, Lucy by his side.

“Oh, good,” I sighed. I was going to call her while I told Edward everything. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I can’t handle it anymore. I was so _stupid_. I keep constantly checking my phone to see if the pictures are out there and I – “

“It’s taken care of,” I interrupted, sitting in a chair across from them, not unlike the setup I had come from earlier.

“What?” they both asked, two sets of stern eyes on me. In any other situation, their similar facial expressions would have been amusing.

“I spoke with Derek and his parents this afternoon. They have all signed NDAs that prevent them from talking about or sharing anything regarding you or the photos. All of Derek’s devices have been wiped clean.”

I reached in my bag and pulled out the copies of the NDAs, leaning forward to hand them to Edward. “These are just copies. The originals are on file at my office, but I thought you might want your own. I can send them to your lawyer too, if you want.”

“He doesn’t… even have the pictures anymore?” Lucy asked quietly.

“No. I would suggest you wipe your phone completely, too.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Okay.”

“You don’t think…” Edward started, leaning toward me with his elbows on his knees. “Are you sure that…”

I smiled over at him, my first genuine smile all afternoon. “I think this is a much of a sure thing as you’re going to get. His parents actually seemed reasonable. They understood how serious it is, so that will hopefully keep him from doing anything stupid.”

“So, its… done? I don’t have to worry about it anymore?” Lucy asked slowly, like she was afraid to really believe it herself.

“It’s done,” I nodded, one more thing to say on the subject. “I don’t want to overstep, but… in this day and age… pictures like that are just never going to be worth it.”

“Oh, I know,” Lucy gasped.

“Good,” I sighed, grabbing my bag and standing up. “I’m kind of exhausted, so I think I’m just going to head home and sleep for about twelve hours,” I chuckled, hoping to relieve some of the tension.

I saw Edward hesitate to say something, but I had also seen Lucy’s bag by the stairs. Something must have happened to make her want to stay here tonight.

“You can stay,” Lucy said softly. “I know you’ve been here, last night at least.”

“How did you know?” Edward asked hesitantly.

“Ever since you moved out, there’s been one coffee cup in the sink when I come here after school. There were two today.”

I shook my head with a sigh. “I don’t want to intrude on your night, I’m just going to sleep anyway.”

“You shouldn’t drive yourself home if you’re that tired,” Edward interrupted hesitantly. He turned toward Lucy. “You’re sure you’re okay with it, if she stays?”

“Yeah.”

I hesitated in the middle of the room, still not sure of it myself. Then two unfamiliar arms were wrapped around my waist, a head of blonde hair pressed against my chest.

I froze, eyes wide as I stared at Edward from over Lucy’s shoulder. He seemed just as surprised as I did, which wasn’t very helpful.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered into my shoulder, arms still tight around my waist.

I wrapped my arms as least awkwardly as I could around her. “You’re welcome.”

A minute later, Lucy pulled away and quickly wiped under her eyes. “I’ll go find something to make for dinner,” she said before quickly disappearing into the kitchen.

There was no time for me to recover before another set of arms was wrapped around me, though these were much more familiar.

“Thank you,” Edward muttered against the top of my head, fingers digging into my back as he crushed me to him.

“You’re welcome,” I repeated, finally relaxing into him. My limbs felt like they were each fifty pounds and my impending migraine was three days in the making.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Edward said, grabbing my hand and tugging me upstairs.

As soon as his bedroom door was closed I kicked off my heels, dropping four inches immediately. I rolled my neck, unnaturally loud pops sounding throughout the quiet room. I stumbled over to Edward’s closet, reaching behind me and unsuccessfully trying to unzip the uncomfortable dress.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as steady fingers took over and unzipped it for me.

I was exhausted and relieved and exhausted some more. I grabbed the first thing that my fingers touched, which happened to be a sweatshirt of Edward’s, and stumbled back towards the bed.

I sighed, immediately content as I slid underneath the comforter. It was warm and soft and smelled like Edward. I buried my head in the pillow, barely peaking an eye open when I felt the bed dip beside me.

Edward leaned on the edge of the bed, cupping my cheek softly. “I love you.”

I was fairly certain I repeated the sentiment before I passed out.


	12. Let Me Get Me

_No self-sabotage, no letting my thoughts run_

_Me and this spiral are done_

_Burn this camouflage I’ve been wearing for months_

_Tryna let a little happy in for once_

_~ Selena Gomez, **Let Me Get Me**_

**BPOV**

“Hi,” I mumbled, stumbling through the kitchen to collapse in the stool opposite of Edward. I tugged at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, crossing my arms on the counter. My body had that lethargic feeling only twelve uninterrupted hours of sleep could give you. Four hours of restless sleep used to be a win for me, but having Edward around had spoiled me with a more constant, satisfying sleep.

I had still been half asleep as I stumbled downstairs, thankfully remembering to put on pants before I walked down in case Lucy was still here. She seemed to have already left, though.

“Hi,” he replied, a small smile on his face as he flipped a perfectly golden-brown pancake from the griddle to a plate. The smile didn’t reach his eyes, though.

“Is Lucy okay?” I asked, assuming that was the problem. The sudden panic that Derek had already pulled something again was a great wake up call for my still half-asleep brain.

“Yes, she fine. Ecstatic, really. Doesn’t even mind that she’s grounded for the foreseeable future.”

I kept my snort to myself. The laugh wasn’t because Lucy was grounded, but because of how very fatherly he sounded. I still didn’t know why him exhibiting any kind of parental quality made me laugh.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Edward leaned over the counter, eying me up and down as best he could as I sat across from him. “I thought you were exaggerating when you said you needed to sleep for twelve hours.”

“Oh,” I sighed, eying the clock on the stove behind him. It was about eight in the morning, so I had been asleep for almost exactly twelve hours. “I was tired.”

“You shouldn’t work yourself so hard you pass out as soon as you fall into bed.”

I bit my lip, staring at my fingers as they tugged on my sleeves. “The longer he had the pictures, the more he could have done with them,” I said quietly, still not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know how… bad… the photos were, but I know a picture like that can ruin a girl.”

I got fired and publicly shamed for a relatively tame photo of Edward and I in his pool. Could have lost any chance I had at a career if it weren’t for Renata because of it.

I was distracted, thinking of myself, when my eyes caught Edward sliding something across the counter toward me. I frowned down at it when I realized it was a check made out to me.

“What’s this for?” I asked, voice flat as I double counted the number of zeros behind the one.

“All of the work you did the last three days for Lucy,” Edward said carefully.

My eyes finally snapped up to his as I slowly pushed the check back toward him. “I don’t want your money. And you are grossly overpaying me if you think that is what three days of my time is worth.”

Yes, I was _technically_ a senior publicist but that was a major fluke. I graduated college six months ago. I was qualified to be getting people coffee and writing sample press releases.

“Bella, you spent three straight days solving a very preventable problem had my daughter not broken the one solid fucking rule I had for her. I know how much you have on your plate right now. You didn’t need that on top of everything else. Please, take the check.”

His frustration at Lucy was obvious, a stark contrast to how peaceful they seemed last night. I supposed with the problem solved, he was now free to be as pissed off as a father should be at the situation.

I pressed my lips together, picking up the check as he pushed it back in my direction and tearing it into four tiny pieces. Anger flashed across his face as I pushed the torn-up check in his direction. “I don’t want your money.”

“I can write another check,” he growled, picking up the pieces and throwing them away in a cabinet behind him.

“I can tear up another check. Wouldn’t be great for the environment, so I don’t think we should go about it that way, but we can.”

“Bella,” he groaned.

“You told me not to look at our relationship with my publicist glasses, and that’s what I’m doing. I helped your daughter, and I don’t want to be paid for that.”

Most of the time, our line between personal and professional was all kinds of blurred. This line was easy to draw, though.

Edward was quiet. Staring at me with a surprisingly soft gaze considering we were in the middle of a fight. “Okay,” he nodded eventually, his voice losing all of the frustration he had just a minute before.

“And you can’t buy me some extravagant present in a week to try and pay me, either.”

I wasn’t sure if he’d go that far, but it did seem like he had a thing for pricy presents.

A hint of a genuine smile tugged at his lips. “Okay. Thank you, Bella.”

“You’re welcome,” I smiled, glad our mini argument was over. “So, what’s going on with all of these pancakes?”

_…E…_

I had never been one of those people that complained about work or school. Mondays were fine by me, and I didn’t enjoy Friday over any other day of the week. I actually tended to prefer Monday over Friday because it was harder to avoid my family on the weekend when I was still living with them.

Now, I fully understood the way a Friday could drag on and on and on. I was well rested and had more energy than I knew what to do with, but I didn’t really feel like expending that energy at work.

“So, have you noticed how everyone either starts whispering or shuts up immediately when you’re around here?” Ashley asked, whispering to me as I walked her out of the conference room.

“Oh, yeah,” I shrugged. “I’m the office whore. I’m thinking of getting a red ‘A’ embroidered on all of my clothes.”

My newest read, thanks to Edward, had been _The Scarlet Letter_. Edward had rolled his eyes at me when I told him the same thing last weekend, but Ashley let out a quiet chuckle.

“People can’t still be on about that,” Lee, Ashley’s manager and long-time friend, added. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Never once asked me about Edward or assumed I couldn’t do my job. He also very obviously cared about Ashley and her well-being in this industry, which was comforting. My job would have been a hundred times harder if her manager was the _work them until they pass out_ kind of guy.

“Oh, they are. Edward took me to lunch last week and it was the talk of the office for days.”

It seemed to be dragging on far too long in my opinion. Yeah, I understood how _scandalous_ it might seem in the beginning. But all of the drama was behind us. The divorce was still moving along and Irina and Demetri had been blissfully quiet in the media about the whole thing.

There were still whispers and stares. Lauren was as bitter as ever after I refused to pull any strings for her. Eric invited me to drinks every week even though I consistently said no. Alistar had said no more than two words to me since I started. 

“I’ll see you Monday,” I told them both as they got into the waiting elevator to head out.

Once the door closed I turned back to head to my office until the receptionist, Christina, called my name.

“This was delivered for you while you were in your meeting, Bella,” she said with a smile, pointing to the beautiful, tall white orchid in a simple white vase.

“Oh, thanks.” I grabbed the pot with a frown, concentrating on not dropping the whole thing as I carried it to my office. I grabbed the tiny card attached to it.

_Thank you for taking care of Lucy when I couldn’t._

  1. _I hope I haven’t broken the present rule._



_PPS. I love you._

I smiled at the note before carefully putting it in my bag for safe keeping. I had just opened my computer to find out how to keep the pretty white flower alive for more than a day when Eric knocked on my door.

“Hi,” I sighed, hoping my frustration wasn’t too obvious. I didn’t really feel like dealing with him today.

“I’m here with your weekly drink invitation,” he said, happily taking a seat across from me.

“You don’t have to keep inviting me,” I sighed.

“You’re going to crack one day.”

“You hate me just as much as everyone else,” I blurted out. “So why invite me in the first place?”

“I don’t hate you,” he countered with a concerned frown. My incredulousness must have been fairly obvious. “I’ll admit that I was a little skeptical of you at first, but you’ve done a lot of good work so far.”

“I know you and Lauren have a bet on how long I’ll last,” I admitted. I heard them going over their terms my first week here.

To his credit, he looked a little ashamed. “We did. Until Lauren backed out after she lost $500 because she constantly underestimated you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” It didn’t.

“No. I’m sorry about the bet. You have every right to hate me and everyone else in this office for everything they’ve said about you.”

I kept quiet, because I did kind of hate everyone.

“I like you,” Eric said. “You’re stubborn. You kept your head down and focused on your work instead of feeding the drama. It was a month before I ever saw Cullen show up around here. You’re not who I thought you were, and I’m sorry again about your first few weeks here.”

It wasn’t like I could blame people for talking about me. I made a lot of stupid choices and knew I didn’t really earn my job here in the right way. But it had gone on for far too long.

“Thank you. I think,” I added with a small smile.

“You should come to drinks. At some point, at least. It might help everyone else see you as more of a co-worker and less of a tabloid headline.”

I bit my lip and stared at the beautiful flower on my desk. I knew ostracizing myself wasn’t going to be great for me in the long run. Doctor Stanley had encouraged me to accept Eric’s drink invitations many times, but I always shut it down. My excuse was always that people needed more time to see I wasn’t going anywhere, but the longer I was here, the flimsier that excuse was getting.

I had canceled my appointment with her Wednesday, too busy with Lucy’s problem to be distracted with my own. It was also a wonderful excuse to keep from having Doctor Stanley tell me, yet again, that I had to confront my own issues head on if I was going to get over them. Maybe I could take this tiny step, though.

“Do you guys still go to that place down the street?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Eric smiled.

“Edward is picking me up from work, so I wouldn’t be able to stay very long.”

“That’s fine. We can walk down at five.”

Eric was gone before I could change my mind.

_…E…_

“You interned with Newton & Cheney before taking the job there, right?” Eric asked, having to shout a little bit over the early evening crowd.

“Um, yes,” I replied, taking a sip of my water. The last thing I needed was less of a filter than I already had around these people, especially if the topic was going to be my time working with Newton.

Eric and I were the first ones here, and I was grateful for every minute that passed that we were. Edward was picking me up at five-thirty so I only needed to survive twenty-seven more minutes here. Each one that was free of Lauren was a blessing.

“Me too,” he smiled. “Just about ten years before you. Will’s father was still there.”

I let out a quiet snort as he called my former boss _Will_.

“I hear you gave him quite the verbal bashing when he fired you.”

“Oh, good,” I sighed, suddenly wishing I had ordered anything besides a water. “I’m glad that’s going around.”

Eric chuckled as Alistar appeared behind him. “Everyone in this town knows he’s an ass.”

“Who?” Alistar asked. He seemed about ten years younger outside of the office. His hair, a dirty blonde, had lost its structure throughout the day and hung loosely across his forehead. There was no frown in sight.

“Will.”

“Ah,” Alistar sighed, sending a playful smirk in my direction. “The insufferable prick.”

My outburst _had_ apparently made the rounds. “It was insufferable, misogynic, prick, actually.”

They both chuckled, Alistar raising his beer in my direction. “You do have balls, kid.”

I took a sip of water to hide my smile. Twenty-two minutes to go and maybe they wouldn’t be as horrible as I imagined.

“I hear his son is a real piece of work, too,” Eric added.

“Oh, he is. His father had him try to poach Edward once we got his contract renewed for two more years.”

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I was always cautious when bringing up Edward around the office. While it was a challenge to sometimes navigate the boyfriend or client roles when it was just the two of us, it was harder when talking about him with other people.

“That was pretty fucking impressive,” Alistar said. “Nobody wanted to touch Cullen.”

“Oh, someone wanted to touch him,” Eric chuckled, leaning in. “Lauren and I worked at the same firm in New York before coming here. She’d been trying to get him as a client for years. I’m pretty sure you lived out her ultimate fantasy, if you know what I mean.”

I frowned at him for a minute. “Oh,” I sighed. “ _Oh._ ”

There was no time to ask any questions before Lauren took a seat at the small table across from me. “Look who finally decided to show,” she said, eying me up and down before taking a sip of her drink. Some kind of martini by the looks of the glass.

“Hello to you, too, Lauren,” I greeted as politely as possible. The last time we spoke was when I told her I wasn’t pulling any strings at Edward’s show to get her clients on. I didn’t regret my decision, but I was sure she was still holding a grudge about it.

Thankfully, Eric seemed to be the chatty type and kept the table from an uncomfortable silence. Alistar was surprisingly animated, too, more so than I ever would have thought he could be from our few interactions in the office.

I jumped when a warm hand landed on my shoulder, only to look up to see Edward smiling down at me.

“Hi,” I sighed, the ball of anxiety that had made itself at home in my stomach slowly disintegrating. I turned back to everyone else as soon as I realized I had been staring up at him for a good ten seconds too long.

“Oh, um, this is Eric Yorkie, Alistar Reynolds, and Lauren Mallory,” I said, motioning to each person. “This is my, um… boyfriend. Edward.”

I winced at my own awkward stutter over deciding between the words boyfriend and client.

“Nice to meet you all,” Edward said, not missing a beat and shaking everyone’s hands. His free hand, still on my shoulder, gave me a gentle squeeze. “Ready?”

“Yes,” I gasped, falling to my feet from the high-top chair. I gave the table a small wave. “I’ll see you Monday.”

Alistar and Eric gave me a parting wave, while Lauren gave me a parting scowl. I grabbed Edward’s hand, smiling to myself as he walked us out of the crowded bar.

It was a little thing for most people, going out with coworkers for drinks. I was proud of my impulsive decision to go, though. It was a tiny step in the right direction of not letting my own mind get the best of me. I was now mentally drained, but I did it.

“You went to drinks,” Edward said, smirking over at me as we buckled ourselves into his Mercedes.

“I did,” I sighed, my head falling dramatically against the headrest. “It was exhausting.” My eyes peaked over at Edward, who looked nearly as drained as I felt. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Long week.” He pulled out into the busy traffic, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. “How does the biggest pizza we can find and a shit ton of alcohol sound?”

“Amazing.”

_…E…_

“I had… one fucking rule, you know?” Edward groaned, shaking his head and swallowing back the remaining amber liquid in his crystal glass. “No dating. That’s it.”

I took a small sip of out of my own crystal glass. My brain was on the fuzzy side and I didn’t remember the name of whatever it was that Edward had made me, but it was citrusy and delicious and every time he made me a new one the number of cherries in the bottom doubled.

As Edward had requested, our night had consisted of a half-eaten pizza that probably _was_ one of the largest you could get in the city and alcohol. More than I could personally handle, though with Edward making the drinks mine probably only had a quarter of the alcohol required. Edward’s drinks weren’t so tame. He was a very sexy drunk.

He was also obviously not over the Lucy situation. He’d been holding himself back, I think. Maybe because the problem had still been hanging over his head until yesterday. Now, he was definitely angry.

I cleared my throat, looking over at him and trying to keep my focus while doing so. My legs were draped across his lap, his hand running up and down my jean-covered calf. I had listened to him rant about the whole situation all night, and we had gotten to the point where it seemed like some logic would start to help.

“I know I’m just about the least qualified person to ever offer parental advice. But, from what I hear, it’s pretty common for a teenager to break the rules now and then.”

“She didn’t just break the rule. She fucking demolished it and nearly ruined herself in the process.”

“Well… yes,” I sighed, forgetting why I thought that would be comforting.

“When I was sixteen I ‘borrowed’ one of my Dad’s cars,” Edward offered up, looking over at me with a crooked smile that made me sink my teeth into my bottom lip. “He collects them. I chose the most expensive one.”

“And how much trouble did you get into?”

“He never found out,” he said, cocky smile on his lips. “Which means you’re now an accomplice and have to take that secret to the grave.”

I chuckled. “When I was seventeen I got my cartilage pierced.”

It was my own little act of rebellion. I wasn’t a fan of needles, which crossed out getting a tattoo. I supposed my piercing was technically done with a needle, but I never had to _see_ it.

“Here I thought you were all about the rules,” Edward laughed, smiling over at me. “How much trouble did you get into?”

“None,” I shrugged. “My parents never noticed.”

A flash of sadness took over his face. “Is that why you don’t wear it anymore?”

“No, I – “ When I remembered exactly why I took it out on the first place, I let out an uncontrollable snort. “I took it out a few days before I met you, actually. Because I wanted to seem as professional as possible.”

My forehead fell into my free hand, more uncontrollable laughter shaking both Edward and I. It was utterly ridiculous, the notion of Edward and I ever having a strictly professional relationship.

“I love you,” Edward sighed, his laughter dying down. “Thank you. For listening.”

I set my drink on the coffee table in front of us, grabbing Edward’s empty glass and doing the same before settling myself into his lap. I had been itching to get my hands on him all night, my fingers immediately burying themselves into the soft hair at the back of his neck.

“Sorry I wasn’t more helpful,” I grumbled. Parenting was a whole big unknown for me.

Edward gave me an incredulous glance, green eyes apparently appalled I implied I wasn’t helpful. 

“I meant helpful with the aftermath,” I clarified. One of my hands left his hair, tracing over his forehead and down the bridge of his nose. “Any other problems you need me to not solve?”

“I think,” he mumbled, voice deeper than a moment ago. “I don’t want to think again for a while.”

My wandering finger traced over his lips. I gasped when his tongue suddenly slithered around my finger.

Mischief danced behind his eyes as I sat there, too shocked to move. I pulled my finger out of his mouth with a pop, a Cheshire cat smirk slowly stretching aross his face.

We were both quiet for a minute. I was trying to fight my way through the alcohol-induced fog in my brain and Edward was staring at me with a continuingly darkening gaze.

“Do you have any fantasies?” he asked suddenly.

“W-what?”

“Fantasies. Do you have any?”

My brain was still a little mushy. It didn’t help that Edward smoothly lifted my black t-shirt over my head without a second thought. “I don’t… know?”

“Hmm. I do.”

“Oh.”

Smooth hands quickly unhooked my bra and tossed it across the room. “Tonight seems like a good time to try one out.”

“Uh-huh,” I groaned, barely able to keep a conscious thought as both of his hands traveled up my abdomen before cupping my breasts.

“I was thinking tying you up and having my wicked way with every inch of you sounded like a good way to end the night.”

My hands ended up buried in his hair again when he leaned forward and took a nipple between his teeth.

“Okay,” I gasped, my voice coming out a few octaves too high.

His hands wrapped around my ass, picking me up as he stood. I was pretty sure the haze clouding my brain was now mostly Edward induced with only a little bit of alcohol left in my system.

We collapsed on the bed, Edward’s clothes rough against my bare skin. His kiss was hard and quick before he was gone, standing at the foot of the bed with his eyes on me. I watched, eyes wide and mouth gaping, as he slowly undid his belt.

“Fucking gorgeous,” he groaned, coming to kneel over my abdomen. He grabbed both of my hands, belt still in one of his, and pressed them together above my head.

A bolt of excitement shot through my veins when I felt him wrap his belt around my wrists. It wasn’t tight at all, I could very easily pull myself free in a matter of seconds if I wanted. He still asked if it was too tight.

He tugged my jeans off when he was back on his feet, leaving me completely naked, and tied up, while the only clothing he had lost was his belt. His eyes were on every part of my body that _wasn’t_ my own eyes as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

His fingers drew patterns in my thighs, his eyes still tracing over me.

“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he groaned, kneeling on the bed above me. His tongue ran the length of my torso from my naval all the way up to my neck, where he ended the trail in a sharp bite.

A whispered plea escaped my lips.

“Oh, it’s awfully early to be begging, baby,” he chuckled into my neck, making a return route back down my chest and abdomen.

My hands clenched into fists when he tossed one of my legs over his shoulder with ease, shoving the other out of his way before his tongue licked right along my center.

“Ah,” I gasped, body arched off of the bed when two fingers slid easily inside of me.

I should have expected the exquisite torture when he said he wanted to have his wicked way with me. Still, every time his mouth and fingers worked up right up to the edge, I thought he would let me fall over it. Instead, every goddamn time he pulled away and peppered kisses along my abdomen or thighs.

It was infuriating.

And arousing.

But I was pretty sure I was going to combust.

“Edward,” I groaned.

“I know.” His kisses trailed all the way up my abdomen this time, stopping when he sucked a nipple into his mouth.

Another overwhelmed groan escaped me.

“You’re stunning when you’re frustrated,” he mused against my collarbone, trailing his lips to my ear. “And so fucking wet,” he growled, his hand sliding easily between my legs again.

I let out a strangled gasp, my fingers itching to pull at his hair or dig into his shoulder or touch whatever part of him I could. I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration, just for a minute or two. Only for them to pop open in surprise when I felt him straddling my chest again, only this time all of his clothes were finally gone.

“Open,” he grunted, dark forest eyes on mine.

My mouth fell open, mostly in shock, but enough for the head of his cock to slide past my lips.

Edward grunted out a string of curses, fingers buried in my hair and guiding my mouth over his length. It wasn’t until he pushed himself too far down my throat, making me cough around him, that he backed away.

“Please,” I gasped as soon as I found my voice.

Edward leaned over me, every inch of my body covered by his. I felt him reach down, line himself up with my entrance, and I attempted to make a conscious effort to watch his face as he slid inside me. It was all too much, though, as my eyes rolled back into my head. His satisfied groan was engrained in my memory, though.

“Fuck, Bella,” he grunted, grabbing one of my legs and hitching it up higher around his waist.

Everything was a blur. I couldn’t remember how many times he swallowed my cries with a kiss or when he tugged my wrists free from his belt. I knew I had at least one hickey on my neck and that he had to have angry red scratch marks down his back.

He leaned over me, fingers buried in my messy hair and cradled my head against his neck. We only communicated in grunts and groans, my arms holding him as close as humanly possible when he came inside me.


	13. Let Me Get Me Pt. 2

_In the dark, I’m letting go, so anonymously_

_I guess this is what it feels like to be free_

_~ Selena Gomez, **Let Me Get Me**_

****

**BPOV**

Even after I knew falling back asleep was useless, I stayed in bed as long as my bladder allowed. I had woken up in a cocoon of blankets and limbs and had no desire to get up until absolutely necessary. Edward was still fast asleep, soft snores coming from him even as I extracted myself from his hold.

I purposefully avoided looking at myself in the mirror, knowing I was a disheveled mess. My head was lightly pounding, an unfortunate side effect from the _shit ton of alcohol_ portion of last night. The rest of my body was pleasantly relaxed from the much more fun parts of the night.

Stumbling back into the bedroom, I slid my arms through Edward’s discarded navy-blue button down. I pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before I tip-toed out of the room in search for some aspirin and water.

I was still struggling with one of the buttons on the shirt when I staggered to a stop in the kitchen. Two sets of eyes landed on me immediately, both gleaming with excitement as they stared at me from the adjoining living room.

“Um, hi,” I gasped, not really sure where to go from there.

“Hi,” Rosalie and Alice said simultaneously, smiling at me from their spot on the couch. The same couch Edward and I’s night started out on. The quick memory of sliding into his lap flew through my mind and my eyes fell to my discarded t-shirt very obviously lying in the middle of the floor.

“Not to be rude or anything, but, what are you two doing here?” I asked, attempting to slouch my shoulders so Edward’s shirt covered even half an inch more of my thighs.

“We’re all going to the spa,” Alice said, as if it were something I should have known already.

“What?” I frowned at them. My mild pounding headache was turning into a much more intense one the longer I stood there.

“Edward set it up three days ago. You didn’t know?” Rosalie asked, still barely holding in a chuckle as she stared at me.

“Your key is for emergencies, Alice,” Edward’s voice came suddenly from behind me, his arm wrapping around my waist.

“You’re the one that told me to be here at nine and didn’t answer the door. It has made for quite the show, though, so I don’t really mind.”

My cheeks heated up as Edward tightened his grip on my waist, spinning me back toward the stairs. “She’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

I very willingly let him push me toward the stairs and away from the intrusive stares of Alice and Rosalie. Once we were in the solitude of his bedroom with the door shut securely behind us, I playfully-but-not-too-playfully shoved his arm.

“Ow,” he grumbled.

I stared at him, eyes wide, and motioned over my lack of clothing. I still had very little understanding of what was going on and wondered if there was still alcohol lingering in my system.

Instead of getting my point, Edward’s eyes followed my hands up and down my body, my favorite lopsided grin covering his face. “That blue looks lovely against your skin.”

“Yeah, that’s why I decided not to wear any pants to greet Rosalie and your sister.”

I could see him fighting the urge to laugh. I was tired and still had a headache and apparently had to make myself presentable in the next ten minutes, so I huffed off toward the ensuite.

“I’m sorry,” Edward said, rounding the corner as I grabbed my toothbrush at the counter. His arms wrapped around my waist while I did my best to ignore him and brush my teeth.

“I was going to tell you this morning. Round four must have worn me out more than I realized,” he whispered into my ear, pressing a kiss to the spot right behind it that usually made me forget every one of my problems.

Round four was kind of my fault. I had woken up a few hours ago, right as the sun was starting to come up, and only intended to press a soft kiss to Edward’s sleepy lips before falling back to sleep. But, one kiss turned to two and then he woke up. And _then_ I somehow ended up on top of him, moving my hips against his in a slow, steady rhythm until we both passed out again.

I took my time brushing my teeth, lost in very pleasing memories as Edward mumbled another apology. It wasn’t all that big of a deal; Rosalie and I had shared more than a few dressing rooms over the years and Alice was a personal stylist whom I was sure had seen more interesting people than me half naked.

Once my teeth were minty fresh I turned around, smiling when Edward lifted me on the counter so we were nearly eye to eye. My legs, still bare from my lack of pants, wrapped around his jean covered hips. He had come downstairs shirtless, something I was now thankful for as my hands ran over his bare shoulders.

“It’s okay,” I sighed. “Round four was my fault, I guess.”

“Hmm,” Edward moaned, trailing kisses down my neck.

My fingers tugged nervously on the soft hairs at the base of his neck. “Are you sending me to a spa to try and pay me for helping Lucy?”

“No. I set it up days before I knew you wouldn’t let me pay you,” he frowned, his good mood disappearing. “While we’re on the subject, I don’t like the whole _no presents_ rule.”

I raised my brows, surprised that was what was frustrating him. “I helped Lucy. I don’t want her to think that the only reason I did it was for money.”

“I know,” he nodded. “And I understand and appreciate that. But, I don’t want to have you constantly wondering if I’m taking you out to dinner or sending you to the spa to relax to try and pay you back.”

I let out a sigh, my arms falling from around him to grip the counter underneath me. “I just don’t want you to think you have to constantly buy me things.”

“I know I don’t have to. I _want_ to buy you things. It’s quite a refreshing change of pace considering I have to meet with Irina and our divorce lawyers today while she tries to gauge more money out of me.”

I frowned, covering one of his hands with mine where it rested on the counter. 

“So, can we abolish the whole no spending money rule?”

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I agreed, “Yes.”

“Good,” he smiled. “Because I’ve watched you carefully tuck those earrings I gave you away in their velvet box every night when you get home this week. It’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, and I’d like to see more of it.”

“Well, I – “ I stuttered, staring at him with wide eyes. They were _diamonds_. What else was I supposed to do besides make sure they never got lost? “I have to take care of them. I can’t just… throw them in my bag with my other jewelry.”

A quick kiss landed against my lips. “I love you.”

_…E…_

I had never been to a _spa_ spa. I’d gotten my nails done and had _things_ waxed at places that called themselves a spa, but the place Edward sent us was a real spa. A don’t-talk-above-a-whisper spa with the constant sound of a waterfall floating throughout every inch of the place and no shoes allowed anywhere and the softest fluffy white robes in existence. It was beautiful; situated right on the beach and full of employees that all spoke with the same, calming tone of voice and made sure none of us were ever without a refreshment.

Maybe it was the almost obscenely relaxing atmosphere, or the way the woman rubbing circles in my temple seemed to be magic, but I was able to think clearly and calmly about myself in a way I wasn’t usually able to do. Self-reflection wasn’t a specialty of mine, it was something I tried to actively avoid usually, but it was getting more and more necessary by the day it seemed.

Simply walking into Doctor Stanley’s office usually gave me an overwhelming sense of dread most days. But, here, my mind wandered to all of my issues and my heart didn’t start to race and my residual fear never took over.

There were so many things I wanted now, things I would probably never get if I didn’t try and fix at least a few of my issues. I wanted to be better. Normal. Because I got a taste of what a normal life could be like with Edward this past week and now it was something I craved.

Edward was always patient and my issues and insecurities and fears never seemed to bother him too much, but they bothered me. Held me back from ever really truly enjoying myself. And I knew that was why Doctor Stanley was pushing me to talk through every little thing. It was going to take a lot more effort on my part than thinking a thirty-minute outing with my co-workers was a good enough step to take in the right direction and call it a week. Or month.

I had been a very reluctant therapy patient and I knew it. So, I spent my entire facial trying to remember everything Doctor Stanley had ever suggested I do, from yoga to opening up more. To everyone, not just her.

As if on cue, as we were all led to a waiting area before whatever treatment was next, Alice turned to me with a smile and said, “Things seem to be going well between you and Edward.”

We were all sitting in a few lounge chairs out on a patio. It was on the cool side, the breeze from the beach blowing up toward us. Rosalie had tried to have this exact conversation with me a few times. I was usually able to give a few details here and there, but girl talk was never really my thing. I didn’t know what things to share and what to keep to myself.

I had been thinking of Doctor Stanley too much, because her voice suddenly reminded me my lack of interest in sharing came from constantly trying to talk to my parents and them ignoring me.

“They are,” I told them. “Very good. I think. Not that I have anything to compare it to. But its good. I think.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at myself, stuttering over my words.

 _It’s just Rosalie and Alice,_ I told myself. Rosalie who knew me better than anyone else in the world, and Alice who had proven multiple times she wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“You didn’t do a lot of dating in college?” Alice asked.

I shrugged. “None.”

Alice’s brows arched, eyes on me. She didn’t look condescending or judgy, just surprised. “Edward is your first boyfriend?”

“First… everything,” I admitted, probably sharing too much considering Alice was his sister. As much as I knew I could trust her, the back of my mind was full of things she was probably thinking. That I was oversharing or pathetic or –

“That’s very sweet,” she said softly, smiling over at me without a hint of disgust on her face. “And smart. Because casual dating is… awful.”

“Oh, horrible,” Rosalie groaned. “You never dated but you always somehow gave the best relationship advice.”

“Or you just really knew how to pick a guy awful enough for even me to realize he was an ass.”

“Hey, not everyone I dated was that bad!” Rosalie defended herself, smirking over at me. Probably because she knew she was lying.

“That guy, Nick? I mean… come on.” He was the definition of frat boy. The most questionable of Rosalie’s choices in my opinion.

“Okay, I’ll admit I kept him around too long. But he was _excellent_ in bed.”

“Ah, that’s why she gave the best advice!” Alice interrupted. “She had all the facts and could easily ignore the sex aspect.”

“I guess that means you’ll probably give me really shitty advice from now on,” Rosalie smirked.

I felt my cheeks heat up. “Probably.”  
While I would never be able to have any kind of relationship with someone I hated ninety percent of the time, I could objectively understand how the sex could sway Rosalie’s, or anyone’s, decision to stay in a relationship a little bit longer.

“Okay, very important question,” Alice said, her serious tone a big contrast from our conversation. “Did you have sex with my brother on the couch Rosalie and I spent half of the morning on?”

Her pained, worried face almost made me chuckle.

“Not… last night. It was a long time ago. Before we were dating.”

She let out a relieved breath. “As long as we were clear of any recent sexcapade areas.”

“Did you go to the kitchen?” I asked, biting my bottom lip.

“No,” Alice replied hesitantly.

“Then you’re good.”

“Isabella Swan you little slut,” Rosalie squealed. She seemed all too excited about the conversation, but I knew this had been what she was trying to get out of me for a long time.

And it felt good, talking. Better than I thought it would feel.

“Okay,” Alice sighed with a shake of her head. “I think I’m done talking about my brother’s sex life.”

“I’m not,” Rosalie chuckled. “This is the most detail I’ve ever gotten. I want to hear about the kitchen.”

I chuckled, taking a sip of my cucumber water.

“He does seem happy. Happier than he was for a long time,” Alice added, before frowning. “Maybe ever, actually.”

I bit my lip, the question on the edge of my tongue. It popped out before I could find the common sense to stop it. “Was he never happy with Irina?”

I wasn’t really sure what I wanted her answer to be. On one hand, I had this new hatred of him with her ever since Alice’s wedding. It was irrational and petty, but still there. And I didn’t want him to have ever really thought they were meant for each other. On the other hand, that would mean he had been in a loveless, unfair marriage for sixteen years.

“He tried to be, I think. Mostly for the kids. I think, as a father, he was ecstatic. He lives for those kids, you know?”

I nodded. I did know.

“But, personally, I don’t know if he’s ever been truly happy. That’s probably why he was so angry at mom and I. He got a taste of happiness and we kind of tore it away from him.”

“You didn’t – “

“It’s fine. Water under the bridge. Everything is good now,” Alice ended with a small smile at me.

I nodded, returning her smile. Things were pretty good now. Better than I ever thought they’d be.

_…E…_

My eyes fell on his messy hair as soon as we entered the restaurant. It was a fairly casual place, nothing too fancy. My eyes also fell on a couple people with phones pointed toward Edward where he sat at a table accompanied by Emmett and Jasper. A couple had the sense to put them down when they saw me looking.

Alice and Rosalie greeting their respective men fell from my peripheral vision as Edward grabbed my hand.

“Hi,” I sighed, embarrassingly dreamily as I stared up at him.

He pressed a lingering kiss to my cheek. “Hi. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. Alice loaned me the dress, so it’s probably worth more than my car. Which has actually been making a funny noise lately, so I’d say it’s definitely worth more than my car.”

Edward frowned down at me, pulling out my chair. “What kind of noise?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Like a gurgling or grinding or something like that.”

I sat down, my feet thanking me after the walk down the street in the heels Alice stuffed me into. I wore heels most days to work, never minded a fun shoe to begin with. These were like walking death traps, though. Black and strappy and made me nearly eye to eye with Edward.

“You should take it in. I can call my – “

“I can take my own car in, Edward. To someplace much cheaper than whoever you were going to call. They probably don’t typically deal with used Volvos anyway.”

He was quiet for a few minutes, sitting down next to me. When I looked over at him, he was staring at me with a mix of frustration and concern.

“I’ll call someone on Monday and take the first appointment they have,” I told him, feeling a familiar tug in my chest when I realized he was worried about my safety in my gurgling car.

Our group dinner was fun. And another step in the right direction for me, I think. Because I enjoyed talking to Jasper about his work at the hospital and listening to Edward and Emmett discuss cars even though I didn’t understand half of the words coming out of their mouths. I didn’t question everything that came out of mine, either.

“Oh, Bella, I forgot to ask,” Alice called from across the table. “Renata is dumping me. Lightening her load with the new firm. So, I need a new publicist. I promise to be a better client than Edward.”

It took me a minute to realize she was asking _me_ to be her publicist. “You want me to do it?”

“Well, duh. I’m easy peasy, though.”

“Oh, um, sure,” I agreed.

“I know you’re busy now, but we can talk more about it in the Maldives.”

I was nodding up until the last word. “What?”

Alice frowned in Edward’s direction. “You didn’t invite her?”

“It’s been a busy week.”

Alice’s eyes fell back to me. “Our family spends Thanksgiving in the Maldives. Mom and Dad invited you, Emmett, and Rosalie weeks ago through Edward. Who apparently didn’t follow through.”

I raised my brows at Edward.

“I’d love for you to come,” he whispered, squeezing my hand where ours were intertwined in my lap. “We leave next Friday and come back the following Saturday.”

My head started to spin a little. “Emmett and Rosalie?”

“Are your family,” he answered honestly. “Of course, they’re invited.”

“Damnit, Emmett!” Rosalie grumbled across the table. I didn’t have to pay much attention to know she was disappointed they had already agreed to spend Thanksgiving with Emmett’s family in Montana.

I surprised myself by not immediately trying to convince myself not to go. “Is there internet in the Maldives?”

“Yes,” Edward smiled.

It was a holiday. And if there was internet, I could still work when I needed to.

“There is one, uh, other thing, though.”

“What?”

“Irina and Demetri will be joining us.”

I started shaking my head as soon as he said her name. “I don’t think – “

“It’s the last time they’re invited. They’ve come with us for years to keep the kids happy. Once the divorce is final, we’ll split the holidays.”

“That’s fine,” I told him, even though the thought of him spending any extended amount of time with Irina and Demetri made me a little nauseous. “But I don’t think me being there will do anything but cause trouble.”

“ _I_ want you there,” he said vehemently. “I know my mother and sister would love to have you there. You’re much more wanted by everyone in attendance than they are.”

I thought of Edward spending the last seven Thanksgivings there, with Irina and Demetri, and my anger flared. The whole situation was fucked up on every level, some level’s I didn’t even know about.

And, I wanted to go. I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family that had somehow started to make me feel like I was part of it.

“Okay,” I whispered, barely getting the words out before a quick, hard kiss was pressed to my lips.

_…E…_

The next morning Edward and I ended up in the sitting area of his bedroom. I was focused on the delicious, homemade blueberry muffin in my lap while he showed me where exactly we were going to be in the Maldives.

_Soneva Fushi_. A beautiful little island in the Maldives. There was clear blue water in every single picture he showed me of the private resort.

“I’m surprised it didn’t take me longer to convince you to go,” he said, closing his laptop and tossing it beside him on the couch.

I picked one last blueberry out of my muffin before setting it on the coffee table in front of us. I attempted to pull my t-shirt a little further down my bare legs before pulling more of the blanket covering us both around my lap. All small little things to give me a few more seconds to organize my thoughts.

“I’m trying to be better,” I admitted softly.

Edward angled himself toward me, brows furrowed. “Better?”

“Maybe not be better. Get better. Be normal.”

“You _are_ normal. There’s nothing wrong with you, Bella,” he said softly, but a fierceness in his voice that was unmistakable.

My eyes softened as I looked at him, a small smile tugging at my lips. “That’s very nice of you to say, but there’s a lot wrong with me. I’ve just had years of practice hiding it. Or ignoring it. Which is apparently not a healthy coping mechanism.”

Edward pursed his lips. “If you’re uncomfortable going – “

“No! I want to go. I’m worried that Irina and Demetri will hate that I’m there or that I’ll make Lucy and Masen uncomfortable or make an idiot out of myself in front of your parents, but I _want_ to go with you.”

I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to explain my thought process even though I didn’t understand it half of the time myself. “I’m trying to do more things because I want to do them and stop not doing things because they terrify me.”

I felt his eyes on me, but kept my own on my hands in my lap. “I think I kept myself in this… bubble since I moved here. Rosalie clawed her way inside pretty early, but I don’t really have anyone other than her. Or, I didn’t for a long time. I didn’t even realize Emmett was my friend until he and Rose started dating. I just thought he turned a blind eye to me at his gym because he liked Rosalie.”

I shook my head, already off topic. “Anyway, I made myself this little bubble to protect myself… and now I want out. Because I want a lot of things I can’t have if I’m stuck in there.”

Edward’s voice was rough when he asked, “What things?”

“You. I want you. And I want Masen and Lucy to maybe like me one day. I want to get to know Alice better. She’s easy to talk to, like you. I want to be able to walk into work and not think everyone is assuming I don’t belong there. I want your divorce to be finalized because I don’t want anyone to have the title of being your wife but – “

My eyes widened as I finished my sentence in my head. _But me._ Only I would be idiot enough to let it slip that I one day wanted to marry my boyfriend after less than two months of dating him.

“But?” Edward asked, his voice surprisingly serious.

“Nothing,” I muttered quickly, squeezing my eyes shut at my own stupidity. It didn’t matter that Edward had made more than a few subtle and not-so-subtle hints about where he saw our relationship going. It still seemed like this was a conversation for a year down the line, not two months.

“Bella?” Edward whispered, gently lifting my chin up.

I opened my eyes slowly, not expecting to see the giant grin on his face.

“I want all of those things, too. And a few more.”

“Yeah?”

“Was me telling you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you not a big enough hint?”

“Well… yeah. But we’ve only been dating for two months and – “

“Our relationship started more than two months ago. Time… it doesn’t matter. I love you. And I’m planning on loving you for a very long time.”

“Me too,” I agreed quickly. “I mean, I’m planning on loving you for a long time, too.”

I smiled over at him as he cupped my cheek. We were both quiet for a few minutes, Edward’s eyes searching mine.

“I’m incredibly proud of you, Bella.”

My head cocked to the side and waited for him to explain, but he never did. He pulled me against his side, arms tight around me, and relaxed into the couch.

“You want to marry me,” he said eventually. I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I never said that.”

“You implied it.”

“But I never _said_ it,” I grumbled. It was kind of terrifying, wanting him so much after such a short amount of time.

Marvelous and terrifying.


	14. South of the Border

_Mmm, green eyes, takin’ your time_

_Now we know we’ll never be the same_

_~ Ed Sheeran (Feat. Camila Cabello & Cardi B), **South of the Border**_

**BPOV**

“Holy shit,” I gasped under my breath. Maybe it was the full day of traveling or my normal lack of filter, but the countless pictures Edward had shown me did not do the resort justice. At all.

It was kind of like stepping into a different world. Exactly like that actually, considering we were on the other side of it. The people were unfailingly kind. The water crystal clear blue. Everywhere I turned could have been a picture on a postcard. And that was just the main entrance.

We had taken private planes and sea planes and boats until we got to a point where we walked, shoeless, along a tree-covered path until we made it to our villa. _Ours_. As if Edward hadn’t shushed me every time I tried to ask how much I owed him for this little Thanksgiving getaway.

The villa could have been a resort in itself, and I had only managed to take three steps inside before I froze in place. The rest of Edward’s family filed in casually, because this was apparently where they had come to stay for years. The employees knew them all by name, Carlisle made casual conversation with the woman that walked us down here like they were old friends, and no one but me seemed at all surprised at the large wine cellar to my right.

“It’s… giant,” I gasped, my gaze falling from the wine over to the expansive sitting area to the left.

Edward chuckled beside me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll give you a tour.”

“Do you have a map?” I blurted out, stumbling along beside him as we headed further in. There was a pool not thirty feet from the entrance that was probably three times the size of my house. A sunken walkway through the pool led to a large seating and dining area… in the pool. Not far from the large water slide descending from the second floor.

Edward laughed, tugging me up the stairs to our right.

“I get lost easily,” I mumbled. “I’ve got a horrible sense of direction.”

“I’ll just have to keep you by my side, then,” he smiled. He pointed out the entrance to the water slide to our left, and a cozy little gym to our right. Everything was all natural wood and stone walls, which made the high-tech gym equipment look a little out of place, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

We passed by some bedrooms, a few already inhabited. The three on this top floor… area, deck, whatever it was called belonged to Lucy, Masen, and Irina and Demetri. The former two had yet to look in my direction since we started our trek here, but I didn’t mind.

We took a few back staircases and ended up back on the ground floor.

“Through there,” Edward said, pointing to a small little pathway across from the pool. “Is the master suite for Mom and Dad.”

I nodded, pulling him to a stop for a moment as we walked past the pool to dip my toe in.

“Over here,” he continued, pulling me past the main entrance again and to the left of the villa. “Is our room.”

It was its own little stand-alone building off to the side of the main area, with a small porch and everything. Once inside, the bed was in the center of the room, a colorful orange sitting area to the right and two doors on either side of the bed. I dropped my bag on the pretty white bed as Edward opened one of the side doors, both of which seemed to lead to a long closet, which then led to a wide open ensuite. There were two sinks on either side of the room, but I didn’t have very long to look around for anything else before Edward swung open another set of doors to a small, closed in backyard.

There were beautiful stepping stones in the sand that led to an outdoor shower to the right and a stone jacuzzi tub straight ahead. A beautiful textured white stone wall encompassed the area, the natural vegetation providing a nice shade over the whole area.

“Holy shit,” I repeated, taking a step down to dig my toes in the sand.

“Do you like it?”

My blatant scoff earned me a small chuckle. “It’s amazing.”

Warm arms wrapped around my waist. I twisted myself in his hold, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He was beautiful, a bright smile on his face and the wind making his hair that much messier.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered against my cheek.

“Me too.”

I had attempted to talk myself out of this a dozen times in the week before we got here. It was easy to win my argument, too, because I was spending the following two weeks in New York with Ashley and still had a few million things to accomplish before then. And the thought of going on a vacation with Irina and Demetri was nothing short of horrifying.

Standing here in the breeze with the sound of the ocean in the distance and Edward smiling down at me was enough to win the argument a hundred times over.

_…E…_

Our first night was relatively calm. Tray after tray of food was brought in and we had a peaceful dinner in the villa. Everyone seemed a little drained from the day of traveling. I had spent enough time with the Cullen’s to know they weren’t usually so subdued.

I woke up before Edward the next morning. I got dressed in some cotton shorts and an old UCLA t-shirt before grabbing my work bag and tip-toeing out of the room. With the blinds covering all the windows, my retinas weren’t ready for the bright shock of the sun as soon as I opened the door.

Once I could see again I ventured over to the large dining table where I had planned to sit and get some work done, only to freeze in my tracks when I saw Carlisle and Esme sitting side by side, laptops open in front of each of them.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No problem, dear,” Esme smiled. “Have a seat.”

I gave her a small smile, actively stopping myself from insisting I go and find somewhere else to work. I sat a few chairs down from them and pulled my laptop out. I groaned under my breath as I saw the hundreds of emails in my previously clean inbox.

“We’re glad you could make it, Bella,” Esme said softly, peaking over at me from above her computer screen.

“Me too,” I smiled. “Thank you for having me. This place is amazing.”

“We’ve been coming here for years. We always tried to go on vacation during the holidays. It kind of forces you to put the work aside for a while.”

I eyed the computers and papers surrounding them.

“Nobody here wakes up before nine. We cheat in the mornings.”

I chuckled. “Your secret is safe with me, because I have a lot of work to do, too.”

For the next couple hours, we all worked in a comfortable silence. Carlisle made a delicious pot of coffee in the adjoining kitchen and dropped a cup along with a small serving of cream and sugar beside me without a word. I was too focused on my computer and jumped when two soft hands landed on my shoulders.

“What do I have no comment on?” Edward asked, pressing a kiss to the top of my head and looking at my computer over my shoulder.

“Everything, basically. Half of my job is just replying _no comment_ to emails about you.”

Edward leaned on the table beside me, arms crossed as he smiled down at me. “And getting photos off of foot fetish websites.”

I winced. “That was one of the more… interesting things I’ve had to do for you.”

“Oh, I can think of much more interesting things for you to do for me.”

My cheeks heated up, eyes darting across the table where his parents sat.

“Like going for a run on the beach with me,” he continued, winking at me.

I let out a deep breath, shaking my head at his innuendo, but attempting to move past it. “You want to go for a run on the beach?”

The offer surprised me a little. We’d never worked out together in the traditional sense. I usually got mine done in the morning and Edward tended to do his during his own morning routine hours later. I had a certain proclivity to him covered in sweat, so the idea of going on a run on the beach with him was more than a little intriguing.

“Yeah. You in?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, closing my laptop and sliding it back in my bag. “Thank you for the coffee and letting me crash your office,” I told his parents, both of which were looking at the us with odd, wistful smiles.

“Of course,” Carlisle said.

Our run was just as satisfying as I hoped it would be. Sometimes I would slow my pace just so I could watch him, enjoy the way the muscles in his bare back moved with each of his steps or the growing number of beads of sweat as they slid down his skin.

I was pretty sure he did the same thing to watch me, because his legs were twice the length of mine and he could easily outrun me based on that alone.

Once we were back on the beach in front of our villa we both stopped, catching our breath as we looked out at the water. Well, I was looking at the beach. After my breathing returned to normal I turned toward Edward and his attention was on me.

“What?” I asked, pushing some sweaty hair out of my face.

A devious smirk spread across his face and I was suddenly airborne, legs wrapping around his waist on instinct as he carried us both straight into the cool waves. My squeal of his name died out as I buried my head in his shoulder to avoid the splash of salt water.

“Now we’re all wet,” I chuckled, smiling down at him and his hair dripping down his face.

“I personally prefer you all – “

“Hey!” Alice’s sharp voice broke through the rush of the water surrounding us. “No time for your shenanigans, Edward. We’re all going to breakfast in an hour!”

Edward begrudgingly carried us back to the shore. I wrung the saltwater out of my hair as we walked back to our room, and ignored the glare I got from Irina on the second-floor balcony.

I hadn’t said two words to her since we all boarded the plane back in Los Angeles. The last time I ever saw her was at Edward’s birthday party in June. It genuinely perplexed me how she or Demetri could be mad at the situation, considering they had their own affair and had been living together for years. Still, I got more than a few glares from them the last two days.

My plan was to ignore them completely. Not because they made me nervous or because I didn’t want to talk to them. Because I had more than a few things to say to them and none of them were exactly family vacation appropriate.

I had made plenty of headway with Lucy, though. She seemed happier than I had seen her in a long time, smiling and joking with her brother and seeming to enjoy spending time with the rest of her family. We hadn’t had a chance to talk, but we had exchanged a few smiles which was far more than I had gotten from her the last couple months.

Edward seemed to be in a particularly good mood. I heard him humming to himself the entire time I got ready at my own little vanity in our room. After I tied my braid at the end, I grabbed one of the many bottles of sunscreen I had brought with me and started lathering my arms. Without a word, Edward walked over and started rubbing it into the exposed skin my sundress left uncovered.

“Thank you,” I sighed when his thumbs put just enough pressure on my shoulders.

“Anytime,” Edward said, smiling at me in the mirror and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“Dad? Bella?” Lucy’s soft voice came from the front room.

Edward gave my shoulders a quick squeeze before heading out to find her. I threw a bottle of sunscreen and a few other trinkets in my crocheted tote, making sure I had my phone and a charger just in case. I stumbled to a stop when Edward and Lucy were still in the main room by the time I walked out.

“Oh, hi.” I watched Edward quietly slip out the door and turned my focus to Lucy where she sat on the couch in the corner.

“Hi,” Lucy smiled. “I just wanted to thank you again. And… apologize. For everything. How I reacted when I found out about you guys, how I treated you after. I just needed someone to blame, I think, and I guess I chose you.”

“It’s okay,” I breathed out, not realizing I was holding my breath as she spoke.

“It’s not,” she shrugged. “I kind of always had this dream that my parents would end up back together. I know I should have realized that was never going to happen a long time ago, but I thought maybe Dad still loved Mom, because he never moved on or went through with a divorce.”

“He was just trying to protect you,” I whispered.

“I know. And I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for not realizing it sooner. I’d have to be an even bigger idiot to not see that you make him happy. He’s kind of the best dad in the world, so I want him to be happy.”

I was never a big crier, or at least I tried not to be. Hearing her call him the best dad in the world made a few unshed tears sting my eyes, though.

“It’s just… we’ve known Demetri since we were born. I don’t really know… how I’m supposed to act around you. I mean, you’re not – it’s not like we need you to be our – “

“Oh, I’m not!” I gasped, probably a little too loudly. “Sorry. I mean, I’m not trying to be your… you know. I am not qualified to be anyone’s mother or any kind of parental figure. We could… try to be friends? Or friendly, at the very least.”

Lucy nodded. “Friends. Okay.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile.

“I’ll let you finish getting ready. Thanks for… everything,” she smiled, leaving quickly before I could say anything else.

I watched her walk down the porch, only for Edward to pop out. I couldn’t hear what they said or see them clear enough to know if they said anything, but I watched her wrap her arms around him in a long, tight hug.

I was still frozen in my spot when Edward walked back in.

“What was that about?”

I bit my lip, not really sure what it was about myself. “Understanding, I think.”

I had been in a situation very similar to Lucy’s, so I had never once blamed her for her reaction to Edward and I or her hostility toward me. As much as Edward had done what he did to try and protect his kids, it also had to be confusing as hell growing up with that odd of a dynamic and realizing years later how messed up it was.

Maybe she just needed to hear that I wasn’t trying to replace her mother or maybe she just needed time to wrap her head around Edward finally moving on. Whatever it was, the conversation sent a complete sense of calm through me.

If I were the optimistic type, I would say things seemed to be falling perfectly into place.

_…E…_

Our first few days were kind of perfect. I was officially in love with the Maldives. Maybe it was because I had never really traveled before, but having postcard views everywhere I turned and never needing to put on shoes to go anywhere and living in sundresses with a bikini on underneath was quite the lifestyle. The only downside was my constant need to lather myself in sunscreen every two hours, but even then, I had a perfect excuse for Edward to rub my back multiple times a day without anyone thinking twice about it.

There was never any rush, either. A vacation with ten people should have been hectic and a mess to organize, but it was surprisingly laid back. Probably because everyone had been here once a year for years. They were all fine to split off and do whatever activity they wanted for the afternoon, always spending the morning and evenings together. Although, I was wondering if that was what they always did, or if it was a tactic to keep Irina and Demetri away from Edward and I.

There were glass blowing exhibits that I could watch all day every day and be satisfied by, and more diving areas to see than anyone had time for. There were rooms dedicated to chocolate and ice cream and fruit where anyone could walk in for an afternoon snack or five. There was a spa that Alice had convinced me to go to with her twice so far. There was even a tour of a neighboring island that constantly worked to reduce the resorts use of single-use plastics.

The day before Thanksgiving Edward and I were sitting in a large, swinging circle of a bed. Or swinging couch. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, exactly. It was in the middle of the villa, in the shaded area right in front of the pool. Jasper and Carlisle were playing chess in the sunken sitting area in the pool, Alice and Esme discussing something I could confidently guess wasn’t chess related beside them. There was a splash approximately every two minutes, thanks to Masen placating Lucy in trying to get the perfect Instagram picture of her going down the slide.

“That’s a ninety-thousand-dollar car,” I repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

As promised, I had taken my car in last week and the grinding and gurgling were parts of about five different problems, all of which added up to be more than the car itself was worth. Which meant I was now in the market for a car, but definitely not a ninety-thousand-dollar one.

“But – “

“Unless that but is that it’s about seventy-five percent off, I don’t want to hear it.”

“The price means it’s safe and reliable.”

“And about seventy-thousand-dollars over my budget.”

I didn’t really want to spend twenty-thousand-dollars on a car, either. But, I had a job. Which paid more than I could have ever hoped to be making six months out of college. And one where I might not want to drive up to meetings or appointments in a run-down Volvo.

I saw the hesitation on his face, knew what the already guilty turn of his brows meant he was about to ask. Before he could offer to buy me a car, I shut my laptop and tossed it to the foot of the seat.

“I’m tired of cars,” I sighed, scooting closer into his side and grabbing my phone. Edward sighed above me, both of us knowing exactly why I was done looking.

I opened Instagram for a quick distraction, smiling at the picture of Rosalie and Emmett that immediately popped up. After quickly double tapping the photo, I got a follower request notification. I frowned at my phone, then over at Edward who had his own phone in his hands.

“Your account is private.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I believe there’s something called making it _Instagram official_?”

I pressed my lips together, fighting back a laugh. “It started as Facebook official, but Facebook sucks now. The sentiment is the same, I guess.”

“Well?” he pressed, eying my phone with a playful glint in his eyes.

I hit the accept button. “There. _Instagram official_ ,” I chuckled.

“I’m pretty sure a photo is also involved in the process.”

It was almost as if my whole career flashed before my eyes as I panicked. The turmoil and articles and gossip that would ensue if Edward posted a picture of us, _together,_ on his page.

His online presence had grown quite nicely the last few months. He had started posting regularly on his own, and there were a few show-promoted posts on his page as well. Enough to gather himself a hefty ten million followers. He seemed to enjoy it, just a little bit, too.

It seemed like my brain was on defcon one at the idea of those ten million people seeing a photo of us on their feeds.

“No, no, no,” I mumbled, hurriedly flopping out of the swinging seat to follow Edward as he headed toward the beach. I watched as he called Alice over, who happily skipped along side him.

“I need you to take a picture of Bella and I,” Edward said calmly, handing Alice his phone.

“Ooo cute! On the beach?”

“No, no,” I repeated, trailing behind them. “No picture needed.”

“Why not?” he and Alice asked at the exact same time as we all stopped on the beach.

I looked at them like they had both gone insane. “Um, you’re married.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Everyone knows we’re together, Bella. A photo isn’t going to change anything.”

“It’s just – I mean, it doesn’t look – “

I frowned at myself, my panic interfering with my ability to speak. And then my frown deepened when I realized I was wearing my publicist glasses again. If I stepped back and thought of Edward as any other client wanting to post a picture with his girlfriend, even with the impending divorce, it wasn’t all that catastrophic. It didn’t look great, but with the knowledge that they had been separated for seven years, it was nowhere near as dramatic as our photo being leaked before.

I _might_ have also found his desire to post a picture of us together rather cute, too.

“Okay,” I agreed.

Edward smiled down at me, hands on my waist, and pressed a quick, hard kiss to my lips.

“I love you.”

My whole body relaxed, a content sigh escaping me as I smiled up at him.

“Oh, perfect,” Alice sighed. “Figures. One take and you’ve got the perfect photo. It takes Jasper and I like… twenty tries to get a good one.”

She handed Edward his phone with a smile and a wave as she skipped back over to Jasper.

Edward smiled down at the screen for a minute before handing it to me.

It was hard to take a bad picture here, what with the crystal blue water and clear skies and general beauty everywhere you turned. It was a simple photo, Edward smiling down at me while I smiled up at him. Even with my hesitance to post it, it was a photo I was quickly falling in love with.

“I don’t have to…” Edward started.

“You can post it,” I said with a smile, handing him his phone. “Sometimes I just… still think we’re supposed to be hiding something. Tough habit to break, I guess.”

He cupped my cheek, a melancholy smile on his face. “I’m sorry I ever had to hide you.”

“It’s okay.”

He shook his head, grabbing my hand and stumbling back over to our hanging lounge. I grabbed my phone as we laid down, clicking the notification that I had been tagged in a photo.

I smiled at the picture again, quickly clicking the heart button as I read his caption.

_Thankful._

_…E…_

“I like it here,” I sighed, swinging Edward and I’s intertwined hands between us.

“Yeah?”

I nodded, smiling up at the stars. The sky was completely clear, hundreds upon hundreds of stars floating above us. Los Angeles was too full of buildings and lights and pollution to ever get a view half as pretty as this one.

Maybe it was some kind of vacation haze, but things seemed so _good_ here. I got up and worked with Carlisle and Esme every morning and was always greeted to pleasant smiles and a perfectly brewed cup of coffee. Edward and I went on a run on the beach each morning when he got up before heading out to whatever adventure was planned for the day.

Lucy talked to me. More than I ever thought she would. She went with Alice and I to the spa once and asked me question after question about college and Rosalie and Emmett and it felt like I was finally getting to see who she really was, with her teenage angst out of the way.

It had only been about seven hours since Edward had posted the picture of us together, and it had since become one of the ten most liked photos on the platform. _Liked_. Never a word I would have thought the media would be able to use about Edward and I, because the general consensus when the first photo leaked was that our entire relationship was a scam.

I knew if I worked enough I’d be able to find the niche of people that hated the photo or the articles that thought it was insensitive to post while he was still married to Irina, but I didn’t plan on digging that much.

Because I remembered that I wasn’t in charge of Edward’s personal life. I was in charge of his professional reputation, and managing the response to a personal photo he wanted to post online wasn’t important to him. Even though every instinct I had was to do the exact opposite, it was easy to fight when we sat down to a delicious dinner full of foods I didn’t know how to pronounce.

Edward and I were on our nightly walk along the beach, admiring the stars. My feet were wet, the tide rushing up every minute or so and soaking them before retreating back down the beach.

“I never realized how much I liked the beach before.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve lived in Los Angeles for four years and never went to the beach either?”

I chuckled. “I’ve been to the beach. There’s a beach up in Forks, too. None of them are this pretty, though.”

“No, they’re not,” Edward agreed, squeezing my hand. “Why won’t you let me buy you a car?”

My feet slid to a stop, Edward turning to frown down at me. It wasn’t an angry frown, either, but a sad one. Like me not wanting him to spend nearly a hundred thousand dollars on a car for me had hurt his feelings.

“Because you don’t have to.”

“We both know that one day you’re going to be my wife,” he whispered, warm hands running up and down my arms.

I bit my lip at his bluntness, a shot of adrenaline flowing through my veins. I couldn’t seem to find the right words to answer him, so I settled for a disjointed nod.

“If you’re my wife, what’s mine is yours.”

“But, I’m not,” I mumbled, not liking the words as they came out. “Yet.”

“Yet. Exactly. If we both know – “

“Edward,” I interrupted. I reached up on my toes, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Thank you for wanting to buy me a car. And thank you for loaning me your car the last week. But, I need to do this myself.”

He frowned down at me, still not understanding.

“I rely on you for a lot,” I admitted.

His frown deepened. “You very rarely let me take care of you to the extent I’d like to.”

I chuckled. “Not for material things. Just you. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. And you’re usually the best part of my day, every day. But, I need to buy myself a car to prove that I can still take care of myself.” _If I need to_.

It wasn’t a thought I liked to entertain often, but it came around every once in a while. The idea that in a moment this fragile life of happiness I had could crumble around me. I’d never had quite so much to lose, before, and it was terrifying to think about that too often.

Edward let out a deep sigh, scrunching his nose. “There’s an Audi. It’s safe. Not as safe as – but safe enough. And more in your price range. I can go with you to look at one when you get back if you want.”

I smiled up at him. “Okay. Thank you.”

We returned to our walk in silence for a few minutes.

“Edward?” I asked quietly, the thought bouncing around in my mind and distracting me until I said it.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for wanting me to get the safest car possible.” The words were barely above a whisper, but it was all I could manage. It wasn’t really something I wanted to talk about, but he had spent a majority of the morning trying to convince me to get a ninety-thousand-dollar car specifically for the safety features. And I had grown up assuming my safety and wellbeing didn’t really matter to anyone.

Maybe he could tell it was something I didn’t want to expand on or talk about too much, because all he did was squeeze my hand tighter as we walked back to our room. As was our nightly routine, we headed straight for the shower when we got in. I was covered in layer after layer of sunscreen and Edward was always very eager to help me wash it off.

I let my sundress fall to the floor, leaving me in the simple black bikini I had on underneath. Before I could reach for the tie around my back, Edward had me pressed against the cool tile of the shower, letting to door swing shut behind him.

One of his hands cupped the back of my neck, the other bracing himself against the wall behind me. His touches were soft, his fingers gentle, but his eyes had a fire behind them. His jaw was tense and his nostrils flared as he looked at me. 

For a moment, I thought he was angry at me, upset that I wouldn’t let him buy me a fancy car. It was when his lips fell to mine in a soft kiss that I put the pieces together.

He wasn’t angry at me.

He was angry at _them_.

The people that made me feel the need to thank him for wanting to keep me safe.

My arms fell around his shoulders and I stood on the tops of my toes to keep our lips connected as long as possible. His forehead fell against my shoulder and buried mine in his.

“Edward?” I whispered against his skin. “You make everything better.”

I had told him as much before, but my memory of the moment was fuzzy because I was rather drunk at the time. At least I was an honest drunk, though.

His anger finally seemed to dissipate, at least for now, as he wrapped his arms around my waist to pull us chest to chest.

Words were unnecessary. And impossible, what with the way our kiss seemed to be never-ending. Clothes were forgotten, my bikini falling into a pile on the floor, along with Edward’s jeans and t-shirt. Warm water rained down over us, the comforting sound of droplets hitting the tile erasing every thought in my mind that wasn’t focused on him.

There were wandering hands and sharp teeth and tongues that traced every possible water droplet until it all got to be too much. Edward’s hands wrapped around my thighs, lifting me up until I was completely wrapped around him.

My moan was muffled into his neck after every thrust of his hips. My nails dug into his back, attempting to find any bit of leverage against his wet skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the undiluted pleasure shoot through my veins and erase every scar I had, mentally and physically.

For now.


	15. Glass House

_I got people blaming me for shit they did to me_

_Lots of people shaming me for shit they didn’t see_

_So, point the finger, pull the trigger_

_Throw them off your trail_

_You’ll get yours eventually_

_~ Gabbie Hanna, **Glass House**_

**BPOV**

“Where are you going?” I mumbled into my pillow, grabbing Edward’s hand as he walked past the bed. I begrudgingly opened both of my eyes and watched as he knelt beside the bed, arms crossed on the end.

“To get you breakfast,” he said with a smile.

“Oh,” I sighed. “I guess you can go, then.”

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I let out a heavy sigh and relaxed back into bed. I had been half awake for two minutes and this was already turning out to be the best Thanksgiving I had ever had. There was no use in trying to fall back asleep, so I sat up and pulled the soft white comforter with me. I grabbed a hair tie from the bedside table and pulled my hair back, getting it out of my face and hiding the fact that it was a jumble of knots.

I sat there for a few minutes, until I got impatient and went to peek my head out of the door to see where Edward was. Thankfully, my ears picked up on the conversation outside before my hand twisted the doorknob.

Irina’s voice was the first I recognized through the door. “Do you ever wish things had worked out differently for us?”

My entire body tensed. My jaw was tight and my hands in fists by my side. Not because I thought Edward would take her up on the offer I knew she was trying to make, but because she was trying to make it in the first place. This woman who had no problem living with another man while married to Edward, who used him in every possible way for her own gain with no regard for him or his feelings.

“No,” Edward said. “We were never in love, Irina. We were hardly ever happy together. I’m glad we happened, because I don’t know where I’d be without Masen and Lucy, but our relationship shouldn’t have gone past co-parenting at that point.”

I bit my bottom lip, waiting for Irina’s response.

“You never wondered what would have happened if – “  
“If I hadn’t caught you fucking my best friend?”

“Edward…”

“What do you want, Irina?”

“I don’t know. You’re not sad at all? About the divorce?”

I held my breath waiting for his answer. For as many times as he told me the only thing he was waiting on was the six-month time limit, I knew him finally going through with the divorce was a big deal. I had wondered the same thing, if he was feeling any kind of sadness or remorse over the ending of his marriage.

“No,” he breathed out. “I’m finally happy… for myself, and not just happy that the kids are happy.”

“Because of her?”

“Yes. Because of her.”

Where Irina’s voice was dripping with venom when she said _her_ , Edward’s was full of nothing but love, even through the door.

“She’s a kid, Edward.”

“She’s smart and witty and strong and yeah, she’s young, but she’s the best thing to ever happen to me outside of the kids being born.”

My smile took up my whole face, his words on repeat in my head. _She’s the best thing to ever happen to me._

“Ow,” I mumbled, the door suddenly opening and nearly hitting me in the face. I hopped back, eyes wide, as Edward frowned around the door at me. _Busted._

“Hi,” I gasped, staring up at him as he closed the door behind him.

“Did I hit you with the door?”

“No. Yes. But it’s okay.” I scrunched my face at my own word vomit.

Edward leaned against the door, plate of delicious looking fruit in his hand, and smiled at me. “You’re very cute when you’re caught eavesdropping.”

I opened my mouth a few times, but nothing ever came out. I couldn’t exactly defend myself, because I _was_ eavesdropping. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said, grabbing my hand and leading me back to the bed. We sat side by side, the plate of fruit between us.

I grabbed a slice of mango and chewed it slowly, hoping the time it took me to swallow would keep me from asking the stupid question floating around in my head. It didn’t. “Do you think she wants you back?”

Edward’s snort took me by surprise. “No. Even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. She’s just realizing she’s run out of ways to try and fight the prenup and she’s about to lose all access to my money.”

“Is that really all she cares about? The money?”

Money was important. Money solved nearly every problem a person could have. Anyone who didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in their mouth would tell you the cheesy _money can’t buy happiness_ saying was wrong about ninety-nine percent of the time. But, fighting harder for more money than more time with your kids seemed to be taking it a bit too far in her case.

“At this point, yes. We’ve got split custody and we already sold the house we had before we separated. The prenup covered basically everything. I understand it… to an extent. She didn’t grow up with a lot, she only ended up going to the same private school as me because her aunt worked there and she got a full ride. I guess she doesn’t want to go back to not having that kind of comfort. Not that she’s anywhere near that point. She’s going to be fine. She’s just – “

“Trying to get as much as she can out of you.”

“Exactly.”

I sighed, wrapping my arms around his and laying my head on his shoulder. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I don’t care about your money,” I blurted out, squeezing my eyes shut immediately afterwards.

Edward snorted. “I know. You won’t even let me buy you a measly car.”

I twisted my head toward him. “A measly car? It was nearly a hundred thousand dollars!”

Edward shook his head with a laugh. “Eat your fruit, my love.”

_…E…_

“You bitch,” Rosalie grumbled, frowning at me from my phone. She, the tiny version of her staring back at me through my screen, was sitting against the mirror as I got ready for dinner.

“What?” I frowned.

“I know you only send me pictures to fuel my misery,” she sighed dramatically.

“I send you pictures because before I left you threatened my favorite blanket if I didn’t send pictures.”

I had what I had dubbed the softest blanket in the world. I kept it safely secured behind my pillow for the dire circumstances when one needed the ultimate comfort. Rosalie had threatened to pull it apart stitch by stitch if she didn’t get a daily picture of the beach.

“You know I would never dare to touch that thing. I could have been there. On the beach with a margarita in my hand and sending glares toward Irina as a best friend should.”

I smiled down at the phone, rubbing some sunscreen on my arms. “Did I tell you about the chocolate room? Just a room. Full of chocolate. That you can go to whenever you want. It’s magical.”

“Bitch,” she grumbled again. “I have to go. I’m helping Emmett’s mom cook all day. She’s the sweetest woman in the world, which is the only thing that has kept me from following you to paradise.”

“I’ll see you soon,” I laughed, hanging up after her dramatic frown.

I straightened myself up as I stood, pulling the fallen strap of my dress back up my shoulder. It was a pretty blush dress, with a simple lace bodice and flowy ruffled hemline down to my thighs. The practically nonexistent tiny straps were my way of asking for sunburned shoulders by the end of the day.

I walked into the bedroom just as Edward was buttoning his shirt. He was in the most clothing I had seen on him in days, wearing navy dress pants and a pale blue button down. 

Without a word he grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. We got there just as everyone was starting to take their seats around the large table.

I smiled at Edward as he pulled my chair out, pressing a kiss to my cheek as I sat down. A feast large enough to feed thirty was arranged on the table, everything much more traditional than our meals here so far. There was turkey and stuffing and potatoes and every possible festive side one could want.

The last few years, Rose and I had taken to cooking our own Thanksgiving meals. It was usually just the two of us, unless she was dating someone at the time or a random friend or two of hers had nowhere else to go. Our turkey was always dry and our stuffing came out of a box. Our pies were store bought and the green beans came out of a can.

Our Thanksgiving’s were better than most of my childhood memories of the holiday. But, it was a little surreal, sitting down to this meal surrounded by people I didn’t know a year ago.

I reached over for Edward’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“We’re not all that formal in the Cullen household,” Carlisle said, standing from the head of the table. Thankfully, I resisted my urge to scoff at the start of his toast, considering this was the most formal Thanksgiving dinner I had ever had. “But, here is to another year of our family’s happiness and health, and to the new addition we have picked up along the way.”

Carlisle sent a smile in my direction, which I returned with a genuine one of my own. I truly enjoyed the time I had gotten to spend with Edward’s family the past week. Carlisle and Esme were nothing but kind to me. They were sweet and funny and weren’t the intimidating, overly successful duo they could have come across as.

Food was passed around, a process that took a good twenty minutes considering the variety covering the table.

“We didn’t steal you from your own family traditions this year, did we, Bella?” Esme asked from across the table.

It was the question I had been waiting all week for, but it still took me by surprise. “Oh, no. Not at all. I don’t usually spend the holidays with my family.”

“Why not?” The question came from Irina, sitting a few people down the table beside Demetri.

Edward chimed in before I could answer. “Irina, don’t – “

“It’s a simple question, Edward. If this woman is going to be around my children, I’d like to know why she isn’t close to her own family.”

I gave her as pleasant of a smile as I could manage. “My parents got divorced when I was five and were quick to start new families of their own. I got tossed back and forth from Washington and Florida until I went to college. I never felt the need to go back,” I shrugged.

“So, you’ve got a history of tearing apart marriages, then,” Irina snapped, silencing every other tiny conversation that had broken out across the table since the start of dinner.

“Excuse me?” I gasped.

“I just never knew mine wasn’t the first family you ruined.”

“Irina – “ Edward started, before Masen cut him off.

“Bella didn’t ruin our family, Mom. _You_ did.”

“You don’t understand what you’re talking about, Masen,” Irina said, her voice patronizing and placating.

“Yes, I do. Because Bella is the only one who has ever been honest about how messed up our family is.”

I winced, knowing regretting the moment when I was a little too honest with Masen and Lucy about their family dynamic. The night I ended things with Edward and snapped at them, telling them how unhappy Edward was.

Irina’s eyes, icy blue and filled with vengeance, snapped to me. “So, you’ve tried to brainwash my children against me, as well as my husband?”

My eyes widened and zeroed in on Irina, the audacity of her to still be calling Edward her _husband_ making my anger snap. “You’ve been living with another man for seven fucking years and you still have the audacity to call him your _husband_? After all of the different ways you’ve been screwing him over, you still think that’s going to get you some kind of sympathy?”

“He _is_ my husband.”

“He’s your bank,” I snapped.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, kid,” Demetri spoke up, frowning in my direction.

I knew that would hit a nerve with Irina, but I wasn’t expecting him to actually speak up.

“Oh, I know much more than you think I do. So, I would be very careful about how you handle yourselves in the coming weeks.”

A sinister smirk covered Demetri’s face. “Is that a threat?”

“I thought it was fairly obvious, but yes.”

“I think maybe we should all take a breather,” Carlisle interjected.

“I think the little homewrecker needs to watch herself,” Irina snapped.

I scoffed. “You think you calling me a homewrecker is going to hurt my feelings? I’ve been called much worse the last few months.”

Irina shook her head. “I knew you were going to be a pain in my ass as soon as you made us sign those ridiculous NDAs.”

“Oh, the NDAs you broke?” I hissed.

Finally, both of them were quiet. I allowed myself a small smile, enjoying watching both of them try to regain their composure.

“How’d they break them?” Edward asked from beside me, his voice low.

My eyes snapped to him, guilt flooding my veins. At least, until I realized the anger behind his eyes wasn’t directed toward me at all.

“We didn’t,” Demetri argued.

Just the sound of his voice infuriated me. “I might be young, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I know you two leaked the photo.”

I’d known for a long time, since I started back at work. I had known before I had any evidence that they did it, but once I got back to work I also had the evidence to confirm it.

“We – “

“The photo was taken with a drone that belongs to your accounting firm,” I said, pointing at Demetri. “And you’re the genius that sent the photo to every media outlet from your own IP address.”

Both of them finally started to look somewhat remorseful. Not for the things they should, I was sure, but for the fact that they had been caught.

“Which means, technically, you both owe Edward a combined five million dollars, which I don’t really think you can afford.”

“I’ve got money, kid,” Demetri boasted.

“Do you?” I questioned. “Or is your accounting firm being audited because you’re all either really fucking bad at math or really fucking bad at being criminals?”

“You little bitch!” Demetri shouted, slamming his hands on the table and standing up.

“Back off, Demetri,” Edward growled, staring Demetri down until he flopped back in his chair.

I pressed my lips together, realizing I had caused enough damage for the time being. I pushed my chair back, dropping my napkin on my full plate of food. My eyes traveled over to Demetri and Irina one last time.

“You go to the media with anything about him and I will have no problem ruining you.”

Before I could make it two steps from the table, Edward’s hand wrapped around my forearm.

“I’m fine,” I said quickly and quietly, nodding in the direction of his children. Lucy looked close to tears and Masen looked kind of pissed. “You should… I’m fine.”

I could see the conflict on his face. “It’s okay,” I whispered.

As soon as he dropped his hand from my arm, I walked as calmly as I could to our room. I plopped down on the edge of the bed, my head falling to my hands.

I hadn’t let my anger get the best of me in… a long time. Since I snapped at Newton when he fired me, probably. I knew coming here with Irina and Demetri was going to be uncomfortable but I had thought I’d be able to keep myself together better.

Obviously, I was wrong.

I just… hated them. I shouldn’t, because if they hadn’t had their own affair I might not have ever gotten to be with Edward, but he had been screwed over by them constantly for the last seven years and he didn’t deserve that.

I jumped, head snapping up when I heard the door creak open.

Alice’s head popped through. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” I sighed.

She walked in, plopping herself down happily beside me on the bed, her feet tucked underneath her.

“I’m sorry. I ruined dinner and I – “

“Sorry? Are you kidding? I nearly stood up to applaud a few times.”

I looked over at her, more confused than ever. “What?”

“I know it’s a weird dynamic, all of us being okay with Irina and Demetri being around. When Edward first told us his plan of staying together, publicly, for the kids, we all tried to fight him on it. It wasn’t fair to him. At all. We’ve all gotten used to it by now, but it doesn’t mean we hate her any less.”

My brows shot up. I knew Alice wasn’t a fan of Irina after talking with her and Charlotte at her wedding, but she had been part of her family for years. No matter how much you hated someone, after spending years around them it had to be easy to almost give in to tolerating them.

“She’s constantly used Edward’s emotions against him, his _kids_ against him. Who is disgusting enough to do that?” Alice sneered. “I think Edward always saw her as his responsibility, too. Not in a romantic way, at least not for a long time. In a I-got-her-into-this-mess-now-it’s-my-responsibility kind of way.”

I nodded. It did sound like him, taking on the responsibility, or blame, for anything that happened to Irina after the pregnancy and their relationship. It was the right thing to do, to an extent. She was the mother of his children. I knew he would never hang her out to dry for good. If she was ever really in trouble, he would do what he could to help her. That was much different from staying married to her for seven years even when he was miserable, though.

Alice shook her head, smiling over at me. “Anyway, this has been the best Thanksgiving we’ve ever had. Every single person at that table, maybe aside from the kids, has wanted to bring Irina and Demetri down a peg or two for years. And you shot them down about a hundred.”

“I didn’t… mean to,” I mumbled. I stood up from the bed, suddenly jittery and anxious and needing to pace back and forth. “Sometimes I get mad when people just aren’t _listening_. And then I snap. I shouldn’t have said most of those things.”

People not listening to me or talking over me or fighting me on everything I said was a definite trigger for my anger. That along with my innate frustration with Irina and Demetri was a dangerous combination.

Before Alice could respond, the door creaked open again. It definitely wasn’t Edward, because he could immediately be heard shouting across the villa. I winced at the undiluted anger at his voice, only able to breathe again when Esme closed the door behind her.

My breathing was short lived, as not ten seconds after she entered the room she had her arms wrapped tightly around me. Effectively cutting off any chance of air getting to my lungs.

“I’m so glad he has you,” she told me, pulling away with a bright smile on her face. Both of her hands cupped my cheeks as she smiled down at me for a minute. The motherly gesture made my previous panic drift away, just for a moment, until she let me go.

“Can I get you girls anything? A plate of food, some wine? A car!” she exclaimed, looking over at me. “I heard you and Edward discussing your need for a car.”

“What?” I gasped. “Um, no. I mean, yes I need a car. But…” I stuttered over myself, the words too ridiculous to have to even need to be said. “You don’t have to buy me a car.”

Esme shrugged me off with a wave of her hand, heading back for the door.

“Wine!” Alice shouted after her, just before the door shut.

I looked over at her, eyes wide and horrified. “You don’t think she’s actually going to buy me a car, do you?”

_…E…_

It was the oddest Thanksgiving I could have ever had. Alice and I spent the rest of the afternoon sequestered in my bedroom. Esme brought us each a plate of food and the wine Alice requested. I told her, again, that she didn’t need to buy me a car but she just smiled and left without a word.

Every time someone opened the door, fighting could be heard from across the villa. Sometimes it was Edward shouting, sometimes Irina or Demetri. I was pretty sure I heard both Masen and Lucy at one point, too.

Jasper came in and sat with us for a while, bringing in the chessboard for some entertainment. He and Carlisle had taught me the basics of it yesterday. Both were frustratingly good at it. After losing five games in our room, I gave up playing against him.

It was early evening by the time Alice ventured off and I was left alone for the first time. I resumed the pacing I had resorted to on and off throughout the afternoon. For as fine as everyone else seemed with my little outburst, I hadn’t seen Edward since dinner. Or, what was supposed to be dinner. He had a lot of reasons to be mad at me now, too.

I didn’t tell him I knew who leaked the picture. Or that Irina and Demetri had broken their NDAs. Or that I had been looking into them… just in case. _Technically_ that was just me doing my job. I knew it was also _technically_ because I loved him and wanted to protect him, too.

I had paced over to the door three times before I worked up the courage to open it. The sun was set, but the lights throughout the villa still shone bright. It was eerily quiet. Usually at this time Masen and Lucy were in the pool or there was a crowd still lounging around the table having a boisterous conversation. Not tonight.

I sighed, not sure where to even begin to look for Edward, until my eyes fell down toward the beach. I could see him sitting there, nearly hidden behind the trunk of a large palm tree.

My steps were slow as I trudged down to the beach. I spent the time trying to figure out the best way to apologize, only to come up empty by the time I stood beside him.

“Hi,” I whispered.

His head turned toward me slowly, a small, emotionless smile sent my way. “Hi.”

“Can I sit?”

“Of course,” he sighed, scooting over so I could rest my back against half of the tree.

Sitting beside him, I fought every urge I had to grab his hand or wrap my arm through his or rest my head against his shoulder. Instead, I settled on anxiously fidgeting with my fingers.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out quickly. “I shouldn’t have snapped, and I should have told you a lot of those things before. I just – I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the picture?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t want you to feel like… you had to choose sides or anything. I don’t know.”

“I’ve had a private investigator trying to figure out who leaked the photo for months.”

My brows shot up. I wasn’t surprised the private investigator didn’t find anything, because while it was easy for me to figure it out, it was because I knew the right people. Sources for things like that weren’t easily revealed unless you knew someone on the inside. Ben, my former classmate and co-worker at Newton & Cheney, was dating an intern at one of the news outlets the photo had been sent. They were both kind enough to help me in my investigation.

I was, however, surprised that he was trying to figure out who leaked it. 

“How long did it take you to figure it out?”

I shrugged again. “I knew it was her the second I saw the leak. I didn’t have proof until my first week back at work.”

A long, drawn out sigh left Edward. “I knew it was them, I think. In the back of my mind, I knew. I just didn’t want it to be true. I’m sorry. For all the shit they… fuck, _I_ put you through. I don’t know how I’ve managed to fuck up so many things.”

I looked over at him, a deep frown on my face. “You didn’t fuck things up.”

“Masen and Lucy are going to have a really screwed up view on how a relationship should work because I went along with that arrangement for so long. Irina hates me. Blames me for everything; the pregnancy, the divorce. Thinks I ruined her life.”

Before I could interrupt, he kept going.

“I know I didn’t ruin her. She’s just as much to blame for everything as I am. But, you, Bella… you, I did ruin.”

My breath caught in my throat, my arm falling limply back to my side. “What?”

“You got fired because I couldn’t keep my promise of our affair staying a secret. I read articles every day about you; people assuming the worst and calling you awful things. Because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. You… you’re young and beautiful and had the world at your fingertips and I got you wrapped up in all of my bullshit and I… understand if you want out.”

It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what was happening. “Are you breaking up with me?” I gasped, my heart beating much too fast to be healthy.

“No,” Edward sighed, a confusing smile on his face when he looked over at me. “I’m much too selfish to be able to do that. I’m giving you an out, though.”

“I don’t want it,” I snapped, my anger making its second appearance of the day. “You didn’t… you haven’t fucked everything up. You’ve tried to make everyone else’s lives easier for years at the expense of your own happiness. Masen and Lucy understand that. Irina… she’s quite possibly the most disgusting human being I’ve ever met for everything she’s done to you. _She_ fucked everything up. Not you.”

Edward nodded, though his frown told me he didn’t necessarily believe me. “I still ruined you, though. Your reputation, your future.”

“No, you didn’t,” I hissed. “It’s not like I had some well-established, career. I could have found something else to do if I needed to. I don’t… I thought you knew… you said…”

My mind was a mess, a panic I hadn’t felt in a long time bubbling up in my veins.

“Fuck,” Edward breathed out, reaching over for me. Even though I was more than a little furious at him, I followed his guide and ended up in his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. My arms wrapped around his neck, my head falling into the comforting crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, over and over as his hands rubbed soothing circles up and down my back. “I just… I think it would kind of kill me if you ever ended up hating me as much as she does.”

I squeezed him tighter, relishing in the feel of his arms doing the same to me. My lips peppered kisses along his neck, up across the stubble that had accumulated over his cheeks the last few days, until they barely brushed against his lips as I spoke. “That’s not going to happen.”

The sadness behind his eye made my chest hurt. “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” I nodded, pressing the quickest kiss to his lips. “I love _you_. The good parts, and the not-so-good parts.”

As nice as it would be to say there were no not-so-good parts to our relationship, there were plenty. It was hard, harder than I thought, keeping a professional and personal relationship with him. I was still confused half of the time about how I should act around his kids. His marriage was proving to be quite the hassle these days, too.

None of that meant I loved him any less, though.

I rested my forehead against his, taking a couple deep breaths to calm down my overly anxious body.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated quietly. His hands roamed along my back, over my shoulders and across my arms. He made the circuit a few times, almost like he was making sure I was real, or still there. “I love you.”

A small smile spread across my lips before I pressed them to his. Quick, gentle kisses once, twice, three times until his hands knotted in my hair as he deepened the fourth. I whimpered against him, my own hands tugging equally as hard at his hair.

That fourth kiss never seemed to end. If I had to take a breath he still seemed to be there, nipping at my lips, and vice versa. His hands traveled down my waist, sliding underneath my dress and they roamed up my thighs. I gasped against his lips when his hands gripped my hips and pulled me roughly against his growing length.

“We’re on the, ah, beach,” I gasped, my argument dying out on a groan as he slid my panties to the side, two fingers sliding easily inside of me.

“No one is out,” he groaned against my collarbone, his lips traveling across every inch of skin left exposed by my dress. His free hand, the one I wasn’t currently shamelessly bucking my hips against, pushed the flimsy straps of one side of my dress aside. My head fell back with a groan when he pulled at my nipple with his teeth.

Logic was long gone when my hands fell to his belt, my fingers frustratedly fumbling until I had my hand wrapped securely around him.

Without a word, Edward kept my panties pushed to the side as I lined myself up with him, dropping myself down on his length with a gasp.

There was no talking. One of my hands stayed buried in his hair, keeping him as close as possible with the other landed on the tree behind him for support. Edward’s hands roamed, along my back, up my thighs, anywhere he could reach while simultaneously pushing and pulling me against him.

My orgasm was quick, or maybe I had simply lost track of time. I knew I bit much too harshly on Edward’s bottom lip as it crashed through me, in an attempt to keep myself quiet. He returned the favor a moment later, his teeth sinking into the swell of my breast.

We were left a panting mess, my head fallen limply against his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath. I felt him gently pull the fallen strap of my dress back up my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed eventually, apologizing for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last hour.

I nodded, peppering kisses along his neck, up to his cheeks, before dropping one last one to the tip of his nose. “Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he said quickly.

“Will you make sure your mother doesn’t try to buy me a car?”


	16. Revival

_I feel like I’ve awakened lately_

_The chains around me are finally breaking_

_~ Selena Gomez, **Revival**_

****

**BPOV**

“Will you tell me now?” Edward asked from across the bathtub. It was cozy, not obscenely large and just the right size for the two of us. A perfect last night activity before we left the Maldives all too early in the morning.

My eyes had turned toward the sky, some of it obstructed by the greenery in our little backyard. Still, there were stars to be seen and they had captured my attention for the last few minutes. Not to say the very naked man across from me wasn’t holding my attention either, especially when he slid down and grabbed my feet to put them on his chest, his hands taking the opportunity to roam along my legs.

“Tell you what?”

“What’s been bothering you all day.”

I frowned over at him, swirling some of the bubbles around with my fingers. My first instinct was to tell him I was fine, because I was. Mostly. I was also kind of pissed. Not at Irina or Demetri, who had left late Thanksgiving night. Well, I was kind of constantly angry at them, but right now I was more angry at the fact that Edward tried to offer me an out.

I was the first to admit I had no clue what was going on in our relationship half of the time, but it seemed to be moving in the right direction. Albeit a little faster than I would expect the average courting to go. Rosalie had dated men for two months and I could guarantee they never talked about their future or marriage or made any of the hundred hints Edward tended to leave. Still, our relationship seemed _good_. To me.

All day, it had made my stomach turn wondering if that was a hint of its own.

I knew my lack of dating experience would catch up to me. I just couldn’t figure out what I had done to make him think I wanted an out. Because, to me, things had been going fine. Good. Kind of amazing, really. Better than I thought any relationship of mine could ever go.

Which made his offer of an out irritating and confusing.

“I just… don’t understand,” I admitted softly, eyes falling down to the bubbles floating around me. “What I did to make you think I wanted an out.”

I heard Edward sigh from across from me, but kept my eyes down. I felt him gently push my feet to the side before pulling me over to his side of the tub. My back rested against his chest, his arms keeping me tightly secured in place.

Edward pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder before he started. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

I frowned to myself, knowing there were only a few other explanations if I wasn’t the cause of the problem this time. “Then what did she say to make you think I wanted one?”

There had been hours of conversations and fights after I left the Thanksgiving table. I knew that if I wasn’t the one to plant the seed of doubt in his head, then Irina was.

I felt Edward sigh behind me before pressing a kiss into the messy hair on top of my head. “This might be one of those conversations that requires pants.”

I let out a deep sigh of my own and nodded. I was ready first, probably much more eager for the conversation than Edward seemed to be. Once I was dry and dressed in some cotton shorts and one of Edward’s spare t-shirts, I sat cross legged on the bed while he slowly got himself ready.

He sat down across from me, mimicking my position and crossing his legs underneath him. He had that same sad, almost wistful look he had on his face last night and I didn’t like it.

“You were the subject of one of many arguments Irina and I had yesterday,” he started. “She tried to play it from every angle; you’re not a good influence around the kids, you’re the one using me for money… all things I know aren’t true. She did have one good argument, though, and that was our age difference.”

My brows furrowed. “It doesn’t – “

“I know it doesn’t bother you now, but we’re at different stages of our life whether we like it or not.”

My frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

Edward took a deep breath, grabbing my fidgeting hands from my lap. “I mean, you’re twenty-three. You should have a waiting list of men wanting to be with you and spend your weekends with far more exciting company than myself.”

I wanted to be angry at his assumption, but it was similar to one I had made about him on more than one occasion, too. “I could say the same thing about you. You haven’t been single since you were eighteen. I know you weren’t exactly celibate the whole time, but you haven’t been free to do whatever, or whoever, I guess, since you were a kid.”

“I’m set in my ways,” he shrugged, giving me a small smile. “I know exactly what I want now. But… sometimes I worry that I’m rushing you. Pushing you into things you might not want in the long run.”

“What kind of things?” I whispered. I had a growing list of things I wanted, most of which were ones I never could have thought would be within my reach a year ago. A lot of them probably things the average twenty-three-year-old wasn’t thinking about in the first place, too.

“Once the divorce is finalized, I want to buy us a house. Someplace that will feel like _home._ For both of us, and for Masen and Lucy. I want to marry you. Sooner rather than later, because I’m tired of being alone and there is no one else in the world I’d rather come home to every night than you. I want to have children with you – “

“Child _ren?_ ” I interrupted on reflex, my voice a few octaves too high. “As in, plural?”

Edward’s face fell, only slightly, but I could tell he was working on controlling his reaction. “You don’t want kids.”

I bit my bottom lip, my eyes falling to my lap. It was never something I had thought about. _Kids._

I had seen pictures of Edward with Masen and Lucy over the years and knew being a father was something he loved more than just about anything. I just wasn’t sure if I was cut out for it, considering I had pretty miserable excuses for parental figures.

“I don’t know if I would make a good parent,” I admitted softly, more sad than I realized at the statement.

“You would,” Edward said, unmistakable confidence in his voice.

It wasn’t the first time Edward had said he wanted more children, but it was the most blunt conversation we had about it. I didn’t not want them, but it also wasn’t something I could handle right away.

“I need to… fix myself before I can think about raising someone else.” As the words came out and a shot of anxiety rushed through my veins at the thought of being responsible for a real life tiny human being.

“I know,” Edward nodded before a deep frown covered his face. “This is what I meant. I don’t want to push you into having children if you don’t want them. If you were with someone closer to your age you’d have more time to wait – “

“I don’t want someone else,” I interrupted. “And I never said I didn’t want kids. I just… never thought about it. And, to be honest, the whole child birth thing is really kind of horrifying to me and probably skewing my reaction.” People could call it natural and beautiful all they wanted, but at the end of the day pushing a person out of my body did not sound at all enjoyable.

A soft chuckle came from Edward. “I’m sorry I can’t help you out on that front.”

I looked up at him with a small smile. My mind was now full of babies and childbirth and a hundred other worries that came along with it. “What were we talking about before you asked me to push multiple eight pound children out of my vagina?”

Edward threw his head back, a loud laugh echoing throughout the otherwise quiet room. He smiled over at me once he calmed down. “How I’m a fucking idiot for asking you if you wanted an out.”

“Oh, right,” I smiled over at him.

“I’m sorry I let her get in my head.”

I untangled my legs from underneath me before gently wrapping myself around Edward, arms around his neck and legs on either side of his hips. “It’s okay,” I sighed, peppering kisses up his neck and along his chin.

He had a week’s worth of stubble coating his face. I had heard Irina complain about it more than once, but I liked it. Not just because I knew she didn’t, either. He looked more rugged and disheveled with the scruff, and something about it brushing along my chin or neck whenever he kissed me made me smile.

“I’m going to miss the scruff,” I breathed out, my hands cupping his prickly cheeks.

“I’m going to miss you,” he countered, craning his neck up to press a kiss to my lips.

I let myself ease into his kiss, relaxing completely for maybe the first time since my fight with Irina and Demetri yesterday.

“We have to be up and ready to go in… three hours,” Edward panted as I pulled his t-shirt over his head. I smiled at the way it made his already mess of a head of hair even messier.

“Then it’ll probably be easier to stay up than try to fall asleep and wake back up again,” I said, my words muffled against his neck, any further argument dying off with a giggle as Edward gracefully pushed me back onto the bed.

_…E…_

“Hi,” I mumbled through a yawn. I sat up, my back against the headboard, and pulled my knees up to rest my tablet against. Edward’s face on the screen, smirking back at me, gave me just enough energy to smile back.

The last week had been nothing short of exhausting. The minute we arrived in New York City it was sixteen-hour days of interviews and performances and events. It was the kind of busy where you didn’t even have time to think about how tired you were until you passed out in bed. 

We still had one more week to go. And my exhaustion wasn’t helped by the fact that I had gotten too used to having Edward constantly around, and now he was two thousand eight hundred three miles away. 

“Hi,” he smiled, looking much more put together than I did. He did have the benefit of it being three hours earlier for him, though. “You should be asleep.”

All I offered was a shrug. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he sighed, his voice suddenly heavy. Heavy enough to tell me it was about more than me.

I cocked my head to the side. “Is everything okay?”

Edward let out a heavy sigh. Through the screen, I watched him roll his neck. A habit I knew he usually only did when he was stressed or frustrated or both. “Things are a bit of a mess here.”

I frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. Not really. Complicated as hell, but not wrong.”

“Now you’re just dragging it out.”

“Masen and Lucy moved in with me today. Permanently.”

The words rolled around in my head for a minute before I could respond. “Permanently like… permanently? Can they do that? I mean, obviously, they _can_. But… legally?”

“They’re sixteen. If they were kids, yeah, it’d be harder to fight Irina on her custody. But they know what they want, and if they’re not comfortable living with Irina and Demetri I’m sure as hell not going to make them.”

I nodded, my overused brain trying to absorb everything he was saying. “Irina isn’t fighting you on it?”

“No. Not yet, at least. She seems to realize how much she’s fucked up lately, especially after the kids told her as much themselves on Thanksgiving.”

“Wow,” I breathed out. “That’s… big.”

“Yeah,” Edward nodded.

I was quiet for a minute, thinking the whole situation over. It was a good thing, overall, for all of them. They’d hopefully get to move on from the whole situation, and I knew Edward had to be happy to have them there. I was also happier than ever that Lucy no longer hated me. The only twinge of sadness came from the fact that Edward had been dealing with this for a week and hadn’t said a word to me about it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he added quietly, practically reading my mind. “It’s just been… a hell of a week. And I didn’t want to distract you, either.”

I gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help. Although, maybe me not being there was more helpful if Irina was involved.”

Edward shook his head. “Irina doesn’t have much fight left in her. I think the kids genuinely wanting away from her sent a very clear message. She’s caused you and I a lot of problems, but she was always there for them up until a few months ago.”

I nodded. Lucy had alluded to issues with Irina when she came to me for help, so it wasn’t all that surprising.

“You should go to sleep,” Edward said softly, smiling at my timely yawn.

“Okay,” I sighed. “Love you.”

The last thing I remembered seeing was a bright smile on Edward’s face before the call disconnected and I immediately drifted off to sleep.

_…E…_

I had become a quick fan of New York City the last time I was there. The second time around was much less magical than the first. Working with Ashley was night and day to working with Edward, and while her choices made my job more exciting, they also made it that much more stressful as well.

It all paid off in the end, though, because one day after her album was released it was already on its way to debuting at number one on just about everything. The adrenaline from that made staying up all night for her SNL performance more doable. Not that I had much of a choice in the matter.

The day hadn’t been all celebrations, either. Thanks to a torn shirt and a now-fired stylist who didn’t think a backup outfit was necessary, I had to call Alice in a panic looking for a replacement, that I then had to rush around the city to find and bring back. Not necessarily in my job description, but Ashley had a surprisingly small team for someone very quickly becoming a big name.

I sat in Ashley’s dressing room during her performance, watching the show on the television in the corner and enjoying the nearly silent room until there was a knock at the door. I expected Lee, Ashley’s manager, or maybe someone from the crew who needed something. Instead, I saw the bright, smiling faces of Sam and Seth Uley.

“Oh, um, hello,” I stuttered, standing aside as they walked in.

“Hi,” Sam greeted with an infectious smile.

“Edward let it slip that you were in town,” Seth said. “We know you’re busy, but we thought we could take you out for a late dinner once you’re done here. Or a very early breakfast.”

My instinct told me to shut it down at all costs, and the new one I was working on following told me to try my best not to let my innate anxiety control me. “That’s very nice of you, I just – “

The door opened again, Ashley stumbling through as she tried to take her shoes off and walk at the same time. “Hi,” she smiled, looking at Sam and Seth.

One thing I had learned about her was that she was the most unfailingly nice person you could meet. I watched her stand for eight hours to meet every single person who had waited for just as long to see her. She never frowned, never complained, just smiled and listened and hugged everyone.

“This is Sam and Seth Uley, they’re friends of Edward’s,” I told her, motioning to them both.

“Oh, so you’re not here for me? Thank God,” she sighed, flopping down on the couch in the back of the room.

She was nice. But also exhausted.

“We’re here to steal your publicist away for the rest of the night. Or, morning,” Sam said.

“She’s yours,” Ashley said with a smile. “I’m hoping to spend the next twelve hours asleep, so keep her out as late as possible.”

“Deal,” Sam smiled. “Love the album by the way.”

“Thank you,” Ashley beamed, a big genuine smile on her face.

Now that the decision was completely out of my hands, I grabbed my bag and made sure Lee was back to get Ashley to her hotel safely and followed Sam and Seth through the busy theater. I threw my coat on, wrapping it around me as soon as the first cold gush of wind hit.

Sam kept the conversation going, mostly with himself, until we ended up in a cute little diner. It was close to one in the morning, but there were still people bustling all around. I was glad it wasn’t someplace too formal or too loud. Neither of those sounded appealing after the day I had.

Nerves set in as soon as we sat down. These were two of Edward’s closest friends, and I wanted them to like me. I didn’t go out with them when they were in town a while ago because I wanted to make a good impression, and now I was stuck with a one in the morning, post sixteen-hour day impression.

“So,” Sam started, leaning dramatically over the table toward me. “Are you after Edward for his money, status, or body?”

I kept my chuckle to myself. “No,” I answered honestly. “His money is annoying, because he tried to buy me a car a week ago when I am perfectly capable of buying one on my own. Status is a little iffy, because that’s also part of my job, but my life would have been much easier if he wasn’t a Cullen and the world didn’t care about his personal business. His body is… more of a perk to being with him, I guess.”

They were both quiet for a moment, and I thought maybe my joke wasn’t coming across as well as I thought it would have, but then a bright smile lit up their faces. A nearly identical smile on both of them.

“Good answer,” Seth smiled.

“Did you think I was?”  
“No,” Sam answered quickly. “Edward has been very clear that you’re not. It’s just our job to double check.”

Our food came, a deliciously greasy looking burger and fries. I happily popped a fry in my mouth. Socializing was never a strong suit of mine, but I seemed to be doing just fine so far. And, it was another step in the right direction of popping out of my bubble, sitting here with two near strangers who went through the trouble of finding me at one in the morning.

“So, does this mean I get to join the I Hate Demetri club?” I asked, figuratively patting myself on the back for the small talk.

“I think we can see about an initiation of some kind,” Sam smiled.

“I did start an hours long screaming match between the Cullen’s and Irina and Demetri on Thanksgiving, if that earns me any points.”

“No,” Sam gasped.

“Damn. The one year we _don’t_ go to Thanksgiving,” Seth grumbled.

“You’re feisty. I like it,” Sam smiled.

My cheeks heated up, quite the feat considering the temperature outside. “I don’t know about that.”

“I heard you called your old boss an insufferable prick,” Sam countered.

I let out a deep sigh. “It was insufferable, misogynic, prick. Everyone leaves out the misogynic part.”

From then on, our dinner was easy. I had passed whatever test they were secretly giving me and earned their approval. My reward was an onslaught of stories about Edward, all of which I committed to memory.

My favorite was Edward going to Sam for advice on his early acting career, only for Sam to slip him a _brownie_ to try and help his performance. The best part being when they could all tell his takes when high on whatever was in said brownie were the ones used in the film.

They even walked me back to my hotel, only a few blocks away from the restaurant, and offered to take me out to a proper dinner next week if I was free. My ears perked up with Seth suggested the same little Italian restaurant Edward took me to.

“I’ve been there,” I smiled. “Edward took me.”

“No shit,” Sam gasped. “ _You’re_ the reason he asked for a nice restaurant last time he was in town?”

“Oh, well – “

“It started here! You’re welcome, if my restaurant recommendation had anything to do with you two getting together. Edward’s very tight lipped on the whole affair thing, but it’s the juiciest gossip he’s got and he will _not_ spill.”

“You’re a thirty-five-year-old man, Sam. You should not be using the phrase _juicy gossip,_ ” his brother groaned.

“This is me,” I smiled, more relieved than ever to see the doors to the hotel.

“We’ll go to the Italian place next week, maybe it’ll inspire you to fill in the gaps,” Sam smiled.

I shook my head with a chuckle. “Thank you for dinner. I had a good time.”

It wasn’t even a lie, either.

_…E…_

“Will you be okay for a few minutes?” I asked Ashley as she sat down to get her makeup done. It was finally the end of our two week press tour, which meant I was no longer freezing my ass off in New York City. Our last stop was a performance and her first late night television interview with Edward, and then I was done.

Not really _done_ , I was never really done with anything. I got to relax for the first time in two weeks, though.

“Yes,” Ashley chuckled, giving me as much of a smirk as she could with the makeup artist working around her. “Tell Edward I said hi.”

I was going to make up someplace else I was sneaking off to, but it was pointless. “I will.”

I did my best to keep from skipping down the halls. This side of the theater was more unfamiliar to me, the guest side. I smiled to myself as I rounded the corner toward Edward’s office, the walls now much more familiar and comforting.

After a quick knock I slid through his door, closing it tightly behind me as soon as I was in. “Hi.”

He froze behind his desk for a moment, which was my opportunity to get a good look at him. Gone was the scruff I last saw covering his face. He was his clean-shaven self, eyes brightening every second longer he stared at me.

I didn’t get a return greeting, not until he crossed the office in a few long strides. Warm hands cupped my cheeks and his lips were on mine before I could think straight. An embarrassingly loud moan escaped my throat when his tongue met mine. Before I could stop him, not that I would have, I ended up sitting on the edge of his desk, legs wrapped around his waist and hands touching whatever skin his button down left open to me. Which was, unfortunately, only his face and neck.

“Hi,” Edward panted, having pulled away only when breath was necessary.

I wrapped myself around him as best I could, legs still tight around his waist and my arms hopefully not choking him around his neck. I gave myself a minute or two to breathe him in and enjoy the steady comfort that came with having Edward around.

“I missed you,” I mumbled, nearly incoherently, into his neck as I refused to loosen my hold.

“I missed you, too.” Edward’s arms tightened around my waist, making me regret coming to see him with a few hours to go before the work was really done.

“I should get back to Ashley,” I grumbled, still not letting go.

Edward let out a heavy sigh before pulling back, just slightly, to look at me. “You’re done after this, right?”

I nodded with a smile. “Yes. So long as, you know, Ashley’s first late night television interview goes well and the host doesn’t try to get her to say something stupid that leaves me working all weekend to fix it.”

Edward chuckled. “Late night hosts are assholes, sometimes.”

“Well, I had a few favors in mind if this particular one promises to be on his best behavior tonight.”

“Isabella Swan,” Edward gasped, fake shock covering his face. “Are you offering me sexual favors in return for not blindsiding your other client with rude and intrusive questions?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s technically a bribe if I was going to do all of those things anyway.” My hands slid down his chest, still clothed but the firm muscles warm underneath the fabric of his shirt.

His eyes darkened, looking me up and down and not bothering to try and hide where his mind was. “What things?”

I smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and hopped down from his desk. As much as I wanted to stay, I did need to get back to Ashley. And the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to leave. “I’ll see you after the show, Mr. Cullen.”

The image of Edward, dark eyes on me as he adjusted himself before I closed his door behind me played through my mind over the next four hours.

Their interview went smoothly. I knew it would, even had I not gone to talk to Edward beforehand. I could have gone without the ten minute tangent they both went off on regarding me, but I knew the odds were good of it getting cut for the more interesting topics.

I was simultaneously exhausted and wired as I fell into the passenger seat of Edward’s Mercedes once the whole thing was done. Ashley was on her way home, no longer needing my constant worry and attention. My body relaxed completely for the first time in two weeks as Edward pulled onto the highway.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” he asked, lifting our intertwined hands up and pressing a kiss to the back of mine.

A lazy smile covered my face as I turned to look at him, only for reality to hit me. “Will, um, Masen and Lucy – “

“Be with my parents all weekend? Yes.”

“Oh,” I sighed. “Then, yes.” I frowned at myself, realizing it sounded like I didn’t want them around. To be fair, I definitely didn’t want them around for what I wanted to do with their father tonight, but I was also going to have to get used to them all living together, permanently.

“That didn’t come out right,” I grumbled. “It’s not that I don’t – “

“I know,” Edward said, smirking over at me quickly before putting his eyes back on the road. “I don’t necessarily want them around when I have you to myself for the first time in two weeks, either.”

“And why is that?” I asked, fake innocence on my face as I smiled over at him.

Without missing a beat, he replied, “Because I like hearing you scream.”

I regretted my playful teasing immediately as I saw the packed highway in the way between us and Edward’s house. I attempted to very subtly cross my legs, flattening my circle skirt over my lap.

“That could be taken in a very serial killer-y kind of way,” I told him, hoping to diffuse the tension in the car.

“Or it could be taken in the way that’s making you squirm in your seat and clench your thighs together.”

I kept my mouth shut after that.

Edward was the picture of ease as he parked in his garage. He got my bag out of the trunk with an easy smile while I could hardly concentrate on anything other than how the black slacks he wore hugged his ass perfectly as he walked in front of me.

I was about to implode at his nonchalance as we walked in, until the door locked with a click behind me a moment before he gently pressed me against the wall to our left. My breath picked up at the simple fact that he was standing so close to me.

His hands were on my waist, making circles around my back and then resting on my hips, only to repeat the motion again and again. A very innocent trail that left me frustrated and wanting.

“Hi,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine and smiling down at me. 

“Hi.”

Edward’s hand came up to caress my cheek, pressing his lips to the opposite one. It was a gentle, tender moment that slowed my heart for the time being as his lips trailed down my neck.

“I missed you,” he breathed out, his lips right behind my ear.

My hands dug into his back, pulling him as close as I could. My impatience got the best of me as I pulled him away from my neck and kissed him like my life depended on it, because it sort of felt like it did. It was when I felt him smiling against my lips that I realized he was going slow just to torture me.

“That was mean,” I mumbled into the kiss.

“You’re the one that called me a serial killer.”

I snorted, pulling away just an inch or two to smile up at him. “That was a joke.”

My favorite crooked smile showed up on his face a second before his lips were back on mine. Even with my arms now securely around his neck and fingers buried in his hair to keep him close, nothing felt like enough. There was hardly any space between us and it was too much.

“Edward,” I groaned.

“Hmm,” he sighed, moving his attention back to my neck as we both caught our breath.

“Do you remember the other day when you, ah, asked about fantasies?”

He froze for a second, before looking down at me with a smirk that made my toes curl. “Yes.”

“I have one.”

The smirk grew. “Okay.”

I kissed him again quickly, before peppering kisses along his cheek and up to his ear before I lost my nerve. “I want you to fuck me.”

His hands froze on my ass, his eyes snapping down to mine as I pulled away and rested my head against the wall.

I supposed, technically, _fucking_ was a common activity for us. But, sometimes it felt like he was holding himself back, like he thought I’d break if his hands were too tight. I got glimpses of him losing his control sometimes, but I wanted it all now. The rough hands and the kisses that left my lips sore and the feeling like the only thing in the world that mattered was that Edward was as close as humanly possible.

His lips were on mine again, distracting me and making me gasp when he easily lifted me by my thighs and turned toward the stairs. The next thing I knew, he plopped me on my feet at the foot of his bed and immediately tugged my sweater over my head. His hands went to my waist and I jumped a little at the skin to skin contact. My skirt was gone next, leaving me in nothing more than a black lacy bra and panty set.

Edward lifted my feet out from underneath me again, letting me fall back onto the bed with a gasp. He pulled my panties down quickly, tossing them across the room before lifting my feet up to rest on the bed, keeping my knees spread apart as he stood between them. His hands roamed my legs, circling over my knees and sliding down my calves as his eyes grazed over me like I was his prey.

“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he groaned, his hands falling down my thighs.

I let out a loud groan as he trailed two fingers down my center before sliding them easily inside me. After barely managing to keep my eyes from rolling back into my head, I saw the sinister smirk return.

He fell over me, fingers still working me over, leaning on his free forearm with his lips at my ear. “And always so fucking wet for me.”

A whimper escaped my lips as I buried my head in Edward’s shoulder. I kept just enough consciousness to be able to hastily undo the buttons on his shirt. I followed him as he stood back up and let his shirt fall to the floor.

My legs dangled off the edge of the bed and my hands tugged at his belt and buttons until he had less clothing on than I did. My hand wrapped around the base of his cock, where it stood proudly right in front of me, and I smiled to myself at the loud groan he let out once my lips wrapped around the tip.

“You were so nervous our first time,” Edward panted, both hands coming up to tangle in my hair. “And now you’re…”

Whatever he was going to say died out when one of my hands gave his balls a firm squeeze.

“Not,” I finished for him after lifting my mouth off of him with a pop. I kissed him from hip to hip, my tongue sliding up his abdomen and feeling every tense squeeze of his muscles.

Then I was on my back again, Edward hovering over me. His lips explored… everywhere. My neck was left with a sore spot where I knew a deep bruise would appear tomorrow. Once my bra was tossed away my breasts captured his full attention, his hands always making sure to occupy the one that wasn’t currently being attacked by fervent nips and licks.

He pulled away from me with a grunt after giving my nipple a final, sharp bite. Edward tugged me down the bed, situating me as he pleased like I weighed nothing at all. He tossed my legs over his shoulders, biting at my ankle as he pressed himself against my entrance.

He smirked down at me, his hands sliding up and down my legs and over my abdomen in a deceivingly soothing and comforting pattern just before he entered me in a quick, hard thrust.

There was no easing inside, no pause to enjoy that initial connection. It was hard and fast and the way his eyes, practically black, roamed over me made me believe his _sexiest thing I’ve ever seen_ comment.

He pulled out just a second before I knew I was going to start to tighten around him. With a fling of my legs off of his shoulders he flipped me onto my stomach with a sharp slap to my ass when he was done.

With little warning he was inside of me again, one hand on my shoulder to keep me in place and the other holding himself up over me. My hands formed fists around the sheets until my knuckles were white, a mix of a groan and a cry coming out with every one of his thrusts.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” he panted into my ear, leaning over me but never easing up.

“Yes,” I gasped between breaths.

He leaned back without any warning, tugging my hips with him as he pounded into me until I came with a scream of his name.

I might have blacked out for a moment, because the next thing I knew I was lying on top of him. He smirked up at me, tossing a chunk of partially sweat-drenched hair over my shoulder.

“It’s your turn,” he grunted, his voice deep and tight.

My brain was mostly static, so I cocked my head to the side and stared at him, not sure what he was saying.

Edward’s answering smirk was just as devious as they had been all night. He leaned up, lips at my ear, and whispered, “To fuck me.” His words accentuated with a quick thrust of his hips up against me, where he was still very hard and very much inside me.

I sat up, my hands pressing into his solid, sweaty chest and he laid underneath me. His hands roamed as I oriented myself, along my waist and thighs and over my breasts.

“Bella,” he groaned, hips bucking up impatiently.

I braced myself on his chest, grinding myself against him. His eyes were solely focused on where we were joined, until I picked up the pace when I felt another orgasm tightening in my abdomen and they rolled back into his head.

He came with a string of curses, and I collapsed against his chest.

“Welcome home,” Edward panted, still out of breath a few minutes later. 


	17. Finally

_I’ve never recognized a purer face_

_You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place_

_Used to think that loving meant a painful chase_

_But you’re right here now and I think you’ll stay_

_~ Halsey, **Finally // Beautiful Stranger**_

**BPOV**

“Have I mentioned that you’re very cute in an apron?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could, barely keeping the smile off of my face.

It had been a fairly relaxing Saturday, aside from the morning spent at an Audi dealership. I had taken care of the more boring parts of car buying while in New York, and I was fairly certain my bank never wanted to hear from me again after all of our conversations about getting a loan for the car, but it was finally done.

Edward had done more research than I had into the car, and was an encyclopedia of knowledge as he drove us over there this morning. My stomach had filled with happily protected butterflies when he let it slip he test drove the car earlier in the week. With my complete lack of knowledge on cars, I took his word for everything and had a cute little midnight blue Audi parked in his garage now. 

I knew nothing about it. Couldn’t even tell anyone the exact model if they asked. But I had a way to get myself home Sunday night, which was all I really cared about.

Edward’s face lit up at my question, something I knew meant trouble. “You have, actually,” he answered casually, before sauntering over to the pantry and pulling out what appeared to be a folded, blush pink version of the apron around his shoulders. “Since you seemed so enamored with it, I got you one of your own.”

My instant chuckle turned into a lasting laugh as I unfolded the apron. Something about it made me unbelievably happy. I didn’t even feel the need to tell him I didn’t want the gift.

“Thank you,” I smiled, gleefully dropping it around my neck. With a firm hand on my hip Edward twisted me around so he could tie it around my waist. Once it was secure I turned around, smile still in place as I beamed up at him. “Does this mean I have to do more than cut up the lettuce, now?”

Cooking wasn’t my thing, and he knew it. He also knew I had a tendency to burn things just by looking at them, so whenever I helped him cook I was usually given a harmless task like chopping lettuce to put together a salad. An apron seemed like it should come with more responsibility than the lettuce, though.

“Yes,” he chuckled, probably at the way my joy over my new apron immediately vanished from my face. “Your new job is measuring out these ingredients,” he told me, setting a recipe down in front of me and pointing to a few harmless looking ingredients.

“Oh, okay. I can do that,” I nodded, staring at the list.

Edward pressed a kiss to the top of my head, turning back to the actual cooking he was doing at the stove.

“Wait, is – “

“Capital T is tablespoon. Lowercase is teaspoon.”

“Right. I knew that.”

We ate dinner on the patio in his backyard, where a long dining table sat. The warm breeze wafting around as we sat and admired the view long after we were done eating made me smile after two weeks of the bitter cold in New York. My head rested on his shoulder while his fingers twirled a strand of my hair and it was a perfect, relaxing moment that I never wanted to end. 

“I really missed you,” he sighed, a soft kiss pressed to the top of my head.

I turned to look up at him, a small smile tugging at my lips. “I really missed you, too.”

He cleared his throat before quickly changing the subject. “So, how was it?”

“Dinner?” I asked. “Delicious.”

Edward chuckled. “No. New York.”

“Oh, good. Exhausting, but exciting enough to make me forget about how exhausted I was for the most part. The city as a whole wasn’t as magical as I remember it, though.”

“Magical?”

I nodded. “After my first time there I thought it was a beautiful, magical, place like everyone always makes it out to be. Turns out when you’re not starting an illicit affair with your client, it’s not so magical. Just busy and cold and crowded.”

“Hmm,” he sighed, turning in his seat to face me. “I’ve been to New York quite a few times myself, but none of them compare to the last time.”

A smile tugged at my lips. “Because of me?”

“Yes,” he nodded, reaching up to tuck some unruly hair behind my ear. “Because of you.”

Later that night I climbed into bed beside Edward, who had his tablet in his hand and his attention glued to the screen. When he felt the bed move, though, he smiled over at me.

“Come here,” he said, holding a hand out to me and tugging me over. He handed me the tablet. “What do you think of this?”

I looked down, not sure what I was expecting to see on the screen, but a real estate listing wasn’t at the top of my list.

“It’s a house.”

“Yes.”

“A sixteen-million-dollar house.”

I didn’t see it, my eyes still on the dollar sign on the tablet, but I was confident in my guess that he rolled his eyes at me.

“Don’t look at the price. Look at the pictures.”

“But – “

“Pictures.”

I bit my bottom lip and scrolled slowly through the photos. It was a beautiful house. It sort of had to be with a sixteen-million-dollar price tag. It was kind of the complete opposite of this place, which was on the darker side with deep mahogany walls and dark counters. The pictures showed the home as open and bright. The backyard was pretty amazing, with a beautiful tree right in the middle of the deck and a large outdoor cooking and eating area.

“Is that a shower?” I gasped, pointing at what, logically, I knew was a shower. It was just about four times the size my brain thought a shower should be.

Edward chuckled. “Yes.”

“Jesus Christ,” I mumbled, continuing to scroll through picture after picture of the beautiful home.

“So?” Edward asked impatiently after I went through all of the photos a second time.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Do you like it?”  
Panic flooded my veins. “Did you already buy it?”

“No,” he answered quickly, grabbing the tablet out of my hands. “It’ll be less messy if I wait until the divorce is final before buying a new place. This is just a potential option.”

A minute later the tablet was placed back in my hands, another house on the screen. This one a modest fourteen-million-dollars. A lump formed in the back of my throat as I scrolled through the pictures without really seeing much.

It was a big deal, Edward buying a house. It was an even bigger deal that it seemed like I would have some kind of say in his decision to buy said house. The little voice in the back of my head, the bitchy one that constantly tried to remind me that it was only a matter of time before I fucked something up, started whispering in my ear.

If something happened, I didn’t want him stuck in a multi-million-dollar house he bought because I liked. I was terrified that we were moving too fast and he would change his mind eventually and then I’d be left out to dry.

Still, I wanted it all. As soon as possible. Not because I wanted to live in a fancy house with a shower big enough for a small gathering, but because I liked falling asleep next to him every night and cooking dinner together and even just working in the same room as him.

I chewed on my bottom lip, attempting to push away all of my doubts and handed the tablet back to Edward.

“I liked the first one better,” I admitted quietly. The second one was beautiful, but it wasn’t as cozy. The first one felt more like a home, and the second felt more like an art exhibit. Maybe the hominess came with the extra two-million-dollars.

“Okay,” he nodded with a seriousness that was kind of adorable.

I rested my head against his shoulder as I watched him pull up another house on the tablet. I buried my nose against his neck, breathing in the scent of his freshy washed skin before pressing a kiss to his neck.

_…E…_

Carlisle and Esme Cullen were nothing if not gracious hosts, something I could now attest to with multiple references. Tonight’s party was a New Year’s Eve celebration, and their house was as packed as I had ever seen it, covered in sparkles and finger foods galore and glasses of champagne all around.

I spent most of the afternoon with Alice and Rosalie, all of us getting ready together at Alice and Jasper’s home. It was a beautiful place, and after the last few weeks of Edward constantly shoving real estate listings down my throat I admired the arched doorways and pristine hardwood floors more than ever.

Edward was coming separately with Masen and Lucy, something that had my eyes drifting over to the door every few minutes. Their new living dynamic was more challenging than I had anticipated.

I was happy for all of them, because they all seemed happy together. There was a selfish part of me in the back of my brain that missed uninterrupted time alone with Edward, though. A lot. Because the longest I got alone with him was an hour or two on the weekends before his house was usually full of teenagers.

I wasn’t exactly sure what the next step was, either. He was very insistent on buying a house in the near future, but I was also well aware that my moving in most likely wasn’t going to be an immediate thing. His children deserved uninterrupted time with their father and he deserved time to enjoy finally having them to himself before they went off to college.

Still. I missed him. A lot.

“So,” Alice interrupted my moping. “New Year’s resolutions. Rosalie, you first.”

I turned my attention to Rosalie to my left, trying to hide my smile as I watched her groan.

“To figure some way out of Emmett’s stupid plan for us to go back to school,” she grumbled, tossing back the rest of her flute of champagne.

“I think it’s exciting,” I told her. “Physical therapy sounds interesting.”

“Yeah, but college was only enjoyable the first time because of the partying and not caring.”

I chuckled, taking a small sip of my own champagne. Rosalie had a business degree, alongside her certification to be a personal trainer. The business degree was more of a way to pass her time and stay in college the full four years. School was never her favorite thing. A physical therapist needed a bit more schooling than a trainer, though.

“You’ll be fine. And I’m excellent at making flash cards if you need help.”

“Jasper could probably help, too. He’s a big nerd at heart,” Alice smiled. “Bella, your turn.”

I bit my bottom lip and straightened the almost ridiculous amount of tulle falling around my legs. The dress Alice and Rosalie put me in had a black corset, most of it a dark see through mesh aside from the cups and lining, and then layer upon layer of tulle skirts falling halfway down my calf. It was an excellent distraction from what I had already decided was my New Year’s Resolution.

“I want to be a better therapy patient.”

It was something I was dreading, my return to therapy. I hadn’t had an appointment in a month and a half, thanks to the holidays and my work schedule, and Doctor Stanley’s work schedule. That all changed starting next week, and I knew my time avoiding my problems was about to come to an abrupt end.

“That’s a good one,” Alice added softly.

I shrugged, not really wanting to focus on it anymore. Instead I downed the rest of my champagne and smiled up at the waiter who immediately handed me another. “What’s yours?”

Alice leaned in, a big smile on her face. “I’m going to have a baby.”

My eyes widened. “You’re…”

“Not yet,” she said quickly. “But it’s the plan.”

“Wow,” Rosalie and I sighed at the same time.

“Bella, dear,” Esme’s soft voice came from behind the couch. “Can I borrow you for a minute?”

“Oh, sure.” I stood up quickly, simultaneously downing my newest glass of champagne because the night seemed to call for it, and followed her through the crowd until we ended up in a quiet office.

Esme closed the door behind us, smiling at me as I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and waited.

“I may have been a little overzealous in my offer to purchase you a vehicle,” she admitted with a laugh. “But I still wanted to give you something.”

I shook my head. “Esme, you don’t have to – “

“You have no idea how hard it was to watch that woman constantly walk all over my son,” she said quickly. “Carlisle and I, we kept our mouths shut after a while because Edward had obviously made his decision. It never made it any easier to watch.

“But, now he has you,” she whispered with a weary smile. “You look out for him and you love him and you look at him like he is the center of the universe. And while I would happily buy you a car or three for the way you stood up for him on Thanksgiving, I hope this will do.”

Esme grabbed a small box from the desk behind her, opening it up to reveal a delicate emerald, no bigger than the nail on my pinky finger, hanging off of a thin gold chain.

“My mother gave this to me on Edward’s first birthday, because of those big green eyes of his,” she chuckled, lifting the necklace up.

“I couldn’t – “

She was already standing behind me, pushing my hair over my shoulder so she could fasten the necklace around my neck before I could refuse the heirloom.

“I always planned on giving it to whoever he found. And he found you.”

I pressed my lips together, reaching up to feel the tiny gemstone rest against my chest. “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, looking down at the beautiful stone. “Thank you.”

Esme smiled at me, a small, wistful one that I got a lot from her, before wrapping her arms around me. It was a hug so comforting only a mother could give, which made it something I was completely unused to.

I managed to fit the jewelry box in my small clutch beside my phone as Esme and I left our quiet little office. She was quickly pulled away by a friend, and I stood off to the side of the room and looked around for a moment before a head of unruly copper hair caught my attention.

He was just walking in, Masen and Lucy on either side of him. His cheeks were a little red, from the very slight chill in the air. There was a small smile on his face as his eyes searched through the crowd and I knew without a doubt that he was looking for me.

I watched as Masen and Lucy wandered off, both tossing a smile and a wave in my direction. Edward ventured toward Alice and Rosalie, still sitting on the couch I was pulled away from a few minutes ago.

_I’m going to marry him._

The words floated through my mind without an ounce of hesitation. A smile tugged at my lips as I watched him talk to Rosalie quickly.

Things were kind of stressful right now, what with Masen and Lucy moving in and his divorce on the brink of being finalized. I also had this impending sense of doom looming over me with my therapy appointment next week. But, even with all of that muddling things right now, the end goal was still there.

One day I would turn around and he’d be down on one knee with a ring in his hands, or I would cut into a piece of cake and nearly choke on a ring. Eventually we wouldn’t have to carefully navigate our relationship around his kids. There would come a time when I woke up next to him every morning.

I watched Rosalie point in the direction Esme and I had left, which happened to be where I was still standing. He smiled when his eyes found me, and the smile on my own face grew as he headed over in my direction.

He was in his classic attire, a dark suit that fit him better than it had any right to. I opened my mouth to say hello as he got close, but he quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me right back down the hall and into the same office Esme and I had talked in.

I was immediately sandwiched between the door and Edward, his hands on my waist and lips on mine. My fingers buried themselves in his hair and I stretched on the tips of my toes to make the kiss last as long as possible when he started to pull away.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I panted.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“That’s okay.” It was the least of my worries now, as my lips entertained themselves along his chin and down his neck.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in days,” he groaned, hands tightening around my waist as I nipped at his neck.

“That’s because I haven’t seen you in days.”

Edward pulled away, cupping my cheek and looking down at me. “I’m sorry things are so complicated right now.”

“It’s okay,” I shrugged, smiling up at him. I wasn’t sure anything could sour my suddenly optimistic mood. “I’ve got my own fair share of complications, too.”

“I did manage to secure us a teenager free house for the remainder of the evening,” he said with a proud smile.

“You did?”

He nodded.

I kissed him.

The door suddenly pushed against my back and I stumbled against him until his father walked in with Esme and another man. In the back of my fuzzy brain I was fairly certain he was a prominent film producer, but his name was nowhere to be found.

Carlisle laughed. “Sorry, kids. Russell wanted to talk a little business.”

My cheeks were bright red as Edward smiled at his parents, shaking the hand of Russell before escorting me quickly out of the room. He walked us through the party, nodding politely at a few people that caught his attention but never stopping for more than a step to grab two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter. I followed him out one of the back doors where we ended up on a beautiful balcony overlooking the backyard.

“I know I’m not great with the whole socializing thing, but I’m pretty sure the point of a party is to be in there,” I chuckled, pointing back toward the house.

He handed me the extra flute of champagne, taking a large gulp of his own. As he spoke, he dropped his suitcoat off of his shoulders, draping it over mine seemingly without really thinking about it. “The point of this party, for me, is some uninterrupted time with my girlfriend.”

I smiled up at him, but could quickly tell he was underselling his need for uninterrupted time. “Is everything okay? With Masen and Lucy?”

Edward let out a heavy sigh, turning to lean over the balcony. I hooked my arm through his and did the same.

“It’s good. They seem happy to be in one place and I’m glad they’re finally with me for good, or for the foreseeable future at least. It’s a big adjustment, for all of us, though. I spent most of the last seven years alone, and now my house is constantly full of teenagers. It’s…”

“Exhausting?” I finished for him. I was the last person to know what it was like to raise a teenager, but the constant worrying about their safety and happiness and wellbeing and health and _everything_ seemed pretty grueling. Add that on top of living together full time for the first time in seven years and you got the drained man beside me.

“God, yes. There’s always music blaring from one end of the house to the other or a television turned up to full volume. Masen has taken his free reign to date _very_ seriously, and now Lucy is over accepting her punishment of not being able to date and hounding me every night to ask if she can go out. I love my kids… but they’re a fucking handful sometimes.”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “I know absolutely nothing about raising children, but I think most parents feel like that at one point or another.”

I felt his eyes on me, but closed mine and buried myself further into his shoulder. Our conversation was doing nothing but proving that I needed to savor whatever time alone with him I got.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asked out of the blue.

My eyes popped open, and I grabbed his wrist to check the time. “It’s nine-thirty.”

He shrugged.

“I think you’re supposed to stay until at least midnight at a New Year’s Eve party.” Personally, getting out sounded fantastic to me. I had gotten here an hour before he did, so I fulfilled my quota for socializing.

“My parents won’t mind.”

“What about Masen and Lucy?”

“Both have friends here and are going home with them.”

I chuckled. “So, you gave into Lucy, huh?”

“Just for tonight.”

I smiled up at him. “Okay.”

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before grabbing my hand and heading back through the crowded party. I caught Rosalie’s eye quickly, giving her a small wave before I lost sight of her.

Thankfully, Edward’s parents didn’t live too far away from him. We didn’t have to get stuck on a busy highway before pulling into his driveway. I watched him let out a big sigh as soon as we were inside, and toss his wallet and keys on the nearby table before turning to me with a smile.

“Why don’t you head upstairs?” he said with a smile, nodding his head in the direction of the stairs. “I just need to grab something from the kitchen and I’ll be up.”

I nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek before heading up, very carefully in the heels Alice and given me for the night. I stopped in my tracks as I slid his coat off of my shoulders.

There was a large sitting area in his room, a whole area to itself across from his bed. The couches and chairs were all pushed against the wall now, making way for a fluffy blanket on the ground, and about twenty pillows thrown about. There were unlit candles where I knew they weren’t usually, and a crackling fire glowing on the television across from the blanket.

I heard Edward walk in from behind me, and turned to see him holding a plate of chocolate covered strawberries, two new flutes, and a bottle of champagne.

I pressed my lips together, shaking my head. “You’re very smooth, Edward Cullen.”

“I try,” he shrugged, motioning to the cozy area. “Take a seat.”

I draped his coat carefully over one of the chairs, sliding my heels off in front of it as well before plopping down on the fuzzy blanket. Edward sat next to me, pouring me my fourth flute of champagne of the night.

A quiet night on the floor of his bedroom with drinks and strawberries was a hundred times more enjoyable than a night at a party where I knew about six out of the two hundred people.

I never really thought the whole _feeding each other messy foods_ thing sounded all that exciting, but I was sorely mistaken. Especially after Edward made a point to lick the strawberry juices off of my fingers after every bite. I had never been so glad to leave a party early.

Eventually, after our snack was long gone, Edward propped himself up against a mountain of pillows and pulled me into him, my back against his chest. I settled myself in between his legs, chuckling to myself when my squirming led to him adjusting himself.

He dropped kisses along my bare shoulders, ones that lingered and made my whole body warm and fuzzy.

“I want you around more,” he admitted softly.

We had steered clear of the heavier topics once we got home, settling for more lighthearted banger as we enjoyed our strawberries and champagne. We seemed to be venturing back into complicated territory, though.

“I don’t want to complicate things even more for you,” I admitted. I wanted to be around more, too. But I also didn’t want to ruin the tentative positive relationship I had with his kids by going too fast.

“You’re not a complication.”

“Lucy and Masen probably don’t feel the same way.”

“They don’t hate you, Bella. Not anymore, at least.”

He got quiet, but didn’t seem like he was done, so I gave him a few minutes. “They never fought about Demetri because they knew him so well. I think we both got too used to keeping our relationship between just the two of us. Thanksgiving was a good step, I think.”

Again, he went quiet. But only because it felt like he was trying to figure out the best way to say whatever it was he was trying to say.

His voice was strained when he finally finished. “This might make me the worst fucking parent in the world, but I’m tired of being alone.”

I turned around quickly, thankful for my years of learning to fight back tears, and cupped his cheek. “You’re not alone.”

His thought process was a bit jumbled to me, but I understood why. He was guilty, wanting to put himself before them, even in this tiny way.

He stared at me, but I wasn’t sure he believed me. Technically, we both spent more nights alone than together the last few weeks, and we weren’t really doing much to change it.

I had no clue how to deal with children. I wasn’t sure if there was some kind of protocol on this kid of thing.

“Come to dinner. A couple nights a week, if you can,” he said quickly.

I turned back around, leaning against his chest and wrapping my arms around his around my waist. “I can do that. Just not, um, Tuesdays or Thursdays.”

I felt his head cock to the side behind me. “What’s Tuesday and Thursday?”

“I bumped my therapy appointments up to twice a week. Mostly because I wanted to get through the bad stuff faster. Double the appointments should make it take half the time, right?” I babbled on nervously.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “We can wait before we – “

“No, no,” I interrupted. “I’m tired of waiting. If you don’t think Masen and Lucy will get sick of me or feel like I’m intruding, I’d love to come to dinner whenever you’ll have me. Maybe you can help me not be a complete mess in the kitchen.”

I felt him chuckle behind me. “That’ll be quite the task.”

“Hey,” I grumbled playfully.

Edward grabbed my left hand with his, intertwining our fingers and giving it a squeeze. The mood sobered up quickly.

“Is there anything I can do to make Tuesday easier for you?” he asked softly.

I took a deep breath, giving his hand a squeeze. My other hand came up to nervously twist at the shiny new emerald around my neck. “Not really. Thank you for offering, though.”

“That’s new,” he said quietly, probably realizing I didn’t really want to focus on Tuesday at the moment.

I smiled to myself. “Your mother gave it to me tonight.”

He sighed behind me, a hefty one that I hoped meant all of the heavy topics were behind us for the night. He let go of my hand, only to let both of his trail down my arms and across my waist.

“I failed to mention how mind-numbingly gorgeous you look tonight.”

I smiled, leaning back to press a kiss to whatever part of him I could reach, which ended up being the corner of his jaw. “Thank you.”

I turned around and straddled his lap so I could get a better look at him. It wasn’t often that I was the one doling out the advice or making him feel better. I was usually the one needing him to help me in one way or another.

Maybe it was my less than stellar upbringing, but I never realized how cathartic it was to have someone to talk to. Someone who never made you feel like a nuisance or bother, and who genuinely wanted to hear about your day or help you solve your problems. I also never realized how much I would cherish being that person for someone else.

I cherished a lot of things about having Edward.

“I love you,” I whispered, resting my arms over his shoulders and running my fingers through his hair. It was this all-consuming kind of love that I never knew existed, and that somehow still grew every day.

One of his hands reached up, the tips of his fingers tracing random patterns along my cheeks and down my nose to across my lips. “More than you will ever know, Isabella,” he sighed softly.

There was no more talking. No waiting for a silly ball to drop or the clock to strike midnight. There were kisses that took my breath away and warm hands that left a trail of goosebumps in their wake and the undeniable feeling that the upcoming year was going to be nothing like my first twenty-two.


	18. Wolves

_I’ve looked for love in every stranger_

_Took too much to ease the anger_

_All for you_

_~ Selena Gomez & Marshmallow, **Wolves**_

**BPOV**

I tended to be a fairly proactive person. I was never the type of kid that had to be told to do her homework or given a set schedule because I would waste my time away if given the opportunity. In school, and later on at work, I got what needed to be done and usually had time to do a little extra at the end of the day. In my professional life, I was not a procrastinator.

In my personal life, I had been putting off this exact moment for years. I knew my coping mechanism was to push down all of the bad things until they were buried so deep in my subconscious I rarely thought of them. Personally, I still saw it as a viable option. Mostly because I wanted all of those memories to stay buried down there.

Now, even though my time of procrastination was nearly up, I was still holding on to it by a thread as I sat on a bench outside of Doctor Stanley’s office. My flimsy excuse was that I was finishing my coffee, which was now a few ice cubes rattling around in the plastic cup.

I wanted to get better. I wanted to never feel like this again. But, I had started building this bubble around myself since I was about eight years old, and it was the only way I knew how to live.

“You’re stalling.” Doctor Stanley’s voice came from my right, making me jump.

“I’m finishing my coffee,” I told her, holding up my melting ice cubes.

“It looks finished to me.”

“Everyone knows the watered-down bits at the end are the best,” I lied, because they were decidedly the worst part of an iced coffee.

She was quiet for a moment, my joke dying off and an uncomfortable tension forming in the air. “It’ll be worth it, Bella.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re a talented, driven, young woman with a wonderful future ahead of her. You’re not going to let them drag you down any longer than you already have.”

_Future._ I wanted one. With Edward. And I knew I had to do this in order to have a happy one.

I took three deep breaths.

“Okay.”

_…E…_

The memories were all still there, just waiting for a moment of weakness to flood my brain with each horrible reminder of my childhood. Or, a nosy therapist that told me this was a good thing. It didn’t matter that my appointment had ended hours ago, every few minutes a new memory came to mind, usually more crushing than the last. But, they were also all jumbled up. Overwhelming and confusing and depressing.

All of the hours spent in the emergency room felt like yesterday. I remembered one nurse that seemed to always be working when I was there, Alexis, that would always make a point to say hello to me. She had pulled me aside once, kept me down the hall away from my mother for an extra couple of minutes to ask if there was anything else I needed to tell her. I was only ten and didn’t know what to say. I still trusted my mother at ten.

When I first left home, I was angry most of the time. Angry that my parents didn’t care and that I had worked my ass off for a full ride scholarship while they were planning on paying everyone else’s way through college. I expected that anger to return, had even packed a gym bag to go work out my frustrations after my appointment today, but it didn’t.

I was sad. Maybe because I had seen more closely how functioning families worked, or maybe it was just because I was starting to realize how much my parents had to hate me in order to have let my childhood be as shitty as it was. It was the kind of hopelessness that made my chest hurt and limbs feel like lead when I tried to move them.

Fingers brushed against my hair, making my body flinch away instinctively. My eyes popped open.

“Sorry,” Edward sighed. “I thought you were asleep.”

“It’s okay,” I mumbled, attempting to sit up and look like less of a mess. “What are you doing here?”

“Making sure you’re okay.”

I sat on the edge of my bed, legs tossed over the edge as Edward stood above me. I could have lied and told him I was fine, but I was too tired to pretend and all I could offer was a shrug.

He didn’t press me for details or try to pretend that it was just a typical Tuesday night or even look at me like I was being dramatic. In my personal experience, whenever my parents saw me upset, they tended to either ignore my mood entirely or make me feel like I was stupid for being mad at whatever had happened. It was why I had grown up thinking crying made me weak and selfish and why, whenever I was upset, I usually put on a smile and said I was fine.

Edward, however, leaned down to press a lingering kiss to my forehead before sliding his shoes off and climbing into bed beside me. He didn’t say a word, just pulled the blanket back over my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me.

“You don’t have to stay,” I mumbled, even as I burrowed myself into him as close as possible. “I know you have more important things to do.”

“There’s nowhere else I need to be,” he said softly, gentle fingers brushing through my hair. “You don’t have to worry about anyone else right now, Bella.”

I let out a couple shaky breaths, before attempting to take in a few steady, deep ones. I squeezed my eyes shut, my face buried in Edward’s chest with an arm hugging myself even closer.

The whole thing was only going to get harder. The more I thought about my childhood and my family, the more sad and angry and disappointed I was going to be about everything.

The mental scars from my years living under the same roof as Tyler were only part of my problem. It was the hopelessness of realizing that the two people in the world who were supposed to love me unconditionally and protect me from the world didn’t care enough to even try.

Doctor Stanley had said one thing that stuck with me today, though, and that was that part of what I was doing was going through the grieving process. Because as much as I wanted my parents, my father, mostly, to care even just a tiny bit about me, that had never happened. I had to go through the process of letting go of that before I could move on.

“It’s okay to cry, you know,” Edward’s voice broke through the fog in my brain, a little tight and gruff.

I hadn’t even felt the tears stinging at my eyes or the tremors shaking my body as I tried to control them. The tight arms wrapped around me and the periodic kiss to the top of my head reminded me I was safe and loved, a combination that far too foreign for me.

Once the first tear slid down my cheek, my fight was over. Eventually, my quiet tears turned into full blown sobs without my permission. I was sure the embarrassment at having Edward see me covered in tears would come eventually, but for now I took comfort in the way he stayed, hands in my hair as he quietly told me I was okay over and over. He never said _it_ was okay. Always that I was okay.

The situation, the _it_ … it wasn’t okay.

_…E…_

It was amazing the difference two days could make. Two days ago, I was a little terrified to have dinner with Edward and his kids. Lucy and I had patched things up during Thanksgiving and Masen seemed very unbothered by the whole thing, but they were teenagers. They could change their minds a hundred times and I was never popular among the teenage crowd even when I was one.

I had never really cared about what other people thought about me, mostly because I assumed I was a nuisance most of the time, but I wanted them to like me. I hoped, at some point, we’d get to a place where I have this same fear that they would suddenly hate me again whenever I spent time with them. That was what these dinners were for, I supposed.

I wasn’t quite as terrified of it as I was two days ago, though. Now, I was emotionally drained and entirely too excited spend a couple hours hopefully not thinking about myself.

My hours of crying last night with Edward seemed to help a little bit. But, tomorrow I would have to do it all over again. Hopefully without the full breakdown at the end of the day.

I shook my head, knowing I had to keep my thoughts away from _that_ in order to make it through the night. I hesitated at the door, key in hand. Edward had told me to use it, had said I could come and go whenever I pleased, but it still seemed a bit rude to just barge in when I knew he was home. I fought over the subject in my mind for a good three minutes before rolling my eyes at myself and unlocking the door.

When I turned back toward the hall after locking the door behind me, my heart about jumped out of my chest at Edward leaning against the wall. Based on the smirk on his face, I was pretty sure my indecision at the door had been caught.

“My one request for this new house you’re buying is that it has a solid front door,” I grumbled, feeling my cheeks heat up as I dropped my keys back in my bag.

“That’s your one and only request?”

“Yes,” I nodded.

Edward hummed to himself, coming over to pull me into his arms. “You don’t want the biggest walk in closet you’ve ever seen, or a tub big enough for five?”

I shook my head. “No. I want to be able to hesitate outside the door in peace.”

Edward chuckled softly, before cupping my cheek and leaning down for a quick kiss. “You don’t have to hesitate outside the door, you know.”

I shrugged, giving him a small smile.

He gave me one in return, looking down at me and brushing some unruly hair behind my ear. “Are you okay?”

It was a loaded question. But, in this moment, I was okay. Mostly. “For now,” I answered honestly. “Thank you for, um, coming over last night. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” he said softly. “And you don’t have to apologize.”

I frowned up at him. I would have argued that I _did_ have to apologize if I thought I could handle talking about the subject much longer. As it was, I didn’t want to think about it at all. Thankfully, I was saved by some thundering feet coming up the stairs to our right.

“When’s dinner? I’m starving,” Masen said, stopping at the top of the stairs when he saw us. “Oh, hey, Bella.”

“Hi,” I smiled, giving him a small wave and stepping away from his father.

Edward sighed, pulling me back towards him. “Just a few minutes. Why don’t you go set the table?”

He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze before tugging me down the hallway after Masen. I took a deep breath and concentrated on the way his thumb rubbed the back of my hand and nothing else.

Masen was already at the table, setting plates down. Lucy was in the kitchen, a yellow apron over her shoulders as she pulled something that smelled delicious out of the oven.

“Wine?” Edward asked, dropping me off at the island as he went to the fridge.

“Just water is good for me.” My brain was fuzzy enough these days without alcohol added to the mix.

I watched as Lucy stuck a thermometer in the chicken she just pulled out of the oven. She looked incredibly focused, had on the same focused face I had seen on her father in the kitchen a dozen times. It was incredibly cute. I liked finding little things in them that I knew they got from Edward.

“You like to cook?” I asked Lucy, when she had deemed the meat perfect and set it on the counter.

“Oh, hi,” she smiled, having been too focused on the food to notice me before. “Yeah, Dad and I usually cook together.”

“That’s fun,” I smiled.

“He told me you’re a little helpless in the kitchen,” Lucy said, a playful smile on her face. One I had never seen before.

“Not completely helpless. I can chop some things. And measure some stuff. Other than that, anything I look at tends to either burn or be eternally raw and inedible.”

“All done?” Edward asked, dropping a glass of water in front of me and standing next to Lucy and the chicken.

“Yup,” she nodded.

We all ended up at the outdoor dinner table on the patio. It was January, but still comfortable enough to eat outside. Especially with the outdoor heaters turned on.

The entire dinner made me smile. For the first half of the meal Lucy and Edward discussed the food. It was delicious but each of them said there were things they would change the next time they cooked it. Masen mumbled something about chicken tasting like chicken, which made me stifle a laugh.

“Did you both finish your lists?” Edward asked eventually. The question didn’t seem to pertain to me, so instead of focusing on it I focused on his arm draped over the back of my chair, his fingers twirling a few strands of my hair absentmindedly.

“No,” they both sighed at once.

“I don’t know what college I want to go to and I don’t know what I want to study at college and I don’t know how to fill out a college application and it is all too much,” Lucy babbled, stress very evident in her voice.

“I can help,” I volunteered quickly, surprising myself a little bit. “With the filling out part, at least. If you want.”

I bit my lip, unsure if I was crossing the line somehow. Maybe it was too big of a thing, helping her with college. It was probably more of a mother’s job, but I knew Irina never went to college, either.

“That’d be amazing,” Lucy smiled. “We got this big packet at school all about choosing a college and doing things now to beef up your applications but it’s all kind of intimidating.”

I nodded, remembering the college-induced anxiety all too well. “Choosing a school isn’t as terrifying as they make it seem. Unless you know you want to go into something big like medicine or law, most colleges you choose will have a program you can go through. And, if they don’t, you can always transfer. The biggest thing you can do is make your application as desirable as possible.”

“How do I do that?”

“Grades are important, obviously. But so are extracurriculars. I also started volunteering a lot when I was about fourteen to put on my applications.”

“Where’d you volunteer?”

“Animal shelters, mostly.”

Lucy’s face lit up at the mention of animals, making me smile. “I could do that. Have you volunteered anywhere here?”

I shook my head. “No, I never had time. One of the shelters I worked at in Florida recommended a few places here, though. I can give you the names if you want.”

Lucy hesitated, and I ran back through what I said, looking to see what I could have done wrong.

“Do you want to, maybe, do it with me?”

I wasn’t sure if I managed to keep the surprise off of my face, but I made a valiant effort. In all honesty, it was a terrible time for me to be adding something else to my plate. There was no way I would say no, though.

“Sure. I mean, if it’s okay with your father,” I added, turning to Edward.

“Of course,” he said quickly, giving me a small smile with eyes swimming with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“Hey,” Lucy called over to Masen, who was utterly oblivious to the conversation around him until she tossed a chunk of bread at him.

“What?”

“We’re volunteering at an animal shelter to put on our college applications and you’re coming.”

I expected a fight or really anything other than him shrugging with a simple _okay_.

About an hour later the food was put up and the kitchen was spotless. Masen and Lucy had wandered off on their own while Edward and I ended up on one of the many couches scattered throughout the first floor. This one in front of a sleek fireplace built into the wall, crackling away.

“Are you sure you’ve got the time and energy to volunteer with them?” Edward asked softly. He sat with his arm around my shoulder, my body as close as appropriate with his children roaming around the house.

“Yes,” I answered quickly.

He looked down at me, eyes pulling all of my secrets out of me. I didn’t have the time or energy, and he knew it. “I don’t want you working yourself too hard.”

“I won’t. I… a lot of what I’m doing these days, I _don’t_ want to do. But, I want to do this. She asked me to go with her,” I stressed, still a little shocked it happened myself. “Not that long ago she was probably calling me a homewrecking bitch to her friends. And I…”

I hesitated, biting my lip for a minute to try and verbalize what I was trying to get out. “I don’t want them to feel how I felt when my parents got remarried.”

My eyes went to my hands in my lap while I felt Edward’s on me.

He asked the question I knew would come next. “How did you feel?”

“Like I didn’t matter,” I answered honestly. “You’re a much better father to them than mine ever was to me, so I know they would never _really_ feel like that. But, I guess I just want them to know that I care.”

I sighed, dropping my head against Edward’s chest. All of the therapy and personal growth and self-reflection things were exhausting. And I was one session in.

After feeling eyes on me for a few minutes, I looked up at Edward only to see an almost awestruck expression on his face.

Self-consciousness flooded my veins. “What?”

“Nothing, I just…” he shook his head. “I love you.”

A happy sigh left me, my entire body relaxing for maybe the first time in a day and a half. I tilted my head up, impatiently waiting for Edward to drop a kiss to my lips before whispering the sentiment back.

_…E…_

I was minding my own business, enjoying my espresso martini and admiring the timeless details of the bar around me, when I saw someone sit down beside me out of the corner of my eye. I knew immediately that the build was too bulky to be Edward, the lack of a warm hand on my shoulder or back confirming that it wasn’t him, too.

It was fairly early in the evening, the bar nearly empty, so I knew the man had chosen to sit next to me on purpose. I held my breath and waited for the uncomfortable conversation to start.

“Can I buy you a drink?” the man asked, his voice was smooth but had an underlying bite to it.

I hesitantly turned my attention toward him, eying the bright blonde hair and pale blue eyes that probably worked on most women he approached. He was very put together, wearing a crisp suit with a watch he very obviously flashed at me that I knew cost thousands.

“I’m still working on this one,” I said as politely as I could before turning away.

“You’re too beautiful to be drinking alone,” he continued.

My mental eye-roll was nowhere near as satisfying as a real one would have been. “I’m waiting on someone.”

I looked down at my phone, noting the fifteen minutes since Edward had texted that he was running a few minutes late. I hadn’t minded when he first sent it, as I walked into The Beverly Hills Hotel and took my time taking in the place before sitting at the bar. Now, I minded a little.

“Anyone who lets you wait around on them doesn’t deserve your time, sweetheart.”

My temper was on the short side today and I really didn’t feel like wasting my time trying to let him down nicely. “I’m not interested,” I said bluntly. “You can go try and find someone else, _sweetheart.”_

He gave me a smarmy smile that made me much more uncomfortable than I would have liked. “You’re feisty. I like that.”

Before I met Edward, I rarely put myself in situations where I could end up alone at a bar with a strange man talking to me. I went out with Rosalie from time to time, but I didn’t usually stay long. It also seemed like I must have had some asshole repellant in college that had worn off recently.

More men had tried to hit on me in the last two months than my entire life before that combined. When I was in New York, I went to get coffee at a place down the street every morning and every morning the same man was behind the counter and attempted to ask me out. Whenever I went to the gym someone would take the machine beside me and attempt small talk until Emmett would catch my eye and come distract them.

Most of them seemed harmless. And while my gut usually told me to stay away from most men, this guy seemed to particularly set it off. Unfortunately for him, after my initial sadness following Tuesday’s therapy appointment, my anger had returned after yesterday’s.

Before I could, quite literally, tell him to fuck off, a tell-tale warm hand landed on my waist.

“Everything okay?” Edward asked, pressing a quick kiss to my temple.

The man, who never even bothered to tell me his name, rolled his eyes. He said nothing, at least not to my face, as he turned to leave. He did mutter a string of curses as he started to walk away. I didn’t care enough to pay attention to them, but Edward apparently did.

“What was that?” he snapped, grabbing the man’s forearm before he could walk away.

They stared at each other for a moment before blondie shrunk down. “Nothing, man.”

Edward watched him as he walked away, not sitting down in his newly vacant chair until he had disappeared. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I smiled, my mood instantly better once blondie was gone.

“I’m sorry I was late,” he grumbled, shaking his head.

“It’s fine.” I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek, too. “I’m fine. I promise. Are you going to tell me what we’re doing here?”

I had gotten a text this morning, telling me to meet him here instead of going to his place for dinner as planned.

“I wanted to take you out to a nice dinner,” he smiled. “Our table is ready if you are.”

I nodded, hopping up from my chair. Edward had a twenty tossed on the bar before I could dig my own wallet out of my clutch. “I can pay for my own drink, you know.”

“I know you can,” he nodded. “Doesn’t mean you have to.”

There were a few different restaurants and bars in the hotel. We ended up across the hotel, in a restaurant that felt like walking into a fifty’s movie with the candy-striped ceilings and soft music playing in the background. We were led to a booth in the back as soon as we walked in.

“This is nice,” I smiled, scooting myself as close as humanly possible to Edward.

He pressed a kiss to my temple, handing me a menu. “I thought you could use a few days to relax.”

I frowned. “Days?”

“Do you like oysters?” he asked, letting me know none of my questions would be answered.

“No. They’re too slimy.”

Edward chuckled, giving my free hand a squeeze, and our dinner went on without a second thought to blondie who could have soured the mood or a game of twenty questions from me about his slip up.

He did end up ordering oysters, which he had to eat a majority of after I swallowed one and was lucky to keep it down. Our dinner was probably as relaxing as he had hoped. The restaurant was crowded, but very few tables could see us huddled in the back of our booth. The food was delicious, minus the oyster that I felt like was still sludging around in my stomach.

I had never been one for going out too much, but when it meant I ended up huddled in a booth with Edward’s hand on my thigh all night, it wasn’t so bad.

“Thank you for dinner,” I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder as he signed the check. After more than a handful of dinners with him, I had learned my lesson and never looked at the total. I had also learned to stop asking to pay, because it was a lost cause.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly, sliding the check across the table and turning his attention back to me. He opened his mouth to say something, but my impulses got the best of me as I stretched up for a kiss.

It had been kind of a shitty week. A really shitty week, actually, with a bright spot or two that usually involved him. I wasn’t sure how he always knew what I needed, because I never would have thought a dinner at a fancy restaurant with food I didn’t even know how to pronounce correctly would have been the highlight of my week, but it was.

He never brought up my little mental breakdown from Tuesday again, or the ranting phone call he had gotten Thursday. I knew my life was going to feel a little out of control for the next few months until I, hopefully, got a grasp on all of the things Doctor Stanley was making me revisit. When I told him as much he smiled and nodded and that was that. 

A twinge of sadness broke me away from the kiss as I wondered where I would have ended up without him.

“I love – “ My declaration was interrupted with a firm hand cupping my cheek and pulling me back for a much less publicly appropriate kiss than the first one.

“You,” I finished, catching my breath as he pulled away with a lazy smile.

“Let’s go.”


	19. Wolves Pt. 2

_I’ve been down the darkest allies_

_Saw the dark side of the moon_

_To get to you_

_~ Selena Gomez and Marshmallow, **Wolves**_

**BPOV**

Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me through the restaurant a little too fast to not catch a few eyes. My arm yanked back as I turned to the left, toward the exit, and he kept going forward. Eventually we ended up in an elevator, finally a moment free for questions.

“What are we – “

“No questions.”

“You’re very bossy.”

He scoffed. “ _I’m_ bossy?”

I rolled my eyes. “I only tell you what to do when it’s work related. I think I should get one question.”

He chuckled. “Fine. One.”

“Where are we going?”

“Third floor.”

I gasped. “That’s not what I meant!”

He shrugged, smiling down at me. “I answered your question.”

Before I could argue the doors were open and Edward was leading me down the hall, stopping at the last door on the left.

“What are you – “ I started, until I watched him pull a card out of his wallet.

He held the door open, ushering me inside. I got distracted by the beautiful interior for a minute, the bright colors and extravagant furniture a perfect, old-Hollywood feel.

“What are we doing here?” I asked, with a confused chuckle and a shrug as I took in the lavish living room around me.

“ _You_ are staying here for the weekend,” Edward said softly, closing the door behind him and hesitantly walking toward me.

“What?”

“I thought you could use… I just thought a room to yourself where you could relax and not worry about anything would be nice.”

I bit my bottom lip, looking around the room with news eyes now. It was extravagant, probably, hopefully, the most extravagant thing he’d done for me to date. The price didn’t matter, not as much as the real reasoning he was circling around.

An arm circled my waist, his other hand cupping my cheek and tilting my head up to look at him. The playful smiles and jokes from the elevator were long gone as he looked down at me.

“I don’t like seeing you so sad,” he whispered.

I fought against the tears that so freely tried to flow the past week. “So, you’re sending me out here to get rid of me?” I tried to joke.

“No. I was hoping it would make you smile for a day or two.”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, reaching up on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder. I couldn’t refuse the gesture, not when it obviously meant so much to him, even though I know it was far too much.

“Thank you,” I sighed, pressing a kiss to his chest, right above his heart, through is button down.

Edward cleared his throat, pulling back and smiling down at me. “Rosalie snuck an overnight bag in your car.”

I let out a surprised laugh, shaking my head.

I pulled my clutch out, grabbing my key out a second before it was snatched out of my hand.

“I’ll go get it.”

I watched him leave, collapsing on the curved, tan couch in the center of the room. Having someone care about me was a pretty foreign concept to me. Rosalie cared, and I knew Emmett cared now, too. But that was on a friendly, I’ll-do-what-I-can-within-reason-to-help kind of way.

There had been no one in my life that cared for me the way Edward did. It wasn’t the money or extravagant gifts. It was the way he did absolutely everything and anything within his power to make me feel safe and loved and happy in a way I had never been before. It was him watching me walk through a parking lot to make sure I got to my car safely and making me call him when I got home if I left his house too late. It was how angry he was when I ended up at his house drunk at midnight and the pint of ice cream from Gio’s I found in my freezer Wednesday morning after he had been there.

An overwhelming sense of guilt crashed over me. I didn’t know much about relationships, but I knew they should be equal. I should be giving him that same feeling of being cared for, and I wasn’t quite sure if I ever had, because my own issues were usually holding me back.

I twisted the emerald that had rarely left my neck since Esme gave it to me as I watched him walk back in, carefully dropping my bag by the door and putting my keys back in my purse.

He was the reason I needed to get through the therapy and bad memories and learn to let go of everything, no matter how hard it was. So, I could be there for him just as much as he was for me.

I pushed all of my own problems to the side, walking over to Edward and immediately wrapping my arms around him as soon as he was within reach.

“Thank you,” I sighed into his chest, breathing in his comforting, almost woodsy

scent.

One of his arms landed around my waist, while his other hand brushed through my hair before tilting my head up to look at him. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Not just for the room,” I shrugged. It was beautiful and thoughtful and more than I deserved, but it was just one of the many things I had to thank him for. “For everything.”

Thanks to the heels I had chosen for the evening, I barely had to stretch to reach up for a kiss. One that quickly made my toes curl.

“Can you stay?” I gasped, taking a couple small steps toward where I hoped the bedroom was and pulling him with me.

“For a while,” he nodded, reaching down and effortlessly lifting me up for my legs to wrap around his waist.

“A while is good,” I panted, smiling down at him before leaning in for another kiss. I worked on the first few buttons of his shirt, the ones I could reach and all I could get through before I got too distracted by the hands that had no problem sliding under my dress and up my thighs.

We fell onto the plush bed, my breath getting knocked out of me for a minute. I stretched out underneath him, as much as I could with the inch of space he left between us, and looked up at him with a smile.

My life was kind of a mess, _I_ was kind of a mess, but when I got to end my nights in bed with Edward and his crooked smiles and wandering hands and floppy hair, none of the other stuff mattered anymore.

“Too many clothes,” I mumbled against his lips, tugging at the buttons on his shirt. I let out a groan of satisfaction after it was tossed aside and my fingers dug into the flesh of this back, keeping him close.

I gasped, pulling away to stare at him with wide eyes when, after his hands had snuck underneath my back, I felt the back of my dress rip.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he shrugged, sliding off the bed and pulling every scrap of clothing I had on with him.

I didn’t have time to care about the dress, not when he got back in bed and proceeded to cover my abdomen in kisses and licks and tiny bites that made my thighs clench tighter around him. My back arched when the kisses and licks and bites moved even lower, two fingers joining in.

“Fuck,” I gasped, both of my hands knotting in Edward’s hair.

While I had absolutely no sexual experience before Edward, I could very confidently say that he was very good at what he was doing. So good that I had to remind my lungs to suck in shaky breaths. So unbelievably good that I had to cover my face with a pillow to muffle the sounds coming out of me as he pushed me over the edge.

The pillow was pushed away and I was met with my favorite lopsided grin. It gave me a burst of energy, enough to surprise him and get him on his back beneath me. I sat up with a wiggle of my hips over his still clothed length, smiling down at him when he groaned.

My hands roamed his chest, savoring every inch of skin beneath my fingertips until my lips made the same path. As much as I enjoyed tasting every possible inch of him I could, it was his response that kept me going.

He would mutter a string of curses if I ran my tongue over his nipple. His abdominal muscles would quiver if I ran my hands down his stomach. My favorite was when his fingers knotted in my hair when my tongue traveled from the waistband of his slacks up over his navel and back down again.

“You taste good,” I mumbled against his lower abdomen, my fingers slowly unfastening his belt.

“Christ,” he groaned, head falling back against the pillow.

I didn’t have a chance to continue my explorations, because once his slacks hit the floor with a thud I was on my back at the head of the bed, my lips busy with a kiss that made my nails dig into Edward’s forearms.

In the back of my head, I remembered fumbling around him our first few times together. Nervous to touch him or kiss him or do the wrong thing. Now, we moved together in perfect synchronization. Edward pulled my hips closer toward him and I wrapped my legs comfortably around his waist. My fingers danced across his chest as his ran up my waist, cupping my breast with a firm squeeze. His lips fell to mine, our breath mingled as he slid inside me, our groans matching.

“You feel so good,” I murmured, groaning when I felt him twitch inside of me.

_Inside me_.

My eyes popped open, finding his as they stared down at me, dark and focused on nothing but me. A surge of possessiveness flooded my veins. He was inside _me._ He was mine. Mine to hug and kiss and fall into bed with whenever we wanted. No one else got to see him like this, not anymore. The deep furrow of his brow was mine to admire, and the intense, bruising kisses mine to match.

Edward hitched one of my legs over his shoulder, letting his forehead fall against mine. “So fucking tight,” he groaned.

I whimpered as his thrusts got harder, his hands intertwining with mine above my head.

“Love you,” I mumbled. It was the last coherent thought I had until I ended up panting underneath a very satisfied Edward who had all but collapsed on top of me.

He moved to get up, but my arms locked around him. “No.”

“I’m crushing you,” he chuckled.

I shrugged. “Don’t care.”

He gave me another minute of being completely wrapped up in him before rolling onto his back and taking me with him.

I rested my chin on his chest, smiling up at him and his satisfied half smirk and bright, happy emerald eyes. I turned my attention to his neck, lifting myself up just enough to be able to pepper kisses along his jaw and down to the tender spot where his neck met his shoulder.

“Fuck,” he groaned when my teeth accidently bit down on his shoulder. “You’ve got to at least let me catch my breath, baby.”

I chuckled against his shoulder, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. “Time alone with you is hard to come by these days. I’ve got to take advantage of it while I can.”

I got my favorite, lopsided smile as he brushed some stray hairs out of my face. After another kiss I ended up on my back beneath him again.

“God, you’re phenomenal,” he groaned into my neck, biting down on my already sore shoulder from his gracious attention to it not half an hour ago.

“In bed?” I gasped before I could find my filter. “I mean – “

“In bed,” Edward nodded, pressing a kiss under my chin. “In general,” he added, this time planting a kiss to my cheek. “In bed,” he repeated, lazy smile on his face as his eyes met mine. They were dark and curious when I hesitated in responding.

“It’s just – I mean, it’s phenomenal for me but I… don’t have much to compare it to. Anything to compare it to, actually. And I know you… do have things to compare it to,” I frowned to myself, not liking where I was going with my rambling. I shook my head, hoping to bring back some kind of sanity. “Can we just… forget the last two minutes?”

My possessiveness from earlier had gotten the best of me, and I was sincerely regretting it now.

Edward sighed, reaching up to cup my cheek and force me to look at him. “There is no comparison, Isabella. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved,” he said quietly. “Which makes all of my memories with anyone but you… inconsequential.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, my ego getting the best of me. “That would mean, I mean if you were to make like a broad comparison, that I was… the best?”

I could see him trying to fight a smile as he looked down at me. “Are you trying to get me to tell you that you’re the best I’ve ever had, Bella?”

My cheeks heated up. “Not if it’s not true.”

“Oh, it’s true,” he added sincerely, before rolling onto his back and taking me with him again. His hands traced random patterns in my bare back, his smile calm and satisfied as he looked up at me. “Very true.”

I couldn’t help the big smile that covered my face. “You’re the best I’ve ever had, too,” I joked, both of us knowing very well that he was the only I had ever had.

Edward threw his head back with a laugh, squeezing me tighter to him. “God, I love you.”

He knocked my breath out of me when he stood up, me still in his arms, and headed straight for the shower.

An hour later, I assumed I looked very much like a drowned rat with my hair dripping down my shoulders, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I sat in the middle of the king size bed, wrapped in a soft, fluffy white robe and reluctantly watched Edward get dressed.

 _Watching him put clothing on was not nearly as fun as watching him take it off,_ I thought to myself, trying my best not to pout as he buttoned up his shirt.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay,” he sighed, walking over to the bed and brushing some wet hair off of my forehead.

“It’s okay.”

His eyes focused on mine, intense enough to make my cheeks heat up. “You can call me if you need anything,” he told me. “Or if you want to talk about anything.”

The week worth of tension immediately returned, my back going rigid and my jaw clenching shut. I knew he probably had questions, ones he had every right to ask. But, I could barely talk to Doctor Stanley about my childhood and family. We didn’t have a lot of uninterrupted time together anymore and the last thing I wanted to think about was them.

“I know,” I mumbled with a small nod.

Edward pressed a kiss to the top of my head and turned for the door.

I hopped off the bed and quickly followed after him. I wrapped my arms around him, savoring the complete sense of safety and security that came with it. I wasn’t sure how to apologize for not being able to talk to him about my family, or even how to verbalize why I was too scared to in the first place. A whispered _I love you_ was all I could offer him before he left.

_…E…_

“Holy shit,” Rosalie gasped, standing in the hallway with a tote over her shoulder. She was in an outfit comparable to mine, comfortable leggings and a t-shirt.

“I know,” I agreed with a smile, standing back so she could come in. I had gotten my hopes up, thinking Edward was going to be on the other side of the door when I heard a knock, even though I knew he was meeting with his divorce lawyers all weekend. “What are you doing here?”

“Edward told me what he was doing a couple days ago, and I figured it had been far too long since we had spent any time together.”

It had been too long. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her for longer than twenty minutes in passing at home or at the gym. We ended up sprawled out on the curved couch in the middle of the main room, trays of room service in front of us.

“I never should have agreed to the physical therapy thing,” Rosalie sighed, more dejected than I had seen her in a long time.

“Why are you so nervous about it?” She had mentioned wanting to get out of it on New Year’s Eve, but I had thought it was more of a joke.

“School was never my thing, and I’m not really looking forward to all of that stress.”

I nodded, understanding that part. Ever since I graduated, I had this recurring nightmare where I had signed up for an online class and forgotten about it, a semester’s worth of missing assignments glaring at me from my laptop.

“I might not know anything about physical therapy but I’m great at making a study schedule. And, you’ll have Emmett.”

As expected, she relaxed when I mentioned Emmett. I had seen her go through a fair amount of men since I had known her, and watching her get all mushy around him always made me smile.

“Do you guys ever talk about getting married?” I asked, genuinely curious. I didn’t expect her to nearly choke on her water when I asked.

“ _Married_ married? We haven’t even been together a year. We barely made it through a very tentative conversation about maybe, possibly moving in together in the fall when his lease is up.”

I frowned to myself.

Rosalie leaned in, eyes full of mischief as she studied me. “Have you and Edward talked about getting married?”

I shrugged. “Only, um, a couple times.”

Rosalie did a very poor job of hiding the shock on her face. “And how did these conversations end?”

“Well, the general consensus was we would, you know, get married eventually.” I left out the feeling I had that it wouldn’t be too far off in the future, the whole marriage thing.

“Holy shit. I knew you guys were serious but… holy shit.”

I shrugged. Apparently, the speed of our relationship wasn’t average, but not much about our relationship as a whole was.

“You’re going to be a step-mom.”

I winced. “They’re sixteen. They could be eighteen by the time we actually get married and then – “

“Then you’ll still be a step-mom.”

I sighed. “I know. I’m the least qualified person to ever be a mother.”

“That’s not true,” Rosalie scoffed. “You’re constantly taking care of other people. You’d make a great mother.”

I shook my head. If my first two therapy sessions of the year had taught me anything, it was the hundreds of mental scars a parent could inflict on a kid. And, thanks to my own childhood, I had no doubt having my own child would only be dooming them to inherit all of my issues.

“Is this about your parents?” Rosalie asked softly.

I shrugged.

“You’re nothing like them, Bella.”

“You’ve never met them.”

“No, but I know you. Probably better than anyone else in the world knows you. Those kids will be lucky to have you as a step-mom, and your biological children will be lucky to have you, too.”

It was my turn to choke on my water.

“Oh, you’ll have adorable babies,” she sighed happily. “I mean, can you imagine a baby girl with your long, brown hair and his eyes?”

I looked at her, eyes wide and a little horrified. “So, you and Emmett can wait a year to move in together but I’m already popping out a baby?” I gasped.

Rosalie chuckled. “You’re the one already talking about marriage.”

_…E…_

Sunday morning, I stumbled to the front door, barely saving myself from tripping over my untied shoe laces.

“Hi,” I panted, staring at Edward standing next to Masen and Lucy. “Come in.”

I had gotten back from the hotel about an hour ago, and spent fifty of the last sixty minutes cleaning. I allowed the other ten to change into something suitable for our afternoon volunteering at the animal shelter.

“Whose Jeep is that?” Masen asked, an excited glint in his eyes.

Emmett perked up from the couch behind me. “Mine.”

They started saying words that I had never heard, Lucy joining in and asking something about an engine. Emmett hopped up, excitedly leading both of them out to the car.

I grabbed Edward’s hand. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

He nodded, and I pulled him into my bedroom.

“I have questions.”

“About?”

“Your children.”

His brows shot up, and I grabbed the notepad from my desk.

“I realized that I’ve never been responsible for another human being before. Then I started panicking over everything that could go wrong this afternoon so I started making a list of everything I might need to know in case of an emergency.”

Edward sat at the foot of my bed, and I could tell he was pressing his lips together to fight off a laugh. “May I?” he asked, holding out his hand for the notepad.

I tied my shoes as he read it, ignoring the not-so-quiet chuckles I kept hearing.

“They’re valid questions,” I defended before he could make fun of my list.

He looked up at me, no longer fighting his laughter. “Blood type?”

I threw my arms out, exasperated. “What if there’s an accident and they need a blood transfusion and I don’t know their blood type and we have to waste valuable time trying to figure it out?”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” he said calmly.

“But, what if – “

Edward interrupted me with a kiss, coming over and cupping my cheeks and immediately making me forget my argument.

“Thank you for worrying about them. But, I don’t think your day is going to end in anyone needing a blood transfusion. And, honestly, I have no idea what their blood types are anymore.”

I gasped. “You don’t know their blood type?”

“Do you know yours?”

I froze. “No.”

Edward cupped my chin, running his thumb along my lower lip. “You’re fucking adorable.”

I sighed, resting my head against his chest.

“So, instead of relaxing this weekend you spent it making this worst-case-scenario list?”

“No,” I said with a smile up at him. “Rosalie came over yesterday and we talked and had lunch and got manicures,” I told him with a wiggle of my rosy finger nails. “I came up with my worst-case-scenario list as I was falling asleep.”

He chuckled with a shake of his head.

I heard the front door open and grabbed his hand, heading back out to the living room. “Are you sure you can’t come?” I asked, a final effort to not be personally responsible for his children all afternoon.

“I’ve got a meeting with my lawyer this afternoon,” he said, turning around to smile down at me. He leaned in, lips at my ear, “Because in two week’s time, I’m all yours.”

It probably meant I was going to hell, but the fact that his divorce would be finalized just two weeks from Friday made me kind of ecstatic.

I hadn’t heard much about Irina or Demetri since Thanksgiving and Lucy and Masen’s decision to move in with Edward, but I couldn’t really find it in myself to care about how they turned out. I knew I’d probably have to see her again at some point, would have to work out some kind of civil relationship with her in the future, but right now I still hated her. With a passion.

Edward left after saying a quick goodbye to his kids, and we left just a few minutes after that. Our drive over was mostly filled with questions about what they’d be doing at the shelter, which was thankfully a subject I could easily handle.

I found my own excitement seeping through the nerves. Volunteering at animal shelters was one thing that had made me genuinely happy in Florida. It didn’t matter that I spent a lot of time cleaning up after them or washing sometimes horrifyingly gross cages. The animals needed someone to take care of them, and making sure they were safe and clean and as happy as they could be was more important than a line on my application.

That being said, it still looked pretty damn good on a college application.

After parking in the gravel driveway of the shelter, I checked my phone one last time to see a text from Edward.

**They’re both A positive.**

_…E…_

I liked to think I understood what Masen and Lucy were going through better than most people could. As common as divorced parents were, it still tended to feel like the end of the world when it was your own family getting torn in half.

I was young when mine separated, but my world was constantly divided from then on until I was eighteen. It was always back and forth and back and forth. That alone, minus the hundreds of other issues I had with my childhood, sucked. 

Their situation was unique in itself, because they had practically been living as a divorced family for years already. I knew that was why they hated me for a long time, I was the catalyst for causing an even bigger divide. I was the new person they thought would take their father away from them, help him start a new family without them.

I had been the child left behind in a divorce before, so I was going to make damn sure they never felt like I did. I knew it would be a lot of work, getting to know them and get on their good side and convince them I wasn’t trying to come between them and their father. Even if I managed to convince them of that, I never expected them to really like me or accept me as part of their family. They were nearly eighteen and definitely didn’t need me around.

I never expected to want them to want me around, either. I didn’t like playing the age card, but I was _very_ close to them in age if I thought about it too hard, and part of me thought a little distance would make things easier.

I wanted them to like me but not enough to realize how close in age we were. And I wanted to get to know them but not enough for them to know all of my own issues. My brain was full of contradictions about what to do and how to act around them, and it was a subject I was a little scared to talk to Edward about. His kids were everything to him and I knew messing things up with them would be a deal breaker for him.

We had made some tentative progress in the last few months, and while I knew our afternoon volunteering together was a step in the right direction, I didn’t expect it to change my whole outlook on them.

But, it did.

Maybe it was the fresh air or the animals or the fact that we had never really been alone before. Or it could have been that my therapy sessions had royally screwed up my entire outlook on my life.

Masen and Lucy… they were kind of amazing.

Volunteering was dirty work, especially with animals, and neither of them hesitated when they were taught how to clean cages or clean up after the animals. They had every opportunity in their lives to become spoiled brats but they followed every instruction given to them with a smile.

I found myself constantly keeping one eye on them, even as I worked myself. Partly to make sure they weren’t doing something that would end in me needing to know their blood type and partly because they fascinated me.

They were Edward’s children. He made half of them. And while I didn’t really enjoy thinking about where the other half came from, they were just teenaged versions of him.

Masen had his humor. I heard him talking to the dogs as he cleaned areas around them, making himself and the other few volunteers around laugh every few minutes. Lucy had his charisma and ability to keep a conversation going with anybody. Even a dog, as I watched her walk them around the property, constantly talking as the animals followed along with their tails wagging.

I had never realized how similar they were to Edward, and now that I had there was very little hesitation in me when I talked to them. Lucy talked to me about college a lot, asking me how I chose UCLA and my major. She still had a while to make her mind up, but her commitment to going to college was endearing considering she could have easily become a successful influencer or socialite with the last name of Cullen.

Masen seemed less concerned about college, or maybe that was a typical boy thing. He seemed to hit it off with Emmett, though, asking me about his gym. Apparently, he had been in a weightlifting class and was wanting to get more into it. My years of using the gym to control my anger paid off when I was able hold my own in a weightlifting conversation with him.

Once our shift was done, all of us equally sweaty, we ended up at Gio’s for an afternoon treat. We sat in the same booth Edward and I did on our first date, though the place was much more crowded than it had been that night.

“So, what do you think the odds of Dad letting us get a dog are?” Lucy asked as we sat down with our cups of ice cream.

“Have you guys never asked him for one?” I assumed all children asked for pets growing up.

Masen shrugged. “Not really. Mom hates them, doesn’t want to clean up after them. I guess that’s why we never asked.”

I nodded. Irina didn’t seem like the pet-loving type.

“We’ll have to get him to come with us next time. Start planting the seed,” Lucy said seriously.

“He’s got meetings the next few weekends,” I told them. “Finalizing everything for the, um, divorce.”

I wasn’t sure how they’d react to me bringing up the divorce. They both got quiet, and I thought for a minute I had ruined a fun afternoon, then Lucy spoke up.

“Are you going to marry our dad?”

I could have brushed off the question or shrugged my shoulders and told them it was complicated. Probably should have, because this seemed like a question Edward should handle, but my response was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“I hope so.”

I saw both of them smile, just slightly, and it made me happier than I ever would have thought it could.

Once we were all done I left them for a minute to go pick out something for Edward. Gio smiled at me, coming over as I was reading through all of the flavors again.

“Ah, Miss Isabella. What can I get for you?”

“A pint of mint chocolate chip, please,” I said with a smile. Mint chocolate chip was Edward’s favorite. A trait I had to overlook, considering mint chocolate chip was basically the worst possible flavor of ice cream one could imagine.

“No, no,” Gio said, handing me the container as I tried to swipe my debit card. “On me.”

Instead of arguing, I pulled out a ten from my wallet and stuffed it in the tip jar. “Thank you,” I smiled, his hearty laugh echoing throughout the store.

It was late in the afternoon when I parked my car in Edward’s driveway, both of them quickly hopping out and promising to finish their discussion on dog names later. They were like a little stampede, barreling down the hall. I followed behind, smiling over at Edward as they both plopped on the couch next to him. He gave me a blinding, toothy smile until Lucy pulled his attention away.

I gave them their time alone, heading to the freezer to put away the pint of ice cream I had gotten him. I had a moment of complete, devastating, clarity; standing there with my hand on the door of the freezer as I put the ice cream on the second shelf from the top.

_You have so much to lose, now._

The realization felt like a knife to the heart. My fingers squeezed the handle of the freezer as I looked over to where they all still sat. Masen and Lucy were smiling and telling their father about the day we had, and I stood in the open freezer and waited for the sudden, nearly crippling panic to subside.

_…E…_

I liked to blame my new therapy schedule on my sudden bipolar mood. Some days I was perfectly happy. Content as I spent nearly every evening at Edward’s having dinner with him and his children. Happy to go to work in the morning and do something I thoroughly enjoyed and slowly build myself a life I loved. Enjoying the Sunday’s when I ended up at the animal shelter with Masen and Lucy.

Other days all I could see were the things I could, would, eventually lose. Nothing in my life was ever permanent. It was something most people had to deal with, but it came with a crushing depression for me whenever I realized it. It made all of the things I wanted in my future seem impossible, which ended up either royally pissing me off or leaving me crying in the shower.

Doctor Stanley said it was perfectly normal, but I felt like I was slowly going insane. She prescribed me something that was supposed to help, but I hadn’t taken it yet. Probably a bad decision on my part, but I didn’t like the fact that she thought I needed to be drugged up.

Today was a good day. It was the Friday that Edward’s divorce was being finalized. A day I had dreamed about for far too long to be appropriate.

As I walked out of a meeting with Tyler and Alistar, the receptionist rushed over to me. 

“Bella, um, Irina Cullen, or, well, Denali is here to see you. She’s in your office.”


	20. Illicit Affairs

_Don’t call me ‘kid,’ don’t call me ‘baby’_

_Look at this idiotic fool that you made me_

_You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else_

_And you know damn well_

_For you, I would ruin myself_

_A million little times_

_~ Taylor Swift, **Illicit Affairs**_

**BPOV**

I took a deep breath, not that it did me much good, before opening my office door. Irina sat there, not bothering to turn around as I walked in. She had her hair up and wore a practical, business casual dress that told me she must have come straight here after finalizing her divorce. A realization that made the swarm of butterflies in my stomach feel like angry bats trying to escape.

“Irina,” I said softly, dropping my laptop on my desk and sitting down in front of her. I shouldn’t have been so nervous around her. There was nothing she could say or do to change anything at this point, and I was long past feeling guilty over the situation. 

But, our last conversation had been quite the scene. Both of us tossing insults at the other across the dinner table. I hadn’t spoken to her since.

She studied me quietly for a couple uncomfortable minutes as I sat there, heart pounding in my chest. I got nervous much more easily these days, a much-hated side effect I had expected when I started thinking more about my childhood.

“You won,” she admitted quietly, though there was absolutely no defeat in her voice. There was quiet contemplation, impending doom.

I shook my head. “It wasn’t a game.”

“Well, then you’re much more naïve than I thought,” she said bluntly, grabbing the only picture frame off of my desk and studying it.

Weeks ago, Alice had given one magazine exclusive photos of her wedding. She asked me to help her pick out a dozen or so, and in the mix of the hundreds upon hundreds of photos, I found one of Edward and I. It was a simple photo, us dancing surrounded by a crowd of unknown people to me. We both looked wonderfully happy, though. I fell in love with it immediately and asked Alice if I could get a print from her photographer. Two days later she showed up with it in an intricate white frame for me.

Irina sighed, placing the picture back in its place before delicately crossing her legs. “I know he wasn’t celibate the last few years, but I never thought he’d do the cliché, find-someone-half-your-age thing,” she mused, eying me up and down.

“What do you want, Irina?” I snapped. There had to be more reason for her visit other than to call me naïve and throw my age in my face. I didn’t have the patience to wait for her to get to her point.

I was exhausted. Worn down from constantly fighting to hold on to the little scraps of happiness I had these days as they were shoved away by memories I had worked so hard to forget. I had no desire to play her petty games.

A small smile tugged at her lips, one that made me feel like I stepped into some kind of trap. I could feel the night I had planned in my mind slip away as we stared at each other.

It was supposed to be the first night where Edward was _mine._ Where I could look at him and hug him and touch him and know there was no one else out there who thought they had some kind of claim on him. No one else carrying his name and no one else with the title of his wife.

Whatever it was that Irina was here for, I knew immediately it was going to ruin everything.

“To take you down with me.”

I frowned. “What?”

“For a while, I assumed you knew. I don’t think you do, though. As much as I can’t stand you, I don’t get the feeling you would have let him do it if he told you beforehand. And, I don’t think you’d be happily sitting in this corner office if you knew, either.”

I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, and my patience was wearing thin. “Knew what?”

“You don’t know,” she chuckled. My frustration must not have been hidden very well. “Sorry, you just seemed to have so much fun digging into my own life at Thanksgiving. It’s fun being the one with the upper hand.”

I could have snapped right back at her. Told her how she was the one who dug into my life first, leaking that photo to the press. But, I was tired of fighting. I threw my hands up, exasperated. “If you’re not going to tell me whatever – “

“Edward wrote Renata a check for three million dollars two days before she offered you a job.”

I froze. My eyes on Irina’s, the color of cold, hard frost and enjoying every second it took me to process what she was saying. She kept talking, but I barely heard her as her other words were echoing in my head.

_Three million dollars._

_Two days before she offered you a job._

My ears started ringing and the bats that had invaded my butterflies earlier all dropped dead to create an uncomfortable weight in my stomach. I remembered multiple conversations with Edward the first few days after the photo leaked. He told me Renata wanted to talk and I asked him if he had anything to do with it.

He said no, every time.

_Three million dollars._

I watched Irina as she spoke across from me, none of her words actually invaded my consciousness. It was probably insult after insult, insinuations that my relationship with Edward was built on lies and deception and that I should have known better than to believe anything he said. All things I would have vehemently refused an hour ago, but not now.

_You stupid, stupid girl._

In the back of my mind, I always knew there had been some kind of deal. There had to have been. When I asked Edward, over and over again, if he was the reason Renata hired me he would smile at me and tell me no. 

He lied. Constantly. And I believed him.

It wasn’t a lie about something useless like how I knew he tended to steal my phone chargers or how I lied about having his forest green pullover when he was looking for it a few days ago. 

He lied to me. He manipulated my decision to work for Renata. Because he knew it was something I didn’t want to happen like that, and he did it anyway. All while I was telling him I loved him.

“Goodbye, Bella,” Irina chirped, already standing at my office door. The sight of her smile as she left made me a little nauseous.

I counted to sixty in my head, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing the tears away before I allowed them to open. They drifted through the office, thanks to the impractical fucking glass doors, and I saw Renata sitting in her office.

I stood up too quickly, nearly knocking my chair over in the process, and had to make a very purposeful effort to walk as calmly as possible through the office until I knocked on her door. Because as much as I knew in my gut that Irina wasn’t lying, there was still that stupid, naïve, part of me clinging to the hope that she was.

I didn’t bother sitting down in her office. Once Renata told me to come in I stood by the door with my arms crossed over my abdomen, feeling like they were the only things keeping me from crumbling.

“Did Edward pay you three million dollars to give me a job?” I asked, the words making me stomach churn.

Renata stiffened behind her desk, her lips pressing together and her pen anxiously tapping against her paper.

“Take a seat, Bella,” she said softly.

“No,” I snapped. “I just – I need a yes or no answer, please.”

Renata was quiet for a moment, had the decency to look a little ashamed, before saying a simple, “Yes.”

_“No. I might have dropped some subtle hints, talked you up at bit. But, that was before you were ever fired. Renata has been toying with the idea of her own firm for a while and I knew Newton was trying to screw you over.”_

Those were his exact words, the first time I asked him. I remembered going to his office after my meeting with Renata and asking him if it was because of him. I remembered telling him everyone would think I got the job because of him and Edward telling me I would prove them wrong. Another lie to add to the list.

“It was never explicitly said that – “

“Please,” I gasped, barely keeping myself together. “Please, just have enough respect for me to not lie to my face anymore. You both knew what it was for.”

“I did,” she nodded. “I also knew no one in the state, hell, the country, who knew what they were doing would ever hire you.”

“So, you decided to give me a corner office and the title of senior publicist?” I asked incredulously. 

“No one would have worked with you if you didn’t have that title. I could have had you be a junior publicist, you could have been an intern, and no one in this office would have gone within a hundred feet of you.”

Her words stung, but they were honest. She was right, too. I had an affair with my married client, a decision I knew from the very first night would ruin my career.

I didn’t care, though. Because I had Edward, and he made me happier than a corner office or six figure salary. I had peacefully made the decision that I hated publicity after the photo, and Edward talked me into going back, telling me I could have both.

Now, I had neither.

“Which is where the three million comes in, I guess,” I snapped. Quite the insurance policy for all of the business I would deter.

“Bella – “

“I quit.”

I was out of her office before she could argue, not that I really expected her to. I packed my bag quickly, tossing my laptop and phone in and not caring about much else. I had to stop in the bathroom and finally relieve my churning stomach, hunched over the toilet before leaving the office.

_…E…_

_You were so close._ So _close._

The sentiment was on repeat in my mind as I drove. I very nearly had it all. Everything I never let myself hope to have one day. The last few weeks hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, but we had been working toward some kind of normal. I was barely holding myself together but I wasn’t alone.

Until now.

Now, I had nothing left. I wasn’t even back to square one, because I was fine before. Functioning and content with not knowing how good life could be. I knew better now, knew exactly what I would be missing out on. And it was crippling to realize it was all gone.

I wouldn’t get to turn around one day to see Edward down on one knee behind me. There would be no pretty white dress. No house that we would both one day call home.

I repeated every possible conversation with him in my mind, trying to find some kind of hint or tell that he was lying. There were none. It should have been comforting, but he gave no inkling of discomfort when he told me he wasn’t the reason Renata hired me. When he _was_ lying.

Every conversation, every moment I had spent with him was now tarnished with the doubt that anything he said or did could have been a lie. I wasn’t really sure how I was supposed to live with that.

I should’ve known better. I was the girl in the cheesy romantic comedy that you _knew_ was going to get screwed over. The one who made every stupid decision with a smile on her face because she was naïve enough to believe everything the older, handsome, man told her.

The entire country saw it, wrote article after article about how inappropriate or doomed our relationship was. And all I could do now was sit in Edward’s driveway and try not to cry.

I wasn’t really sure what I was doing here. I didn’t want to go in, because then it would mean everything was real and every fiber of my being wanted to cling on to the happiness of the last few months. It was all tainted now, though.

I got out of the car on shaky legs and took a couple deep breaths. I unlocked the door, too used to letting myself in to stop myself. I did take a moment to unhook his key from my keychain and drop it on the table by the door, though.

My heels clicked as I walked, slow steps to keep me upright, until I stopped in the open space between the living room and the kitchen. I could see candles lit on the table on the patio outside, two wine glasses waiting to be filled and place settings already there.

“You’re early,” Edward’s voice made me jump. It was bright and happy and it made my chest hurt.

I turned my attention to him in the kitchen. Wearing his blue apron with a smile on his face. A smile I used to think I understood, but now I wasn’t sure about anything.

“You paid Renata three million dollars to hire me,” I croaked, my voice low and gruff.

I watched as his smile disappeared immediately. The happy emerald eyes that I enjoyed so much hardened, his entire demeanor changing in an instant.

When he opened his mouth to say something, a flash of anger had me interrupting him. “You don’t have to lie anymore. I know it’s true.”

He nodded solemnly. “Who told you?”

“Irina,” I spat out her name, almost wishing she had let me live in my own blissful ignorance.

We stared at each other for a few minutes. I watched him, standing behind the counter and trying to come up with what to say. He watched me, barely able to stay up on my own two feet and unable to look him in the eye anymore.

“I was going to tell you.”

_Lie_. “No, you weren’t,” I argued. “It’s been months.”

He dropped the apron on the counter, taking three steps around the island and toward me. I took three back and watched his jaw tense because of it.

“You were going to lose everything, Bella,” he sighed. “You worked so hard to get through school and to get that job and I didn’t want to be the reason you lost it all.”

“I didn’t care,” I shrugged, sniffling and wiping away a stray tear. “Because I got you instead.”

It would have taken me much longer than two days to find a new job, but I would have happily done it. Would have to unhappily do it now.

“You love your job, Bella. You’re so fucking _good_ at it and I – “

“I don’t care about my job!” I shouted. “All I wanted was _you_. I wanted to move into that pretty house with you, the first one you showed me because I go back to it after every one you send me. And I wanted to get married because you made me feel happy and safe and loved and I never had any of those things. I wanted to have a baby with you because Lucy and Masen are amazing and made me want someone that was a little bit of you and me. And now I,” I shrugged, my breath catching in my throat. “I don’t get any of those things.”

I wiped away the tears that had started falling down my cheeks without my permission, jumping when I felt warm hands on my wrists.

“Bella…”

“No,” I snapped, pulling my hands away and stepping back. “You lied. And now I don’t know what was a lie and what wasn’t. And I don’t know if you just wanted me around for sex or if it was all just a game to you or – “

“Hey,” he snapped, grabbing my chin and forcing my eyes on his. “It wasn’t a game. You know it wasn’t.”

I wanted it to be real. It wasn’t a game to me, but the sliver of doubt I had about our relationship the whole time had cracked open and I couldn’t convince myself otherwise anymore.

“I know you were supposed to be the one person to never make me feel like this,” I whispered.

I started to back up, quickly stopped by Edward’s hand grabbing mine.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, his free hand coming up to cup my cheek.

I melted into it immediately, my hand intertwining with his and my entire body relaxing for a blissful moment before I came back to reality.

“I should have told you about it, should have told you before I did anything. I’m sorry. I just – I didn’t want to lose you.”

I pulled away slowly, my body fighting my brain.

“I should go,” I breathed out, hoping saying the words would will my limbs to move.

“Please don’t,” he whispered, stepping closer and wrapping an arm around my waist. He rested his forehead against mine. “You’re all I wanted, too.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. To stop the tears and to hopefully regain my focus. My mind was hazy and I wanted nothing more than to believe him and forget the whole afternoon ever happened, but I was long past believing I would get my happily ever after now.

I grabbed both wrists, one from my waist and one from my cheek, and pulled them away slowly.

“Bella,” he groaned, probably looking at me but I was too afraid to look at him.

I didn’t trust my voice, barely trusted my feet as I walked out the door.

_…E…_

Rosalie and Emmett were in the kitchen when I walked in the door, both surprised to see me stumble in.

“What are you doing here?” Rose asked immediately. I was rarely home this early anymore. I had dinner with Edward and Masen and Lucy nearly every night for the past two weeks.

“I quit my job,” I started, my throat sore and voice rough. “Ended my relationship with Edward,” I croaked, starting toward my bedroom door. “And I just got a call from Sue that my father had a heart attack. So, now I have to get on a flight to Washington.”

I ignored her first five calls, not even sure how Sue ended up with my new number. By the sixth call I was more frustrated at the constant buzzing of my phone than curious about why she was calling in the first place. I had no mental capacity for my father or his family problems. Except, now I had to find the space.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rosalie mumbled, quickly following me into my bedroom. “Get back to the whole, quitting your job and breaking up with Edward thing.”

The words coming out of her mouth were like a knife to the gut. I knew Rosalie wouldn’t drop the subject until I told her everything, or as much as I could stomach repeating. “Irina came to my office today and told me Edward paid Renata three million dollars to hire me. Renata confirmed it, so I quit. Then I went to Edward’s and – “

I shook my head, knowing she understood the rest of the story. I grabbed a suitcase out of my closet and tossed it on my bed, not paying any attention to the pieces of clothing I tossed in.

“Why’d you break up with him?” Rosalie asked, her voice sad and confused.

I turned around and frowned at her. “Because he lied to me. I asked him a dozen times if he had – and he lied to my face. And now I don’t know what else he could have lied about. I don’t know if I was just some early mid-life crisis or – “

“He loves you, Bella,” Rose said softly.

I shook my head, turning back to my closet.

Rosalie stood, grabbing my arms and glaring down at me. “He does. You love him, too. Yeah, he fucked up, but everyone does now and then. You can be mad and hurt and make him squirm a little, because that’s all part of a relationship, but you don’t need to break up because of it.”

“He _lied,”_ I stressed. “And I didn’t know. But, it – it’s probably better this way. My life is a mess, I’m a mess, and he’s – he deserves someone less fucked up than me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, pushing back all of the thoughts that threatened to take over, and grabbed another sweater from my closet.

“Bella, you – “

“Please, Rosalie,” I cried. “I can’t talk about this anymore.”

I saw her nod in my peripheral vision as I tossed a pair of jeans into my suitcase.

“I’ll see if Emmett can take you to the airport,” she said quietly.

I nodded, watching as she headed toward the door. She turned around, looking at me like there was something else she had to say, but changed her mind. Once she was gone, I was all alone.

Again.


	21. Cardigan

_When I felt like I was an old cardigan_

_Under someone’s bed_

_You put me on and said I was your favorite_

_~ Taylor Swift, **Cardigan**_

**EPOV**

She had fascinated me from day one. My desire to understand her and know her and love her and protect her had only grown since. She didn’t see herself clearly, probably never would thanks to her upbringing. Which was a shame, because she was phenomenal.

She was smart as hell, but never cocky about it. Always flushing red whenever anyone brought up her full ride to UCLA or the fact that she graduated at the top of her class. She was unfailingly kind; to me, my children, to the stranger on the street who dropped their wallet in front of her. Her lack of filter was adorable and endearing, her face always giving away when she let something slip. She was the sexiest woman I had ever laid eyes on, which was another thing that, when said, could make her cheeks burn red.

For all of the hundreds of good things I could say about her, she was also more traumatized by her past than she would ever let on. I knew that woman better than I knew myself and I knew she didn’t see the good in herself and only saw the bad, especially these days.

I had watched her for weeks, seen how big of a toll her therapy sessions were leaving on her. It would take her a good thirty minutes to fully relax once she came home to me. She would quietly help me cook dinner until, once she got herself out of whatever dark path she was down in her head, she would reach up on her toes and press a kiss to my cheek.

I should have paid closer attention. Tried to talk to her about it more. She looked so fucking _scared_ whenever I attempted to bring it up, though.

Even through all of that, we had started a nice routine. Bella, Masen, Lucy, and I. Bella had dinner with us nearly every night, she took them to volunteer every Sunday. Watching the three of them come home with smiles on their faces after a day together made me feel a bit like the Grinch as his heart grew three sizes.

She fit perfectly with us. She was supposed to be here and she was supposed to be mine. But, I had gone and fucked things up again.

The money paid to Renata was always explicitly talked about as an investment. Bella’s name was never brought up, both of us made sure of that. We both knew the only reason I was investing in her new firm, an hour after the photo of Bella and I leaked, was for Bella, though.

I was going to tell her. That’s what I told myself as I signed my name to the check, as I picked her up from her office, every day since. Then, it was too late. Because she loved her job and even though half of her office constantly whispered behind her back, she enjoyed the work. And I knew it would destroy her to know I had essentially bought her that office.

That was the one thing I was right about. It destroying her.

_“I don’t care about my job! All I wanted was you. I wanted to move into that pretty house with you, the first one you showed me because I go back to it after every one you send me. And I wanted to get married because you made me feel happy and safe and loved and I never had any of those things. I wanted to have a baby with you because Lucy and Masen are amazing and made me want someone that was a little bit of you and me. And now I… I don’t get any of those things.”_

Her words, shouted at me not an hour ago, echoed through my mind as I drove. I couldn’t blame her for being furious with me. Hell, I was furious with myself over the mess I had made. But, somehow, she had made the connection that I had lied about everything, that I was playing some kind of sick game with her, and I knew I had missed just how much she had been struggling through her new approach to therapy.

Because she _knew._ She knew I loved her. Knew how desperately I wanted all of those things with her. She was just confused and hurt.

That was what I told myself, anyway. Because the alternative wasn’t an option.

I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw her car parked in front of her house. I stopped in my tracks on the porch when the door flung open, Rosalie staring at me.

“This can go one of two ways,” she started, her pale eyes shooting daggers at me. “I can either kick your ass, verbally and physically, for lying to her for months. Or, you give me one good reason why you did what you did and you can come in here and I’ll help you fix this mess.”

Her bluntness wasn’t surprising, one of the few things I knew for sure about Rosalie Hale was that she wasn’t shy about saying how she felt. She had made some very colorful threats against me months ago, when Bella and I first started dating. I supposed I should be thankful none of those were a third option.

Still, there was this nervous energy running through me, something I knew wouldn’t go away until I talked to Bella.

“Where is she?”

“Her father had a heart attack. She’s on her way to Forks.”

“Fuck,” I sighed, running a frustrated hand through my hair. She shouldn’t be there. The last thing her father deserved was for her to run to his bedside because he was sick. Perhaps that was a bit insensitive on my part considering he just had a heart attack, but I hated the fucker.

Resigning to the fact that I knew, traffic wise, there was no way I would ever catch her at the airport, I nodded to Rosalie. “I’ll take option two.”

I had no plan for when I got here, other than a shit ton of groveling. I had no idea how to convince Bella there was only one lie. But, if there was one other person in the world who understood Bella, it was Rosalie.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked with a frown.

I shrugged, the simplest answer coming out. “Because I love her.”

Rosalie nodded, stepping aside. “Come in.”

I ended up on the couch in their living room. As soon as I sat down I dropped my head to my hands, wondering how the day had ended up this way. It was supposed to be _good_. A day I had waited seven years for, had counted down to since Bella handed me those plans.

A clink broke me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see a beer on the table in front of me.

Rosalie looked down at me and shrugged. “You look like you need it.”

I nodded, taking a sip from the bottle as she sat down across from me.

“I think… she’s been struggling more the last few weeks than she let on,” Rosalie said softly.

I nodded again, having made the same realization myself on the way over.

“A few weeks after she first started seeing a therapist at school, she was… angrier than normal. Which was impressive, considering how pissed off she was about her life when I met her. She’s not angry this time though. I think she’s more sad than anything.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to ignore the way her observation felt like a stab to the chest. “She looks petrified whenever I try to bring it up.”

“I found these in her bedside table,” Rosalie admitted meekly, which I assumed meant she was snooping when she found the bottle she pushed toward me.

I frowned at the pills, grabbing them and reading the label.

“It’s an anti-depressant. All the pills are still there.”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, eyes still locked on the little orange bottle. I had no prejudice against anyone who needed medication for their mental health. I did hate myself for not realizing she was struggling enough to need them, though.

“I know the bare minimum about her childhood. You probably don’t know much more than me. I think talking about it twice a week, constantly thinking about it since the beginning of the year… it just kind of broke her,” Rosalie mumbled, reaching up to wipe at her cheeks. “Her therapist knew it would, hence the pills.”

“Why didn’t she take them?” I grunted, my throat constricting.

Rosalie shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s stubborn, maybe she didn’t like the side effects, or she – “

“She wanted to get it over with as soon as possible,” I breathed out. She had told me as much before. She upped her sessions to twice a week to get through talking about the hard stuff sooner. She probably thought doing it with the medication would slow the process down.

An overwhelming sense of failure washed over me. I saw her every day. Talked to her, watched her, loved her, and I had no fucking clue she was so hurt. I knew, deep down, there were scars I couldn’t even comprehend, but I didn’t know it was so bad on the surface.

“Look, I…” Rosalie stuttered, looking more hesitant and subdued than I had ever seen. “I know she ended things, and I don’t know what your plan was when you got here, but, please, don’t give up on her. You don’t… you wouldn’t recognize her if you knew her three years ago. Hell, one year ago. She’s _happy_. She smiles all the time and she only goes to the gym a couple times a week now, like a normal person. The last few weeks have, obviously, been shitty but she’s just sad and confused. I mean, yeah, you fucked up buying her job and not telling her. But, she just – she’s not in the right mind frame to cope with it right now and I -

“I’m not giving up on her,” I interrupted. “I just… don’t really know what to do now.”

I could follow her to Washington. Probably beat her there if I took my parent’s plane. But, I wasn’t sure that wouldn’t make things worse. I knew she had a temper, had seen it first-hand a few times, and she probably needed time to cool off. Still, I didn’t like the idea of letting her go there alone, thinking everything I had said to her was a lie.

“I think maybe a few days away from here will do her some good,” Rosalie said. “She’ll deal with her father, but she’ll have time to calm down and think things through.”

“She shouldn’t be taking care of her father,” I grunted out, my anger getting the best of me. “Not when he didn’t take care of her.”

“I know,” Rosalie sighed. “But, he’s the lesser of two evils. And, I think… she always hoped he’d start to care at some point.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, a migraine making itself comfortable in my temple. I fucked up. I ran her out of town, back to the place she was escaping from in the first place. Back to the people who ignored her and took advantage of her since she was a child. The whole thing made my stomach twist in a tight knot.

_…E…_

Walking in the front door, I longed for the satisfaction that would have come with slamming a solid door behind me. Instead I got a pathetic click as the glass door slid into place. 

_“My one request for this new house you’re buying is that it has a solid front door.”_

A humorless chuckle left my throat, Bella’s words from weeks earlier floating through my head. This house used to feel like my own personal prison. I bought it seven years ago because it was in the same, albeit obscenely large, neighborhood that Demetri had just moved into. I thought it would be easier for the kids if they weren’t moving across the city on the weekends. It was a fine house, but it was where I hid away and let my lies to everyone speak for me. 

Now, everywhere I looked there was a good memory. There was Bella adorably hesitating using her key outside the door, or her sitting at the kitchen table reading over Masen’s homework.

I reached over to drop my keys on the side table, as I did every time I walked in the door, and frowned at the single key already sitting there. I picked it up and glared at it for a minute before I realized whose it was.

The very expensive vase my mother had given me a year ago, with the explicit instruction to be careful with, ended up shattered down the hall. My back slid down the wall, hands tugging at my hair until my scalp stung.

She was the one. The one good thing I had earned after a lifetime of fucking up everything I touched. Yeah, our relationship was rocky at the beginning, technically an affair, but she was the _one_.

A vision of her stumbling down this hall, like a doe who wasn’t quite used to their own legs, brought a fleeting smile to my face.

“ _You make things better.”_

That was what she had told me that night. She was completely wasted, having somehow managed to make it to my gate after stumbling through the neighborhood. But, she had been sad. And she came to me.

I couldn’t really see how I made things better for her. Our relationship was the opposite, really. She had turned my life around completely, in a way I had been too much of a coward to make happen myself.

Waiting. I had always been waiting for the _right time_.

There was no right time. For anything. There was enjoying what you had while you were lucky enough to have it. There was planning for what you could and adapting to what you couldn’t see coming. And there was fighting for the good things in your life and getting rid of the bad.

I headed upstairs, in the house that Bella transformed from a prison to a sanctuary in a matter of months, ignoring the pull at my chest every time a completely random memory of her floated through my mind. Because now they were tinged with the uncertainty I might have fucked it all up for the both of us.

The humorless irony that she had told me my lie had done the same for her was not lost on me.

I was done waiting. I was done letting Irina get away with all of her shit, just because she was the mother of my children. I was done turning a blind eye to all of the ways she and Demetri were fucking me over. I was done fighting for everybody else’s happiness but my own.

I grabbed the portfolio she gave me for my birthday, smiling down at the picture of her I kept in the left pocket. I had taken it the day we celebrated her birthday, as she smiled out at the view on our hike.

I slid the photo back into place, pulled out a piece of stationary and a pen, and wrote down what I would tell her if she was here. I wrote the word _sorry_ so many times I started to wonder if I was spelling it wrong. I made the nauseating realization that I had done just what her parents had to her for so long by assuming I knew what she wanted or needed without listening to her, and apologized a dozen more times for it.

I got off on a bit of a tangent when I told her I loved her. Could have done it in one, simple sentence. Instead I ended up with paragraph after paragraph of memories and moments that made me love her more than the last.

As I carefully folded up the letter and stuffed it into an envelope, I realized I was kind of lost without her now. She had become a constant source of happiness in my life for nearly four months and knowing I had no idea when I would see her next was devastating. She also had a habit of somehow knowing how to solve all of my problems, before I even knew they existed. And now I had… a lot of them.

There was no time to wallow or throw another vase at the wall. It was time to get on with my own life, away from the years of waiting and hiding.

Ignoring the late hour, I grabbed my phone and called my lawyer.

_…E…_

“Get changed,” I shouted at the two teenagers that stumbled in my front door late the next morning. They had both spent the night with friends, something I had thought would make for an excellent night alone with Bella.

I shook my head, letting the stabbing pain in my chest subside as they both stumbled in the kitchen and flopped into the stools opposite of me. I leaned over the counter, finishing my second cup of coffee.

“Why?” Lucy asked, grabbing a muffin off the table.

“We have somewhere to be in an hour.”

“Where?”

I took a deep breath, knowing our day needed to start with a serious conversation before it could go any further. I saw a very clear path for my future, one that had only gotten more clear despite the shit-show of the last twelve hours. Masen and Lucy needed to be okay with it too, though.

“You guys like Bella, right?” I asked softly. “You’re comfortable having her around?”

They both nodded.

“You’re sure? I know you guys had a lot of issues with it at first. But, I… want her around for a long time. And if there’s anything – “

“I really like her,” Lucy blurted out, taking me by surprise. “She’s nice and fun and I… like having her around.”

I smiled over at Lucy. “Good. I’m glad,” I told her, turning toward Masen. “Are you comfortable with her being around?”

Masen shrugged, not an ounce of discomfort weighing him down. “Yeah. I never had a problem with her. Well, maybe for a while after I saw you guys in the basement, but she’s cool. I did call dibs on her first, but I guess I can overlook that.”

“Ew, Masen,” Lucy grumbled, shoving her brother.

“What?” he shrugged, completely unfazed. “She’s hot.”

“Okay,” I interrupted. “You’re sure you’re both comfortable with her?”

I knew they were. The past three weekends they had all gone to volunteer at the animal shelter together and always came back with smiles and laughs. I needed complete certainty that they were okay with her, though. Especially before our outing today.

“Yeah,” Masen said.

“When are you going to propose?” Lucy asked, surprising me with her bluntness and the fact that she had a smile on her face as she spoke.

“I – “ I stuttered, before shaking my head with a small laugh. “I don’t know. Soon, hopefully.”

“She’ll say yes.”

I cocked my head to the side. “How do you know?”

“Because I asked her a few weeks ago if she was going to marry you,” she admitted. Before I could say anything, she continued. “And she said she hoped so.”

I nodded, feeling that deep pain in my chest again. _I hoped so, too_.

“What does this have to do with today?” Masen questioned.

“There’s a house I want to look at, and I want you guys to see it too.”

I hadn’t slept at all last night, didn’t even bother trying. Instead, I planned. For the life I knew both Bella and I wanted. All operating under the assumption I hadn’t fucked things up with her forever. One thing I could do right away to get us a step closer to that forever, was look at the house. The one she told me she went back to every time.

“We’re moving?” they asked in unison.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think we all need a fresh start somewhere new.”

“Is Bella moving in with us?” Masen asked.

I hesitated. “Eventually, I hope so. As long as you’re both still okay with it when the time comes.”

They both nodded.

“Is Bella coming to look at the house today?” Lucy asked, the small hint of excitement in her voice making my chest ache again.

“No,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “Her father had a heart attack and she had to fly out to Washington last night.”

“Oh,” they both sighed.

“Get changed and we’ll go look at the place” I smiled, turning around to make another cup of coffee. Checking, yet again, to make sure my letter was still safe in the pocket of my jacket.

Technically, I was following Rosalie’s advice. The letter wouldn’t get to her for a couple days, but it made me feel better knowing it would be out there, on its way to her. The only way I could let her know, for now, that our relationship was never a game to me.

I had gotten two texts from Rosalie since our conversation last night. One with Bella’s father’s address, and the other telling me that Bella had told her she had landed and was on the way to visit her father in the hospital.

I shook my head, knowing I would start thinking of more things to make my chest ache if I kept down that path.

Half an hour later than planned, the kids and I left the house and headed out of the city. It wasn’t too far, still close enough to their school, the theater, and Bella’s office to be convenient by Los Angeles’ standards, but it was away from the hectic energy the city brought with it.

Pulling up to the house, before even walking inside, I knew she was right. This was it. It wasn’t too modern like my place now, like a lot of the places in Los Angeles. This was a home. Even just looking at the exterior you could tell it was sturdy and inviting. The white brick contrasting against the black fixtures on the outside of the home.

“Mr. Cullen! Welcome!” my realtor, Colin Abrams exited the house and walked over as we all got out of the car. “Beautiful place, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I nodded, shaking his hand.

“Ready for a tour?”

I looked down at Masen and Lucy, both still seeming a little surprised at the turn of events today. “You guys ready?”

“Yeah,” they answered in unison.

Maybe they were as eager for a fresh start as I was.

The house was stunning. Larger than what I had now, which was nice. There was an office right off the front door for Bella. Everything was made of light wood with intricate white marble accentuated on the floors and countertops. It was open and bright and homey, just like Bella had said from the pictures. There was a gym in the basement, and a bigger backyard than I had now for the inevitable dog I knew was coming in my future.

Once Colin was done with the tour, I had Masen and Lucy go look around on their own.

“It’s going on the market Monday. Brand new build, asking is sixteen million,” Colin said immediately, not wasting any time.

“Tell them I’ll offer sixteen-point-three if they hold off listing for two more weeks.”

“Two weeks?”

“My girlfriend is out of town,” I told him, hoping I actually still had said girlfriend. “I want her to see it in person before I put in an offer.”

I knew exactly why Bella had reacted the way she did now. All the girl ever wanted was for people to listen to her. Trust that she meant what she was saying and respect her decisions.

I had fucked up by not doing that in my panic to try and make sure she didn’t lose her career because of me, but I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. 

_…E…_

By Monday morning my hopeful optimism had vanished as I realized I could plan all I wanted, but Bella could still come home and tell me to go fuck myself. As she should, probably. All of the doubts I had ever had about our relationship would always be valid. She was a beautiful, smart, talented twenty-three-year-old who shouldn’t be saddled down with a thirty-five-year-old father of two.

_But, she’s supposed to be mine,_ I thought, stepping out of the shower. Alice had always gone on and on about how she knew Jasper was the one as soon as she met him, and I always thought the girl was a little crazy for thinking so. I understood it now. Because I knew it in my bones that I would never be able to find someone that fit so perfectly next to me, someone whose laugh made me feel like I was walking on air.

I smiled to myself, remembering the night I turned around and saw her sitting in my dressing room. I might not have known instantly like Alice, but it didn’t take me long to realize I wanted her. In any way she’d let me have her.

_Then you went and fucked it all up,_ my subconscious told me.

My morning was quickly going downhill as my doorbell rang just as I finished getting dressed, no one other than Irina standing on my doorstep. I knew it was only a matter of time before I heard from her, but she had particularly bad timing this morning.

“Irina,” I greeted, rolling my eyes as she quickly walked in without an invitation. “Please, come in.”

“You’re _suing me_?” she hissed, holding up what I assumed was a record of my action against her broken NDA.

I shrugged, walking past her to the kitchen to make myself another cup of coffee. I needed it if this was how my morning was going to progress. “I don’t know if _suing_ is the correct term. Unless you’re going to fight the fact that you broke the NDA.”

“You don’t need more money, Edward. What the hell?”

“No, I don’t need the money,” I said slowly, my anger boiling. “But I need you to realize you need to stay the fuck out of my life.”

I had felt an overwhelming sense of obligation toward Irina for sixteen years. She was the mother of my children and I felt like it was my job to take care of her, even when we were separated. Maybe it was the guilt over my outburst when she first told me, but it took Bella and her NDAs and her view on the situation to make me realize I didn’t owe her a goddamn thing.

I took care of our children. I paid for their schooling and their cars and everything they could ever want. They were my children, Irina was a grown woman who had made her own choices to end up where she was.

“Excuse me?”

“I have spent sixteen fucking years trying to keep this family together, while you and Demetri sat back and enjoyed the ride. I’m done.”

“So, your way of proving you’re done is asking for five _million_ dollars in damages?” she shrieked, her voice shrill and near a decibel only dogs could hear.

I shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee. I didn’t care about the money, but I did care about proving my point. There was nothing Irina cared about more than living a comfortable life, and threatening that would hopefully teach her to stay the fuck out of mine.

“Demetri can’t pay. He’ll be lucky to talk himself out of going to prison at this point,” she spat out.

“Demetri shouldn’t have been embezzling money, then.”

Irina frowned at me. “What is wrong with you? You were never this… vindictive.”

“What’s wrong is you took it upon yourself to take shot after shot at Bella when she’s done nothing wrong!” I shouted, my anger finally getting the best of me.

The current situation was my fuck up, and I owned up to that. It didn’t mean I could look past the fact that Irina took it upon herself to go to Bella’s office and throw it in her face. I should have acted against the broken NDA the second I found out about it.

Bella had taken the brunt of everything. Irina spun the woman scorned act while having lived with another man for years, while the whole world called Bella a homewrecker. She had pages after pages of hateful comments written about her when she was the most innocent person in the situation.

“Oh, my God, she’s a child, Edward! You can’t – “

“Get the fuck out,” I interrupted, knowing there would be no calm resolution to this.

“Edward – “

“No. We’re done. The only communication we’re going to have will be through our lawyers. If Masen or Lucy ever express any interest in seeing you, I will let them know. If you try to fight me on custody, you will lose. Get out, Irina.”

That ache in my chest was back as soon as Irina huffed out. There was no love lost between us, because we tolerated each other at best even in the early years of our marriage. I had no sad feelings toward the loss of her in my life.

The ache came from knowing I had taken that beautiful, innocent, woman that had been sitting in my dressing room and ruined her.

_…E…_

I had foolishly thought my day could only get better after the morning I’d had. A thought that was quickly thrown out the window when I saw Renata walked into my office.

“We need to talk,” she said immediately, sitting down without waiting for an answer. “Bella has sent me two different letters of resignation in the last two days, after quitting on Friday.”

My heart stopped for a beat, before picking up in overtime. “She quit?”

“She’s trying to.”

I fought back every instinct to ask Renata not to let her go. That impulse got me into this problem in the first place.

“If she wants to quit… let her. It’s her choice. The money – “

“The money is not a problem anymore,” she stressed, sliding a check across my desk.

I shook my head. “You don’t have to pay me back.”

“I know. And I wasn’t going to, until our deal made my best publicist walk out on me.”

My brows shot up.

“Most people in this city are crude and callous and out for themselves. Bella is one of the few people I have met in this business that genuinely wants to help her clients do whatever _they_ want with their career. That’s not something you can teach in school or show an intern how to do. She’s young, but she’s good at her job. She would have earned that office in a few years’ time, anyway. She rushed out of my office before I could tell her that.”

I looked down at the check. I had always known she was good at her job, but hearing Renata speak so highly of her sent a surge of pride through my veins. It was the exact reason I had done what I did in the first place. I knew she was meant to be doing what she was, and I knew that photo would have ruined everything.

As much as I wanted to try and help Renata convince Bella to go back to work, it was her decision. I wouldn’t try to sway her, either way. “Even with this… she might not want to come back.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

_…E…_

It was the week from hell. I got sporadic updates from Rosalie, who got even more sporadic updates from Bella. Her father was back home after a few days in the hospital, the heart attack only a minor episode. Bella was still there, though. Apparently helping out at her father’s diner in town while he recovered.

I still hated the fucker.

I tried to follow Rosalie’s advice and give Bella her space. I picked up my phone every night with the intention to call her, only to chicken out. Because as much as I wanted to hear from her, I was also petrified of what she was going to say to me when I did.

But, it had been a week. Seven whole days since I had seen her, and it was too much. My brain was in a constant battle of tug-of-war with itself, sometimes confident that she would understand my reasoning and forgive me, other times sure she was never going to want to see me again.

At the end of the day, I was an impatient man who needed to know, either way. Which was how I ended up pulling up to a tiny, run-down diner in the middle of Forks Washington exactly one week after Bella stormed out of my house.

I saw her immediately. She was sitting on the front porch, off to the side, wearing a cute little yellow diner uniform with a stained apron around her waist. Her hair was in a braid down her back, her eyes glued to a piece of paper in her hands. My focus was on her, going over every inch of her I could see to make sure she was okay, when movement beside her caught my attention.

A tiny dog, no more than fifteen pounds scooted it’s nose underneath her arm as if they were the best of friends. It was a tan and white fluffy little thing, that Bella wrapped her arm around it and pressed a kiss to its head.

All of the speeches I had prepared over the week were forgotten as I got out of the car. Every contingency plan I had for her walking away vanished from my memory as her head popped up at the click of my car door closing.

In none of my plans did she ever run straight into my arms, burying her head into my chest.


	22. Cardigan Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is discussion of childhood trauma (nothing graphic, but you know Bella’s childhood experiences) in this chapter. If that could be triggering to you, please proceed with caution.

_You drew stars around my scars_

_And now I’m bleeding_

_~ Taylor Swift, **Cardigan**_

****

**EPOV**

The tension that had been my constant companion the last week disappeared immediately. My arms wrapped around her waist, my nose buried in her hair out of habit. Her familiar, strawberry scented shampoo was faint, covered up by the scent of grease I was sure saturated the diner in front of me.

I was as surprised as I was elated that her reaction was anything other than telling me to go fuck myself. I took advantage of the moment, keeping my arms tight around her waist and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. I only started to pull away when I assumed I was pushing my luck. 

“Not yet,” Bella mumbled against my chest, her arms tightening around me.

I sighed and held her tighter, squeezing my eyes shut when I felt her sniffling against my chest.

“You’re okay,” I whispered to her, not even trying to resist the urge to kiss her cheek. “I’ve got you.”

Bella nodded against my chest, whether it was to herself or to me I wasn’t sure. Either way, after another moment she took a step back. I watched her swipe at her cheeks quickly before looking up at me.

“Hi,” she whispered, crossing her arms over her chest.

I frowned at her and the thin sweater she had over her uniform. It was Washington at the end of January and it was about forty degrees outside. I shrugged off my coat, taking a step forward to drape it over her shoulders. “Hi.”

“What…” she started, looking almost scared to finish her question. “What are you doing here?”

It was purely out of habit, my hand reaching up to cup her cheek without my brain actively telling it to. She didn’t flinch away, though, which I took as a good sign. “I missed you.”

The way her eyes tightened at my words made my chest ache. But, there had been too many miscommunications, and my answer was honest. The simplest answer for how I ended up outside her father’s diner was that I missed her. I also had about a dozen or two apologies to make, and I’d get to those.

“Are you done here?” I asked, nodding back toward the diner. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she nodded looking around. “There’s a trail around the back of the diner?”

I nodded with what I hoped was a reassuring smile, and Bella turned around to grab her things off of the porch she had been sitting on. She got the paper she had been reading, and the leash of the dog that had been patiently sitting where it was left. All it took was one soft tug from Bella for the dog to feel like it was given free reign, and the next thing I knew a set of floppy paws were batting at my legs.

“Is she yours?” I asked, kneeling down to the dog’s level, her fluffy head immediately finding its way under my palm.

Bella smiled down at me, a genuine one that I hadn’t seen in far too long. “Yeah. It was a bit of an impulsive decision, but she’s too cute to say no to.”

I nodded. “I know the feeling.”

Bella’s cheeks flushed, but her smile remained.

“What’s her name?” I asked, attempting to stand up, only to have the pup bat at me some more until I resumed petting her fluffy little head.

Bella scrunched her nose. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”

I gave the dog one last pet before standing up and smiling over at Bella. “Try me.”

She sighed, eyes finally meeting mine. “Lady.”

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. My eyes fell back on the dog, realizing the striking resemblance she bared to her namesake. “From _Lady and the Tramp?_ ”

Bella shrugged, her smile returning as she looked down at Lady. “She looks just like her, and it was my favorite movie as a kid.” She frowned at herself, something I knew she did when she let things slip she didn’t want to. “It’s a stupid name. I should change it.”

An image floated through my mind, a tiny girl with long brown hair sitting in front of the television, watching the silly _Disney_ film and falling in love with the little animated dog. All while her parents neglected her and her step-brother tormented her.

“I like Lady,” I told her, doing my best to keep my voice as even as possible.

Bella smiled up at me, the kind that made me feel like I had won the lottery. I motioned for her to lead the way, and we walked side by side through a thickening patch of woods behind the diner. There was an obviously worn path under our feet, which I concentrated on instead of the nearly overwhelming desire to grab her hand.

The road was still within view when we ended up at an obvious meeting spot, a couple of old logs assembled in a small seating area off to the side. Bella sat down, hooking Lady’s leash around a tree branch so she could sniff as she pleased, wringing her hands in her lap.

I sat down across from her, bent over with my elbows on my knees. There were a hundred different things I wanted to say, a dozen different scenarios I had gone through in my mind the last week. Everything really boiled down to one, simple phrase, though.

“I’m sorry,” we both blurted out at the same time.

Bella’s eyes, wide and surprised, met mine.

I tried to give her a comforting smile. “May I go first?” I asked, knowing the whole thing was my fuck up in the first place.

She nodded. I wrung my hands together, a nervous habit I realized I had picked up from watching Bella do it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” I started. “I knew you didn’t want to get a job that way. I knew as I signed the check it wasn’t what you wanted, but I – I look at you and I just want to protect you and make you happy and I thought that was what I was doing. Somehow, I convinced myself I was doing the right thing for you, even though you didn’t know about it. And I’m sorry.”

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, anger at myself boiling in my veins. “I panicked and wanted to make up for letting our affair get out, because I promised you it never would. I didn’t see it as ignoring what you were saying like your parents did, and I – “

I looked over at Bella, sitting on the fallen tree trunk, swallowed whole by my coat around her shoulders. The last time I had seen her she had tears streaming down her face because I had stolen away everything I had promised to give her in the future. I was a selfish bastard for thinking I could ever make up for that, when I had crossed such a personal line.

“You shouldn’t forgive me,” I said softly, ignoring the way the words felt like a knife to the chest. “Because I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that. But, I – “

“I forgive you,” Bella said softly.

My eyes snapped to her, giving myself a moment to enjoy the hope that flooded my veins before shaking my head. “Bella, you – “

“Can it be my turn, now?”

I bit my tongue and nodded.

Bella hesitated, tugging at her fingers in her lap and biting at her bottom lip until she was ready. “Everything has just been really… awful the last few weeks,” she said quietly, sniffling before going on. “I don’t talk or think about… those things because I don’t know how to handle it. It makes me constantly scared and on edge and sad and angry. I tried to push all of that away whenever I wasn’t at an appointment, but it was exhausting. Doctor Stanley gave me some medication to help with all of that before we started but I never took them because I just wanted to get the whole thing over with, which was a very stupid decision on my part.”

She took a deep breath. “Then Irina showed up at my office and Renata confirmed everything she said and it just… made that little voice in the back of my head that always tells me I’m wrong or not good enough or stupid take over.

“I think I was kind of always waiting for something to happen. For you to realize I was too young or that you wanted to be single for once in your life or that you just… didn’t want me anymore,” she shrugged.

“I want you,” I interrupted, ignoring the way the tightness in my throat distorted my voice.

A small smile tugged at her lips. “I’m really sorry for everything I said that day. Doctor Stanley says I probably had a bit of a mental breakdown. She used fancier words, but I’m pretty sure that’s what she meant. Then I got a twenty-minute lecture about how those pills were to keep that from happening. I started taking them a few days ago, after she sent a prescription here. I don’t really know if they’re doing anything other than making me sleepy, but…” she shrugged, her eyes finally meeting mine.

“I’m still not okay with the whole buying my job thing, but it’s not the same what my parents did,” she said softly. “You did it because you love me.”

My breath caught in my lungs. “I do.”

“I know,” she shrugged with a small smile. “You brought me sunscreen.”

I let out an uncontrollable laugh and smiled over at her, sobering up quickly as I remembered the simple act of bringing her sunscreen leading to her telling me she loved me. I would probably never know half of the shit she had to go through as a kid, and I wasn’t sure I would handle it very well if I did know. I saw the scars they left on her all of the time, held her as she cried for hours on end after her first therapy appointment this year. Hated every second of it, too, because there was nothing I could do to make that kind of thing go away.

Her job, I realized, was one of the only things I could help her with. Which was why I didn’t hesitate writing that check.

“I might have tried to… overcorrect,” I admitted, elaborating when Bella cocked her heat to the side in confusion. “I can’t take away any of the pain you’ve experienced, can’t understand how much your childhood has taken away from you. I can’t help you with any of that, and it kills me. Your job… it was just one of your problems I thought I could solve for you.”

My head fell to my hands, my fingers itching to pull at my hair. A moment later, I felt Bella sit next to me. She slid her arm through mine and rested her head against my shoulder.

“I love you,” she whispered softly.

I let out a breath that felt like it had been stuck in my lungs for days. “I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry I left.”

“I’m sorry I lied.”

We were quiet again, sitting side by side. My hand grabbed one of hers, bringing her cool skin up to my lips.

“Edward?” she asked eventually. “I hate it here.”

“I’ve got a room in Port Angeles for the night. We can leave first thing in the morning,” I told her immediately, glad to hear that she didn’t have some need to stay to take care of her father. I had taken my parent’s plane here, landing at a private airstrip near Port Angeles, hoping to be in and out of the tiny town as soon as possible.

“Are dogs allowed on the plane?”

My eyes fell to Lady, rolling around in a pile of soggy leaves on the floor. She was the newest member of the family, it seemed. I’d never had any pets before; my parents traveled a lot when I was a kid and then I had two small children who were more than enough work for me. I hadn’t spent a lot of time looking at or thinking of dogs, but I had to admit she was pretty damn adorable. She would also hopefully get Masen and Lucy to stop dropping a dozen hints a day that they wanted a dog.

“Of course.”

Bella let out a big sigh, tilting her head to look up at me. I peered down at her, reaching up to wipe away a few lingering tears from her eyelashes. We still had a lot to talk about, but there was no more doubt clouding my mind.

She was mine.

I was hers.

We would work out the rest in time.

Soft lips gently brushed against mine, bringing me out of my own thoughts. I smiled down at her, my heart pounding after the chaste kiss.

“I missed you,” she breathed out, big brown eyes staring up at me.

I shook my head, reaching up to cup her cheek. Words could do no justice to just how much I had missed her, so I settled for dropping my lips back down to hers.

_…E…_

“Are you sure you want to come in?” Bella asked me for the seventh time since we left the diner.

I took a deep breath, parking the car on the street outside of her father’s house. It had been nothing short of a tumultuous few days, and I probably wasn’t in the best mindset to meet her father. Doubted I would ever been in a good one to meet the man, though.

Looking over at Bella, I knew she was nervous about me meeting him. Him meeting me. Either one. She’d had a shitty week on top of a shitty month and I didn’t want to add any stress to that, but I didn’t want her going in there alone.

“I can stay in the car if you’re more comfortable with that,” I told her softly. “I don’t really want you going in there alone, though.”

_Honesty_ , I thought, my truthful answer coming out. That had gotten me in trouble in the first place, and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

It was mostly honest. Truth was, meeting her father sent a bolt of rage through my veins and I wasn’t sure how I was going to control it when coming face to face with him.

 _“I don’t want any drama,”_ Bella had told me quietly as we drove. _“I just want to pack my stuff up and leave.”_

It would only upset her, I told myself. My berating the man for his years of child neglect would probably make Bella feel worse than he felt.

I wasn’t sure if that thought calmed me down or fueled my anger.

“I don’t really want to go in alone either,” she admitted quietly, absentmindedly scratching at Lady’s back as she sat in her lap.

“Okay,” I nodded immediately, getting out of the car and hurrying over to open her door.

Bella stepped out, seeming unsure on her own legs. She unhooked Lady’s leash and let her run through the large yard to take care of her business before standing back up, eyes never meeting mine.

“Hey,” I whispered, gently cupping her chin and tilting her head up. “Everything is going to be okay.”

She nodded, her forehead falling against my chest. “I just want to go home.”

“I know,” I sighed against her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Soon.”

Bella squeezed my hand as we turned toward the house. She called Lady’s name as we got closer and she immediately pranced over to Bella’s side.

Why my breath caught in my lungs as we walked through the front door, I wasn’t sure. My eyes immediately started wandering through the house. It was messy, but that was expected with the amount of kids inhabiting the place. There were shoes in every corner, coats hanging off of chairs and railings, and the pattering of feet coming from the floor above us.

“Charlie is probably in the living room,” Bella muttered, threading her fingers through mine and leading the way.

She was right. Her father was sitting in a recliner, ESPN playing on the television in front of him. I had never seen so much as a picture of him, and I hated to admit I could see Bella in his features. She had his eyes, though hers were much more warm and comforting, and I had seen the way her hair ended up a curly mess like his if she didn’t do anything with it after she showered.

“Hey, Bells,” he said, not taking his eyes off of the television. His voice gruff but kind. “Everything okay at the diner?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s fine.”

His eyes finally left the screen, narrowing when he saw me.

“This is my boyfriend,” Bella added, a hint of confidence in her voice when she gave me a tentative smile. “Edward Cullen.”

Charlie stood, grunting softly and showing the first sign of any ailment. He looked to be in pretty good shape, wasn’t overweight and the house didn’t reek of smoke or anything. Rosalie had told me the heart attack was a mild episode, as well. But, it had only been a week since.

I tried to have an ounce of sympathy for the man, but I just couldn’t find any.

“Charlie Swan,” he said, a hesitant smile on his face as he held out his hand to me. “Good to meet you, son.”

I grabbed his hand, giving it a much firmer squeeze than he managed in return. “Glad to be here,” I gritted out, unable to return the sentiment that I was glad to meet him.

The man had ignored his daughter when she repeatedly told him her step-brother was sending her to the hospital. Let her get on a plane to Florida without telling her he loved her. Filled his house with photos and memorabilia of every one of his children except her.

“What brings you to Forks, Edward?” he asked, sitting down on the couch this time. He was more alert now, eyes studying me, frowning at where my hand wrapped around Bella’s.

“Bella,” I answered bluntly, feeling a gentle tug on my hand and sitting on a loveseat beside her.

“Well,” Charlie boasted, his mood seeming to improve with whatever had crossed his mind. “You’ve got good timing. We’ve got a lot of company this weekend.”

“What?” Bella questioned.

Charlie leaned in her direction, elbows on his knees as he looked at his daughter. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after my, well, episode. Then, your mom called me after one of her old friends from town told her what happened.”

I felt Bella stiffen beside me at the mention of her mother. My own breath caught in my lungs as I waited for the bomb to drop.

“I held on to a lot of anger for a long time after the divorce, wasted a lot of energy on it. And I, well, I think I passed that trait down to you, Bells. Renee called and wanted to make sure I was okay, and I invited her and her family up for the weekend. Since you were here, I thought it might be a good time to finally let go of this rivalry you’ve got going on with Tyler.”

_Motherfucker._

“I – I don’t have a rivalry with him,” Bella stuttered. I looked over at her, her wide eyes and paler than usual face feeling like a stab in the chest.

“I know you took the divorce hard, Bells, but making up stories about Tyler and blaming him was never the way to go.”

I knew my girl had a temper, knew it probably came from having conversations like this her entire childhood, and expected it to make an appearance. Instead, when I looked over at her, all I could see was fifteen years of neglect and resignation on her face.

Grabbing her chin firmly, I pulled her attention to me. “Why don’t you go pack your things?” I asked quietly. “Don’t bother with anything that can be replaced.”

It took a minute for her eyes to focus on me. “I didn’t make it up,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

“I know,” I nodded. “I know.”

Bella hesitated for a moment, before standing and walking toward the back of the house. Lady followed her, and once I could no longer hear her paws on the hardwood floor, I turned toward Charlie.

“Do you have any idea…” I shook my head, my anger boiling over. “How traumatized that woman is because of you?”

The words coming out of my mouth left a knot in my stomach. Thinking of long she had been hurting, how long she had been scared, it made a dull wave of depression wash over me. And this man was going to sit in front of her and tell her she _made it up._

“I know my daughter,” he snapped. “She’s dramatic. She – “

“She was abused by her step-brother for ten years,” I hissed. “And you didn’t do shit about it.”

Charlie shook his head. “She was a clumsy kid. She didn’t like Renee’s new husband and took it out on Tyler.”

I looked at the him, a complete imbecile of a man, and wondered how Bella had become the woman she was. She was kind and warm and cared about everyone around her, even though not a single fucking person had shown her that compassion as she grew up.

Five minutes with Charlie Swan and I was ready to pull my own hair out at his hypocrisy and lack of empathy. I could sit here and argue with him for hours but I was realizing he would still be in his own little fantasy where he wasn’t the piece of shit father that he truly was.

“One day,” I sighed, standing up to get as far away from the fucker as I could. “You’re going to realize just how badly you fucked up.” I shook my head. “And you’re going to have to live with the knowledge that you put your daughter in danger every fucking day until she got herself out of that house. That you looked her in the eyes and told her she was _making it up_ when she was begging for your help.”

I stood up from the couch, disgusted at even being in the same room with the man, and headed in the direction Bella had wandered off to. I stopped in the doorway, one last thing to say.

“I have security footage of him nearly breaking her nose in my theater. She wasn’t making it up.”

I didn’t bother to look back at him, instead heading down random hall in the hopes of finding Bella. Luck was on my side, as she and Lady popped out of a door just as I was walking by.

“Ready?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t give off just how pissed I was.

Bella nodded, keeping her eyes down. I grabbed her luggage from her, and the small bag of dog food she had in her arms, following her back through the house. As we walked through the front door, Charlie called her name from the living room. She was in front of me, so maybe she genuinely didn’t hear him, but if she did, she kept walking.

We got to the car, her luggage quickly ending up in the trunk of my rental. Just as I opened the passenger side door for her and Lady to hop into, a black minivan pulled into the Swan’s driveway.

Bella was already in the car, eyes on the van as her mother and her family filed out of it. I leaned down, fingers turning white as I gripped the trim of the open door.

“Stay in the car.”

“Please, don’t – “

“We can add this to my list of things to apologize for,” I said quickly, carefully closing her door and heading across the lawn.

My nervous system was surprisingly calm as I walked over. I didn’t pay attention to anyone else, didn’t notice Renee or her other children. I carefully rolled up the sleeves of my button down, eyes on the cocky smirk on Tyler’s face until my fist connected with his jaw.

He got one good punch in of his own, immediately splitting my bottom lip, but I came back with one more that landed the fucker on his back. There were shouts and curses, mostly directed at me, but my attention was on the prick lying on the ground.

“You don’t come near her again. Do you understand?” I grunted, wiping at a drop of blood I felt running down my chin.

My arms were grabbed, shoved behind my back, and when my mind opened up I could hear the sirens and the man behind me.

“You’re going to have to come with me, Sir,” the new voice said, snapping a pair of handcuffs around my wrists.

“No, no, no,” Bella’s voice came to me next. I turned and saw her sprinting over, eyes on the cop now in front of me. “You don’t need to arrest him,” she said, her words quick and panicked, her hand clutched around my forearm.

I wasn’t all that sure how a cop was suddenly here, but I was relatively calm considering everything that had happened. I had no regrets punching the fucker in the face. Only wished I had gotten a few more in before he fell to the ground.

“Take the car keys out of my pocket, Bella,” I told her, hoping she’d do as I asked for once.

“No,” she snapped, glaring at me before turning toward the officer. “Please, don’t take him in Chief Banner. He didn’t – “

“I saw it from the street, Bella,” the officer, chief, said softly to her. “He punched first. Unless no one is pressing charges – “

“Yeah, we’re pressing charges!” Phil shouted, kneeling by the punk who had yet to get up from the ground.

“Maybe I want to press charges too,” Bella hissed, glaring over at her mother and her family.

They all got quiet after that.

Chief Banner frowned at Bella, before looking toward Tyler. “What’s your name, son?”

“Tyler Dwyer,” he grunted.

I saw something click on the Chief’s face, his eyes darting back toward Bella. “Your step-brother?”

Bella nodded, and twenty seconds later the handcuffs fell from my wrists.

“You’re free to go, Mr. Cullen,” he said, shaking my hand with a nod.

“Excuse me?” Renee screeched. “He attacked my son!”

I didn’t feel the need to stay for the argument. I wrapped an arm around Bella’s waist, quickly pulling her with me toward the car.

I didn’t speak until we were going eighty in the opposite direction of her father’s house.

“You told the chief of police,” I said, the words coming out as more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “It was out of his jurisdiction, but he made some calls. They all ended up calling my mother, though.”

Which meant they got nowhere.

It didn’t take long to pass the sign that told us we were leaving Forks. In the short drive out of town, my anger started to bubble up again, until I was gripping the wheel too hard to even be able to steer correctly. Eventually, I pulled over to the side of the road.

“You did everything right,” I grunted, my mind spinning. “Every fucking thing you should have done, you did. And everyone failed you.”

Her childhood… her family… I tended to avoid thinking about it when I could, because when my mind filled with images of all the unknown pain and suffering she went through as a child… it was excruciating. Knowing she had done every fucking thing right, everything that I would hope my own daughter would do if she were in trouble, and people still didn’t believe her to this day was infuriating.

I knew that was why she never thought about it herself. Why she had years of creating a safe place in her mind and in her life where none of that was her problem anymore.

I berated myself for the hundredth time this week that I didn’t pay closer attention to her after she started therapy this year.

Bella was quiet, tugging at the sleeves of my coat still swallowing her shoulders. Eventually her eyes, wide and a little glassy, met mine.

“Except for you.”

_…E…_

Port Angeles was a tiny town. Not quite as desolate as Forks, but tiny enough that I was surprised to be able to find a hotel room for the night. It was a little lodge, nothing fancy about it, but it wasn’t a sleazy motel which was my other option. I had checked in this morning, so once I parked the rental I silently led Bella and Lady through the halls to our room. 

After my anger had somewhat subsided and we got back on the road, there wasn’t much talking. Bella sat silently beside me, Lady in her lap, and her hand squeezing mine for the hour-long drive.

Lady happily pranced around the room, sniffing every corner as I set Bella’s bags down at the foot of the bed. When I turned toward Bella, still hovering by the door, I had never seen her look so unlike herself.

Right now, she wasn’t the woman who sat behind me in my dressing room and refused to be bought off. She wasn’t the one who fought with me about NDAs or sat beside me in that meeting with Leon or even the one who tentatively reached up and kissed me in the hallway of our hotel in New York.

She was every bit the girl who had spent her entire childhood scared and neglected and begging for someone to listen to her. 

“I’ll get you some ice,” she muttered, taking a few tentative steps toward the table where a complimentary ice bucket sat. “For your, um, lip.”

I grabbed her arm gently, giving it a comforting squeeze. “I don’t need ice. I’m fine.”

She shook her head, her eyes not going anywhere near me. Even in the dim light I saw the tear glisten as it fell down her cheek. “It’ll bruise less and…”

“I’m okay, Bella. I promise.”

She was quiet for a moment, and I watched as the first tear was joined by a few more. “It’s my fault you’re hurt.”

“Hey,” I sighed, pulling her to stand right in front of me and lifting her chin so she had no choice but to meet my eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” she gasped, her breath starting to accelerate and her eyes trying to blink away ears. “I shouldn’t have come here. I just – I thought he’d _care_ but he – I don’t know what I did to make – to make my parents hate me enough to – to let –”

I wrapped my arms around her immediately, my hand cradling the back of her head as she sobbed into my chest. “You did nothing wrong, Bella,” I assured her, pressing my lips to the side of her temple. “Nothing.”

I slid down the wall behind me, ending up on the ground with Bella curled against me as close as possible. I hoped the cries were cathartic for her, that it was somehow the first step of her letting go of all the shit she had gone through. The fact that she thought she had done something wrong, that her abusive upbringing was somehow her own fault, made me more disgusted that I had sat across from Charlie and not torn him apart.

“You’re okay,” I whispered against her hair, over and over again. “I’ve got you.”

I wasn’t sure how long it took her to calm down. The minutes, hours, it was all a blur until eventually she slowed down. Her body stopped shaking and her breathing started to even out. I didn’t think she was asleep, but I took her sudden calmness as a good sign.

Once she had started to quiet down, I started talking. More than the few comforts I had whispered to her as time went on. Her cries about the things she wanted, the ones she thought she couldn’t have anymore, from a week ago crossed my mind.

“I went to look at that house,” I told her. “The one you liked. It’s perfect. There’s a big office right off of the foyer for you, for whatever you decide you want to do. The backyard is beautiful, plenty of room for Lady to run. We’ll have to teach her how to swim though, because there’s a pool. We can go look at it next week, and if you like it, it’s ours.”

I took a deep breath, squeezing her closer more for myself now than for her. “Masen and Lucy have missed you. Lucy more so than Masen, but he’s a teenage boy who refuses to show any emotion. She asks how you are every day, though.

“Rosalie’s been worried about you, too. Her, and Emmett. My sister called me to berate me because she tried to set up a lunch with you and you didn’t respond. She rightfully assumed I had done something to fuck things up.”

I shook my head, not sure exactly where I was going. Then, when I realized what I was trying to say, I hoped it wasn’t the wrong thing to say so soon.

“Your parents… you don’t need them, Bella. I know it hurts and you want them to care. Everybody wants their parents to care. But, you got yourself out. You put yourself through school and you made a life for yourself in LA… and you’re not alone. Not anymore.”

I brushed my fingers through her hair, pressing another kiss to her temple. “I love you. More than you will ever understand. My children look up to you. My whole family adores you. Rosalie and Emmett would do anything for you.

“I’m so sorry for all of the shit you’ve had to live through, but you fucking did it. And, now, I’ve got you. And I’m not letting anyone lay a finger on you again, I promise.”

A couple minutes later, Bella adjusted herself, straddling my waist and resting her arms on my shoulders.

I gave her a small smile, reaching up with both of my hands to brush away all of the lingering tears on her cheeks.

“Edward,” she sighed, eyes on me. “You make everything better.”

Her small, tentative smile washed over me. It was a feeling I assumed an athlete felt when winning the Super Bowl or the world series or a fucking Olympic medal.

I had been lost my whole life, wandering aimlessly as I resigned myself to the fact that I would always be paying for the night two lines showed up on that little stick. I happily did anything for my children, couldn’t picture my life without them, but my marriage to Irina felt like a never-ending punishment.

Then, this tiny little brunette accosts me in my office and everything is turned upside down. She constantly told me I made things better for her, but the truth was reversed.

She changed my life. She opened my eyes. She made me happy for _me_ for the first time in years.

Things were on the messy side right now. The last few weeks did nothing but show us both that life was never easy, but we ended up right here. Together. And that was what mattered. A frantic to-do list started forming in my head.

I was going to buy us that house. Move her in as soon as Masen and Lucy were comfortable with the idea. And, I was going to buy a ring.


End file.
